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♡ VIKKI ♡, 25 y.o.
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Date: December 4, 2022
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Don't overthink it – just be yourself.
Yes, you can absolutely lose an erection due to anxiety or insecurity or criticism or worry or for no reason at all.
No, generally you cannot just make yourself get an erection. If you could, then Viagra wouldn't exist. Yes, sometimes it's easy to get hard, but other times, when you're just not feeling horny, you just can't get hard even though you want to.
Is therapy for you alone an option? Your husband is verbally and financially abusive to you, not just “terrible” at being a husband.
Keep on creeping.
Maybe call your other brother to try and get some control over this, guys like this usually only listen to other men, see if he can get some sense into his head and show him that this behavior isn't okay.
He’s fine! He just felt sick after and was sleeping
I don’t think your doubts are normal – at all. It doesn’t sound like a match made in heaven! Maybe have a real straight up conversation with her – list the items above – and see what her responses are. It might be time to move on. Those are big red flags in a relationship.
I agree. Not many folks are well versed in paternity law so, I'm not going to be surprised at this. Lay people aren't consulting lawyers on this stuff. But I think everyone is also ignoring the possibility that, it is his kid and this whole thing is moot. I think there's generally a huge blowback on this forum about paternity testing.
And you don’t just “want us to work out”. You want to marry her with a guarantee that she won’t get bigger than what she is now (or not much bigger). You want what you want and are trying to figure out how to get it.
OP changes age on apps to reflect minimum age 30somethings would date
No.
By talked about not sleeping with anyone else was that like at the moment or “we are exclusive to each other” ? That makes a huge difference.
Ok. It could be that someone of the same race is not racist (with regards to the same race) but colorist. However, they could also be racist (racist against their own race) and colorist.
It definitely is kind of suspicious. Being in a relationship is a pretty important part of one's life. If you talk with somebody not just in passing but plenty of times, it's pretty weird you haven't even mentioned that new relationship. Especially when talking about mental health, I don't see how you fail to mention being in a relationship. Sounds like a pretty important thing that affects your mental health.
It doesn't neccessarily have to mean any foul play has happened, but it is definitely on the irregular side.
Does SHE want the big wedding or is she doing it to appease you or your family. I think that’s the first thing to verify. If she 100% wants it then there’s lots of options. But if she doesn’t…well then you’re stuck with things that just make a shit sandwich more appealing.
Sit down with her, talk to her, see what she wants to do. Maybe the money is better spent on a honeymoon and you just throw a big birthday party for yourself.
I love my girlfriend and her daughter and I don't want them to move out. I have no issue with them walking around half naked. But i do have an issue with my girlfriend telling me not to walka around half naked while they both do it.
It doesn’t need to be a huge break up. Send him a text message. Say that you know he lied to you about who he was meeting up with and that it’s over.
Maybe you can offer a compromise, like once a week you meet him at the park and let them spend time together?
OP, respectfully:
1- It's YOUR wedding, not your grandma's or anyone else's besides you and your partner
2- Your stepdad came into your life and raised you with the love of a bio-dad, even if he wasn't by blood
3- Roger shows up when you're an actual adult and not his responsibility, begging to be part of your life for HIS own benefit, not yours
4- You did say that you're more friends than father-daughter
Basically, regardless of what Roger's family might say, SD is the MVP and HE deserves to walk you down the aisle if you so decide. HE was with you in your formative years and gave you love, support and guidance. What has Roger given you?
Bring these points to that side of the family, send a letter or group message and tell them that your decision is to have your REAL dad walk you down the aisle. The man who raised you, not the one who abandoned you.
Ultimately, it's your choice, but given what you have explained if I were in your shoes I'd rather keep stepdad around than choosing “blood” that was never there for you, just “to keep the peace”! Whoever is not happy with your decision is someone who shouldn't be in your life and are enablers of Roger's behaviour.
Wish you the best, have a great wedding
You dump her obviously, but there's no need to be an asshole about it, unless she starts acting up. Give her a week or two to get her shit together and find another place. Hell, tell her to go stay with the guy she cheated with.
Also, I can tell she fed you a line about being super stressed about the grandfather situation and the stress causing her to kiss this dude. It should never ever have reached that point. She put herself in that situation—twice—by inviting him over—twice. Her violating your boundaries lead directly to her cheating. Once might be forgivable. Twice is an insta-dump.
Well I do agree there . OP certainly needs to say no when she means no especially if she did in fact just work a 24 hour shift. I’ve worked many 24 hour shifts- hell I’ve worked a 36 hour shift and I’m a coal miner. So I know it’s tough. If anyone does believe me it’s me. She’s here for relationship advice though and this post is about as lopsided as they come. So to me it just sounds like she’s venting… which is fine, but don’t expect real and honest advice if all you got is “he’s the problem, I’m not and I don’t know what his problem with me is”. Cuz after 2 whole fucking years of dating someone she ought to be able to pick up on these things. Also- this post comes off as if OP has absolutely zero awareness or she’s playing dumb cuz I promise this ain’t the first time she’s been late or played dumb and it also ain’t the first time the boyfriend acted like an asshole.
>Pretty much everyone noticed the strong mutual attraction. It was overpowering.
And the opening sentence of the next paragraph…
>She either gave low effort responses, like reactions rather than messages, or she took two days to respond
Doesn't sound like there's strong mutual attraction after all.
>Should I ask her if my crush is doing okay
I re-checked your age. You're 36 years old! You shouldn't be having “crushes”. Either ask her out, or ask her how she's doing. If she doesn't respond, let it be.
>If my friend were to tell her I asked about her after she ignored me,
You're 36 (I think… you sure you aren't 16?). If she ignores you, cut your losses and move on.
How can I make him understand that he is hurting me with this kind of behavior?
You are very ambitious to think you will make him understand. He seems to possess a very different world view from yours and that may be difficult to overcome. Was this marriage arranged?
Any reason is good enough, just not feeling it anymore is good enough
You dont owe anyone a relationship with you for whatever reason
Your reasons are glaring in your face legit, his political views absolutely affect your relationship, he clearly is showing how little he thinks of your family, he is also manipulative and has no respect for you
He literally wants to suppress people, being intolerant of the intolerant (thats him) is the only way to create a just society
Apart from this you have a healthy relationship…. No you dont, cuz this is a HUGE part of a relationship, he is a shitty guy who may have some good traits, but not someone you want to waste your time on