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yulla dao, 30 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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Unless you want a man who will refuse to let you take any initiative or make any decisions of your own, I don’t think you need to listen to that advice. Ask him out.
You feel he settles for spending time with you?
Girl – your settling. Your not a priority. Reread your post. Your a space filler for him only when there is no better option. Get some self respect and leave immediately
You might just be fundamentally sexually incompatible. At your age, you shouldn't be worried about finding the spark again. It's ok to prioritize your sexual wellness and end a relationship.
If he has constantly told you how uncomfortable he is with you being close to his brother, why are you still doing it? He gets upset when you guys hug and put your arms around each other, but you still do it? And now you’re showering at his house?
Why not just stay away from his brother instead of trying to make your husband feel comfortable?
I swear if the genders were reversed, every comment here would be coming down hard on you for your behavior, but alas, you get a free pass.
Especially when the kids grow up and leave the house. Then it's just you and your spouse. The list of who comes first: 1. Spouse, 2. Kids, 3. Job, 4. Family, 5. Etc… And if there's no Spouse in the picture, Kids get bumped up to 1.. Other than that, it's important to maintain your relationship with your spouse, because like I said, kids grow up and leave.
Ugh, how smugly condescending. “Are you sure” the fuck?
Says the user trolling me?
Good talk.
Bye now
you know who knows the answer to that? the person who said it. Why dont you try asking her to elaborate more…my last GF told me she wanted me to 'beat that ass up' so without asking I just started throwing lefts, rights, uppercuts, even tossed in a three piece with a soda on that ass..I wish had just asked her what she meant as, she was expecting something totally different.
It wasn't that bad, this subreddit just is very sensitive to crazy sounding people and understandably so.
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Reading this especially getting near the end it's painfully obvious the relationship is done. I'm not sure what advice you need, sounds like you know what you gotta do. Take the job, let her know asap so she can start preparing to move out unless you feel she'll freak. Otherwise you already know what's going to happen not sure what advice you're here for.
He wants you to step out of your comfort zone? Yikes. You want someone to make sure that you feel comfortable with them. Not someone who’s gonna challenge you if you tell them you’re not comfortable with something.
This is worrisome since my last psychiatrist prescribed them to me for daily use for insomnia ?
Luckily, my new one switched it.
Dating as an Ace is pretty difficult, as it's rare to find fellow people less/or not at all interested in sex.
Ideally though two aces would dare but I have read of things working with non ace too. It's tough but not impossible if people can meet each other half way in a consenting manner. But with OP's gf not interested in tolerating sex any longer, there's an understandab fork in the road.
So basically you got in better shape and now hope that you might do better, but are scared to find out.
It's not a great look, but if it's the truth then own it. If you are not attracted to her and don't want to be with her, then have the respect to end it and let her move on.
You'll probably regret it, but then you might also regret never taking the chance.
It feels like you are struggling with communication from what you have said. Your styles are very different, plus you are with each other 24/7 so you have no space.
A lot of what you said involves how you feel which is understandable and it feels like you don't feel cared for often or included in her life the way you want to be.
Some part of this sounds like you walk on eggshells around her never knowing if a random comment will set her off to a massive argument or nothing. You may feel you are going crazy not knowing how she will react, holding back any comments or thoughts just in case one sets her off.
Her pattern of behaviour can be a trait of several things, that isn't important really to diagnose. The issue is how does that make you feel and that is suffocated, unheared, uncared for and anxious, blaming yourself or something you are doing wrong unknowningly often.
That isn't a good relationship to have, as time goes by you keep wondering “am I the crazy one”. Some elements of gaslighting and blame shifting also cause this feeling but labels are tools to describe what is happening the fix is to remove yourself from the situation long enough to get some objectivity. Or to talk to a therapist with enough skills to be able to reflect on what is happening from anothers point of view so you can make a decision to stay or leave.
Ultimately you came together on holiday which is great fun but not the real world, distractions like travel mask the real day to day person with a job and life that can be very different and it just isn't working for you now. That is okay, people change, situations change, sometimes people change and you stop enjoying their company. This feels like you need a change of situationship for your own mental health. But please do get someone to talk to.
You should not feel a need to take responsibility over another persons life because that person hasn't handled their own life well. That is just a great way to train wreck your own life.
If you want to live your life for others, that is commendable. From the very first sentence I could pretty much guess the rest. Turning your own child into a premature adult. Particularly by dumping adult problems and issues on them. Is a really not great thing to do to a child.
She is attempting to alienate your future relationship to keep your close to her. Likely she will ALWAYS do this. Whatever you do, don't kick the ball down the road. It won't get easier with time.
She cheated. You want to be with a cheater?
She is letting other people know that your friendship cannot be trusted and you have ulterior motives. The worst thing you did was ask her to be FWB. If you had just asked her on a date it might not have been so bad.
I think this is all about the lap dance. I'm not saying the rest is straight up forgivable but his dick didn't get involved until that point. I think the previous suggestion about a trial separation and counselling is the least he needs to give to give you the time and space to work out your own emotions. Make it very clear that this is the only possible point in time you would even contemplate forgiving him for the lap dance, even if you don't think you can , and if you find out later you will rightly leave on the spot. You have a huge amount invested in this relationship and you need to take time in the cold light of day, when the rage has calmed down a bit, that you really want it to end over this provided he is willing to seek help and do whatever he has to do to regain your trust. If it turns out he did do the lap dance then that for me counts as actual cheating and I would find it a deal breaker.
You are not her priority, she does not respect you, your time, your affection, or your interest. Continuing to be her puppet is just damaging yourself and you deserve more than how she treats you.
At this time, I would feel worse for you but you continue to ignore the sage advice of the people that love you and you drag yourself through piss and vinegar to catch a glimpse of someone who couldn't even be bothered to treat you like a human being.
This is not how relationships work, stop being a fool.
Yeah that’s not what’s being said here but we gonna agree to disagree lol.
Breaks are never breaks lol
Did it take you this long to get used to calling your fiancé that instead of boyfriend? Doubt it
Encourage him to start a blog (or a substack or a TikTok account or whatever). He needs an outlet for this stuff that isn't monologuing to you.
And tell him that you're happy to listen to him vent his thoughts for five minutes or so, assuming it's not a bad time, but after that you're going to ask him to wrap it up (I like the wording someone else suggested).
But I openly said to him that I'm not comfortable about him watching these kinds of videos and he doesn't want me to watch videos of hot guys on facebook to which I have no problem with because I am not interested in the first place. Plus, he's the most attractive person for me that I don't bother checking out anyone else.
But cheaters cover their deeds by asking heavily for non monogamy.
So I’ll rewind to the beginning of the relationship – and please continue to give honest feedback because I know I 100% have issues too. But we started out as gym partners – I told her early on she wasn’t my type. We got closer over time and I did move in after accidentally knocking her up since I wanted to be there for the kid – I didn’t want a broken home situation. However she verbally exploded on me for little little things. I was there for her for the whole miscarriage and even after we knew I sat with her while she was on the toilet for the moment. I even waited for a month after before I left. I wanted to make sure that she was back into the swing of things. I’m not trying to defend myself but I did try and stay as long as I could – but the reason I left was because she was always yelling at either myself or her kids and it took a toll on me. I’m sensitive I guess to being yelled at as all of my other relationships have been peaceful.
Yeah fair enough, again I just don't engage in hook-up culture. I get tested before and after my various failed relationships and avoid things like herpes. #KnowTheSigns
I couldn't recover from that. That's a deal breaker for me. Fantasizing about a threesome and fantasizing about fucking one of your friends are totally diverse.
Thank you! Yes it is incredibly difficult and the fact that it happened still hurts me all the time. I have had sleepless nights wondering if I didn't love her enough. I have always been madly in love with her, so this was like an arrow to the heart. Idk if it's biblical love or not but I've def never loved anyone like this before. It took everything in me to not leave and forgive her, and I just hope it was a worthwhile risk I took and she remains loyal.
Why TF are you still calling him your boyfriend?
Let me guess… You're paying most -or all- of the rent, his phone bill and buying his weed and booze?
You buy the groceries too?