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Hey guys , let’s get pleasure togeter, come to know all my experience
Date: October 7, 2022
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She said she needed to work thru old issues not related to us before working on us together.
i 28f am engaged to a 42m. i love him and his kids (18, 16, &13) dearly. also my mom 52f is married to a 42m. so we all joke a lot but ultimately i say go for it! i’m the healthiest and happiest- physically and emotionally- i’ve ever been in my life. insert age is just a number cliche
Forget what he wants. Do you want someone who can commit to moving in after 5 months of discussion? Of course. Do you want someone who wants to get married? Sounds like you do.
Whether or not he loves you with his whole heart, it sounds as though this isn’t enough to meet your needs. The outputs of this love are leaving you in the lurch right now with work/housing and contemplating an unsatisfying long-term relationship lacking compromise.
“Keeps getting pink eye” and “definitely not a hygiene issue” are gold.
TL;DR?
First: Getting a love confession feels always good, so congrats, that's great.
I'm sorry that everything sucks right now, but .. I don't know. Is this tutor really interested in you or just to get in your pants? If so, your expectations will get crushed and that would make your situation worse.
Please be careful. It's great that finally someone sees your beauty and fell in love with you. But.. isn't that kinda strange – or not? If he didn't confess his feelings, would you have given him a chance for a date?
I don't wanna sound bad, but you're young and obviously have no strong family background. Some men have a type for lonely girls..
How about first meet in person … maybe for coffee somewhere in public? It's easy to fall in love for someone who doesn't treat you like shit – been there, done that.
But don't be naive. Nobody falls in love online. I think it's important to meet in person and have some one on one time. It's two weeks.
Be careful and protect your heart. Virtual hugs!
Leave them. Tell them to get help for their issues and see a therapist. Let their parents know (if appropriate) what their child is doing so they can help. You don't need to deal with that manipulative shit,
I understand, but you were probably manipulated. Best thing is just end it now, block him, and dont look back.
I know there may be pros to staying with him and all the memories and what if and this and that and blah blah blah dont listen to that voice in your head, it is stupid.
However, do make time to grief and process the break up, cry as much as you want.
But do not go back.
We did have a serious talk and the reason she brought up the break up was that before we met in person I would look at girls on my phone and she didn't like that and I have controlled that part but the only thing is that now I looked in person. And it's not that I'm defensive it's that I can't tell her something that she does that bothers me without her saying something about me.
If you're not willing to do it with or for him,dont tell him.
Yes, it is a gigantic red flag! Please run away!!
So he is against protection due to religion? But is ok with premarital sex? There's more red flags here than at a Chinese sports event.
Imo, your life and sanity is worth more than your partner’s relationship with a guy that is decent at best and wants to kill you at worst. They’ve made it clear they will let him get away with violence until he ultimately kills someone. I personally would tell my partner that if my very basic safety matters less than what her homicidal brother wants, I’m out. That’s just me though.
No they sound like nice thoughtful gifts, she will live them. Wrap them and put them under tree so she can see that you are thinking of her 🙂
Why isn't OP going with him? Not invited? Not able to go? Not interested?
My ex has BPD and she found pics on my PC. That didn't end well. In the end I couldn't be happier I got out of that relationship, but at the time it felt like the whole world. I'm not mentally equipped to deal with somebody with BPD and/or any severe mental disorder. It's just not who I am. It never would have worked out. At the time I was still a teen. It was quite the learning experience honestly.
For some people cheating is even looking the same direction as another woman, and that's the type of person that she was. It's totally her own write to set boundaries but I wasn't going to be along for the ride. It isn't the fact of having to avert my eyes from other women, it's the fact of always being under a microscope regardless of how faithful.
I just couldn't stand to be in a relationship not built on trust. She was the type of girl who could never trust anybody. Not necessarily saying the OPs gf is the same but in this type of situation it'll be an uphill battle for sure. His gf will feel validated just like you said.
Agreed
My boyfriend and I have a similar problem but I would never expect him to go that far.
If my partner would wake up bruised because of something I did, I would cry too, even if they insisted on having me hurt them.
Please don´t force him into making sex uncomfortable for him, it´s supposed to be nice for both.
Only you can answer that. Is she currently dating other people, or is it something that you both agreed on doing “in the meantime?”
I hate the whole saying of “it's not fair” usually, because it seems like people only say that when they feel like they're entitled to something; in this case, it really doesn't seem fair to either one of you. She may be in a bad spot with what has happened in the last year or so, and I am sorry to hear about her loss(es). That being said, it doesn't really sit right with me to have either one of you to bide your respective time and emotions.
Waiting for her doesn't seem fair- although she is going through a lot, it seems like she may just be keeping you as a back-up plan, or, at the very least, as an ego boost; it is hard to say, though, because I don't know either of you.
I'd say maybe keep in contact, but keep her at arms length. She may not be leading her on, but she could be at the same time. I can't and won't tell you what to do- either way, it I'd say to really consider all options. This is a tough spot, and I don't envy the position you're in
Sprint
Have dinner with your wife and daughter soon and see how much you like that and if a little crush on your part is worth throwing all that into the dumpster.
More than likely it’s a one sided crush on your part. If you go and say something to the other woman you’re going to screw things up either way.
My advice is get over it.
There are lot of factors to consider in your case. First, three months is not that long a time. In a relationship this raw, I am guessing that there hasn't been a talk about your future together. So in all probability, he is thinking that you also were looking for something casual and thus this suits you both.
So you need to express your feelings more clearly to him. That you do see a future with him and want him in your life for long term. After he has processed this new information, he may take his own decision regarding the same.
Indians getting married to foreign nationals is not that rare and happens quite regularly so it is not that frowned upon culturally.
Good luck.
THIS RIGHT HERE.
My sister does this to me all the time. It's such a narcissistic trait. They are saying my time is more important than yours, you can wait for me to talk to someone else. She's done this while disciplining her kids, answering her doorbell, talking with people that walk by her house, going through a drive through, etc. Now I immediately hang up. It's SO RUDE
You're right, start quietly collecting evidence, put yourself first people! This is your life, be ruthless!
Not to mention their comment history says they tried committing suicide 12 days ago and failed. The obv next step is marriage and more kids..
He won't understand. You're his new mum. And he's taking the piss.
This sub is very toxic for men on specific questions like this. Just an FYI for you. I’m being downvoted for giving the same exact hypothetical but people don’t want to hear it because it’s uncomfortable for them.
he’s 26 and mad about food , you offered to give him some all he needed was a plate and a utensil
Ummm he enjoyed it. End of story.
You guys need therapy, bad. You also need to work on your communication with each other. Learning how to argue without it getting out of hand is so important to learn. Remind him how expensive divorce is and ask him to join you for couple’s counseling.
Break up now. He saw you crying and his initial reaction was “you're embarassing me”. If that isnt psychopathic/narcissistic behavior im not sure what is
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Seems more like an asshole than a princess.
How much longer until the lease is up?
It seems like you're not the alpha in this situation (sorry to put it that way but it's your own confession) but if you said you don't want to renew and will be looking for a new place would your bluff be called? Could you follow through with it?
Don’t listen to this person. Both parties wronged you. You don’t make a move on the woman your boy invites to drinks, you don’t keep a secret relationship, and she absolutely should have told you. She knew she was secretly dating your bff, and then she sent him to deliver the humiliation. Fuck both of them. They are garbage humans and you don’t deserve any of their shit. Break the lease and run. Do what you have to do to get out of it. This guy will treat you like shit alllll year. No doubt. He starts by stealing and fucking your girl, day 1. Only goes down from here. You will be so much happier if you cut ties and run. Garbage humans attract each other and you just dodged two shitty bullets that could have fucked your life up for years. Run, forest, run. You sound like a really good and considerate person. I’d be spitting venom in your position, but that speaks to your good character. These shit stains don’t deserve you. Hit tinder again, don’t share this shitty story until a year into the next relationship, and prosper. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I need suggestions other than don’t say anything
I would even go a step father to pair this with NOT turning the room back into her room. Let her crash on the couch for two weeks. That's enough time for her to figure out another place to stay; rent an apartment or find a facebook ad looking for a roommate.
Don't let her get set up in the spare room.
You haven’t even met him; you’re in love with the idea of him. Spending time IRL, real time; managing through life’s ups and downs together, then you’d know. Having said that, He’s obviously totally depending on his soreness RN, he’s 20 without access to his passport? He’s a child working at adult stuffs. Bye can chose to be independent: pay his own way with loans etc, and pursue an opportunity for a relationship with you. He’s choosing not to. Move on.
OP, if you were a woman and your husband did this to you about 50% of the comments here would've been encouraging you to get a divorce. But I don't think you should expect your wife to cancel her plans. It just probably should've happened. In sickness and health. Thankfully you are going to recuperate. But covid taught us to hold our family a little tighter and not take them for granted. She took you for granted. Feel better.
I don't agree with the 3rd one. That's you putting your own value on her. People can have different values, maybe she thinks a peck is nothing sexual at all and be ok with it. Doesn't mean she doesn't love him, it just means a peck is not something that bothered her.
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And what exactly does that have to do with the pacers not winning shit in basketball
You need to get a lawyer immediately. Hopefully, he will find a way for you to only be responsible for child support. Your “moral obligation” is about to bite you in the ass big time. Forever.
Sorry to be harsh, but you made a huge mistake not getting this all papered before kid was born.
You are right. Emotional cheating is having consistent contact and rapport with someone, as a substitute or supplement for your partner. He can have a crush on her friend after dating OP only a couple months. Shit happens
The only way I've found to treat people with this brand of self-righteousness and disregard is to just keep repeating your request in a single sentence that explains everything and stand your ground so firmly they won't be surprised next time you do. “You need a COVID test before you see me because I have a loved one with cancer”.
She can belittle and berate and whine all she wants, but you have your needs and they MUST be accommodated.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this brand of BS. Especially from the person who is supposed to care about you most in the world. She owes you a huge apology, never mind whining to other people about how she feels bad, she should be apologising for disregarding your wellbeing in the first place.
We date people to get to know them better and to learn how you work together as partners over time. But you have to actually use the information you learn, instead of deciding all that matters was that things seemed good at the beginning.
I love how these people act like men just stop being men when they’re playing a sport, but, in any other thread about male sexuality, they talk about how men are complete horndogs that think about nothing, but sex. Which is it?
I am a women and have played coed rec hockey for many years. Aside from the points others have already made, I will say it’s unlikely there’s a lot of nudity. I think I’ve seen one penis in all my years in the locker room. People just step into the attached shower/bathroom (there is always one) if they want to change their underwear. So you probably don’t need to worry about all these guys getting naked in front of her.
I also had a team captain that would make a generic “hey this is coed, let’s all be respectful in the locker room” statement at the start of each season to basically remind people not to get naked in the locker room.
I think there are some things that you take with you to the grave and this is one of them. You’ve matured and changed.
Advise your friends that your relationship with him is not in any way a joke. Invite him to meet your family.
Treat the new year as a new beginning.
HL people really do need to orgasm often though.
Holy fuck, lady, why don't you just join a convent? I have never seen someone so upset other people masturbating.
There is a reason he is like this. There is a reason why he doesn't date people his own age. No woman his age would think about ruining his life by leaving him.
He threatened you, abused you and you are thinking only about him.
RUN AS FAST AS YOUR FEET WILL CARRY YOU.
Simply seduce the girl and steal her from him.
Yep. That's why I'm having a hard time believing he'd story. It changes depending on the comment. I don't trust it one bit.
but how could she do it in the first place? why didn’t she see the consequences? my life was good with her but can it be still good after all that happened?
Oh you went through his phone without his permission. That's tough. You can either admit to it (probably the best option) apologise, but also express how it's made you feel. Or you can just express that you aren't happy with your sex life and what can you both do to improve it
I fail to see how strangling someone so hard you leave a visible hand bruise on their throat, is self-defence, You are lying through your teeth buddy
The age gap is 18 years. This is not okay.
She has played some games with my family before I started collecting. She didn't really seem to pick a side until I started getting more.
He says I'm delusional and ridiculous for thinking he used me, and it's disrespectful for me to suggest that and he's very offended.
DARVO.
Deny. Argue. Reverse Victim and Offender. Read about it OP.
Never ever move in with someone until they’re finished with their schooling, there’s a graveyard filled with dead relationships that women have walked away from once they finish their graduate school and lived for free for years
You’re not married, stop playing house where she gets everything she wants and you’re stressed out from the burden and there’s no guarantee she sticks around
Get your career going, get your money sorted then revisit this in a few years when she’s done and you’ve got yourself on stable ground
I would definitely recommend you combine medication and therapy if you want to see the best results. It also sounds like your GF has mental health problems and needs to see a doctor too.
Everyone is saying… she's all good and golden.
No, you're wrong, it's not okay to cry emotionally when your partner leaves for the gym or the likings.
what if im ever asked if i have been cheated on? Do i answer with Yes or No? Also thanks. your advice really helped a bit. and that is a lot since im pretty much at the bottom atm.
Why are you with someone that could literally be your parent? She's a creep dude.
I bought a 2000 Corolla for 2k and she’s still going strong. Great cars.
STD test
Don’t be so sure about that
he hasn’t removed our pictures on his instagram, and he posted a story which i’m trying so hard not to view. in general, he is very active on instagram so i’m not sure why he hasn’t changed his profile pic to one thats not me. it just feels really weird, does it mean that maybe he doesnt want to breakup?
apologies for being so naive. i havent been broken up with since i was 17.
Nothing and he bought me a present last minute…
„Friends“ is a bit much after two weeks. And idk your definition of seeing someone but maybe they were just flirting because both of them were single.We don’t know the circumstances. I, however, wouldn’t tell someone my entire business after TWO WEEKS. Especially after meeting on a dating app.
I was able to get over a cat allergy by taking a allertec(Zyrtec generic) and rubbing my face on the cat every day for like 30 seconds. It sucked to start but it just stopped bothering me eventually
I think you're being rather selfish now. Just pick the boyfriend or the cat, because having both is hurting them both.
I think that you either have to follow your parents’ dumb rules and let them control your life to this extent, or just stop giving a damn!
How much fun is this relationship for either one of you when you’re both anxiety ridden about upsetting mummy and daddy (on both sides).
You’re an adult. If you want to stay at your bf’s house, then do it.
And by the way, your ‘womanhood’ isn’t ruined by having a boyfriend and staying the night with him. No one cares – if you break up and date someone else in the future, they won’t care, either.
Who are all these people whose opinions your parents are paranoid about? Anyone you’d WANT to spend time with in the first place? I’m guessing not!
So the thing you want to work on is freeing yourself from thinking you need mummy and daddy’s permission to make adult decisions for yourself.
and Lmfao deleted the post because after reading it I realized that this is a convo that me and my partner should have because randos on reddit don’t actually have good advice half the time and guess what! you just proved it. and posting a screenshot of my post? like. bruh. get over yourself. this was Not that deep.
Lol
And even if she DID have intention to get back together after that. It just goes to show she never respected OP, their marriage, the terms of their break, or the work he has done for the marriage.
i know i need to let it go, what i need is advice on how
First inclination is posting to Reddit which is…disturbing (assuming this is a real post).
Seriously. I can’t believe anyone here is actually trying to give her advice other than deal with the consequences of your actions and stop being selfish.
Listen to your therapist lol. Your therapist is there to give you advice not to give you validation. Something tells me you have a habit of making rash decisions you need that later regret and blame others for it.
If you are seriously thinking on leaving a man you are about to have a child with because he isn't giving you enough gifts, then I'd agree with your therapist. You sound very self centered and selfish and should really start thinking what kind of life you want to give your kid
My husband stopped having sex with me 13 years ago.
I'm usually very against cheating but when one partner has completely given up on an active healthy sex life than they really have no reason to complain about their spouses infidelity.
Your BFF sucks. Your affair partner has blurred the lines of your relationship.
If I was you I would break off this affair. Take some time to heal and sit down with your husband to discuss the fact that you are going to seek sex (discreetly) somewhere else since it isn't a priority for him but is a dealbreaker for you. If your husband was ready and willing to have sex you have no reason to step outside your marriage. But he isn't.
Also, you may have to choose between whatever financial/emotional stability this relationship provides you or having an active sex life.
That is completely her decision. My line was unless I was considering a life with someone, they didn’t meet my kids. Kids don’t need adults coming in and out of their lives.
I would have felt awful also.
So… going by her mothers saying… this looks like a bunch of entiteled people.
Feeling they are owed it all. And have nothing to return ever.
“Boor, depose it in front of my feet, then retire with a reverence of worship.”
I am not a fan of telling people to leave relationships if there is a tiny hint of there being hope of changement.
But going by all these people willingly taking gifts and non really making you feel appreciated… that seems to be typical for them.
Wow… the amount of money gone down the drain there…!
OP… what did you do to yourself there? (hugs).
Fair or not she lied.
It’s impossible to tell if this is cheating. It definitely could be. It could also be that she discovered something wrong within the company and is blackmailing him to keep it quiet. It could simply be that she had to quit her job due to some tough personal issue and your husband feels bad and is helping her out. You need more information.
She fucked up and seems to have realized it. You can choose to ‘forgive’ her, ask her what she was thinking, and then decide if you want to pursue things further. We all make mistakes and maybe this was just that. Or maybe she is not for you, or untrustworthy, etc. But there is no law saying you can’t give people second chances.
She’d been vomiting every day and it reached a point where she had to go to the ER, alone, in an unfamiliar place.
Given all that I wouldn’t hold on anymore. You’ve depleted your savings, he’s doing nothing but dragging you and your children down and he’s been unfaithful. There is only so much you can do.
It's really up to you if you want to move on or not. I wouldn't.
She made her bed and showed you who she is.
Hire security. Tell BIL he is welcome to dress like an adult, or bugger off.
It’s almost as if men know something you don’t
Sounds exhausting and humiliating. Why would you want to be with him?
you have to pick somebody you think you can actually live with for a long time.
I get what you mean but I feel like it's not that simple. It has to be a mutual agreement. You can't just pick anyone.
I don't know if dating for everyone else on this sub has been an easy walk in the park or what, but that certainly hasn't been the case for me. I've never had high hopes for my romantic life. Rightfully so. At this point I really don't know what to do going forward.
“A 50 year old man shouldn't be romantically interested in a woman who was 27 when she was born”
You can fuck right off with that statement, who are you to tell people who to desire? And if they're both willing, what's the issue?
What a silly opinion to have.
My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we had to move the wedding up as fast as possible so she could be involved, we were already engaged at this time and lost a lot more people together. It doesn’t matter really when we got married because I know deep down that she’s my my soulmate and that I’m hers. I would have married her the day I met her if I could have. They pecked each other on the lips very quickly. They didn’t make out
Unquestionable loyalty is something everyone should have in a relationship. But, BUT a lot of your behavior (the social media stalking and questioning her for not talking during her lunch breaks) can come off as very smothering. My ex did this stuff to me and I was nothing but faithful, for over a decade, and the paranoia got so bad he started accusing me of sleeping with family members. If you don't trust the person, or if they're not accommodating your needs in a relationship then you have every right to leave, and you should, but one should also make sure the other person's needs are accommodated as well.
I honestly feel that the way your relationship with her started is what planted a lot of these concerns and accusations, you said she had a boyfriend when you two first started talking so maybe that should've been the red flag, ya know?
While I was off messing around spending money she was paying for repairs, furniture, a bath remodel, food, toys, home improvements. Etc.
It’s your relationship ultimately but for me
1) this was half a decade ago. I wouldn’t judge her for making unethical choices as a 21 year old. Ultimately it was on the man to not cheat on his spouse. She was just in it for the sex and while I wouldn’t do that personally, I think it’s just a sign of immaturity at an age where immaturity is common. Her actions now matter much more. 2) she wasn’t trying to go down memory lane /at/ you, she was revealing a kink. She likes to be submissive. That’s a very common kink and doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect herself. She is probably hoping that you will agree to engage in some similar role play.
All this said, I don’t think I’d judge her harshly for any of this. But if you feel like you are too sexually incompatible given her kink and any of your kinks, that’s different. If you wouldn’t ever feel comfortable taking on a sexual role play of being more of a “dom” and she wants that out of you, that might be a dealbreaker for you both.
I’d just talk to her and ask her what her expectations are and share your perspective.
No that is not my argument so you might be the dense one
Yeah, you needed boundaries before doing this… Tell your husband that the experience made you uncomfortable and you don’t want to do it again right now/ever. give yourself time to try get over it and block the images from your brain. You found it unappealing to see your bf dominated which is understandable but also try consider some of the stigma you may have internalised over men being able to enjoy that as feminine/unmanly and try to understand that scientifically it is supposed to feel good and that it doesn’t make him any less of a man.
You don't tell the person you've only been casually dating for 3 months your most personal, deepest, kept closest to the chest secrets. You talk about trust, but how is she supposed to know that she can even trust him that much yet. This man could literally ruin her life with this information and cost her her job.
“I’m pregnant bitch”
I hate that I read this in Jesse Pinkman's voice.
Trusting someone is different than continuing to believe them in the face of overwhelming proof not to.
Does he respect your values or does he pressure you to go against them?
You married an abusive pile of shit
When do you think you'll get better at it? After she owes you 5k? 10k? 15k? After she moves in her son without you inviting her to and refuses to contribute? After she tells you she's pregnant with your kid?
She's already waving a bunch of red flags. Ignore them at your own peril.
Go graduate. You’ve spent years working hard for it.
If they don’t understand then that’s their fault.
The fact that OP is active in r/cugarsandcubs lmao
I believe she's playing him but utility bills can add up……to even a lot more than that. My concern is why did her bill get so big? She obviously can't manage money. Big red flag. Plus he need to grow some balls, which might be difficult because he seems like a nice guy, when it comes to dinner time. Just start cooking something. If she doesn't like it, let her order herself
Hear hear
Condoms. Unless you’re ready to be a dad, wrap it.
I'm definitely aware that he's choosing to do those things. I don't mind the drinking it's the drugs that are a hard pass for me. I've told him I don't care what his friends do I care what he does. It definitely only happens with specific friends. I can tell instantly when I talk to him.
The big question I have, is if OP married the wife when she was so young, how old was she when they started dating.
I would not be surprised if OP’s daughter wanted the marriage to end for the wife’s sake, and not her father’s.
Sounds like an episode of catfish
The grief you feel and show is the grief you feel and show. It's not something you should try to control. You're allowed to have feelings about your partner's father.
But what you do is talk to him. Tell him you're here for him and ask him how he'd like you to support him. Everyone's different.
You don't have to contain your sadness. Just don't make it all about you. Good luck.
It does sound like you’re wasting your time. If you aren’t meeting up, are you really dating? He’s not overseas – he’s less then an hour away. Lots of introverts date, hang out with friends etc. He’s 30 and making these excuses? Nah. Sounds fishy. Find another fish.
How many times and under how many IDs are you going to post this exact same thing?
/u/ThrowRA-8492010
/u/ThrowRA-94919111
/u/ThrowRA-84991929
/u/ThrowRA267213
/u/ThrowRA-68885322
Get off reddit and call your therapist.
usually i’d advise leaving a “fiancé” who did just one of the following: – unilaterally demand a wedding, monopolizing guest list – not helping to plan whatsoever, foisting every bit of labor off on the other person – criticizing your work thus far, especially at the direction of his family
i’m almost impressed that your fiancé has done all three. like, that’s incredible. the only question that remains is why you would be with this person, let alone marrying them? i wouldn’t let the king treat me this way, let alone my partner. insane.
I think he took you for granted. First he spend days texting you and writing a huge apology, and then he decided to disappear for three days. Address everything you want and need, but don’t get your hopes up in my opinion. He sounds like a guy who says things just to end an argument, but won’t stick with it as soon as the tensions have settled.
Don’t do it, you should experience being on your own more. You seem to be enjoying it and it sounds like you might have to support your boyfriend if he moves in. Let him know that he has to save up and perhaps you can revisit the issue in a year or so. If he is willing to break up with you over this than it was probably already doomed
OP please read the comment above because this is the one
I mean,he obviously doesn't want you anymore. Being ok with receiving oral but not giving oral? You're just a convenient cocksucker to this dude. Why are you sticking around?
Threesomes are a shit idea, and every post on this sub about them is how they ruin relationships/marriages, and they aren't even that good.
If you want to play with fire I'm not gonna stop you, but I will call you an idiot when you get burned.
Your bf is a fucking creep. I’m 25 and wouldn’t even date a 20 year old (no offense). But finding a 16 year old hot???? Fucking disgusting. He sucks. I would leave him over that tbh and find someone who doesnt lust after teenagers
You’re right. I think I will get some counseling. I’ve been before for similar themes. Sacrificing myself for the sake of others has been a habit of my life.. I want to heal before even considering seeing anyone else again. Thank you for your comment and thoughts.
Thank you. My thoughts also.
Tell your mom, she should be made aware that she's married to a man who has these.. interests whilst her own daughter is living under his roof.
Since you are on your phone/computer, look up your local eviction laws and get it started.
He thinks that he owns you now that you're married. That's a deeply unhealthy view of your partnership and of you as a person. If a partner said something like that to me, that would be the end of that relationship, regardless of any wedding ring.
Looking at you post history, you regret marrying him, the first three months were the worst three months of your life, he's investing in stocks without consulting you, hiding things… Honestly, find a lawyer, see if you can get an annulment, if not then a divorce. Stay safe.
Right?! The complete dehumanizing language he used on top of him being super dramatic. How is slightly pink skin the equivalent of putting “that thing” through world war 3? I feel like he was intentionally trying to be mean with how far over the line his comment was. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying some type of negging bs.
He just won’t. He’s fully able. Physically and mentally.
Attraction for women is more mental than physical. Usually the best way to get them in the mood more is to spoil them a bit and see if that changes anything.
I’m really sorry to hear. Thank you for sharing your story. I understand that i should do more and I will do more
There is always exceptions to the rule. I’m speaking in general.
Yea this is a clear cut case of OP thinking that she can do whatever she wants in life without reprocussions. She cheated, got pregnant and then stole the children.
Let her leave. Then work on you SO picking skills, they need some work.
A bit daft are we?
i’m so sorry op 🙁
Since this is Reddit you will surely get a ton of “break up with him” advice and perhaps it may come to that. But to me it sounds like you need to have an honest and open discussion with your boyfriend. You need to express to him how his comments and actions make you feel and set boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not. If he is open to and willing to work towards bettering himself then I see no reason why your relationship can’t continue. If however he is not receptive then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship to see if your needs are being met. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you and the efforts you make to better yourself.
Do not have a baby with this man, you'll be tied to him forever even when you break up (which is probably his plan)
The part that makes him a POS is having sex with her with false reassurance, then breaking up with her. That’s him feeling justified for revenge. If he learned the truth and broke up with her then that would be normal behavior instead of using sex to dominate, hurt, and get back at someone.
1 and 2 sound like complete non-issues. Up to you how you handle 3. Hard to advise there without more context, which I’m not necessarily asking for.
Let me preface this by saying it's purely anecdotal.
I know a guy who said this happened to him when he was younger. A date went down on him and he threw up on her. This guy that I know is now married to my brother.
He spends the majority of his time with you and you're begrudging him his one day to himself?
Plenty of people need their own space and time, it doesn't mean they're too attached to their home or it's immature just they need time to recharge themselves
This seems like a tough situation. To grab the bull by the horns: you are in debt, losing money and still not covering half of the expenses with your boyfriend, though you've agreed to split them. His financial situation is not as dire, but he still doesn't feel comfortable enough to lend you any (more?) money.
So: you need to do something to earn more money, right? Even something that gave you an extra hundred dollars a week would make a big difference in your life. You seem like you are expecting that the right words will get your boyfriend to cover for you financially, but he really may not do that and your relationship could suffer for that (and moreover that would place you in a worse financial situation, it seems).
I suggest looking for an easy, hourly remote job. Good luck.
Not anymore. Only when he as a kid.
There’s no issue with wanting to be childfree, but in this case it’s already too late, the baby’s here. He needs therapy to figure out why he made such awful choices that led to him having a child he didn’t want (which was super preventable), why he has no attachment or bond to his child, and deal with his feelings. It’s even possible he’s experiencing PPD.
Well first thing she'll have to do, if she's truly remorseful, is drop her “friend” bc Amanda has proven she is not a friend of your marriage. Your spouse should always come first.
But op, she cheated. And this wasn't a mistake or spur of the moment bad decision.
Two. Hours.
For those with good boundaries, one minute slows down. One minute is a long time for those who acknowledge something is wrong.
Multiply 60 seconds by 2 hours.
Seconded. OP, I wish you, your SO and his friend the best of luck.
She is struggling – I wouldn’t wish addiction on my worst enemy – but she needs to be in treatment for her own safety. Some chemicals are deadly to detox from.
Yes. That's why she's willing to do this.
It's exactly the SAHM bit and the entitled father of the situation that is making her life hard.
I literally never take time for myself.
Isn't that exactly what your job is?
You take 3 nights a week and all day Sunday for yourself. As you say in the comments, that job is entirely about you wanting independence and an intellectual/social outlet. You could absolutely, 100% make his salary work for the family, but you don't want to do that for personal reasons, which is you taking 40 hours a week for yourself.
Which is fine, but be honest about what is happening. I'm not even saying you're wrong for having the job.
Because this job of yours is certainly not helping your family.
You said he's a numbers guy vs being a feelings guy, so quantify absolutely everything. Write out exactly how you spend every minute, as well as every dollar. Then write down how HE spends every minute to the best of your ability.
Highlight all optional activities. Physically, with a bold color. Present this to him. Make an actual presentation. Use small words – well, not necessarily small, but definitely unambiguous. Be very clear that if you don't get any recreational time then he doesn't either… if he wants to stay married, that is. Not a threat, but this dynamic is unsustainable and he needs to understand that divorce is statistically a likely consequence.
Then invite his input to a solution, that does NOT include you giving up your employment.
Since his language is “logic” – I'm married to an engineer, I know the type – you have to present something clear and direct with demonstrable facts.
Good luck.
I’m sure you Googled that, however actual statistics and numerous mental health studies show otherwise. Look up the rate of suicidal ideation even after transitioning. Also, look up the rate of those de transitioning, along with the negative side effects of prolonged hormone use. Telling an individual that the absolute best way to treat gender dysphoria is through transitioning is like telling an anorexic that liposuction will make them better.
You are far more mature than him. He sounds like he stopped developing at 16.
For heavens sake, do what has to be done and leave him. You'll do him a favour if you tell him exactly why.