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hard spank ass [Multi Goal]
Date: November 1, 2022
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hard spank ass [Multi Goal]
Sounds like she was on her best behavior at the beginning of the relationship and now she's either let the cracks show or feels secure enough to be honest or maybe it sound likes shes developed some weird jealousy about your daughter and past life. Let her know that your daughter and you are a package deal. if she can't accept that (the hypocrisy!) Then better to cut loses a year in vs 5.
Uh yeah that would be crossing lines for most of us and probably sends your friends the wrong message. If I were your longtime friend such behavior would make me very uncomfortable. You sound like you may be in denial as this is obviously attention-seeking behavior.
It happens and I think you went about it the right way. It sucks because you care for her and how she feels, but you just did not love her the same and it was unfair to her.
Again, definitely painful, but you went about it the right way.
Sure list them and yea it’s prob not a huge deal but really I just wanna know what it’s like to be wanted
Talk to him. Let him know exactly what you are thinking. My suggestion is that if he wants to be better at sex, you both need to communicate with each other on what makes you feel good, and what you like in sex.
How do you like being touched, what do you do to get yourself off. What is he doing that you don't like. A big part of sex is finding out what the other person likes and enjoys.
Both 32 and 50 are most likely pretty mature at that point though.
This is such a silly take. Jesus, people will jump through rings of fire to defend a woman's shitty behavior.
Imagine how you would feel if a female friend told you this same story with the genders reversed.
That person is manipulative, is not your friend, and deserves to be exposed for their manipulation.
You have got to be the most garbage dude out there , who tf wants kids with the intent of leaving them and even at that financially abandoning them as well . You and her are a fucken joke
oh-
Echo of the other people here 2 months is pretty early to move in with someone you barely know in all reality. You seem uncertain and uneasy about paying the amount he is requesting. So deep down you already know the answer. I wouldn't put yourself in a predicament you are unhappy about. I would advise not moving in with him yet.
To further add on about your comment of “as if we just roommates”. This is just my opinion but I would tell him IF you did actually move in with him “i will treat you like a roommate then.” Don't cook for him, only yourself. Don't clean up his messes. If you wanted to take it to the extremist level don't even give him affection or intimacy. If he were start complaining.. just retort “I thought you wanted a roommate.” I realize this might rub some individuals the wrong way but you seem baffled about the expectations of this situation. In all reality you don't have to submit yourself to it.
To me it sounds like you would be doing him more a favour at the cost of putting your own finances in jeopardy. He doesn't seem to have any concerns for your own situation. Which should tell you something about his character and his priorities. (Which doesn't seem to be the relationship or caring about you in any sense)
Not encouraging you to break up with him. You guys barely know each other. Just turn down his offer gently and tell him he might to want to actually consider getting an actual roommate. Since his finances seem to be his first priority. Inturn it would give your relationship time to unfold naturally. Without the strain of his financial worries. Again don't do it if you don't want to and it is pretty transparent you don't want to. Good luck.
It’s definitely love bombing. He’s giving OP a small amount of good to keep her hooked to his abuse. The mistreatment of the cats and the “inconsistency” are huge red flags. OP should leave asap.
? it’s a quote from Road Trip
Break up and let her return the gift. Quit delaying rhe inevitable. The delay makes it worse and worse
Like a papercut with orange juice in it.
Just ask him.
If you don’t think he knows you then actually talk with him. It will get cleared up fast.
Can’t he like you and whatever it is that he thinks is exciting?
You were happy before. He gave you the attention you needed.
Sounds like a winning situation.
How dense are you? You're a misogynistic, cheating pig.
We both work 4 days on, 4 days off, and our days off overlap by 2 days every 4 off. One of my days I more or less spend alseep in Oreo for my nightshift job to work the nights (my 4 day job is dayshift), and then I spend half of my 3rd day off alseep because I've been at my night job. As it stand right now I spend my only full day off trying to decompress a little, but I usually end up cleaning and food shopping instead.
Porn is not a natural thing, it has only become widely accessible and acceptable over the past 100 years. It’s unhealthy to assume that having a boundary such as watching other naked humans is wrong. If I don’t want my partner to watch porn then I should just be with someone who has the same views. The problem here is that he has lied about it and has an addiction. If you’re getting sex 4 times a day and still have the urge to watch random women online, there is a serious problem…
Let's be 100% brutally honest here. Do you trust that he would never do it again? Or that he only did it the once?
Look, finding out right now, so you know to get rid of him is probably the best birthday present he could have given you.
The only improvement is they learnt to spell. They cant decide if they're 21 or 22 at the moment.
000 now
He wants kids and you don't. That's one of the fundamental incompatabilities. It would be best to just end it and move on.
Ah…gotcha. Sorry to hear that. But it sounds like it wasn't a very healthy situation.
If that story you shared is representative, I hope you don't internalize that blame. Sometimes people aren't in a place mentally and emotionally to meet you where you are. You gotta let those people go. But sometimes they have a way of making you feel like it's your fault when it's not. I've been there and it takes a long time and a lot of therapy to dig out and realize that they were blaming me when they actually were the ones not holding up their end.
Anyway…I'm out on a limb here, but just wanted to say that.
You don’t need to worry about your boyfriend. It sounds like he lives in reality not in his imagination. Watch porn is his his imagination.
This sounds like a psychotic break. (I used to be subject to them). Although odd you’ve never had one before. Since you have anxiety, anyways, there may be some underlying forgotten trauma that causes both the anxiety and could lead to a psychotic break.
Therapy should help one way or another but it will obviously be a long haul. Even if you were drugged at a bar, therapy seems like a requisite here.
These damn girls on Insta and OF are a trap…I have started deleting them all and haven’t paid OF in a while. Fuck them wh*res!!
This is his way of asking permission to cheat. Next he'll be doing it behind your back. Leave this dude smh. ?♀️
Honestly if MIL is as unwell as you insist, should she not be being put in touch with professionals rather than her (presumably) unqualified DIL? And why DIL? Why not her son? Does OP have more responsibility to her MIL than her husband does for his mother?
What about husbands responsibilities as father and son? Personally, I definitely don’t have the qualifications to determine if a stranger is mentally unwell to the point you suggest over someone else’s account of a story, but even if you do – why is it OPs duty?
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I mean, he has said that he wouldn’t like for me to be with anyone else, and I think the same of him. But we also are aware that we live in different spaces and it is possible that we may meet other people. But that is not really the point of this post. Also, I don’t think he has stopped talking to me, I think he is just taking space. I don’t think you fully understand our relation enough to comment on it, but I have no intention of “moving on” and I don’t think he does, either
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?? she does hit me.
Her ass is definitely lying
I'm gonna piggyback to add:
Several people in my family have ADHD. So, if we have to be somewhere at say 5pm, we tell them 4:30pm, and we do have times aet for 15 minutes before that as a buffer. It works for us pretty well!
Yes the problem is the person who told the truth, not the liars. Good and healthy reaction to traumatic revelations.
No, I don't want to do that. That's the problem. I can't voice a problem without a drastic response from her.
He's a narcissist looking to prey, don't be dating men from strange facebook groups that's how you get murdered
I think it might be sexual harassment but I could be wrong. Not arguing semantics for the fun of it, just there are levels to it.
I was sexually assaulted when a man grabbed me by the pussy from behind and rubbed up to my butt very slowly and rough.
So I don’t know if someone trying to kiss you unsuccessfully is assault or harassment.
Let me be clear though, it’s shitty either way.
Not everyone babes haha I think people got caught up on your insecurity, which you do obviously have as you're more focused on the fact that she's pretty than the fact that your partner is acting in an inappropriate manner. But idk, it's weird, usually I find the advice in this sub to be quite good, this one really went off the rails.
it does not seem like a good idea to have kids with this child any time soon/ever
So there’s nothing about him the way he is, you’re seeing him through rose colored glasses. This guy sucks. He’s taking advantage of you and putting zero effort into this equation. He’s literally showing up to fuck you and that’s it. I bet he love bombs you when you’re together then he’s distant randomly for no reason? This doesn’t sound like an adult relationship. It sounds like a man manipulating you into being his affair partner. That’s why he cancels sometimes bc I bet he has a wife and kids at home.
I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17. We quickly became best friends. Three years after that, we married. It worked beautifully as long as external forces trying to separate us were kept at bay.
There's nothing more wonderful than being married to someone who is your best friend. I vote for asking her about consciously trying to move in that direction and see if it feels like something that's meant to be while feeling free to discontinue the attempt if it doesn't seem to work.
Thank you, I'll talk it over with her. Do more from my side.
I’m gonna give you the for real for real: Coke is much more boring than you probably think it is. If you want to go fast there are ways that do not involve a drug that wears off in like 30 minutes and increasingly has fentanyl in it
No, this isn’t controlling.
He has experience with a drug you have not tried, and is letting you know that the side effects of this drug will likely not bode well with your mental health conditions (he’s right).
Consider whether your friend has your best interest at heart, or if there is a reason he may want you to use new drugs.
Reporting a crime in progress is entirely different from using LE to harass an ex because she might or might not do something at an unspecified point in the future.
Y’all are 18 and HE is the one who wants to move fast? You are not obligated to be on the same page as him. And obviously you aren’t infringing on his privacy if you ask to see him shutting her down as evidence that he did it – he gets to say yes or no. And tbh if he says no that’s a massive red flag. Like think about it if the situation was reversed – you would want to make him happy, right?
What if you talked about your exes big dick to him and then texted him? And then refused to show your bf your messages? That would be a little fucked up, right? But that’s what he’s doing to you… imagine, mentally, how you have to feel about someone to treat them that way. He sees you as a toy I fear.
I just want to let you know, as someone who has seen the best soulmate-level relationships in my friends, and who also has seen my friends struggle with idiots, it seems like your bf might be an idiot who will take advantage of your kindness.
Just because you have sex with someone doesn’t mean you love them. You can fuck someone and really just be friends.
It doesn’t mean you’re not enough. Life is not that black and white. But if it’s not for you then it’s not. For me, having threesomes with my husband has made our marriage even more iron-clad and has reinforced that I love him more than I could ever love anyone else.
But it’s not for everyone and it’s not a single-layered situation.
If nothing is gonna happen because the opportunity wouldn’t arise then that’s a pretty sad relationship to be in, but hey, be happy, for me nothing should happen because we have moral standards. To each their own
Don't confess your feelings or talk a bout relationships, or anythig like that. It will just put him on the spot.
Just ask him – “would you like to go out sometime? Maybe to xyz on fri eve?” If he doesn't accept or offer an alternative, then you have been friend-zoned, and can move on.
please reconsider moving in with someone who doesn't give af about your health
Update: I found out hes been avoiding me through exposed dms, like texting my friend whenever I'm in his hall to let him know so that he can lock the door to ensure I don't go in. And that when I suggested joining them for the gym, he'll go on his own time or try to make an excuse saying he already went.
Tell him that you will discuss those conversations with their husbands and see how cool it is. Those husbands will shut it down and make them cut him off. If they care about their marriage they follow suit and not disregard their spouse’s feelings. Yours doesn’t care because he’s been getting away with it this whole time and only cares that he’s important.
Can you just call him a “friend of the family”? If your daughter doesnt actually have a lot of Uncles you can keep calling him Uncle. I think many families have family friends that get called uncle or aunt who arent! I feel like you are overthinking this.
Can you honestly believe 100% all she said, or do you feel that, in a week or two something else may com
She told the same thing to her best friend, So I do believe its truth. Shes never one to lie to me.
But you are right. And I know this was a catastrophe waiting to happen, but I feel like it's my fault cause I was like “Go, so you can see one of your favorite bands.” I don't wanna break up with her, and I told her I had no intention too,, but I also told her that all trust I had with her there and then some…is just gone.
And she understood that. She would never cheat on me, I know that. But I mean, if Im not by her, it's like what if shes lying.
Can you honestly believe 100% all she said, or do you feel that, in a week or two something else may com
She told the same thing to her best friend, So I do believe its truth. Shes never one to lie to me.
But you are right. And I know this was a catastrophe waiting to happen, but I feel like it's my fault cause I was like “Go, so you can see one of your favorite bands.” I don't wanna break up with her, and I told her I had no intention too,, but I also told her that all trust I had with her there and then some…is just gone.
And she understood that. She would never cheat on me, I know that. But I mean, if Im not by her, it's like what if shes lying.
Sister, you have to go. Your daughter can not grow up thinking that this is normal behavior.
It’s either he is having an affair, or you got a ghost.
Wow, if this is how she reacts over a haircut, imagine how she'd react if something serious happened to affect your appearance. I mean, dam* she was harsh. I totally get that she was used to seeing you a certain way and that your hair was a feature of yours that she found visually appealing, but it is just hair! It is not that serious. You are the exact same person. It is not like you permanently altered yourself in an extreme manner like getting tattoos all over your face. People change their hair styles all of the time. It is a totally normal thing to do. Hair grows back. She was just being mean. I am glad she apologized but I really hope that she understands just exactly how crappy she was to you. That being said, when we are used to our partners looking a certain way and then they change it up, it can take some time to get used to the change. One of my friends cut her hair very short and her kids cried LOL we get used to seeing the people we love looking a certain way and when they change it up, yes it can be weird for a moment. But she is an adult, not a little kid, and she should have reacted better. She will most likely totally get used to your new cut and things will be fine.
LOL At 24? No, you most definitely should NOT.
“You like that, you fucking retard?”
Hmmm. I mean it is your body. You can absolutely do what you want, but then it is someone else’s decision if they want to be around you or involved with you.
If you wanted to do drugs all of a sudden and he was very anti-drug, I don’t think it would surprise you that he’d want to end the relationship. Him being anti-drug is a core value of his and it’s a dealbreaker/boundary for him.
So the same can be said for feet pics for people that have feet fetishes. That can be a dealbreaker/boundary for someone who truly does not want to see their partner’s feet sexualized. I understand for some people it seems benign and it can be great extra income, but for others, it’s totally opposite.
Perhaps in the next day or two if he’s cooled down a bit, you can try having a calm and mature discussion with him about the whole situation. So if it was truly just an interesting thought about bringing in extra cash, try to stress that. Ask him if he can elaborate on why it triggered him so much. Hopefully he’ll open up to you and you guys can better understand each other’s perspective.
However, I can’t tell you that you’ll make up and it’ll be great, and I can’t tell you that he won’t want to work on things with you. But obviously another discussion needs to be had to figure out where you both go from here.
Why doesn't he know about you? I know what I would do and she would be single again. I would tell her that you won't need closure when you walk away. Good luck
Dump the butthead who does not respect you. He doesn’t care about your feelings. Sounds like you have matured and he hasn’t. Why stay in a relationship with someone who does not respect you, your feelings and boundaries?
That, and that OP is incredibly naive.
As someone who has very bad anxiety OP nah. I can understand that your wife doesn't want people to drop by unannounced but your mom was outside in the cold. Your wife knew your mom was outside dropping something off. She just came in. Your mom didn't come and chill or come and shout or come and demand to be entertained or visit. She was simply popping in. I get very bad anxiety especially when people just overpower me with conversations and want to now chill. So most of time i excuse myself or just stick to minimal conversations. There is no reason for you to think your mom was rude. She wasn't she's doing something sweet for her grankids. You're wife sounds like its all a mental thing. And she needs to work on being better. It is her family. You aren't asking her to entertain people for hours but being civil with her in-laws isn't that hard of an ask. Id feel more fucking anxious knowing my mother inlaw thinks im an asshole who doesn't ever want her in my house.
Why it is gross and she has a right to feel violated she should also have recognised what happened. If he peed on her on purpose that would be a different story.
I wouldn’t be happy with this either. It’s why when I was single after my divorce I didn’t date any men who hadn’t been legally divorced for at least a year. And looking back I should have expanded that to 2 years.
You aren’t in any position to be in a new relationship. People who have worked through their break up, taken time to reflect on what lead to their divorce and figure out who they are and what they want aren’t “torn” between to other people. You are torn because you aren’t ready to accept your marriage is over. You’re dressing this up as “nesting” and helping your ex be a good parent. These are just excuses you give yourself. Either get back together or end it. This limbo is terrible for you kids and any future partner.
He is the one who is Inexperienced, tell him two months is plenty of time to move into a committed relationship. If he isn’t ready for that than you have no choice but to see what else is out there.
Certainly, facing any major illness can be challenging and cause your focus to change or at least become more laser sharp.
Your post is kind of vague so not sure what issues you two are having or how her wanting to go to school or you wanting to go to school fits in to the decision. I assume you wouldn’t have mentioned it though if it weren’t part of the “problem”?
So I dunno. You could try couples counseling. Or you could end things. But it seems like if you’re going to be doing medical treatment, maybe now isn’t the right time to make a break for it. You cared for her in her medical crisis and I’d think she plans to do similarly for you.
I dunno. Relationships in general tend to ebb and flow to some extent. My current partner and I have only been together 5 years but as we are both mid 40’s and have done the whole marriage and divorce thing before, we had pretty well understood boundaries and expectations for a relationship that we’ve largely managed well.
When I have a major go live at work and am working a gazillion hours, we have a bit of a lull in our romantic life just because I’m exhausted. But we’ve never had issues where we were considering calling it quits.
You’d have to look more into those issues to know whether it’s time to call it.
If you are pro-choice, do not be with someone who isn’t. Besides the fact birth control is 100% his responsibility and 100% yours.
I'm no Einstein but I pride myself to be smart. I have always been top of my class, have three degrees related to biomedical engineering, and have good common sense and “emotional intelligence”.
The fact they said THIS like they have to defend themselves. And this person is bringing her down is just madness to me.
I still sometimes put my shoes on backwards when I'm tired. Like damn, if she isn't smart, I don't even know where to begin.
I think I know myself well enough to know option 3 is most likely but I am try to talk about these things with him and where to go for both of us to be happy.
You can stop trying to convince people to believe that bullshit. Go talk to your man about your marriage and take couples counseling. Stop seeing/contact your ex and stop reading romance novels.
You decided to marry that dude, deal with the consequences like an adult and grow out of that dumb teenage phantasie world.
You can stop trying to convince people to believe that bullshit. Go talk to your man about your marriage and take couples counseling. Stop seeing/contact your ex and stop reading romance novels.
You decided to marry that dude, deal with the consequences like an adult and grow out of that dumb teenage phantasie world.
No, but that might be a good idea. Even tho deep down I feel like it isn't something which isn't natural or normal, to want sex with different people. I just feel like most people suck it up once their relationship gets longer and longer. But I might be wrong.
Lick their palm.
Sooo what's going thru his mind right now
My girl thinks I got small D , her friend thinks I got a small D and god knows how many of her other friends know that I got a small D , both guys and girls.
Yeah this is gonna shake him for a good while
What can you do now , maybe tell him good things come in small parcels
Reddit has some massive hate for age gap relationships. They’re both adults, that’s not a problem here. It’s the 31 year old that acts like a teenager that’s the problem.
I’m in an age gap relationship myself with 14 years between us. Reddit is more likely to tell me it’s wrong than my own grandmother that loves my partner.
Yeeeaaah, I'm kinda seeing that too. I've seen men get insulted for not wanting to give oral and told to “do it for her pleasure.”
Sex may have hurt at 16 but please try again. Very slowly. Maybe even a toy for yourself with lots of lube. Find out what feels good.
This is hilarious
Let him go. He's fighting a battle within himself that he can't face accountability for so he's taking it out on you. He's transferring his resentment of himself on to you. Any time you make an effort to take care of him and ask what you can do to help him he is internalizing as shining a spot light on his weakness and lack of providing. He will resent your help because he resents the fact he even needs help at all in order to highlight his shortcomings.
This is deep insecurity and character flaw within him, and you do not deserve this treatment nor should you stay through it no matter what is going on with him. Leave him to himself. The work to change his circumstances, resentment, and outlook can only be done by him. You cannot help somebody that doesn't want to be helped and you can't love somebody into loving or respecting you more. Let him go.
You will die a lonely man. Whether it's now or in old age, it's your call.
I still recommend therapy, but nobody can force you.
PSA men…NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER JOKE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH WEIGHT, LOOKS OR ANYTHING YOUR SPOUSE WULL BE OFFENDED BY!!! NEVER EVER EVER EVER…SHE WILL NEVER FORGET..
i know right, like i can see myself making that type of joke on accident and then regretting it when my gf is overthinking cause it was just stupid, he probably just made the joke on accident, not really thinking about the fact that his girlfriend would react this way
Oh, she's hitting on him, but the ball is in his court, not yours. It's up to him to let her know he's taken. If he doesn't know he's being hit on, you can tell him, which also lets him know you know. Then it's all on him.
Well, with respect to the 23 year old, the fact that it is an SD relationship means that we both know what to expect from it. If it weren't that, then there could be disappointment later on- e.g. if she meets someone her age. I do skateboard which keeps me young:)
I'm going to be a bit contrary to most on this post. For reference, I am monogamous through and through.
While I have not heard the words and the level of impetus behind them, I do not think discussing a concept itself should be off the table in a loving and open marriage. Kind of like asking about undertaking sexual taboos like CNC or a threesome, or potentially something politically or religiously impactful, maybe Christian couple discussing if their future child was trans.
I think that's where therapy could be very helpful. I think it would be good for you to full understand where he's coming from, and why he instigated the conversation. Like was he getting a bit bored with regular parenting life, and looking at ways to bring some excitement back? Or did a friend suggest it? Or has he always been poly in principle but stayed monogamous until he's gotten frustrated with it?
Similarly, he needs to hear your feelings and why the suggestion has caused the shift the way it has. Only if you fully understand each other can you really work out if you want to save the marriage.
Finally, it's worth considering that you're likely in a bit of a rut, relationship-wise, with lots of nappies and child based chores and not much time for each other, so making a judgement call on your relationship should consider this. Sometimes taking the time to do fun (I'd suggest non-sexual, noting the above) activities for the two of you might help at least set the decision in context. Like go to a comedy club, or try painting together, or going out for an ice cream or whatever.
Sometimes the suport people need is truth. OP1 assumes he's dating just to hurt her. Maybe it's not about her at all, maybe it's about him, and how he's dealing with the breakup. But regardless, they are not together, so what he does outside of the shared apartment is none of her business
You can’t be in a relationship with a guy who fetishizes your daughters. Full stop.
Lot people have it and don't know it. My ex did something similar and I told my doctor my doctor didn't do nothing. Some people are careless a bit. I recommend eating to live. Many supplements help body adapt. And some even prevent cancers on cellular level. There things out there that really can help the body fight tons of different things. It's just good piece of mind. Be careful of interaction if you do get into natural supplements. There things that kill lots of diseases. Some are in every day foods thyme,basil certain mushrooms in super market good for diet also. Move forward stay healthy and be careful some people are risky people. Hope ya don't stress to much and stay just got watch these people closely we let in are lives.
Talk to a lawyer to make sure the evidence you have is enough to invoke the prenup.
If so, drop the nuke.
Yes competition. You are not the only man on earth sorry to break it to you.
I'm sorry but I thought you were here for honest advice not name calling and ranting.
how much travel is involved in your job? are you missing out on things at home? is it unreasonable for him to find the fact that you are home less often to be a problem? how old is your son? what does he (the son) think/say about your time away?
not saying you need to give up your career, but this sounds like it has caused a major change in your family life, and they aren't as positive about it as you are. maybe you can continue your career and cut back on the travel as a compromise?
Clue one to why she's not into you: you haven't even been on a date.
Clue two: she's pushing back meetings.
Clue three: you're not even actually seeing her, only having text convos.
You're a red flag dude. Move on
Okay, thanks! Yea I’ll mention how I just didn’t wanna pass up an opportunity to meet someone knew but it shouldn’t have been so much all at once. I just forgot that I didn’t have a girlfriend and pretended she was. Since it’s been like 2 days since I cut contact with the new girl I’m definitely remembering how to do this haha. I’ll apologize when I’m ready
Okay, it’s USUALLY a man.
Grandmotherly duties is a made up thing
Try and do more interesting things together, if she isn’t referring to fun things like hooking up with multiple people. You can create the exiting young experience without going on a break, don’t throw away a great relationship over the need for new experiences that can be had together.
I really thought this was gonna be about midnight snacks…
Wow, what a selfish jerk. This isn't a minor deal. Sexual incompatibility can destroy even an otherwise solid relationship easily.
New rule: you cum 1st. Get some toys. Maybe get a guy who can go the distance and is happy to put in the effort. Not everyone has quick and easy orgasms, but a partner who is truly GGG would be in it for the long haul.
He didn't cheat on his ex GF with me? There was sort of some overlap when they started talking but she very much knew about it, we've met.
I don't have many friends, various reasons for that, a big one is that up until 5 years ago I was moving to a different state pretty much every year. I also have trouble opening up to people and because I initially thought of him as just some hookup I wasn't as on edge about sharing as I usually am. And then instead of just fucking he wanted to be friends. He works from home and got divorced about 6 months before the first quarantine so I think he was also lonely.
I don't know why it's mysterious that I have stupid feelings for some old man, my father is terrible.
You are welcome. I saw red flags when dating my now ex wife, there were things I should have absolutely stuck to but as a somewhat sheltered kid and then shy adult I thought well she is a Christian and my family like her so maybe it’s just me. Our pre marital counseling was a joke.
I’m not saying your fiancé is a bad person or has lots of red flags etc, I’m just saying if you have doubts it’s best to figure yourself out first then later when you know yourself maybe you two get back together, maybe you realize he wasn’t the one but instead of wasting 17 years of trying to constantly patch your marriage together it best to take a year for yourself.
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It feels so hard and painful even to type, I wish it had never happened
My wife (Hannah) and I are highschool sweethearts, and have been together since we were 15 & 16 respectively. Idk if it's relevant or not but I was her first everything while I had been with one girl before her. I have always known my wife as an incredibly beautiful, smart, witty, bubbly, and most importantly compassionate person. Due to how gorgeous she has always been, guys have always hit on her (sometimes even in my presence) but she only chose me and I have always been really proud and glad of that. We got married 2 years ago, been together for 9 years, and till this point it has always been an immensely happy and smooth relationship with barely any arguments/fights at all and lots of love and loyalty. Everyone who knows us says that we never left the honeymoon phase and we believed it as well – going on regular dates, giving gifts, exciting sex life, etc. She never did anything which would give me any reason to not trust her/doubt her. All of this makes it harder for me.
Hannah has 6-7 close friends, all women, and one friend she's incredibly close to is Amanda (F22). Hannah and Amanda are BFFs (their own words) and have known each other for about 6 years. They do everything together and spend all their time with each other, be it with the other girls as well or just the two of them. They share all their secrets, feelings, issues etc with each other and I used to be happy that Hannah had a trustworthy bestfriend in her life. I have never been the jealous kind because I had immense trust in Hannah and knew she'd never violate it, in fact I never even fought any guy who hit on her because she turned them away herself. When it came to Amanda, I had just one issue, I felt she was a bit too close to Hannah – like frequently touching/grabbing her (like her face, arms, back, thighs, whatever; playfully slapping Hannah's butt whenever she got the chance, etc) and this felt a bit inappropriate to me but ik female friendships are different from male ones and they're a lot more touchy so I didn't object, plus Hannah told me that's how Amanda is, even though I never noticed Amanda being like that with the other girls, only Hannah. Also, Amanda is openly bisexual, but I didn't say anything to my wife because I didn't want to soil their special relationship.
I think I've already given too much background so let's come to the incident itself. Last weekend the girls were having a girls' night and going to a concert and then to a bar. They left from our place at around 7pm and Hannah told me she'd be back by around 1am. At roughly 12:50am I saw their instagram post still at the bar so I thought they were just having fun for longer and sent her a 'Take care' message. Eventually I drifted off to sleep since I wasn't really concerned because she was with friends and they're all responsible. She eventually came back home at around 6:30 in the morning with her hair and makeup messed up a little and she was avoiding eye contact with me and behaved oddly. She just went to sleep. This got me anxious but I thought she was probably just really tired. I waited for her to wake up, which she did at around 12 and then took a shower. I asked her how the night was and she said it was good but she didn't feel chatty or bubbly like usual. I sensed something was off so I asked her what's wrong but she didn't reply. Eventually after about 10 mins of me insisting that she tell me what's going on, she broke down in tears and hugged me and said she fucked up and asked me not to hate her. At this point I had a mini-heart attack and thought she had cheated on me with some guy. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that last night she slept with Amanda. This not only shocked me but confused me to the core. I calmed her down and told her to tell me everything in detail.
As Hannah told me, after being done with the concert and the bar, most girls left but Amanda, Hannah, and two others went to Amanda's place for a while to relax before going home, this was around 2:30am. After about 30mins the other two also left for their homes so it was just Amanda and Hannah. At first they were just hanging out and having fun, having some wine. Then Amanda started flirting with Hannah, telling her how hot she is, and got handsy, and she just went with the flow because she was quite drunk and also because she was enjoying it. After a while of this, Amanda kissed my wife which she says “sent this strange pleasure down her body” so she didn't stop it and they ended up having sex. Even though I didn't want to listen more about my wife having sex with someone else, I pressed her for more details like what exactly did they do and how long for, and very shamefully she said they did it for about 2 hours and told me what all they did, which is basically every sexual thing two girls can do to each other. I didn't say anything to her because I was stunned. She said she's really guilty and she loves me very much. I told her it's a lot for me and I need to think so I left for a walk. Honestly I don't even understand how to react. I talked to several friends and while some said it's just like regular cheating, some said it's not a big deal because it was with another girl. I'm confused because honestly, I am indeed a little bit relieved that it wasn't with some other guy as I suspected initially, but at the same time even if it was a girl, it wasn't me, and she shouldn't have hooked up with anyone. And the thing which really hurts is that I have always been supportive of her and had she told me that she wanted to sexually experiment with girls, I probably would have supported her because ik she's never been with anyone else and to me a girl sleeping with a girl is not the same as doing it with a guy, which leads me to think that maybe I feel hurt not because she slept with Amanda but because she misused my trust and didn't consult me.
I don't think I'd be able to make rational decisions right now so I need advice about how to proceed. Apart from this, she has never done anything wrong throughout the relationship and even now she's extremely apologetic since she knows I'm hurt and has been begging me not to leave her because she says she'll die if I leave her. What should I do?
What does your wife have to say about John and the photographer? They’re her friends after all?
I sincerely hope John is no longer in the picture. He sounds like he doesn’t have any respect for you, either as a person or as the man his friend chose to spend her life with. What a cruel thing to do!
Doing a repeat ceremony sounds like a great idea, provided he isn’t invited. But before doing that you need to get a handle on this and learn how to put it out of your mind. I don’t know what that would take – therapy, meditation, psychedelics – but the last thing you want is have your repeat ceremony and be unable to take your mind off the fact that the reason you’re there is because of John.
If you’ve already brought it up to him and he’s constantly just brushing it off and acting like it’s nothing I would just say to him listen I’m so fucking sick of telling you that your friends are inappropriate with me and if you’re not going to defend me as my boyfriend you can fuck off and I’ll go find a man who would because I’m not gonna be disrespected and made uncomfortable by anyone especially not my partner is own friends. I might even throw in there because you’re two years older than him that this is why you don’t want to date someone younger than you because you don’t think they can protect you and the way that they were supposed to and he’s proving you right because then maybe it will get in his head that he’s being a piece of shit and he will realize how immature he’s being.
Get a pi
You’re a grown woman. Time to stand up for yourself.
Ahh in that case I don't really have any friends.
My last close friend was when I was 16 pre-covid but we fell out of touch when I was going through my super-depressive phase. I was kinda awful to be around. We were super close but I'm not exactly sure how I'd go about developing that type of relationship as an adult though. I spend the majority of my time doing class work, actual work, extracurriculars/volunteering, and then spending time with my bf/our friend group.
I'm on the second paragraph and I refuse to read more. Just leave the situation. Wtf