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daniela angel, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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Damn, you beat me to it!
[Cat puppet stares into the camera awkwardly]
Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but she’s not working and living on your dime.
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Obviously you logically can just accept that about him and carry on as is. But you need to understand that we're talking about your life and future. Do you really want to live your life in this relationship constantly not knowing what he wants? To keep it simple, he's 31 years old and knows you and the relationship he has with you. If he doesn't know what he wants long term (have you discussed it?), then you're essentially staying in this relationship based on nothing but hope.
Maybe it all works out and you live happily ever after. Or maybe he wakes up in another three years and knows this relationship isn't right for him. Now, I certainly have to acknowledge that long term relationships end all the time for one reason or another. So you could have this discussion today and your relationship could still end at some point. But you should still never enter or continue a relationship if you haven't confirmed you're on the same page right now in terms of what you both want in the future.
I'm not sure how being insecure ties into what either of you want. As an example (which I assume is the case here, but certainly correct me if I'm wrong), we can logically assume you both want a long term relationship. But to just focus on him, if he's insecure that the worst is always going to happen and can't verbalize seeing a future with you, that's a problem. You can accept the fact that he's insecure (you shouldn't, and you should also work on yours), but again, not commit to a relationship with him knowing you're in limbo from day one.
To now back up and tell you about me, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you know I'm not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love and wish you nothing but the absolute best. But I give advice on here, because I've been through it all and learned from it. I'm pressing the issue here because it's legitimately concerning and you shouldn't just accept it. You need to have a long talk about it and not let it be brushed off.
Separate from all that, we've veered off the original topic. I think it's important we did, because there's a lot there and it's important. But to focus on the topic, just make sure this isn't a long term thing. Even if you were wrong to bring it up, it can't be held over you forever, because what would be the point? I also see that almost everyone missed the point here. Like I said, it's not about him being upset that you hooked up with someone. That's all everyone's focusing on and telling you exactly what I said. The “anger” your boyfriend has is about you bringing it up. Unfortunately, it just ties into the much larger issue that everyone else is also ignoring which I brought up. Just be smart and look out for yourself.
I’ll consider this seriously before making a decision. Thank you for your help!
I feel bad for the person you married, y’all need to divorce
You've already had the initial contact, which is where it is a touch tricky. Initiative at this point is fine and usually accepted as progression.
I do, it’s when one of us leaves the room