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Date: October 16, 2022
thank you
I drank that koolaid too. Trust me. You are more than enough. He is looking for something to fulfill an empty void of insecurities and fantasies that is unfulfillable. No one will ever be enough because the lack thereof is inherently his.
Damn this was a fun thread to read on the toilet
Love this reply
It certainly doesn’t go for people. Tone of voice doesn’t immediately equate to abuse. What you say is just as, if not more important than how you say it. But again, if you’re so sensitive that you think that raising your voice/yelling is automatically abusive behavior, then you have other things to work out, outside of this Reddit thread. Lemme tell you, if you plan on marrying a man in your future, it would behoove you to avoid African men. Voice raising is something that’s ingratiated in our culture
He seems right like he’s the one. This is the only problem we’ve ever had and other than that first convo we had he’s really open to communication
Honestly he’s probably projecting because he’s lying about whether or not he used protection.
Ohhh, honey, you want to believe that this is not what he believes and you want him to go back to lying to you, so you can feel that he’s worthy of your love and you haven’t spent years of your life with a manipulative misogynist.
People have too much time on their hands. I’m on TikTok but it’s only because there’s a woman who posts about her experiences with her son who has a disability that’s very similar to my sons. Outside of that, I’m not interested in seeing dumb shit like that.
Thank you. You bring new insight into things ive never thought about and thank you for not bashing on me as many people would. However although yes i do tell her these things, my intention isnt “let me fix you” its more of “ let me help you because you dont seem to be helping yourself” because she doesnt put much time and effort into tackling her mental health issues
But this is great advice, we will definitely both look into this. Will let you know if this helps.
Thank you, your a beautiful human being!
You're right not to agree. Sounds your BF is overly controlling.
I would have taken that screen shot and alerted everyone what kind of backstabber that so called friend was.
Your boyfriend might have led her on and enjoying his ego stroked. That is probably why he won't shut it down.
Did you see the other messages between them leading upto her sending that last one?
that's a lot imo too. but it all comes down to personal preference. and there's so many external factors like menstruation, medication, etc.
Ya, that's crazy.
You should definitely break up. If you have feelings for somebody else in a MONTH AND A HALF then it will definitely not work out.
Whether you go for his friend later or not is another question. Imo wait it out a bit and see if you still have feelings for him+it allows your ex bf to cool down, rather than breaking his heart twice
I am so very sorry your husband out you in this position. I also have NO IDEA why all of the heavy lifting has to be on the wronged party.
I don’t know what you should do but I think this is what I would do. I would take a mourning time and leave for a bit. Either with or without baby. Probably with. I’d go to the beach. I get how privileged this sounds, and I’m not actually in such a space to be able to do that. But if I could, I would.
I’d then tell him he has this week alone by himself to get things set up for when I return. He has to start individual therapy and find a therapist who specializes in sex addiction. He also has to find us three couples counselors and I get to choose the one we go to.
I’d also request that he move all finances into a joint account or making them visible to me, becuase now I’m totally suspicious of ALLLLL THE THINGS.
Then I’d require that he kill that reddit account. Blow it up. Block reddit on his computer and phone.
Then I’d ask him to write out a list of things he thinks he did wrong and how he wants me to respond. This is part of his heavy lifting. He has to come to you with the mental lifts that he’s already done. You can use his list as a starting point.
Thanks for the response. He’s only my boyfriend not my husband.
He actually JUST texted me back, which is weird timing. He said he wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to call and argue (I wasn’t trying to argue, I just wanted to know where he was and why he called my friend)
He said that’s he’s already almost home and has just been busy driving and sleeping. He said he will show me all of the calls, messages, and posts he made the past few days and where he was. He said he will call me later and he’s sorry.
What do you think?? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt he’s never done anything like this before but it was shady
It’s not bad to have expectations about how a relationship should look with intimacy, it’s only bad when you push those expectations onto somebody else. You are right to want more, she is right to want less.
Don’t push her into the conversation right away. Maybe start with “hey, I’ve noticed this and I would like to talk about what I can do to make you feel comfortable when you are ready to have that conversation.”
If waiting and wondering is too much, it might just not be a good match or the right timing, and that is completely okay. It just might be hard to accept.
He doesn’t want to marry you. If he said that clearly, it would cause chaos at the moment.
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a bad place or not. If he saw you as his wife, he’d want to have this conversation regardless.
Why does he stay with you? That’s what men do. I’m not saying they’re bad people for this but men like placeholders because why not? I don’t think men like being alone, he gets gf benefits like sex and food- or whatever you do to make his life easier- emotional support… a girlfriend is convenient.
If he wanted you like that, he’d let you know.
As I said I had a co worker explain to me that she started hooking up with her step brother around 16. They knew each other since they were 3….
Considering I haven't told everyone and those who I have told haven't said ONE word to him about it, I think he'll be just fine. My mom has been around him multiple times since and hasn't treated him any different and she's the most upset. He is going. I did not tell him that he's not allowed to go. I just said that I can't help that I'll be upset if he does go and explained valid reasons (he agrees that my feelings/concerns are valid).
So you're in an open relationship, and she just didn't tell you but recorded evidence of it for her personal use? Sounds about right.