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Umma, 19 y.o.
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Date: December 1, 2022
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Sounds like she's already done it and is testing the water for your reaction.
I didn’t say topless, I mean people just going like in their underpants or naked in the room, and she’s okay with that happening and not avoiding that even tho she’s in a relationship.
I don’t say someone will do it in a street, i mean that she goes to sleep in a room with strangers knowing there might be drunk guys that can do stuff
Yep
So her ex sent revenge porn to you and hurt her – im sure. And you want to dump her because she's had sex in a past relationship? You want to make sure that dick gets what he wants. Cuz you know that he's happy that it killed your relationship right?
Sounds like she's been with a couple of guys who suck and she can probably do better.
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Yeah these comments are freaky. Like she deserves to be punished for… goofing around? It’s weird dude.
Just break up with her. She'll keep doing it whether you catch her again or not.
? Im sorry I didn’t quite understand your point
You gotta assert your boundaries and make it clear to him what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Make it a point to say that people have different boundaries and this is one of yours. It doesn’t make you “insecure” or “jealous”. Many (heterosexual) people would be concerned if their S/O had a friend of the opposite gender stay at their place for over a week without an invitation to join. While this could be a platonic long time friend, he failed to effectively communicate or consider your thoughts and feelings.
Your best bet is to stick to your boundaries and don’t let him bully you into thinking you’re crazy. In the end, it could just be that you’re incompatible.
Agree! A lot of people don’t realize, at one point Op pointed out in a comment they didn’t eat them at the restaurant because it was pack. And even admitted they could pf just ate them in the car.
But he could of asked if she was okay with him eating them at home next to her, you know making sure she’s going to be emotionally okay due to her diet/habit breaking.
Sometimes we forget to check in with our partners who are going through changes to see if they need any support or moral support.
Truly do think miscommunication happened and if her blood sugar was low, as someone with hypoglycemia, you can have irritation much higher with lower blood sugar.
But I get both sides and can see how this could of all been avoided.
It sounds like he was trying to wear you down into not going. He can say all of those excuses, but what it boils down to is that he didn’t want to go and hoped he’d create enough obstacles so that you wouldn’t go either. You’ve already done everything he wanted so far, he figured he could break this last attempt to do what you want/ self-actualise too.
nah fuck I'm too socially awkward for that to the point where i can't even text that cuz I'm ashamed of myself.
I'm afraid of being too upfront with her though, i don't wanna rev up some uncalled shit that i really don't wanna deal with at this point and time in my life
As someone with chronic health problems that has to go with an N95 mask whenever I go outside because of people like you – you're an asshole. Stop going outside when you're sick. It doesn't matter if it's COVID or not. If you went to school and got others sick because it was just oh so important for you to go just this one time – they would get sick for days and be miserable, and potentially make even more people sick (and potentially even hurt someone seriously). Why? Why are you so much more important than those people?
That being said, do you think that maybe if someone acts like a child they deserve to be treated like a child? Of course, the way he did it is entirely out of line and extreme, but perhaps he knew that you don't have the state of mind to make logical and rational decisions for yourself and others, and took it upon himself to make it for you? You say yourself there is a history of you doing things like this – and you admit that he suggested many things for you before handcuffing you, that you refused, and basically didn't really leave him any other choice but this – and that even your family agrees about it.
I don't think that what he did was excusable, though. I wouldn't want anyone to make this kind of decision for me, in any way. One day I might have to make a decision to take my own life, and I wouldn't want anyone to decide that this is their decision to prevent that from me. But, unlike most people here that believe he's a psychopath and a serial killer just waiting to murder you, I do believe that he had good intentions, for whatever that's worth. I think, considering everything you said, that he just wanted the best for you. Still, good intentions don't justify any means. And, although I do believe he was genuinely right that you shouldn't go (for your sake, and others), it's entirely different the way he went about it.
This is really what you need to consider – what if at some point in your life you end up with some chronic health problem. What if this kind of question comes up regularly? What if every time you need to leave your house you're technically going to potentially hurt yourself. Can you only leave if he agrees? What happens when you have to decide which medicine you have to take. All of these medications are going to hurt you, it's just a matter of which is worse. Is he the one to make this decision for you? What happens if you get pregnant and want an abortion. Do you have to pass this by him, and make sure he agrees that it's safe enough for you?
Will he be the one making these decisions for you from now on, or do you have anything to say about it? That's really what this is about, and you have to think about this. Is this someone you can live with or not.
And yes in reply to your original post it’s perfectly fine to explain to your friends why you haven’t been able to come near them lately because of him. If they are your friends they will try and understand your feelings.
So would you say I should check in with her again if she doesn't reply on her own at some point or not? From what she was telling me she is back at uni/work and also getting help, I just fear that she may feel so much time has passed she wouldn't be comfortable messaging me even if she wanted to I guess? Maybe that sounds stupid
I'm just feeling really confused because although she wasn't saying much, she still spoke to me a few times a week and she seemed to like it when I talked to her, but then randomly going missing for a month has me not knowing what to feel anymore, I can see she has been online quite a few times at least so presumably she is ok at least
I guess i thought it was common sense that you shouldn’t date someone you want to change
There’s no universal answer. You have past experiences that make you more uncomfortable with this than other people would be. That’s okay.
I have MS and have issues logistically with dating other people don‘t. Also fine.
I’m not saying you should think of yourself as disabled but it’s not really that different. Your life has certain needs and you can only be with people who are willing to meet those needs.
Just tell him you aren’t really in a place for that, right now. Thanks but no thanks ?
Yep, if he still smells, he’s still smoking. I had the same issue while pregnant. Very sensitive to smells. And, for clarification, it wasn’t just eww that smells bad. I’d get nauseous and it would last for hours. Walking past someone in a store that had a cigarette smell could cause me to need to leave the store and sit in my car waiting for the nausea to clear enough to be able to drive home.
Ew cigarette smoke gets into everything. Everything you touch stinks, all your clothes stink, your house stinks ?
Keep not smoking, buy new clothes, and new bedding. Hopefully you weren’t smoking in your house as well.
That’s part of it I think. She has my father, brother, and sister still at home. Not to mention my paternal grandparents 15 minutes away. She’s convinced my girlfriend is pressuring me into this and that I’m getting controlled
My cousin's MIL did something similar. She bought the EXACT dress that my cousin got for her wedding, but in a different color… train and all. It was tacky as fuck. She was told in no uncertain terms that she would NOT be wearing it. The worst part is that he hadn't seen the wedding dress, but after getting confronted by everyone, she showed hers to him saying things like “I don't know why they don't want me to wear this!” and trying to get him to give her permission. His first look was basically his own mother. Gross.
She did manage to get life-sized cutouts made to go on some stairs in the venue of the bride and groom. 9 of her precious baby growing up and one of the bride and groom together… none of the bride besides that one.
The whole family still talks about how almost incestuous it was to try to dress like your son's bride on their wedding day. Their battle with boundaries is still ongoing, but my cousin is a boss and is winning the war.
Sounds like a relationship from hell. You don’t have trust. She gaslights. You’re too damn young to deal with such a toxic relationship.
You need to have a serious conversation about your timeline. It sounds like she thought these things would be soon if not already happening, but you don’t feel the same. Don’t be afraid of starting over with someone new!
Man I was ready to let you have it. I was gonna say step one is to man up and don’t call cheating an accident. Then I read all your post. Wow man. If the gender roles were reversed you’d be arrested probably and registered as a sex offender. Personally I wouldn’t involve the police, but do not wait. Tell your girlfriend (alone) exactly the truth of it. I can’t stress this enough, do not wait. Tell her now. After she calms down have a discussion on what to do. Myself, I’d insist the living arrangements change, and that would be the only way the relationship could continue in a healthy manner. That’s my advice. I feel that’s the right thing to do. Tell her now, and tell her the other party needs to move out asap. If she can’t agree with that, I wouldn’t think she loves you whole heartedly and probably would be a waste of time trying to make this king term thing happen. I’d just leave if she didn’t want to ask her friend to leave. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to forgive, but not okay to let her live there, since she can’t respect y’all’s relationship.
I think you already have the answer you’re looking for. If you’re not happy with him, it’s time to leave. Better now than in a year or two when you’re both more dependent on each others company.
I think you already have the answer you’re looking for. If you’re not happy with him, it’s time to leave. Better now than in a year or two when you’re both more dependent on each others company.