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woman-wow Public Chat Channel
Date: November 5, 2022
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It's gross that you would hide this for your dad. Already buying into covering up for other men I see.
Updateme!
Yeah I guess staying with him after this is out of the question…i’ve just rarely felt so unlovable in my life to be honest
Trust your gut!
Hahahaha. OP is really into old women. Better tell your GF sooner rather than later.
? I mean to be fair at that point I’m sure we both hopelessly felt it was “inappropriate” but seemed like kids don’t agree.
Thank you. I can only move forward now
You misspelled ‘ex-boyfriend’.
Then I’d give him a lump sum and count your blessings it’s over. Since like your son not your husband
What about her colleague friends selling to her how great the poly lifestyle is to the point of interesting her to it, she try to sell it to the OP, but when it doesn’t work, she choose him over it?
That being said, if she got interested by the poly lifestyle to the point of really trying to sell it, she is still interested in experimenting and that looks like a disaster ready to happen: trust is eroded and she could be swayed by a guy.
He said she went in for her regular gyno visit. This includes a PAP test, which would also detect STIs. You don't have to ask for it, they just do it.
Someone needs to remember their vows, or maybe shouldn't have made them if they didn't really mean it.
Switching to your secondary is always faster than reloading
As a women with no kids- I wouldn't be able to do this. This is why I would never date someone with kids.
This would be a deal breaker for me, you don't have to be dramatic or make it about yourself. I would however explain to him that this isn't something I can put up with. Then I would explain to him that we would be better off spitting up.
It just seems like you came here to vent.
However- creating relationships after divorce and kids isn't a walk in the park.
I can see why your worried. But you don't have to put up with it. At this point its a choice to be miserable and stay in the situation your in. I couldn't do it.
Oh no, I agree. We had a blow out argument about it. That’s why I wasn’t sure if this second offense with the Carrie fisher photo shoot was bad enough for me to say “we already talked about this” or if I have no grounds to do that because this isn’t as bad as the comment his friend left in October (different team mate). The Carrie fisher/Princess Leia photos aren’t exactly g rated either. Darth Vader is choking Princess Leia while she wears her slave Leia outfit and the caption says “choke me d***y”. I don’t want my family to see lol
I wouldn't have the same hangup if he was a guy because there would be no possibility for him to develop feelings for him since my partner is attracted to women. If he was bi, I would have the same issue. I may be jealous, I don't know. It's really hard for me to identify what my problem is. I feel like having this intense experience (which psychedelics can really be, the first time I did them really changed my life) with someone you ALREADY have a strong platonic emotional bond might lead you to develop other feelings because you would associate that experience with them.
Maybe a break up is in order. Make new friends and meet new people. “I can have fun but you can't” doesn't vibe.
I'm a 33 yr old male, Deffo cheating, if it's the first time it won't be the last, doubt it is though, lasting after other women while your in a relationship is straight up wrong.
How would he feel if you were to do the same? Would he be OK with it?
Exactly. She is angry and lashing out at the wrong person. OP’s husband lied to Elinor in the beginning and continued to cover up who she was for another 9 years. Spencer and Elinor are together and i would say that over this time are no threat to OP. However, the OP’s lying husband is the definition of a douche.
I just want to make sure you know this is not a “you” problem. None of this is your fault.
Your mother is being really strange and horrible, it's not ok to abandon your kid just because they encounter problems.
I am in awe of the Elinor’s honesty and integrity here. She immediately told Spencer that she was the affair partner and then demanded that you be informed, while also moving past her own trauma inflicted by OP’s husband to try to be friends with the them.
Wow. What an amazing woman… and here OP is, pissed at Elinor and Spencer, who have done nothing wrong, instead of her lying, cheating, selfish husband, who is the perpetrator of all of this.
FYI, OP, no amount of therapy will make your husband trustworthy. YTA all day.
Dump him and haunt your house with pride, sister.
I agree with this and couples counseling may be able to give them the tools to communicate better (not just in this situation but in all situations for the length of the relationship) with each other and I think would be a more fruitful solution!
As some have suggested, you should first probably see your doctor to make sure everything is alright and you don't have any underlying medical issues that need attention. Then perhaps discuss your concerns with a licensed sex therapist. I know it can be uncomfortable to discuss such intimate details but, since you are here, I assume this might not be a problem for you. This might help you to identify an mental stumbling blocks you might have that's preventing you from being able to relax and just let yourself be in the moment. For a lot of us that is a big hurdle to get over so please don't think that you are alone dealing with things like this. It also could very well be that you just aren't that into your partner. If you have to force your physical attraction to him maybe he just isn't the one. Think about what/ who turns you on and try to look for a partner that does it for you before just jumping in. Your virginity isn't some disease you need to get rid of so what's the hurry? It's a right of passage and hopefully it's with someone you care about rather than a “let's just get it over with” moment in your life. I wish you all the best in your journey to discover your intimate side. Happy hunting.
This hasn’t always been a thing. I thought it was something I left behind years ago, but it bubbled up once more and emotions don’t lie. I’m not trying to sabotage my current relationship because of it, I just want to know what to do to move forward from the emotional turmoil. Thanks for your response.
Your point is not being proven in any way, especially by you lmao
He’s already making you feel crazy and doubtful and you’re not even married. Just imagine how this turns out 15 years from now after a couple kids. I’m asking you because I made the mistake of marrying my guy and I can see how it turned out and I’d rather you were spared that horror.
Both of your feelings are valid. Try “How about I treat you the same way as I treat all my other colleagues? I’d be friendly with them, but not unusually friendly. That way, our interaction won’t stand out. Is that okay with you?” And accept his answer.
If you’re staying at her house then you should abide by her rules. Even if she is homophobic.
Were you drugged?
Sounds like your girlfriend has OCD. I believe there are effective treatments for OCD available now, is she able to see a psychiatrist?
Are you kidding? I’ll marry her and I’m a straight woman. She just hasn’t met someone who is good enough for her and complements her life and personality. 31 isn’t old. I am awesome and didn’t get married until 38. ?
At what point was the price relevant? I’m kinda on your brothers side. With the cost of living being extremely high and so many people struggling…maybe know your audience and shut the fuck up about dropping half the average salary to watch TV in another country
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Nah fuck him, he knew the stresses of your relationship and jumped in for himself,
Does he not know any other girls?
Same OP! Same!
Yeah, it's a double whammy there. He'd have to live with a “friend” who clearly isn't a friend. On top of that, he'd have to see them dating. Even if she never actually came to the apartment (unlikely), he'd still know when the roomie went out to see her, and know when he came home late, all that.
I'd definitely look for other options if it's financially possible.
If it isn't possible, head over to /r/unethicallifeprotips and find ways to get back at him, or mess with their relationship. 🙂
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I don't understand why you feel the need to send your message though? If it's just casual sex why are you telling him you're going to invest energy somewhere else for something serious. Why would he care.
Thanks! I do have a therapist. We meet once a week for 45 mins, but the rest of the week I feel like I am stuck with my negative thoughts. I want to get to a point during the break where I can manage my mental health on my own and not have to depend on my partner fully in that way, but these last few days have been hard because I think I have been depending on her, maybe too much?? Just having a hard time and I feel like I lost a major source of emotional support, and now have significantly less support to deal with the emotions that come from losing that support.
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I was stupid in love. I wanted to be a good girlfriend & help him build. I wanted him to have what I have, but he ended up being a narcissist & became jealous of me. I’ve learned my lesson that you can’t really help anyone these days. A big mistake that I don’t ever want to repeat.
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Nope her sent her problem not yours Keep your finances seperate
Oh my god stop dating grown ass men that are too old for you. Go to therapy. Work on yourself before it’s too late and one of these bums ruins your life.
Find something in common the two of you can talk about. For and my dad we talk tools and building things.
I wrote this and deleted it lol. But yeah.
Yeah he’s gotten way too comfortable. I would leave him, you deserve much better.
Yes this is true. I was thinking she is so used to her mom that she may of found someone like her without realizing it.
I am very sorry this happened. Talk with your mom and trusted friends. You need support. This is not only the betrayal of your boyfriend, but also of your dad. If my partner betrayed me, I hope it would be with a stranger, not someone close, worst, with a parent. We are supposed to trust our parents, that they wouldn't betray us and your father did that
The fact the your dad look sad and disappointed because you didn't want to stay and talk…the nerve? He did this. He made this happen. He didn't care about you and your feelings. Gawd, what a scummy person.
There are million of other dudes he could explore his sexuality with, but he decided ( no accident, no “I couldn't help it, he is a grown up ffs) to do it with someone who would hurt you. His goal wasn't hurting you, but he was selfish enough to not care.
When the police are involved, it is time to move on. This isn't romance and love, it is dysfunctional Jerry Springerish.
You don't say how long you've been dating, which always matters. But I think you have every right to be very disturbed by this. It's incredibly disrespectful, and besides, a white lie would have been easy for her. “Yeah, you're right….I'll to toss it”. Then walk out the door with a small bag that doesn't have the keychain in it.
It's more of a learning thing for you. At your ages, 3 years difference is a lot, and you might be more mature than she is. But for the future, whether it's her or someone else, you need to be upfront that you require respect for your religious beliefs. This doesn't mean your SO has to practice it, or convert or anything like that. But that respect has to be there.
It is called a hypothetical. You know, a conceptual scenario designed to illustrate a point. In this case, to draw a comparison between your statement about how I might react to your use of the gym to the issue I was discussing when you made that statement, I.e. the self indulgent recording of one’s own workout in a busy gym.
If someone is recording themself at even a moderately busy gym and taking up the equipment while others may be waiting, I will find them to be vain, inconsiderate, and annoying. If that’s you, then so be it.
Have you not watched the 40 year old virgin??! You'll end up flying through the side of a truck and holding up traffic if you don't admit it!
This is ridiculous and you should expect to spend most of the rest of your life single if you continue to believe this crap.
you think your average or ugly because some guys told you this?
You are doing all the work and he's making you jump through hoops. Op, I would move back to FL. He's playing the long game and he's waiting on you to make the moves. Chances are, the moment you end it, you will find out he now lives in FL or the girl moved to UT.
Tell them he can never drink like that again since he’s an aggressive drunk, if he argues about it now, or it happens again, he can go to counseling, your next step is to leave him
I don't care at all about her going out and not texting me, but I ask her to let me know when she gets home safe and she won't do it.
So you do care that she texts you but you learnt that she doesn’t care.
Is this a local relationship? Why would you want this in a relationship?
I still am confused. What part was omitted?
You need to tell him how you expect him to interact. Im sure he wants you to be comfortable so hes not going to be nasty. So if you dont want them having conversations or whatever, let him know
Oh no no, that's what half the people giving advice are saying. Granted I am enabling her behaviour a bit by not doing anything to fix it.
You leave. He’s not just going to magically stop doing this ever. He thinks it’s a game and everytime you crawl back to him and beg him to talk to you, he gets what he wants and it just reinforces his behaviour. All this will do is lead to you walking on egg shells and trying not to set him off because as you say “it comes for seemingly no reason.” As someone who witnessed this bullshit behaviour, it’s never “no reason.” It will sound incredibly dumb because it is dumb but there is something that happened to him that was an inconvenience and either you did or didn’t do anything and now he’s upset about it. And get this, once you think you figured out what it is, you’ll still be wrong because it’ll be something so fucking dumb. It literally has nothing to do with you and he probably won’t tell you what it is anyway because he’s doing what kids do when they throw a temper tantrum.
I’ll give you an example. The “argument” that my parents had one day went as such. Dad was looking at houses in Florida. Mom walks into the room after a long day at work and dad says he wants to talk about these houses and she says “can we do it later? I need a nap.” He says something and says “in fact, you’re pissing me off.” Then walks out. Now from the context you’d assume the argument and the silent treatment was brought on by the prospect of him being excited about houses in Florida and her being tired and asking to deal with it later. Wrong. He revealed later that he was upset that my mom didn’t support him while he was going to night school to advance his career. He hadn’t been to night school in literal years……. safe to say my parents are divorced now and happier because they were incompatible that way which is fine.
And to his work ethic, if he’s fine with that, that’s okay. Heck I envy him a bit. He’s not doing any more work than strictly necessary to get by
But that doesn’t mean OP has to be content with him. She knows who his BF and she has the choice of staying with him or not.
Yeah, I have trouble believing this is real.
Lol I'll be honest and say that…the first time that happened/got talked about I'd have broken up, OP.
I'm all in for kinks but no. Have some respect for yourself..
Give her a time limit tell her that she either gets a job or she has to get out why is she there. Do not pay for anything else no trips no nothing she's old enough that she can start paying for her own things get a f****** job. She is using you I wouldn't be surprised if she had another boyfriend somewhere and she told him that she lives with her brother why is she there
so she gave you some lip service about your gifts and you bought it? lol
if she cared about you she would’ve asked you for a list as well…
by the time she gets you another gift another birthday will have come lol
news flash: the issues you have in the relationship aren’t about gifts. it’s the lack of consideration on her part and (i bet) she’s more of a “over promise and under deliver” type person
You minimizing her behavior sounds a lot like her minimizing smf’s behavior
I think best bet is that if you want more out of the situation, you should end it because either you’re gonna get hurt or his fiancé is gonna get hurt and you’re gonna end up being in the wrong.
Damn. So sorry to hear that. He’s going to have so much pain and regret later in life when he realizes he destroyed a 15yr relationship over some bullshit people use to gain obsessive fan bases and make money creating content. I hope you can heal and move on relatively quickly.
Yea unfortunately
So she's NOT a professor, but instead a TA..
Good thing is he doesn’t own you so you can do what the fuck you want and ditch his immature ass
Once her bowel became ischemic because the blood clot didn't just block food but it blocked blood as well, she died within a week. February 24 ,because the person responsible refused to get vaccinated, refused to social distance, and then refused to get tested until she had already spread it to people. And that was when the COVID numbers were high.
***Whoops. Resposting from this acc. Didn't realize it was different on my phone.
Probably a character flaw of mine, honestly. I think about that often. In this case, I don’t think that he needs to be as ambitious as me but I want a partner that is financially independent and self-sufficient. I don’t care if my partner makes half of what I do if they are happy/following their passions and can take care of themselves. For ex. I found out last night that a rich family member of his ex’s is still paying for his phone bill (there is no relationship between them, the dude paying just hasn’t cared to end it and it’s under a company plan) yet I have paid for mine since I could legally work and I find it unattractive that as an adult he is cool with that. He works full time but cant save and a lot of the plans we have discussed (travelling, future considerations) involve some money. We talked and he seems to agree with my issue of that. I don’t need a partner as intense as me but I do need one that is confident in themselves and can provide for themselves and the life they want.
If you can please go to therapy, sounds like an attachment issue
She said at this point she was blacked out and doesn’t remember anything. Just curious what your opinion would be when she says that she’s 100% sure, and puts her own kids and family on that guarantee, that her (30M) friend (who she’s known for 7 years) has never tried anything with her in the past (even at times when she’s blacked out) before her and I even met. And her reasoning for this was because “it’s never happened, I’m never alone, my friends told me it never happened.” And I reply with “but your blacked out and you don’t remember anything so how would you know…?” Thought?
No mop, no dishwasher, no abortion. I've found over the years that sometimes simplifying and saying it out loud highlights how ridiculous it is.
I have watched my mother live out this exact relationship with my father. How would you feel about never having your own bank account or choosing your own car? All vacations and recreation activities are his preferred choices. Always.
Stupid, ignorant men like this are not guranteed to have the same financial and social control over their wives and families, so they use these ridiculous power plays in order to give them the illusion that they still do.
Not to mention bringing the room down when you want to have sex. That would put my anxiety through the roof! No thanks, I'd prefer to not talk about abortions and how stupid I am moments before penetration, thanks.
But also being a fucking idiot that never puts a condom on in front of me would make me suspicious too- I'd want to make sure they're putting them on correctly.
You dumped her. If she bounced on every dick in city, it was none of your business. If you didn’t want her having sex with other people you shouldn’t have dumped her. You not only have no right to any feelings about it, but there’s a very good chance you’re being a hypocrite since you were the one who dumped her!!!
It was a gift to you, it is yours to do with what you want.
She could look at it that she is second hand buying you something for your hobby.
Q. Do you switch hobbies often? Could she be resistant because you will lose interest at some point and you cannot get back the xbox. Q. Did you play it together and she used to enjoy it with you and wants to play together again?
Instagram is not a travel agent and will not accept any responsibility if this internet influencer is actually a human trafficker.
Uh…is your whole family usually this dramatic about an adult leaving the country? Because if so, I have a good idea about why she didn’t tell any of you.
Don't freak out or make ultimatums. Doing so may likely result in your son moving in with her and your having less influence in his life for the near future.
Honestly, “fair” is a relative term. What’s fair for you might be fair for your bf. You can’t please everyone in this scenario. If you need to pursue this other person, that’s what you have to do. You can’t expect to have it both ways. If you have it both ways, great, but prepare for your bf to not understand.
Literally everything about your relationship sounds like a disaster. All you can do is move on and hopefully learn something for the future.
Tell him that his mama decided to have sex with her best friends ex :))
Come on, ffs. He’s twice your age but yeah, you just clicked and he so clearly respects you as an equal partner. He showed you in extremely vivid colour where you stand. You do with that information what you will.
Maybe you are just incompatible. Your sleep schedule is really unhealthy. Hers is pretty normal. Most adults with busy lives don’t stay up until midnight during the week. It’s recommended that you get 8 hours of sleep a night.
He sounds like a self-absorbed dick. His pulling away from you for five months is concerning, but then putting all of the issues on you when he isn’t an equal contributor is even worse. It sounds like you are dealing with two children.
If he had told you when you were younger, what do you think would be different?
Think about it like this, you want to spare you of something you find upsetting but you're not acknowledging how upset she seems to be. While the masseuse did nothing wrong, your gf had an involuntary and unwanted orgasm with a stranger. If it was me I would be very embarrassed and also a little traumatized
I think a case could be made that she's reacting badly to growing up.
Suggest taking a short break — maybe a month or two weeks — and then tell her if she still feels the same you'll be looking for a roommate. I don't think breaking up immediately is the right thing to do, because her actions read more like panic than break-up, but I think you have to give her the option of space, and then start planning for your own future and mental health.
No, dude… you just had a weird train of thought and it crashed into nonsense.
You're not only not being helpful, it's like you didn't read the original post at all.
Before this I had a 7 year long very healthy relationship. Please don't make assumptions.
Morning breath tastes and smells gross. I’ll pass.
BUT if you want to try a compromise, keep mints or mouthwash by the bed. That way you can pop a mint and kiss. If it covers up enough of the morning breath for it to be enjoyable, great! However, it might not. Who knows? Worth a shot IMO.
From your other answers, I don’t think the poem is the biggest problem. “I want you to be more verbally affectionate “ is love language.
“I want you to stop calling me nasty names during a fight”- is a basic level of respect from a s/o.
Not leaving your house until he grinds down your boundaries is also a lack of respect. Even in his attempt to get you back— it just shows him being more of the same.
Either path you choose is going to be hard. Continue to be treated this way, or the loss of the relationship and idea that he would change.
choose your hard.
Wow, instead of him asking you hey would you like to go to the gym together? He can always drop hints and not be a complete asshole. You're still young girl, I say drop him and work on yourself and make yourself happy and not someone that doesn't deserve it
If you want this baby, keep this baby. It is your choice.
Sounds like you are awesome! 1st, You do what he did. 2nd, you got a baby and a happy potential partner out of it. He got nothing and is butt hurt. Please just love your baby and live your life. BE HAPPY. This is a GIFT.
Do the therapy. Tell him you want to get back together. Yes, it's hard to keep a LDR alive.
What you thought she was/is is not real. You understand that right?! If she really loved you and your marriage she wouldn’t have done what she did. You’re holding on to something that never really existed.
They really do not like being called out, do they?
He’s right you are portraying him as a loser that does nothing all day to me he sounds super efficient at his job which is a good thing
I get how you’re feeling nobody likes work and waking up in The morning but your anger is directed at the innocent party who’s literally done nothing wrong
This is solely a you problem your choices have led you here
Either way if you want to keep acting this way or not you’re still going to have to leave the house at 8AM and work 12+ hours just one of theses options leaves you without a boyfriend
Wow you put up with a lot of shit. I wouldn’t.
Going out with friends isn’t “acting single”
????
Thank you so much! I am super lucky that my boyfriend is so sweet and trustworthy. These exact scenarios that you're describing are what I can't help but worry about. I definitely do not think he will cheat on me or even come close, but I worry that my cousin will take it too far before we put a stop to it.
I am curious to see how things go when we see her soon. If either of us notice this behaviour again, I think we'll need to discuss the best way for him to tell her to back off. I agree that it will probably get through to her more if it comes from him, and that would probably be embarrassing for her so I doubt she would share that with her family, thus avoiding the family drama that I'm also concerned about.
Thank you!
You need to have the love language talk. You both obviously have different love languages. Yours are words of affirmation. And you also give that as your projected language. He may not even notice the compliments if he is not the same love language. If you have a good communication line then you should want to talk about your needs in the relationship. Regardless of if he has to try to compliment or not it should mean the same to you. Even more so if he doesn't think that way. Because then he is making the effort to ensure your needs are met outside of his default person.
It's okay to have a low sexdrive. When dating, make sure to be upfront with it to not waste anyones time.
I bet they are having sex right now.
Hugs. Have you asked him why? Also ask if it was with one of your friends family. Ask how he thinks it can be fixed. Then divorce him. He’s brutal.
Start watching stand up! I highly recommend Dan Cummins. He is hilarious.
Females of all species are theoretically wired to look for a mate that will give their offspring the best chance of surviving, right?
What a shitshow you've put yourself through. Considering your gf isn't your first choice, that's where the problems start and you'll never be truly happy together because the “what ifs” with the other woman is still a major thought.
I cant believe your gf hasn't dumped you over this! Have you even put yourself in her shoes or only thought of yourself?
Do your gf a favour and break up because you're being stupidly selfish about it all. I hope the other woman rejects you too because she's going to be the rebound.
See you were open to conversation and possible allowing experimentation and he decided to skip that and go straight to cheating.
Don’t do it man…. She hasn’t put in the last 9 yrs building those properties and just wants you to hand half over to her.. get a contract that says if divorce you get properties back fully or she has to pay for her half of the properties. Don’t just hand them over..
You’re going in at a loss and once she’s got career up and going may leave taking your properties with her or making you sell them to buy her out..
I would send her a short message saying that you enjoyed working with her. She will elaborate if she wants
Kinda hard to explain. But it’s not that she has immature views, like what Pat said, it’s her thought process of thinking the world and me are against her when I’m always on her side but I just know there’s always another side or more to it then what I get told Again, I was raised very different and I feel I’m putting my personality onto her because I think she’d deal with things better if her thought process was different, but is that narcissistic of me?
I purchased a 2 bed apartment by myself and have lived here alone for 6 months. He stays 5/7 nights and pays for the occasional food shop. We’ve discussed him moving in and agreed (after arguing for ages,) that he would pay 50/50 bills and food. Mortgage is on me which is fine. He originally wanted to pay 40/60 but I felt I was being penalised for working hard and getting on the career and property ladder when he has been refusing to get a ‘real job’ for years.
ut this job shit is passing me off. He’s sooo defensive and angry when I tell him to get his shit together.
Overall….you sound quite resentful already. What's holding you back from moving on? The sunk cost fallacy?
Re-home the cat or breakup.
If this is how she treats the cat, how is she going to treat our children? What sort of example would she be setting to our kids?
This is correct thinking. She's shown a sick part of her character; a disregard for animals lives.
He asked me to be his GF a week later and didn’t take me on a date. But took another woman out.
Can't put the direct link, but this was posted several days ago on Reddit.
“My (24f) husband was 25 when he passed last year. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. We live nearby to my husbands family-my family is in a different country. His family has been a huge support, I literally would not have made it through this without them.
Last night we had a birthday celebration for my father in law. There was drinking and by the end of the night my brother in law (36m) was pretty intoxicated. We were outside in the deck chatting when all of a sudden he got really quiet and then got up and moved closer to me. Then he told me that him and his wife had gotten into a huge fight because she had suggested they “spice things up” in the bedroom and his response was to suggest a threesome, more specifically a threesome with me. She said no and it caused a fight. He said that she hadn’t even wanted to come, and then said she was probably going to get mad for him being out there with me for so long, but he didn’t say it like he was worried about it, he was laughing. I honestly had no idea what to say after he was done so I just stood up and said so awkwardly “well, I definitely don’t want anyone to get in trouble” and went inside. I felt so weird, I completely avoided them the rest of the night, my sister in law was definitely upset. This morning when I woke up my brother in law had texted me at about 3AM saying he was sorry he had overstepped and he shouldn’t have told me any of that. The rest of the message was him saying how important my daughter and I are to the family and how he hopes I know I can count on him for anything.
I feel so weird about the whole thing. He’s my daughters uncle and godfather, she loves him so much We (the entire family) are going to Disney World next week and the thought of being on a plane, sharing a suite, spending all of that time together makes me so anxious. But my daughter is so excited there’s no way I can back out.
I haven’t answered his text. I want to cry. I leaned on him so much. He means so much to my daughter. I never worried about anything with him because I always thought he was completely loyal to his wife. That I could trust him completely because he could never look at me romantically. Now it’s all ruined and I feel like I’ve lost one of my biggest support systems. My friend says I’m being too dramatic about it and idk maybe I am. It just makes me feel really gross.”
Someone must be bored out of their mind. Lol
True but this dude is though.
It sounds like her stealing your boyfriend would be a godsend for you! I think you should take a good look at yourself and ask yourself why you actually cant leave. You are not his prisoner. You can leave and people will help you! Try to find a way to liberate yourself instead of thinking how another woman might deal with him.
About getting an uber home at 330 am when she was going to someone home
Yeah- but that doesn’t make the opposite of what he says to the real story.
A few years with a man who got extremely angry at extremely unpredictable things and some incidents of near violence / actual minor violence, then a year and a half of a man with substance abuse issues who would sometimes tell me I should kill myself and sometimes discharged weapons in my presence for no reason
I know I wouldn’t. He sounds sleazy and way to nonchalant for a guy having a baby.
I always tell my girls during counseling the same thing. I work with teenagers and when they come with issues like this.. i always ask if this was your little sister or best friend..
Would u tell them this behavior is okay? It usually helps alot with reflection and also to see where exactly your mindset it
Save proof
Tell your mom
Ask your mom not to confront him until you get a lawyer and a new job
1) get a lawyer 2) bio-dad and bio-gran could potentially contact your kids directly through social media. Do you want that? 3) do your twins know they are not biologically your husband's? If they do, it sounds like they are old enough to help decide if they want to have any kind of relationship. People could change and it sounds like you were both very young. If they want to see him, maybe he can come to the house while you're there, supervising.
EDIT : would appreciate it if men stop messaging me asking me to see.
People are funny ???
A few things. This woman isn’t a proper therapist (“love therapist”, what?); having a relationship with a client is unethical as hell (which also suggests she’s not regulated by a governing body), and her continuing to have sessions with him and then the two of you suggests she’s just meddling. Also “diagnosed anxious love avoidant” isn’t a thing; love avoidant isn’t a diagnosis. This woman is a charlatan and you need her out of your life. Please both get a proper regulated therapist.
Goddamnit this was a book review.
He's not going on holiday with her though. He's going with his friends and she happens to be part of their group. He can't force everyone not to hang out with her, and he loses his friends of years by refusing to go to anything she is at.
Going on holiday with her isn't more important. Going with his actual friends and the other people in the group, not cutting them off and starting to change how he acts or hangs about with the actual people in the group he likes and slowly but surely stopping being part of that group and giving up all his friends… that is important.
Idk about you but I neither want to be in a relationship with someone that tries to cut me off from my friends because of one person I don't care about but can't force my remove from my friend group, not cut my bf off from his friends because of one girl in his group I don't like.
Alternatively you could say some girl neither of them likely like or care about, that her bf has 0 interest in but also cannot control or remove from his friend group… is more important to OP than her bf and his happiness or allowing him to do normal things with the rest of his friends because she is there.
If you will feel like it, write an update after all is said and done.
Please stop calling her a therapist. She is not a therapist.
Therapist isn’t a protected term in every country. I’m not sure what it’s like in the US, but where I live anyone can call themselves a “therapist” as the term isn’t protected. However, you cannot practice certain modalities without a license.
As an example, in my country we have “cuddle therapists” -people with no training who get paid to cuddle and give non-sexual affection. yeah…
You are seriously debating taking a marriage hungry girl to the marriage capital of the US? You’ve shown you have zero willpower. If you go with her, you’ll come back married.
That's exactly what I meant? but not really what i asked
Making out in a funny, friendly way? Could she bi-curious?
Asked why she never told me, and she said she was afraid I’d think of her differently…
So first get your wife a dictionary.
She is ashamed and regrets what she did, even if it’s only because of what she thought your reaction would be.
So how did you find the videos.
If she didn’t tell you beforehand, why now, or did you stumble across them or did someone else send them to you. The how of you finding out is important.
Either way she needs to explain herself, porn isn’t like having lots of partners and experimenting, this is a PERMANENT DIGITAL RECORD which as you say you can’t talk to anyone about as most will just want to find the videos. Which means the majority of your relationship (from the moment she said you to your proposal) has been based on a lie.
The fact she is still in contact with these people is a massive red flag.
And your jealousy over what she told you she didn’t want to do, yet you now know had lots of fun doing is salt in the wound of this entire thing.
If you decide to continue with this relationship the first thing she does is cuts all contact with these people.
Second thing is she tells you the truth of it all “experimenting in college” is a fucking Bs excuse – the majority of people experiment, a very small percentage do porn.
Third is that she tells you of any other videos and experiments are out there to surprise you.
Forth she explains why she told you no – normally a no is a no and that’s it – but she lost the privilege of that because she lied to you. So she has to tell you exactly why she didn’t want to do those thing with you.
Then after hearing all of this especially point 2 and 3 you reevaluate your relationship.
Questions you need to ask yourself
What is the chances that someone you know will find these videos? Is your wife recognisable in them? What is the possible reaction and fallout from this? And is your love, which is based on a lie, enough to cope with everything?
And if the answer to the last one isn’t a resounding yes, then divorce.
And when you divorce her, if she doesn’t agree to it, then you tell everyone.
I bet you none of her family or friends (bar the guys she fucked for the videos) know, and as horrible as it sounds to tell them because of what their reaction would be, it is the consequences of her actions (not telling you prior to being married) And they deserve to know the truth about the divorce.
So finish with her
Run away.
1) Talk to your sister
2) Ask if she is OK with this
3) Abide by your sister's wishes.
It is impossible to answer this without more information! As many, many people have stated – minor details like tie or cuff links or socks are probably totally fine and not at all distracting. Major details, on the other hand, like hat or cape or weapons accessories (thinking Thor’s hammer, e.g.) are definitely inappropriate. There’s a way to do this that is acceptable and not really an issue at all. And there are ways to do this that are distracting. So what way is he doing it???
Nahhh, I respect everyone's right to live however they want, get after it.
But feels like she's trying to step on your back just to get validation, and that's a scumbag move. Imo if she didn't care about the ring when she was a he, she doesn't get to care about the ring as a she.
I’ve been married 6 years and no way would I let my partner look through mine. Privacy is important.
Yeah. As an artist, I still try to make my gift something that my partner would find useful or at least enjoy.
Don't drive her anywhere in it then if she hates it that much. Walk, cycle, bus, train when you're with her until she stops complaining.
Does she even have a car of her own?
Yes. This is why I used the word parsimonious as in the “Law of Parsimony”
What is so fantastic about her? She shows up to work on time and she doesn't call off? Guess what. That's basically what your job is. She's not going above and beyond by showing up for work and doing her job.
Your boyfriend will hit you. He’s building up to it. And when he does, that too will be your fault, according to him.
Your bf is abusive and no amount of you hiding your feelings, keeping your mouth shut, walking on eggshells, or no amount of your love will overcome his need to abuse you and disrespect you. He will never stop because like you said, he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior. He’s spent 38 years firming up this part of his personality. It cannot be wished away.
You know his vibes and how something is off because you have to. It’s your survival instinct. That is not normal. It’s a symptom of trauma.
Let me say this because you may not believe it after all the mental gymnastics your bf is playing with you. You deserve to be loved. You deserve empathy. You deserve to go through a rough time and come home to comfort. You deserve to have your needs met.
I know you think you love him but do you even like him? Do you like knowing that at any minute your day can go from great to shit because of his mood? Do you like that you have to respond to him immediately otherwise face his wrath? Do you like that you have to justify your grief to someone who claims to love you?
Really think about it, and make the best choice here. Love isn’t meant to hurt you like this. It shouldn’t make you afraid. Your partner is someone who should give you peace in life, not take it away from you.
No matter what you decide to do next, don’t ever believe that you’re alone. You will always find help if you seek it.
I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time and I hope you find your peace.