You don't fight over anything in particular but you fight “often” (describing it as “constant”) and broke up and got back together 3 times over the last 7 months.
So what would be your plan for addressing the conflict in your relationship, the problems with communication between you, etc?
In the example that you gave — “I got upset she didn't invite me out with her friends again (I had never met her friends or coworkers in the time we dated and she had met all of mine because I include her in my plans) and it escalated to her packing her things and leaving.” — what was the fight ABOUT? How do you (and she) think that it can be resolved?
This is literally over a division of labor? Jesus Christ. I bet she’d trade places with you in a second. What do you think postpartum looks like mentally and physically? Do you think she’s going to be flooded with hormones with a stitched vagina, and then be down to do dishes the next day? You signed up for this, and now that it’s hard, your first instinct is to bail.
Go to couples therapy, hire a housekeeper, set time aside to discuss both your emotional and physical needs. I’m not saying your needs don’t matter, but leaving your family should be your last resort, not first.
She stayed with you through your trauma, and least try everything possible to stay through hers.
According to OP's version , he is not at fault for that . He had an one night stand with a person that told him that she was 22 years old . A person he met at a party where people had their ids checked , therefore it's reasonable to assume that she was in fact above 21 . It's often quite hard to manage to figure out age just from looks , especially someone wearing makeup , at a semi dark place and after drinks…
I can’t imagine taking lingerie pics and not sending any of them to my husband. The only time I ever took them was specifically for the purpose of sending them to whomever I was fucking at the time.
I don't think people who are open to these kinds of things understand how fast even the suggestion of a threesome or an open relationship kills the relationship for someone to whom monogamy is important. It's not even because there's anything wrong with suggesting things you'd like. It's because when you are someone to whom monogamy is special, and important, and a foundation for your emotional connection to someone, finding out that person would be just as happy, or maybe happier, to be sleeping with other people to means that they do not value monogamy the same way. They find so little value that they're taking steps to try and have sex with other people, and even if those steps are not dishonest, there's no coming back from that for a lot of monogamous people.
And that's just when they suggest it as a hypothetical. She's basically telling you she's craving the dick she used to get from her ex, and wants you to be ok with her getting some more. Tell her to fuck off with that noise. That is very different from just saying she wants to spice things up between you this way. That's just gross that she asked you that, and honestly her buying toys when she can't sleep with him again makes it seem like she's prepping for some fantasy time about him. Just ewww.
She sounds like a pretty good friend for being honest and trying not to be around him.
I had an old friend who I’m pretty sure fucked my ex. He was over at my old house and she walked in and they both looked at each other in shock and she basically ran out of the room. Then his ex messaged me and told me they were hanging out at the bar. Of course both of them denied it, but my gut was telling me otherwise.
If drugs are a dealbreaker.. shouldn’t you already leave him? If you tell him that when he’s already done drugs you’re telling him that your dealbreakers are negotiable and not hard limits.
This is great advice. I did 1, 3-5 with my dog and managed to be consistent for about two/three months. No more jumping except for when it was my brother who visited and he did the whole “hey puppy you are awesome” and would lay down on the floor and lovingly wrestle… so I got it to… only him. I took that as a win.
Ever since they sent me that odd disjointed message, my feelings of wanting a romantic relationship went right out the window. I valued our connection as friends more than I did pursuing a romance, and that is more or less what I'd like to recover.
Crazy, if that were me, I would try to help. Call my son and show up with home cooked meals and leave in a few mins. Ask for a grocery list and do that for them. Help make their lives easier.
Neither is insecurity attractive to women. She deserves someone who meets her standards and has respect for her.
Congratulations you’re single and he’s traumatised ???
You don't fight over anything in particular but you fight “often” (describing it as “constant”) and broke up and got back together 3 times over the last 7 months.
So what would be your plan for addressing the conflict in your relationship, the problems with communication between you, etc?
In the example that you gave — “I got upset she didn't invite me out with her friends again (I had never met her friends or coworkers in the time we dated and she had met all of mine because I include her in my plans) and it escalated to her packing her things and leaving.” — what was the fight ABOUT? How do you (and she) think that it can be resolved?
This is literally over a division of labor? Jesus Christ. I bet she’d trade places with you in a second. What do you think postpartum looks like mentally and physically? Do you think she’s going to be flooded with hormones with a stitched vagina, and then be down to do dishes the next day? You signed up for this, and now that it’s hard, your first instinct is to bail.
Go to couples therapy, hire a housekeeper, set time aside to discuss both your emotional and physical needs. I’m not saying your needs don’t matter, but leaving your family should be your last resort, not first.
She stayed with you through your trauma, and least try everything possible to stay through hers.
According to OP's version , he is not at fault for that . He had an one night stand with a person that told him that she was 22 years old . A person he met at a party where people had their ids checked , therefore it's reasonable to assume that she was in fact above 21 . It's often quite hard to manage to figure out age just from looks , especially someone wearing makeup , at a semi dark place and after drinks…
I can’t imagine taking lingerie pics and not sending any of them to my husband. The only time I ever took them was specifically for the purpose of sending them to whomever I was fucking at the time.
I think it is the media influence which is a shame tbh, I'm wondering if there's a way I could steer her away from all that.
I'll look into a therapist for myself, and then explore the option of marriage counselling. Thank you for your advice.
16months what an achievement! You can be proud of yourself!
Yup the dreams are way less common, but they can be really intense. It's part of the recovery I guess !
“Why didn't you immediately push him away?” – some of us freeze in these situations, doesn't mean we wanted the contact.
But I agree this isn't something you can pretend never happened and husband needs to be told.
I don't think people who are open to these kinds of things understand how fast even the suggestion of a threesome or an open relationship kills the relationship for someone to whom monogamy is important. It's not even because there's anything wrong with suggesting things you'd like. It's because when you are someone to whom monogamy is special, and important, and a foundation for your emotional connection to someone, finding out that person would be just as happy, or maybe happier, to be sleeping with other people to means that they do not value monogamy the same way. They find so little value that they're taking steps to try and have sex with other people, and even if those steps are not dishonest, there's no coming back from that for a lot of monogamous people.
And that's just when they suggest it as a hypothetical. She's basically telling you she's craving the dick she used to get from her ex, and wants you to be ok with her getting some more. Tell her to fuck off with that noise. That is very different from just saying she wants to spice things up between you this way. That's just gross that she asked you that, and honestly her buying toys when she can't sleep with him again makes it seem like she's prepping for some fantasy time about him. Just ewww.
She sounds like a pretty good friend for being honest and trying not to be around him.
I had an old friend who I’m pretty sure fucked my ex. He was over at my old house and she walked in and they both looked at each other in shock and she basically ran out of the room. Then his ex messaged me and told me they were hanging out at the bar. Of course both of them denied it, but my gut was telling me otherwise.
If drugs are a dealbreaker.. shouldn’t you already leave him? If you tell him that when he’s already done drugs you’re telling him that your dealbreakers are negotiable and not hard limits.
This is great advice. I did 1, 3-5 with my dog and managed to be consistent for about two/three months. No more jumping except for when it was my brother who visited and he did the whole “hey puppy you are awesome” and would lay down on the floor and lovingly wrestle… so I got it to… only him. I took that as a win.
Ever since they sent me that odd disjointed message, my feelings of wanting a romantic relationship went right out the window. I valued our connection as friends more than I did pursuing a romance, and that is more or less what I'd like to recover.
Crazy, if that were me, I would try to help. Call my son and show up with home cooked meals and leave in a few mins. Ask for a grocery list and do that for them. Help make their lives easier.
This lady only thinks me me me.
I dated a woman like this, I would clean the entire kitchen and she would come in and just find something to nit pick.
I don't expect a parade or even a thank you, but fuck some people just like being miserable and wanna drag you down with them.