I understand your desire to “stand by your man,” but your man is just awful. If you don’t stand up for your kids, you’re as bad as he is. You’re kids will further distance themselves from both of you if you continue to support him. He seems to care more about “looking perfect” than he is about you and your kids.
How long have yall been together? Long Distance for almost a year, but she is an ex that I got back together with (we were together for 3 years in the past). Can you afford to move in? Yes What are some common guidelines yall want to have? We get along well and seem to have similar take on living, but I'm very nervous. Have you stayed together before? Yes, it went okay, but we ended up spliting up. How will rent be split? 50/50 How will chores be split? Probably 50/50, this hasn't been discussed. What are some expectations of living together? That's a great question that hasn't been discussed. Will you sleep in the same room or each have your own rooms? Same room
Not if you go to the county government's official records site. Usually it's the Clerk of the Court site. There are many commercial ones that offer free public record searches but charge you for the actual documents. The Clerk sites won't do that. You can also go to your public library and use its newspaper database to search his name and see if there are marriage announcements.
The thing is, in rare occasions, when people actively want to change, do a lot of personal effort to change, and a lot of acknowledgement of what they did wrong and a lot of reparative actions, some people do change.
But for people to truly change, they absolutely need to acknowledge that what they did was wrong, understand why it was wrong, and have a plan in action (not in words, in real, tangible actions) to never do again what they were doing. Your boyfriend hid from you his violent past. If he was truly sorry, he would have told you, he would have explain all the work he did to change himself, he would accept consequences for his past actions, including the possibility that you didn't believe that he changed and left him… but the fact that he didn't tell you, is a clear indicator that he did not, in fact, change, it only means that he got better at hiding his violent self and that it will emerge at some point. Often abusers wait until they feel you're trapped in the relationship, to show their violence.
She's made it adamant she wants you to move in with her. Suddenly you “learned” that her problems will be solved by you moving in with her. It sounds like she's putting her problems on you. That it's your responsibility to fix them, coincidentally by doing what she always wanted.
While upsetting, it doesn't sound like her intent was to hurt you. She reacted out of fear and trauma and thought she was protecting herself. This doesn't sound like a case of her being an abuser.
Though you are 100% allowed to feel hurt or sad by the events.
If he would ask nicely I’m sure she would! If she ain’t to mad at him.
What advice are you looking for?
Before that, you need to understand that she's not the problem here. Focus on your husband.
I wouldn’t call that long distance, certainly not at your ages.
So three years in; why on earth are you not spending NYE together?
I understand your desire to “stand by your man,” but your man is just awful. If you don’t stand up for your kids, you’re as bad as he is. You’re kids will further distance themselves from both of you if you continue to support him. He seems to care more about “looking perfect” than he is about you and your kids.
How long have yall been together? Long Distance for almost a year, but she is an ex that I got back together with (we were together for 3 years in the past). Can you afford to move in? Yes What are some common guidelines yall want to have? We get along well and seem to have similar take on living, but I'm very nervous. Have you stayed together before? Yes, it went okay, but we ended up spliting up. How will rent be split? 50/50 How will chores be split? Probably 50/50, this hasn't been discussed. What are some expectations of living together? That's a great question that hasn't been discussed. Will you sleep in the same room or each have your own rooms? Same room
Not if you go to the county government's official records site. Usually it's the Clerk of the Court site. There are many commercial ones that offer free public record searches but charge you for the actual documents. The Clerk sites won't do that. You can also go to your public library and use its newspaper database to search his name and see if there are marriage announcements.
The thing is, in rare occasions, when people actively want to change, do a lot of personal effort to change, and a lot of acknowledgement of what they did wrong and a lot of reparative actions, some people do change.
But for people to truly change, they absolutely need to acknowledge that what they did was wrong, understand why it was wrong, and have a plan in action (not in words, in real, tangible actions) to never do again what they were doing. Your boyfriend hid from you his violent past. If he was truly sorry, he would have told you, he would have explain all the work he did to change himself, he would accept consequences for his past actions, including the possibility that you didn't believe that he changed and left him… but the fact that he didn't tell you, is a clear indicator that he did not, in fact, change, it only means that he got better at hiding his violent self and that it will emerge at some point. Often abusers wait until they feel you're trapped in the relationship, to show their violence.
“friends typing… ”
who believes this.
It's already ruined. Do you former best friend on last solid and tell him and provide him with proof.
Why do you want a third child to raise because that’s what you’re going to get… you need to find a partner not a project.
She's made it adamant she wants you to move in with her. Suddenly you “learned” that her problems will be solved by you moving in with her. It sounds like she's putting her problems on you. That it's your responsibility to fix them, coincidentally by doing what she always wanted.
While upsetting, it doesn't sound like her intent was to hurt you. She reacted out of fear and trauma and thought she was protecting herself. This doesn't sound like a case of her being an abuser.
Though you are 100% allowed to feel hurt or sad by the events.