Nah. It wasn't just another boy. It was his best friend. He deserved to know.
Hooking up with each other? That can be said as normal teenage shit. Not telling the guy until now, even when they got married? That's why he should rethink the relationship.
We hangout just as much as we used to but it’s the “vibe” when we’re together that has changed. We’ve been trying to get more together but it still doesn’t change
Definitely not. If you want to change, change because you want to and do it for yourself. Maybe throw in a few compromises here and there so you meet in the middle but the guy seems like the type of person that will be more demanding or controlling in the long run. It might just end up being suffocating on your part.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through this! The only thing I can say is that men can be jerks, and I am a man. Generally, we don’t communicate well and we don’t deal with our feelings well either. There could be many different reasons he ghosted you, but what’s most important is that you can move on to better things now. If he was going to do something like this, it’s better that you’ve learned it now and not years into a relationship. You are too good for him and deserve someone who loves and cherishes you. Don’t settle for less and keep you head up! Best wishes!
That's fucking crazy man I'm sorry for this bullshit you're dealing with. But if you're saying she's afraid that you'll leave and you're suspicious of her doing shit like this! Bro keep a wide fucking on her. She will reveal who she really is to you soon. Just keep doing you and don't let what she does fuck your mind up and take away from your goal. Heads up??
What does he see his future like? He shouldn’t be supporting his brother and family they should be working together, everyone can contribute in some way. If he sees his future with kids soon then good if not then your marriage wouldn’t be a good idea since he has so many obligations
Of course. Maybe early on she can say she couldn't have known but after years I think she should have noticed something to end it and not rely on him disclosing a disorder you can see yourself.
Listen if you open the relationship this marriage is over. You have to realize that you can have kids with someone else but loose your partner and get divorced. Or you keep your partner, get therapy and either stay childfree or look into adoption or something.
Babies who have their needs attended to become adults who can form secure attachments. I don't know where you got that nonsense from but your girlfriend is right to ignore you.
Using ovulation tests would be an expensive way to track periods. If your sleeping together, you have the right to know exactly what type of birth control she’s using. If she claims to be on the pill, an ovulation test is pointless because she’d already know where she is on her cycle.
Her reaction makes me think you should use a condom either way. I have a feeling you’ll get your answer based on how she takes it.
Sure he didn’t technically cheat, but what he did was equally shitty. Kick is ass to the curb, honestly just block him and move on. If he didn’t give you the courtesy of talking about that, you aren’t required to extend that courtesy to him.
Not relationship advice but if you like the ring (although might not be good for everyday) you can paint the inside with clear nail polish to protect your skin (assuming you are not allergic to nail polish).
As a literal bi married woman that's married to a man.
CHEATING IS CHEATING! DOESN'T MATTER THE GENDER! Lord I'm tired of people trying to justify their shitty fucking gross behavior by bringing the lgbt into it.
“Like u shldnt shame me from wanting to sleep with woman because I'm just trying to live my truth” or that a man should be flattered if his wife wants to sleep with other woman it's sexy! God no!
Fuck that. U shldnt be married then!
U married ur wife to be in a monogamous relationship and if that's what u want that's perfectly fine!
If she wants to sleep around u shld serve her with divorce papers. Don't let urself get suckered into some bullshit u didn't sign up for. Ur gonna be on the losing end of that shit OP.
I mean, it sounds like she has some sensory issues that she misrepresents or misinterpret as her being some kind of genius cultured vision of a woman with high standards for everything. If some food is to oils or whatever, that's not necessarily on the food, it's just her. No shade on her for it but why would you feel less than someone for being more tolerant of oily food.
Some of the rest of this just sounds like she's an asshole. You say she's honest, so where is the list of random compliments she pays you and the world. If she cannot curate what she says from what she thinks does she never have positive thoughts?
Realistically I'd end it, what part of this relationship is fun?
It sounds like you have nothing to gain from a relationship with your brother. Sure, he wants forgiveness for his benefit but that has nothing to do with you or your peace. Your husband is right, delete the email and don’t think twice about him.
That's shitty, OP. On another note, please Show us some more of those matrix-style moves you goddam bullet-dodger, you.
It's not a crime to be lied to and scammed by somone pretending to be somone they aren't.
It would be a crime to put that person in a position of greater trust and responsibility in your life which they wholly do not deserve.
Just say “wedding's off, Karen. Stop tripping. You're not a victim here.” Then demand t he ring back. Note that she'll likely argue heavily with you over the ring because symbols and appearances are then only thing that matters to her and content doesn't. It'll feel like arguing with a child that Santa Claus it's real.
Tell your parents you found out she's not who you thought she was and you don't love her any more. Tell them you were wrong but you're glad you didn't make a bigger mistake.
Relationships are like gardens if you don’t put energy into them and pull out the weeds every once in a while they don’t thrive. She is young and she still wants to party and that’s really what she’s saying I wanna be able to go out and do what I want without being in a committed relationship. So you’re gonna have to let her go. And find a girl that wants to be with you.
Even if you kicked him out and he has no place to go, thats not your problem. That's a him problem. It still would not make you evil. You know what DOES make someone a shitty person? Telling someone you love them and that you are trustworthy then having the audacity to not only talk to multiple women but also using your GF's car to cheat, all while living in HER apartment.
No. You did not overreact. You were sensible and reasonable, he is entitled. In my experience men who cheat like your BF cheats will stay the same and don't change because tbey are morally bankrupt.
No worries. I wish you both all the best. Me and my partner didn't really set out rules. We just went with the flow . And the flow kept us together. I think not being super strict in the beginning really helps. Because if they want ro be with you they'll be there.
It's 4 years now. I never want to be with anyone but him.
I think you bring up a good point about recognizing the spectrum of the human experience.
I think one thing that I assumed was that she should “just know” how to handle these things because I do.
But it's not fair to expect everyone to be even in that sense. Lord knows I absolutely have had and still do have blind-spots in my own life and my own ways of handling things that has and will require grace in the pursuit of becoming better.
So I appreciate your comment for putting a spotlight on that.
And although I would still consider her actions here reflect poorly on her… I will concede that it doesn't and shouldn't doom her to be stuck in those ways. And I think that's where I've personally been off-target in this thread.
Perhaps I should lend her the grace that I've lent myself throughout my own life.
A quote comes to mind that has really helped me personally: “We do the best we can until we know better – then we do better.”
Hopefully this can be a Learning experience rather than a death sentence for their relationship. And I may possibly be projecting my own insecurities onto this situation.
Take the oportunity to sit down with him at a cafe or somewhere in public.
Then tell him how what he did to others felt like to you back then.
And afterwards… see, if he regrets it.
Ask him, what made him do that (I bet, insecurities and feeling inferior, wanting validation from certain class mates by hurting/ belitteling others).
And ask him, what would have stopped him back then to do what he did.
That may take much courage.
But perhaps it will help yourself and others!
If you have children, you may be able to assist them in such situations better than people assisted you back then.
And it may help him too, understanding that, why and how much harm he did.
I actually once met one of my childhood terrors on a bus.
I faced him and told him -sitting in the middle of a group praising him for always having been such a funny chap and good fellow- by telling him, how much he had hurt me as a child. And how I had loathed him for the harm he did to me.
He pretended not to know me. But I knew he did. I haven't changed that much physically from the girl he had mistreated.
And get to live until 100 years old… I will still recognize that cursed face.
Nah bro she’s protecting herself just tell her you know about the affair, don’t tell her how you know just tell her you know.
Nah. It wasn't just another boy. It was his best friend. He deserved to know.
Hooking up with each other? That can be said as normal teenage shit. Not telling the guy until now, even when they got married? That's why he should rethink the relationship.
We hangout just as much as we used to but it’s the “vibe” when we’re together that has changed. We’ve been trying to get more together but it still doesn’t change
Definitely not. If you want to change, change because you want to and do it for yourself. Maybe throw in a few compromises here and there so you meet in the middle but the guy seems like the type of person that will be more demanding or controlling in the long run. It might just end up being suffocating on your part.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through this! The only thing I can say is that men can be jerks, and I am a man. Generally, we don’t communicate well and we don’t deal with our feelings well either. There could be many different reasons he ghosted you, but what’s most important is that you can move on to better things now. If he was going to do something like this, it’s better that you’ve learned it now and not years into a relationship. You are too good for him and deserve someone who loves and cherishes you. Don’t settle for less and keep you head up! Best wishes!
That's fucking crazy man I'm sorry for this bullshit you're dealing with. But if you're saying she's afraid that you'll leave and you're suspicious of her doing shit like this! Bro keep a wide fucking on her. She will reveal who she really is to you soon. Just keep doing you and don't let what she does fuck your mind up and take away from your goal. Heads up??
Damn that’s deep.
She has a couple of times. But most times I ask, she can't seem to make time. I do seem to make more time for her.
She has a couple of times. But most times I ask, she can't seem to make time. I do seem to make more time for her.
What does he see his future like? He shouldn’t be supporting his brother and family they should be working together, everyone can contribute in some way. If he sees his future with kids soon then good if not then your marriage wouldn’t be a good idea since he has so many obligations
Technically I’m not since I’ve had sex with multiple people but didn’t tell her
Well yeah, no shit ?
Why would you lie to her and recklessly sleep with a bunch of people unprotected behind her back in the first place?
She trusted you
Of course. Maybe early on she can say she couldn't have known but after years I think she should have noticed something to end it and not rely on him disclosing a disorder you can see yourself.
She gonna get smashed by the team. Bet.
Nah.
I'm 99.999999% certain this is the vagina spammer.
Listen if you open the relationship this marriage is over. You have to realize that you can have kids with someone else but loose your partner and get divorced. Or you keep your partner, get therapy and either stay childfree or look into adoption or something.
If stupid asf was a person
Babies who have their needs attended to become adults who can form secure attachments. I don't know where you got that nonsense from but your girlfriend is right to ignore you.
If your girlfriend will never forgive or trust you again then the relationship is over. Don't drag out the misery.
Using ovulation tests would be an expensive way to track periods. If your sleeping together, you have the right to know exactly what type of birth control she’s using. If she claims to be on the pill, an ovulation test is pointless because she’d already know where she is on her cycle.
Her reaction makes me think you should use a condom either way. I have a feeling you’ll get your answer based on how she takes it.
There’s a difference between what you done and infidelity. You were on break, so technically you can do what you wanna do.
Sure he didn’t technically cheat, but what he did was equally shitty. Kick is ass to the curb, honestly just block him and move on. If he didn’t give you the courtesy of talking about that, you aren’t required to extend that courtesy to him.
We don't hate each other
the new girl sounds much better.than the fucking user….I mean Sarah…
Not relationship advice but if you like the ring (although might not be good for everyday) you can paint the inside with clear nail polish to protect your skin (assuming you are not allergic to nail polish).
As a literal bi married woman that's married to a man.
CHEATING IS CHEATING! DOESN'T MATTER THE GENDER! Lord I'm tired of people trying to justify their shitty fucking gross behavior by bringing the lgbt into it.
“Like u shldnt shame me from wanting to sleep with woman because I'm just trying to live my truth” or that a man should be flattered if his wife wants to sleep with other woman it's sexy! God no!
Fuck that. U shldnt be married then!
U married ur wife to be in a monogamous relationship and if that's what u want that's perfectly fine!
If she wants to sleep around u shld serve her with divorce papers. Don't let urself get suckered into some bullshit u didn't sign up for. Ur gonna be on the losing end of that shit OP.
I mean, it sounds like she has some sensory issues that she misrepresents or misinterpret as her being some kind of genius cultured vision of a woman with high standards for everything. If some food is to oils or whatever, that's not necessarily on the food, it's just her. No shade on her for it but why would you feel less than someone for being more tolerant of oily food.
Some of the rest of this just sounds like she's an asshole. You say she's honest, so where is the list of random compliments she pays you and the world. If she cannot curate what she says from what she thinks does she never have positive thoughts?
Realistically I'd end it, what part of this relationship is fun?
It sounds like you have nothing to gain from a relationship with your brother. Sure, he wants forgiveness for his benefit but that has nothing to do with you or your peace. Your husband is right, delete the email and don’t think twice about him.
That's shitty, OP. On another note, please Show us some more of those matrix-style moves you goddam bullet-dodger, you.
It's not a crime to be lied to and scammed by somone pretending to be somone they aren't.
It would be a crime to put that person in a position of greater trust and responsibility in your life which they wholly do not deserve.
Just say “wedding's off, Karen. Stop tripping. You're not a victim here.” Then demand t he ring back. Note that she'll likely argue heavily with you over the ring because symbols and appearances are then only thing that matters to her and content doesn't. It'll feel like arguing with a child that Santa Claus it's real.
Tell your parents you found out she's not who you thought she was and you don't love her any more. Tell them you were wrong but you're glad you didn't make a bigger mistake.
Relationships are like gardens if you don’t put energy into them and pull out the weeds every once in a while they don’t thrive. She is young and she still wants to party and that’s really what she’s saying I wanna be able to go out and do what I want without being in a committed relationship. So you’re gonna have to let her go. And find a girl that wants to be with you.
Even if you kicked him out and he has no place to go, thats not your problem. That's a him problem. It still would not make you evil. You know what DOES make someone a shitty person? Telling someone you love them and that you are trustworthy then having the audacity to not only talk to multiple women but also using your GF's car to cheat, all while living in HER apartment.
No. You did not overreact. You were sensible and reasonable, he is entitled. In my experience men who cheat like your BF cheats will stay the same and don't change because tbey are morally bankrupt.
Tell him to go live with his side chicks.
If this is real and this is out of character for him, send him to the doctor to make sure he’s ok medically.
Maybe he can go back to his old job and say something medically happened to cause that and apologize and beg for his job back.
Or get his ass applying for jobs left and right, right the fuck now.
No worries. I wish you both all the best. Me and my partner didn't really set out rules. We just went with the flow . And the flow kept us together. I think not being super strict in the beginning really helps. Because if they want ro be with you they'll be there.
It's 4 years now. I never want to be with anyone but him.
No but the fact you won’t say your age shows you are. When you grow up you’ll see things differently kid x
Projection or therapy are the two choices.
I think you bring up a good point about recognizing the spectrum of the human experience.
I think one thing that I assumed was that she should “just know” how to handle these things because I do.
But it's not fair to expect everyone to be even in that sense. Lord knows I absolutely have had and still do have blind-spots in my own life and my own ways of handling things that has and will require grace in the pursuit of becoming better.
So I appreciate your comment for putting a spotlight on that.
And although I would still consider her actions here reflect poorly on her… I will concede that it doesn't and shouldn't doom her to be stuck in those ways. And I think that's where I've personally been off-target in this thread.
Perhaps I should lend her the grace that I've lent myself throughout my own life.
A quote comes to mind that has really helped me personally: “We do the best we can until we know better – then we do better.”
Hopefully this can be a Learning experience rather than a death sentence for their relationship. And I may possibly be projecting my own insecurities onto this situation.
Thanks for the opportunity to reflect and think.
Your body count is 3. Not 5.
Body counts shouldn’t matter.
He said he didn’t want to know and you ignored his boundary. That’s on you.
Who cares what she knows, just tell her you know she hooked up with your ex. Why must you be so kind to your ex even.
Take the oportunity to sit down with him at a cafe or somewhere in public.
Then tell him how what he did to others felt like to you back then.
And afterwards… see, if he regrets it.
Ask him, what made him do that (I bet, insecurities and feeling inferior, wanting validation from certain class mates by hurting/ belitteling others).
And ask him, what would have stopped him back then to do what he did.
That may take much courage.
But perhaps it will help yourself and others!
If you have children, you may be able to assist them in such situations better than people assisted you back then.
And it may help him too, understanding that, why and how much harm he did.
I actually once met one of my childhood terrors on a bus.
I faced him and told him -sitting in the middle of a group praising him for always having been such a funny chap and good fellow- by telling him, how much he had hurt me as a child. And how I had loathed him for the harm he did to me.
He pretended not to know me. But I knew he did. I haven't changed that much physically from the girl he had mistreated.
And get to live until 100 years old… I will still recognize that cursed face.
My guts says that she was making it up. She sounds like a total cunt.
Going through your phone, going through your journal, and constantly accusing you of cheating is all abusive and controlling behavior.
You feel like you're going crazy because he is abusing you and telling you it's normal.
You need to dump him ASAP.
Hate to say this but society hasn’t gotten more dangerous just more connected so you hear about it more
You should have asked him to show you his messages on the spot. Now you will never get certainty.