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Date: October 27, 2022
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She said it was…old Mummy has bad credit.
We had a lengthy conversation and she swore she‘s told me everything by now (texting, Amber sending her selfies and the obvious flirting)! The thing is, even if that were true, I can‘t bring myself to believe her – she hid this from me and only told me once I noticed, so who‘s to say she‘s not lying still? Her words simply have no weight right now. Unless I see her actively telling this person that whatever was going on is over, I can‘t bring myself to trust her.
Keep trying lol
Sounds like a fun process for both of you
I'm not sure how far over the line of polite behavior this is, but I'd be sorely tempted to buy a ball gag, put it in a plain brown paper bag and leave it at their door.
i saw the word REHAB and then said RED FLAG and didnt even read the rest.
YOU need to be single, get your head clear, learn about what it is to have a HEALTHY relationship with ANYBODY…..BEFORE you get in to any relationship.
I HIGHLY suggest that you research Narcissists. Dr Ramani is real good. Richard Grannon is real good. Whether you have a problem with them in your life or not, it will teach you about healthy and unhealthy relationships. I wish that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN on planet earth would research narcissism. Thats a lesson we ALL should have been taught before dating
Pardon, I wasn’t against what you said. It’s just that older men…he was in his 50s… can be headstrong. This one wouldn’t budge even a little. I don’t understand what a 20yr old would see in a man 10-15-20 years her senior. Nothing in common. Sex maybe? Him wanting a young piece. Her wanting someone with a bit more “experience”.
Was that supposed to be “big” or “bling” lol
As others have said, therapy would certainly be useful in your case, but if you aren't able to have therapy, there are still some things you can try.
With my anxiety, I find that taking all possible steps to be safe while doing an anxiety-inducing activity and then being safe multiple times during the activity helps. It's like my brain gets used to being okay during the trigger and quits assuming doom will happen the second I encounter the trigger.
It might give you some more peace of mind if you layer your contraceptive methods. Research has shown that this greatly reduces pregnancy risks because it puts extra roadblocks in the way of conception. On their own, condoms have a 2% failure rate, the pull out method has a 4% failure rate, and fertility awareness methods (track ovulation and don't have sex while fertile) have a failure rate of 25% . So if you have sex with a condom while you aren't ovulating and he pulls out, you have a .02% chance of pregnancy, which is quite low. And that's not even factoring in any potential unknown health problems you have that could reduce your chance of conception further.
Keep in mind that it's okay to try to have sex and change your mind. If you want to attempt sex, it's a good idea to take things slow, make sure you are both actively communicating with each other during the experience, and don't feel pressured to continue if the anxiety is too intense.
I think most kids would be scared if their mom sternly kicked their grieving dad out the house. i just think putting all the blame on him for upsetting the daughter is absurd. OP contributed to this whole clusterfuck a ton.
I’m sorry, but the reason you feel like this is because you are second place. And your fiancé isn’t interested in respecting you.
Absolutely not. Love women. Fuck yes to women 100%.
You are not listening.
I wouldn’t totally ditch her…..just find other interests and people to spend time with. Invite her out from time to time. Accept her invites if it sounds like a good time.
I don’t know if I think bringing it up is “worth it.” If you’ve had other meaningful conversations with her, you could try. I’m usually all about communicating…..in this case, though, it seems like the things you’ve said above have always been issues.
“Hey friend, I’ve realized lately that it seems like we only do things you plan out. Does that sound right to you, too?”
So…I don’t know. Sorry. Ugh.
But if you take the pill on the first day of your period then it will give immediate immunity right?, that’s what the doctor said
Totally get that! I have similar issues and i was extremely afraid to loose my then boyfriend (still am)… i always talked to him when my fear was extrem and could rip me appart. He then comforted me… and is now my husband. Sometimes people mean what they are saying ❤ bulding trust in yourself is the hardest thing and needs time. And from what you are saying your SO understands that and supports you. So never stop talking about your fears, ask for hugs and cuddles when you need it. And give your self time, no matter how many time you need to either accept your sexual situation or finding your sexuality with him. Which way it ever goes.
Ask about the stuff they like way in advance then make sure they didn't buy it themselves before you get it for them
I mean there's a chance she found out/sensed that you were getting sick of it and were gonna leave. But its just a chance, we dont know the full story. Women are very intuitive, they pick up alot of things that us men dont. They are very aware of things happening around them.
But like everyone else has said, your marriage isnt abusive. Its not TERRIBLE. You wife just seems not to have her life in order. We all get lazy sometimes. That discussion ya'll had probably woke smth up in her. Hopefully she understand wtf she's been doing. If the marriage is not abusive/infidelity, give another chance. But be aware and if it happens again, you can decide if u wanna leave then
He cheated on you and damaged your trust. It takes years to get over that. He should also be the one doing the work to rebuild the trust he broke.
Unfortunately once someone cheats in a relationship there's only a 15% chance of the relationships success.
Him hanging out with any girl getting stoned doesn't help that at all.
All this relationship will do is give you trust issues that will follow you no matter who you are with.
Dude you are 31 and you’re letting a 22 year old woman dictate who you hang out and associate with while she doesn’t have to follow that same rule? I’m sure she’s hot and fun but grow a pair and do whatever the fuck you want. This isn’t a serious long term thing, sounds like.
Grooming does not only happen to minors.
All of a sudden in this story your not ex wife has a boyfriend? It you two are sleeping together behind his back even the though she’s married to you? Is that how it is?
We need more information
They probably didn’t even discuss having a baby and parenting before they decided to have or keep it
Thank you bro.
In my state 20k doesn't even buy you the land. We know there is a house, that was livable, and we know it's on a half acre. No where in this country is that less than 20k for both. Even if the house itself needed condemned, which is obviously doesn't since he has been living in it.
R u currently paying rent and is it below market rate? He’s entitled to build equity, he made sacrifices+ bought the place, so there’s nothing wrong with u helping him pay his mortgage
Just tell her ‘why wait’ we can break up now
She can divorce any time she wants. Infidelity is never morally acceptable or understandable.
She wants out of the marriage? Then she should be an adult and take steps to end it instead of having her cake and eating it too.
My friend, not everyone on this earth is going to find you attractive. That's something we all have to accept. I have a buddy who thinks Sandra Bullock is unattractive. Another doesn't like Anne Hathaway. Not everyone will want you. You're going to have to live with this idea.
Secondly, everyone dates because they're lonely. If they were happy alone, they'd stay that way.
I think what happened here, again, us that you ran into a dude with a lot of stuff going on and you're trying to make it about you. It doesn't seem that way to me. Dude just has a lot in his head. It's not about you or your attractiveness. Make sense?
You dump him. Why are you wasting your life with a misogynist?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So basically me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for over five years and recently he’s been hating on women a lot, like how women are a plague
So the reason why I say this is because lately we get in an argument over literally anything, doesn’t matter if it’s about cloths or even the women are in groups.
Also he says I’m the only woman he likes and no one else.
This whole ordeal about hating women started while we were in quarantine.
thank you. i do struggle with BPD, so I think it plays a huge factor in that.
Show her this thread. So she can see that she’s Looking shady and not just by what you think
Bro code man. Jeez. You need to tell him. It's probably going to do alot of damage to your friendship though.
I can make a cute post asking conversin with my cat, who talks all the time.
Unfortunately, however, I think I'm beginning to understand him.
Send help
Frankly if he hasn't done that behavior other than at the point where you guys didn't even have a label. I would say you should dump him cause you guys just don't go together.
What was the illness?
Lol, as if that is a deterrent for these shameless people.
“The vibe” she doesn’t want you to ruin is all the attention she and the other girls is getting from the guys in the club. If she and her friends just wants to drink and dance with each other, they could just as easily do that at home.
You don’t need to do anything about it, but you should tell her you know what she’s doing.
Also, have a discussion with her about boundaries. “So just to clarify – it’s ok for us to go out and behave as if we’re single: flirt with other people, dance with other people, have drinks with other people – but no kissing, making out etc. Is this what you want?”
Thats the thing. I know she likes me. They’re is so much tension its insane. I literally hold her hand i we could go all the way. We are just both resisting because it would fuck up the friend group, and us as friends and idk it would be a lot
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Had to do a health check-up on my nether region recently and part of it was to give a urine test for chlamydia. It came back positive. Of course my girlfriend took a test as well. It also came back positive. We are both asymptomatic.
Here's the thing; this shouldn't be possible. We are both each other's first sexual partner (even first kiss). We've been together for 4 years. I have never cheated and I'm 99.99% sure she's never cheated either. For one, she's not socially active at all and extremely monogamous. But I also can't imagine when she would have be able to cheat logistically since we spend almost every waking hour together and have been for the last 4 years.
None of us have ever used a second hand sex toy. None of us has gotten a blood transfusion.
Given the situation it should be impossible for us to contract Chlamydia, but somehow we did.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Did you ever figure out how you contracted it?
OP, me and my partner are the same age as you and your BF. We had the chance to live together at my parent's for 9 months before renting a place together, so we had an idea of what it would be like to live together 24/7. We were working, putting money aside and having to take care of the house along side my family. We were lucky to have that opportunity.
Now, we've been living in our place for 10months, paying our bills, working, figuring finance out, housekeeping task etc. And all of this is vastly different than when we were seeing each other every other weekend (we were 2h away from each other).
You can't marry someone you barely know, and to know someone, you have to live with them. That's the truth. Imagine you marry, you start to live together and then bam, realization : you can't stand each other on a daily basis.
You seem very rushed about the whole idea of marriage, it's not just a title, it has meaning if you truly love each other, and trust me, to love someone you have to know every aspect of their personality on a daily basis, the good and the bad. And even while loving someone, there's thing your dearest half will do that will annoy you, and you need to figure out if you're able to make it together despite YOUR goods and bads and HIS goods and bads.
my boyfriend knew this information since his mom told him. sadly im not sure why she continues to make issues. she stated to her mom that “you already have two daughters you don’t need another one.” their mom said to just ignore her. he tried talking to his sister yesterday but it went nowhere. thankfully him and i will be moving to an apartment asap!
Yes- but there is no reason to be a dick about the tattoo itself. I have people in this thread implying she should expect rape as a consequence of this tattoo- that is fucked up shit.
OP is welcome to leave her- but the Boomer-esque tatoo shaming in this thread is not the vibe.
Only when they are. I often tell people they aren’t the problem too. Simply depends on who the problem is.
If you haven't already, I'd make this priority number one in counseling. This resentment festering is like a cancer to your relationship.
All the best to you both.
Yeah I have a feeling he’s no Casanova in bed either.
Bi girlfriend seems like a no-brainer. We either both fuck a girl on the side, or no one does.
Thanks edited
If drunk people can’t consent then it doesn’t matter how they feel in the morning, it wasn’t consensual because they couldn’t consent. By definition.
Where? Never said people who enjoyed their drunken ONS have r4ped each other.
What do you call sex that isn’t consensual then? Because your position is that drunk people cannot consent to sex.
And that's what might need to be evaluated individually and with the VERY specific circumstances given. This is where “drunk people can't consent” is of importance.
If drunk people can’t consent then there’s nothing to evaluate, no “specific circumstances” to consider other than whether someone was drunk.
Is it really that hard to admit you’re talking nonsense on this?
Also early in my relationship during the honeymoon phase I wanted it all the time, now we have both settled down into once or twice a week and are generally happy with that. Occasionally one wants more than the other but it's not major.
I think they should give it time to see how it goes
Unless you are up for a threesome then fuck him off right now. That is the sort of shit he is.
Your husband raped your sister in your home and you're upset with her?
So as a woman I understand the need to protect other woman. But as a human, I also recognize the right for someone innocent privacy.
This group isn’t doing anyone favors by allowing woman to post false narratives. They aren’t protecting woman. Well maybe they are in some cases, but the fact they don’t vet the posts they are promoting women potentially attacking a man who could have just turned them down, which also isn’t okay.
You dodge a bullet, but look into legal avenues against this group, because it really doesn’t do what it sets out to do since it doesn’t get the posts. It’s like revenge porn, it could ruin a man’s life due to a date gone bad or not being interested.
Right? I haven’t clogged a toilet in like 8 years. I remember it vividly because it was at my best friends house and I was so embarrassed! I can’t imagine being unashamed of someone else finding your poo sitting in a toilet and then letting them clean it!!!
Toxic positivity, I think is the term that gets thrown around.
throw her AWAY
Yeah, agreed. I personally feel like being drunk shouldn't excuse anything, but that's kinda easy for me to say since I don't drink. I don't believe in entitlement to opinions. I think a person shouldn't expect their words to carry any weight when they can't possibly understand the topic.
I hate when people who have never been in a situation themselves think it's so simple and that they've got it all figured out, so I'm not gonna be one of them.
The most reasonable policy I can think of is that if there is to be any leniency based on that, it should be agreed on by the couple. If I loved drinking too much to stop even though I tended to do dumb things during it, I would need a partner who knows what that's like. Even if I personally think it's weird, as long as both partners are playing by the same rules, at least it's fair.
I feel like you deserve better
I did tell him exactly how I felt during our argument after I made that comment. But ok I should start with more direct statements upfront. That could have changed everything.
Girls with partners (and aren’t shit humans) dance with their friends and have fun
No, that's okay – I appreciate your perspective. I do agree it seems like that is his point of safety. I'm okay with that, but I just wish I had more clarity re: whether he actually wants to be here or not.
No it wasn't out of character. He shits on your boundaries often, and seems to make a habit out of not caring about how you feel.
Oh interesting. Yeah, then grandpa is unlikely to change. I agree neither kid should be around grandpa, but controlling his wife's communication with her father is a problem. That are two separate issues.
I'd break up with him. ?
I wish there was something more you could do. It sounds like you’re either stuck sneaking around or you have to move out.
I wish there was something more you could do. It sounds like you’re either stuck sneaking around or you have to move out.
Nofap is kind of weird Ngl – but hope you work things out
I would say give it a year before you start to date. Just see if anything changes, give yourself more time to grow
OP, I'm reading your comments. Relieved that you're choosing you, and I really only hope you the best. Break ups suck, no matter how fuckin valid they may be for happening. You seem really mature and intuitive and you deserve waaaay more than the weird, childish mind games.
No, you don’t. You could literally just dump him, he knows what the issue is but refuses to do better.
You aren’t his mother, why are you letting him treat you like you are? This will not get better, you’ve already shown him that his slovenly behavior is not a deal breaker for you, so why would he work on it?
You don't know how to leave?
Well that's not true. You've already left. Well done.
What you're really asking is how to not go back.
I tried again the other night. To just leave. He kept telling me that I can’t do that. That you can’t just leave a relationship that easily, that we have to work through things. That he’s getting better, and I need to stay.
You are going to have to internalise that he doesn't get a vote on this. It takes the consent of two to begin and sustain a relationship; it only takes one revoking their consent to end it. You are revoking your consent.
He.
Doesn't.
Get.
A.
Vote.
You have decided to end the relationship. The relationship is therefore ended.
But you're going to have to be serious about this. You are never again going to be alone with this guy. You are never going to have communication that is not recorded. Get some friends together, move your stuff out, tell him that you are not interested in “being friends” and block him. At the first whiff of stalkerish behaviour, you get your butt down to the cop shop and start making complaints.
There was a seinfeld episode where george's gf couldn't get in contact with him to break up , so she told his friend kramer to tell george and to do it at pomodoro where people go to breakup.
What kind of a fucking asshole refuses to let somebody shower at their place?
I'm interested in foster-to-adoption and curious why you felt the way you did. The last thing I want to do is create more trauma for a child.
You shouldn’t be in the house with him after a violent outburst because you don’t know if he will escalate or not. You definitely shouldn’t let him near your kids again. You need to call up your family and tell them he has been violent. I’m sure they will understand you canceling the wedding. It’s still cheaper than a divorce.
I'm sorry, it might be a dream job but they are taking advantage of him. I'm guessing the people he works for make money, this is not like a non-profit that you work for less money but do rewarding work.
His job is also taking advantage of you since you are subsidizing this business by supporting your BF who is working for free for them.
That is an enormous amount of work to do with her. Not many would commit to it. Therapy needs to be done with you, otherwise she will only pretend to engage into it.
She needs to think more about her actions (build internal dialogue), in terms of what she is actually doing, why, how it would make you feel, and is it really what she wants to do in her life.
Unfortunately she seems to be completely motivated by fear of consequences instead of anticipation for reward. Negative consequences needs to be imminent.
She knows you are the best thing on her life, so to avoid negative consequence of you leaving her she will do whatever it takes. Conversely, if she is supposed to work towards a goal of self improvement, for herself, she will feel no motivation to do so. The idea of getting normal will not move her to action, but fear of staying as she us or worse will.
You would have to condition her to healthy life habits, but problem is you have to do it from the angle of avoid punishment, rather than expectation for reward.
Hard task indeed. Are you sure you have the resolve to go through this?
It's a really bad idea to fulfill a fantasy he doesn't have and you don't want to fulfill.
IMO, meeting in person can really make things clear if you like each other or not. Texting for 3 weeks with no date planned doesn’t seem serious, to me at least.
“Fuck around and find out.” Also would have been an appropriate answer to her question.
I understand why you wanna consider his feelings but he didn’t consider yours when he boxed up your games. he can give whatever he wants that he purchased but he shouldn’t give away things that don’t belong to him. Don’t let somebody bully you because that’s what he’s doing he’s saying he gets to make a decision but you don’t he gets to make a rule but you don’t and just because he bought the consul doesn’t mean he owns the games. He’s literally giving your shit away to charity he’s not giving his stuff away.
I would be so disgusted if my boss expected me to sit though several lunches because his wife was jealous of me. That’s going to get someone slapped with an HR issue really quick. This is a really inappropriate suggestion.
It's really easy to think that way at 22. I'm 42 now and just kind of laugh and shake my head that I felt that exact same way in relationships even into my mid 30s. Despite being more self aware, I was still very much dealing with deep trauma and couldn't let go of toxic relationships easily. I'm sure we will all give you the same advice but unfortunately, you have to hit a wall before you pull the plug and even then, there's a high chance you will get into another codependent or toxic relationship. You mentioned dealing with mental health, are you in therapy?
You’ve known Clark for years and dated your fiancé for 2 years? Wedding planning is supposed to be fun, stressful yes, but not “awful”. At a bear minimum you should stop planning the wedding / delay a final decision. You are already in a quandary. Marriage is suppose to be final – one and done. If you are this easily shaken from your current path, even if Clark isn’t the one, you aren’t solid enough in your feelings for your fiancé to make a life-long commitment.
Best of luck in this challenging time!
my first question is how have you been waiting for two years but never had a single talk of marriage before? or was he leading you on and lying?