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just bros, 25 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
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I spent nine years off/on with the same person. It was such a toxic relationship. By the end of it I literally despised myself for what the relationship had turned me into. It was a wake up call. I had done the delete-him-from-existence thing and destroy any tangible memory I had. Nothing ever worked until I truly looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize how awful I had become along the way of trying to make things work with someone when it was never going to happen. My point is, once I truly realized that, it was like a switch clicked. I had bad days, like any other breakup. But that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling I’d always get when I thought about life without him, it went away. That was 8 years ago and I’ve never regretted leaving that relationship.
I’m glad you set yourself free OP! You deserve happiness as much as the next person. Stay strong. Things always get better in time.
I’ve posted about him before, but it was a few weeks ago in an unrelated topic
I know you’re focused on the grief aspect. But her emotional distance. Lack of physical connection, personal attacks against you all accompanied by a return to work and “working 2-3 hours late every night”? That screams to me that she’s seeing someone else at her job or associated with it. Maybe an emotional affair or it’s progressed to physical? But there’s serious flags that an affair is happening. That’s something I’d seriously investigate as well.
lmfaooo
girl why are u dealing with this nonsense.
this is the most asinine thing i read on here all day today.
does that men women cheat when they go to the gym locker rooms?
Is this even worth ur time to deal with? This ignorance? also, is he projecting because hes cheating himself?
idk its bizarre
And nine times in ten years? That just seems excessive on somebody’s part.. eh.. sorry. I told myself I wouldn’t try and nitpick. Good luck to you.
This is a relationship advice sub. You're not asking for advice. Second of all, you shouldn't be in a relationship until you do some extensive work on yourself. Your attitude towards women is alarming.
Hi! Can I ask if you’ve both considered seeing each other in person more often? Assuming there’s no real physical distance involved, how about adding another night of seeing one another? I don’t know if you are someone who will or is considering marriage, but if you are, it seems that this challenge might diminish as you’re living together and seeing each other everyday day at some point. At the same time, if you want to talk more often and your needs are important to him, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be willing to do so if he cares for you as you believe he does. Compromise is the key and I believe that you both should be able to reach one that will work for you both, but also where you’re still getting more communication time with him since this is important to you. Just make sure that he truly understands how you feel about this and ask him what he would want you to do if the situation were reversed. That’s always a good way to discuss a challenge in a relationship. I wish you the best!
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If it’s regular for the sport then it should be fine
It’s not toxic, it’s a common and normal dealbreaker to have. Implying someone is immature because they don’t want their partner naked in front of other people is weird and ignorant
I was a joke, oh for heavens sake..?
Jerking off is a real problem if he is doing it often. I'm talking from experience and I had this problem of not feeling anything too even with ultra-thin condoms. The problem stopped when I stopped masturbating often.
Thank you!! I have a four month old and my husband is doing 100% of the chores – I’m super grateful of course but I don’t feel too guilty because I’m literally attached to my son all day and I don’t see how I could possibly do it until he (my son that is haha) at least accepts crib naps instead of contact naps!
Let the Nazi keep trying huh.
I can't see you guys living together and this working out if he's not comfortable with dog hair. Like…..your dogs shed. It's unavoidable.
Ideally this would have been something you brought up before moving in but at this rate, I can't imagine things going well.
Then why we use fingerprints
You went to a friends birthday party and she broke up with you?
I’d have just laughed and walked away. My man this is not the girl you want to be with believe me
You left out A LOT of the story and you lied about not knowing why you followed that account. Why did you follow it? What is so offensive about it?
Is his son older or younger than her two daughters? They are only 2 and 3. That’s very young. Did she have them after they broke up and while you were with him? And now when he gets his son, does he also take the girls so they aren’t left behind? It’s hard on children when they have different fathers and are treated differently. If you care for him, you should appreciate that he is a good man and a good father at 25. Most men aren’t that mature at that age. Are you jealous of the girls? Do you feel that their mother is taking advantage of him? Does he pay child support for all three kids? There is a lot left out here. If she had the girls after they broke up and isn’t taking their father to court to pay child support, you have a right to be upset. She has to force him to at least pay for their care. But including them when he has their brother is a good thing. But his son calls him daddy so the girls do too because they are too young to understand. And what happens if she gets another boyfriend and has another child? Will the girls call him daddy? If she breaks up with him, will your boyfriend raise all her kids? There are a lot of things to consider here so all you can do is talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel..
I appreciate your participation, this is an ongoing social experiment
Or
the post is made up, smh
Military spouses are definitely encouraged to get stds panels done yearly or after every deployment.
I’m so conflicted. Alcoholism runs in his family, but he thinks he’s in control of it. I feel like I’ve lost my whole life.
Are the instructions unclear?
You should focus on having a good conversation with her before planning a date
Go no contact. 5 months is just a fraction of what your life has to offer.
If you think she's the one, then there is nothing wrong in trying and doing your best. As someone who is in long-distance relationship atm, I can say it does and can work out very well if you both put some effort in it.
I recommend you (and if possible your wife as well) read Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. There are a lot of conditions under which women in long term relationships desire and libido can wane. Perhaps you need to withdraw a little more, do you own thing, be just a little more of a mystery, let her miss you.
I'm not trying to disparage what your are doing currently because if you are really doing it out of love and not just because you expect sex, then that would be great for the right partner.
But if at the end of the day your wife just doesn't priorise sex with you, that's an issue you have to either try work through with couples counseling or decide if the relationship is sustainable. I personally (31F) would feel demoralised in my relationship if my partner was happy to go weeks without intimacy because it just wasn't a priority to them.
Or she’s already pregnant by someone less financially stable
If you're no longer that person, what have you done to make amends to the people you have admitted to hurting?
Having a list like that would go a long way towards showing that you are no longer that person.
If you're no longer that person, what have you done to make amends to the people you have admitted to hurting?
Having a list like that would go a long way towards showing that you are no longer that person.
If you're no longer that person, what have you done to make amends to the people you have admitted to hurting?
Having a list like that would go a long way towards showing that you are no longer that person.
You crossed a clear, set boundary that you both agreed to. You fucked up and you broke her trust Apologize and hope she’s willing to move past it.
You crossed a clear, set boundary that you both agreed to. You fucked up and you broke her trust Apologize and hope she’s willing to move past it.
Thanks for the advice, I’ll go with flowers and chocolate then dinner afterwards.
If this isn't how you want to be treated in a relationship, walk away. You've only invested 6 months.
Should break up with him, that is
OP: “I don't want my GF to follow me on social media or stalk my friends. I have no problems with putting my dick in her or being with her or the possibility of her getting pregnant.”
ROFL dude
You absolutely can be a lesbian and not want to have sex. Asexuality is a thing. It's also a very varied thing. Some people are romantic, but asexual. Some people are demisexual, and therefore only want to have sex when they're feeling emotionally close to their partner, which again could be the issue here.
The main point I'd like to get across to you is that anyone trying to coerce or force you to have sex more than you're willing to is in the wrong. It is 100% valid to say you don't want to, and if your gf is trying to guilt you into it, she's absolutely wrong. Although she's not actually forcing you, it sounds almost like she's trying to guilt you into it.
It may be the case that you're just not compatible. Her needs are valid, but so are yours.
Just stop. He’s a grown up and can do that stuff by himself.
You are one of the worst livers that ever existed, if you were ashamed you would leave op and his family alone
Did you choose the guys you slept with or did he?
It might not be a sexual affair. It could be an emotional affair. And a one sided emotional affair at that.
Being Bi does not give anyone a pass to cheat, holy fuck.
Whether it's a man or a woman, cheating is cheating. Save yourself future headache and get rid of her, and don't take her back once she's done “experiencing it”
“clearly have enough to support at least one”
Quite an assumption there
You should post this on the ethical non-monogamy community instead of here. Most people here are appalled and shaming of any act of non-monogamy within a relationship.
Yes both ruined it , and both are incompatible , once a couple not attract to each other consider the marriage can fall apart possibly .
He could kill her?
Find out what the tenancy laws are where you live. If she counts as a tenant and you kick her out, you could be fucked.
Then confront her, preferrably with someone as a witness. Maybe even record the conversation. Tell her:
The relationship is over. She has to move out immediately. You will inform the partner of her fuck buddy what's been going on.
He would use this humour with his family like his siblings and nephews which was normal between them but he had never used it with me. I’ve never used that type of humour ever with him either so I don’t get why he thinks i should be OK with it.
Sounds like you’re stranded anyway because you think this person is a twat (I agree they are) so you’re not participating in the idiocy.
Well, the fear of being alone is a powerful motivator. It’s kept a lot of dysfunctional relationships going for a long time: if he’s making you as desperate as you seem to be, that’s what we have here.
You’re telling me you don’t know how girls work. Of course she’s going to tell her friends. Asking someone on a date is the gateway to determining if you want to be in a relationship with them. You don’t straight up ask for FWB bc you aren’t sure you want to date them. If they’re flirty with you and aren’t interested in that, as you’ve leaned you killed any chance. For future, asking someone on a date and being rejected is much more recoverable. It does not impact the entire friend circle negatively the way asking for sex from a lab partner does.
You are speaking alot if truth!! You know he would even fly to see me so we can meet each other ? but in fact his dad, family friends live near me So it would be convenient for him to just pop in have a quickie and leave ?
I dont have any friends of my own
He’s an idiot for saying it’s not a sexual act but it sounds like what he’s trying to say is he would sometimes like oral sex that doesn’t lead to sex or isn’t immediately reciprocated, which I think is a fair thing to ask for and something that many couples do.
Of course, whether you feel comfortable or want to do it is a whole other question. You absolutely shouldn’t feel like you have to, but assuming he’s also down to perform oral sex on you without an immediate expectation of reciprocation, I think it’s a fair thing for him to desire as a part of your sex life.
Except it’s better if it’s obviously not her husband trying to do that. If it’s a real person with actual follower and everything’s public then it would be less suspicious
Just because he values personality over looks doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. I’m always very clear to girls I’ve dated that I value them as people, their minds, thoughts, feelings, everything as to who they are not just the outside shell. I still have found them very attractive but who they are matters more.
damn. anyways
Your GF has a binge drinking problem. Many people who drink this excessively are usually doing it to try to escape certain thoughts/emotions in their waking lives. Your GF definitely needs to go see a therapist. The excessive alcohol intake is only a symptom of deeper underlying problems.
Try to be there for your GF if you can, but also consider your own mental health needs and boundaries too. If you leave her right now though it could trigger her to spiral deeper.
I want to talk with her about this before I even bring up going non-exclusive. It's not a handful of conversations, I've had multiple same day cancellations from her because of work or to avoid having her religious family know she was at my place.
I see having this conversation as giving her a break. I literally don't know if/when this stuff ends- you're saying I should break up before making sure I've expressed a need clearly? Or invited her to offer her own solution or tell me to walk?
My short and sharp suggestion is to break up. When one partner sacrifices a key fundamental desire they have, for the sake of their partners’ desires, it can lead to a reasonable potential for mental and emotional harm for one or both parties. Like when one partner wants children, but the other does not. Ultimately or you end up doing is hurting each other while you figure out that you were better off living your dreams, separately. Good luck.
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My bf has yelled in my face and spit on my car. For example- he kept asking me about a guy from my past and I told him to stop and he got in my face and was yelling “ awww yeah? Don’t wanna tell me eh” aww jen” and stuff like that. I tried to leave the car and he was holding my arm to restrain me from not leaving. He claims we’re mutually at fault since I have yelled and sworn before and we’re both just emotionally charged because we care a lot…. I’ve never held his wrists or arms at all though I prefer him to leave the room when he’s angry. Def not restraining him not to go. He also will cry and hit the wall at times.
Break up over text and send this post to him. He's absolutely a garbage human.
Break up over text and send this post to him. He's absolutely a garbage human.
Break up over text and send this post to him. He's absolutely a garbage human.
She spent one night at her childhood friend's house and apologised when she realised it looked bad to her then BF. That's rather different from “sleeping at another dude's house”.
She spent one night at her childhood friend's house and apologised when she realised it looked bad to her then BF. That's rather different from “sleeping at another dude's house”.
She spent one night at her childhood friend's house and apologised when she realised it looked bad to her then BF. That's rather different from “sleeping at another dude's house”.
She might be depressed and needing a mental health evaluation. However if she refuses to even consider the idea, or starts treatment but refuses to stick to it, ask yourself: for how long are you willing to work to support you both financially and also be the only person who does chores, cooks and takes care of you both? She's not disabled and even if she was, caregiver burnout is a real thing and caregivers need respite. For how long are you willing to set yourself on fire to keep her warm?
If you are in multiple abusive relationships, it might be wise to look into therapy. Particularly, if you have a parent who was abusive. Parents who are abusive to the other parent count, too.
It depends on the relationship. I make significantly less than my partner but thats purely down to the life choices I’ve made. I chose to take a long time out to go travelling whereas they’ve had a stable job and so I’m happy for us to split 50/50. The budget for our place was based on what I could afford not them. If we were at the point of discussing marriage it might be a different conversation but for now it works for us.
She wants u to do it all while u get no rites or reward. And expects u to pay for everything. Tell her hell no your both equals or nothing.
Worst trade deal in history, maybe ever!
The true sign of a woman with low confidence: Staying with her cheating husband because she doesn't want to “hurt him”. Babe wake up. You're acting like a clown. You know very well what you have to do. Imagine letting yourself be disrespected like this. Embarrassing! He is CHEATING. Stand up for yourself!
I'm so tired of women in our (Middle Eastern) community having no backbone and letting their husbands mistreat them.