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specialerika chat
Date: January 5, 2023
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specialerika chat
The fact that he went nuclear so fast… and then jumped into bed with other people. He wanted it to be true. Most people get a message that their spouse is cheating and they waffle and excuse and sputter for a long time, even when all signs point that way.
And he didn't even care about the baby.
She's a boss, tho. Get that house.
This thread is crazy, I can’t imagine being in a relationship with people here. Imagine never being able to initiate sex with your partner since it means you are sexist or manipulative?
Redditors LOOOOOOOOVE thinking they've found a situation where a woman has behaved inappropriately so they can make their favorite comment, “wHaT iF tHe GeNdUrRrRz WuZ rEvErSed.” It's by a wide margin the most common and least useful thing posted on this site.
A sane take on this situation is that his wife tried to surprise him with something she thought he'd like on his birthday, he responded very negatively, and her feelings got hurt. A lot of clowns with chips on their shoulders are trying to compare this to a man surprising a woman with his dick out, despite the fact that the genders react very differently to surprise nudity and that's not a fair comparison at all.
A more realistic comparison would be if he asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she said something small like “a few extra hours of sleep,” he instead did something he expected her to enjoy like arranging for a romantic date or something, and she responded with “HELL no I wanted sleep.” His feelings would be hurt, naturally.
Redditors also love to get bogged down with debates on whose fault everything is. Who is wrong, who needs to apologize. The reality is that this isn't anybody's fault but his wife still got her feelings hurt anyway and so the nice thing to do would be to reassure her a bit, just like the nice thing to do in the other scenario I just created would be to reassure him a bit. Sometimes people in relationships do that. I'm not surprised the concept is alien to a lot of redditors.
“Oh honey! You know what would be really cool? If we did some of those 23 and me kits!”
Seems simple enough
Tell her that you feel disconnected from her when she spends so much time on her phone. Talk about how it makes you feel rather than blaming her (e.g. “I feel lonely when you’re on the phone so much” vs. “You care more about stupid strangers online than you care about me”). Frame it as a source of sadness and confusion for you, rather than judgment and contempt for her choices.
Your goal should be to understand why she’s engaging more with online strangers than she is with you, her IRL partner. Ask if she’s willing to set limits to how much time she spends on the phone. If she picks the phone over you, I think that’s good information to have when deciding your future.
Telling me that i don’t know about money is all you got?
I’m planning on taking her to a therapist regardless because there’s been so much change recently. Do you have kids?
Look up Myers-Briggs test.
And then think it over again..
He isn't that interested you if he's not initiating ways to meet you and carrying conversation. If you want to hookup, go for it but don't expect anything outside that.
Don’t do it. From what you’re saying he’s taking away the few date nights you have for his own stuff and has not replace it with something romantic he has made you cook. If you’re not somebody who likes that he is basically changed the dynamic of your entire relationship. It would be different if he volunteered to cook.
He's being violent with you in public. If his violence has escalated to such an extreme you should be very worried for your safety. Make an escape plan. Leave when he is at work. Stay with friends or family. Make a police report. Ask them if it's possible for an officer to accompany you when you get the rest of your stuff and phone because you're scared if what he'll do to you when you go back to the house.
Get your shit, get out and block his ass on everything. You are not safe. Go and get safe. You are not respecting yourself by staying. You are putting yourself at risk every second you stay with this controlling abusive ass