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Date: September 24, 2022
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Seems a tad needy to me. I have a friend whos always checking in with his missus whenever he leaves his house and I find that odd. To demand that from someone else? Very odd.
Is your GF mentally ill? Does she need telling when to eat or how to catch a bus?
My apologies for misinterpreting your post. But the rest of it stands. He is a twat. He expects you to report to him but he refuses to report to you? He is jobless and sponging off your income? He allows himself freedoms that he denies to you?
I guess all relationships involve a choice: leave, or spend one more day of the rest of my life here.
Time, I think, to spend your life somewhere else. You’re worth so much more than this, OP.
Eh, I'd say it's about 30 meters away, so that unfortunately doesn't look like an option. The general idea sounds like something to explore though. Thanks for the input!
I can do that but I know she'll just mock me and suggest that she'll be talking to me soon.
I'm embarrassed to say I have broke up with her a few times already and I always go back. That's why it seems futile to even say it's over it seems like it's better for me to just ignore her and as each day passes that I don't talk to her I feel like it will be easier for me to move on.
I think I finally have the strength to do this because of what recently transpired in the fact that she's going to be on a two-week vacation two weeks from now so if I can ignore her for 2 weeks on my own accord then I'll also be able to ignore her for the two weeks she's on vacation and hopefully I'll have had time to process everything and move on.
Porn is not causal for ED, low sex drive and difficulty maintaining an erection during sex with one person are all separate issues. Possibly linked, but not inherently so.
It doesn’t sound like he’s communicating about this effectively with you, and it’s reasonable to end a relationship due to sexual incompatibility.
There’s no magic solution. Just communication and working it out, but you can’t be the only one doing the work.
So basicly youre a terrible teacher.
If she post a dude on her insta it’s gonna lower her follower count and like ratio which may be a bigger deal to her than u think (depending on her social circle) I wouldn’t over think it as long as ur on her stories and trust her
Plus u can always post a photo then tag her
This comment is everything I wanted to say. It would be different if he lived farther away, but saving only like 10 minutes of time in driving doesn't seem like it's worth it. Since the divorce is so recent if be worried he's hoping for some holiday reconciliation or something.
Also yeah probably confusing for the kids if he will stay over once and then not anymore.
What I learned the hard way: communicate your boundaries clearly. Don’t be silent about situations, sentences, etc that make you feel uncomfortable. And encourage your partner to the same thing.
Ridiculous.
She needs to grow up.
Because he was diagnosed with a disorder she needs to go to a shelter for abused woman? What??? and take up a bed that could be used by someone who actually needs it…
I’m way too late to this but when my husband gets drunk he cries because he loves me so much and tells me he’s proud of me for everything I do. I think the truth comes out at those times and your husband is telling you who he is.
Wow why so long? Mom and dad married after 15 weeks. They've been married for just as long.
He basically called you dumb
Leave her alone. Either be single and watch your porn or find someone who is compatible with you and don't disrespect their boundaries.
You're an idiot OP. Lol.
Yup. All of this!!!!
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You should refuse to make it easy for him. If he does this stupid self-destructive shit, let him deal with the consequences. If he's too stupid to eat and gets a headache, he knows where the kitchen and ibuprofen are.
If you stop bending to his ridiculous “needs” he'll learn he has to do this for himself.
I'd also put it to him: he either gets the hearing aids or he learns that you'll tell him something once and then it's on him.
I don’t want this to come across as judgmental, but if one of the primary factors in whether you’re happy/unhappy in a relationship is boredom/excitement, then you probably aren’t going to be happy in a LTR.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but let’s face it – no matter how fun they are, if you’re with the same person consistently for years, things aren’t going to ever stay as exciting as that “new relationship high.”
I don’t think you necessarily have to break up, but if I were you that’s what I would do. Since finishing high school, you’ve spent 6 of 7 years in LTRs. For someone who gets bored of those things, that’s a lot of time to invest in relationships. You may change over time and eventually like a LTR more, but if you enjoy the short-term flings, then why not do that? I don’t think you should stay in a LTR and feel guilty about things.
but he can’t move forward with his life
he definitely can’t be the person I need him to be
This is all you need to know. Right now he cannot be in a relationship, he needs mental health treatment of some sort, perhaps of many sorts. He may have a condition and if that's untreated you will repeat the above cycle over and over and over.
Also, if you have had unprotected sex with him, please get tested, it sounds like he may have been in some high risk situations.
This entire situation is toxic. Let it go.
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When I was 24 an 18 year old was way younger than I'd have ever gone and I wasn't exactly a prude
Karma?
I guess it wasn’t completely clear in my post, but we both moved in together to a new city a year ago and have been roommates ever since. We both were not initially interested in each other so we tried dating other people, but didn’t work out for either of us. Meanwhile we both were becoming really good friends at the same time. Some months ago both of us started having feelings for each other, but didn’t express them until about a month ago and that’s when we became a couple.
And she did tell me she was living with her friend for a year before me and that they were old friends, the thing she didn’t share yet was that they were together. I understand not telling your roommate such personal stuff, and even in our relationship we’re still in the process of opening up about our pasts to each other. It’s just that I found out about it before giving her a chance to tell me. I don’t know why they broke up yet though.
She had a trauma that will never fully heal. But without any professional help, she will always be at same level of grief as when it first happened. An open wound that will never scar over. Plus she may feel she has inherited her father’s homicidal tendency. There is only so much you can do, and at some point you have to take care of yourself, especially since you take medication for your own anxiety. If she has friends to go out with, they can be her babysitters. You are not leaving her with nobody. You have done all you can. Step back, let her friends be responsible for her and live your life. She will never again be the person you fell in love in. That woman died with her parents. Now it’s time for you to grieve for that person and move on. Good luck.
Okay so you have to please him every time he wants sex but he does not have to please you. Thank you God for keeping me single.
Contacting the guy is not an answer. If the husband has even an ounce of intelligence then he would’ve told his friend to keep his story straight. If anyone should be contacted it’s the friend’s girlfriend or other peripheral friends that should know about this event If it’s real but that your husband would not have thought to warn to keep his lie.
Neither of you is wrong. But if you stay together and go either way, one of you will resent the other. Time to move on unless you’re willing to have a baby, or ask her to give up her dream of having a baby.
Um if marriage isn’t a requirement then why did you say to your girlfriend when she asked is it safe to assume that we would get married one day…..you saying yeah sure? You said it’s on the path yet you’re saying marriage isn’t a requirement or a necessity? YIKES
AFTER 6 years you still don’t know if you want marriage or not yikes dude. Just break up with her so she can find someone who actually wants the same thing as she a marriage.
You know what they call people who use the pull out method?
Parents
I think she emotionally cheated on me with her ex but she claims she didn't. I'll never know
Ok wow. Just so I have this right, you are sui-dal and slowly starving yourself to do it? And you want your parents to be okay with that? Why should they be okay with their child k-ing themselves in front of them?
Please get some help, get a job, and stop using the R word. This post makes you sound like a brat.
I’m no expert/psychologist, but I would think Hentai is worse because he is associating arousal with fictional and unrealistic depictions of sex. Masterbation isn’t terrible, but depending on the way he does it can lead to desensitization issues. Enough time abstaining from porn and masterbation and your body resets the dopamine association and things start to work again, at least in my experience…
Well girl- what don’t you find sexist and disgusting here??
First and foremost- regardless of gender you should be raising your children with the same values.
Yes each child should care about good hygiene- but there’s no need to teach your little girl the her looks = her worth. That’s sexist as FUCK. That WILL give her a complex. Do you want your little girl to have an eating disorder? Do you want her to hate herself?
Looks are NOT the most important thing to a man. Both genders need attraction but it’s not like looks is the only thing that matters and that ONLY women need to look good. That’s bullshit.
Him saying the man CHOOSES the wife is also old school BS sexist trash. More and more women are choosing not to get married. WHY? Because men SUCK in general and women have finally been empowered enough to not have to settle for sucky men. That’s a FACT. Studies prove this. Marriage rates are down. The HAPPIEST demographic is single women without kids. Men are having less sex than ever. Facts facts facts. Your husband needs to face reality here.
So the lesson for both children – is making sure they both do EQUAL CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE. Teach them BOTH how to load the dishwasher, do laundry, mow the lawn. Teach them how to be a good partner—-and these lessons really apply to both kids.
Teach them both emotional intelligence. What do we do when we are sad? How do we be a good friend? What do we do when someone’s mad at us? How do we handle conflict?
I’d read up on gentle parenting. I’d also read some self help books for you. And therapy if you feel like saving this relationship.
It’s a positive that you didn’t have a one night stand. But please don’t tell your husband. There are enough questionable decisions on your part that will haunt him and your marriage for a very long time. In my 35 years of conferences that end up in hotel bars, when someone stays alone for “one last drink“ the same thought bubble arises for everyone departing for the night: she’s hoping to get lucky. Now this may not have been your intention—but if your husband is half as naive as you, that will be a focus of wrath for him. And then play out what happened from there, it is no large leap for him to conclude that you intended to cheat all that evening & you simply chickened out at the last minute. So, I would advise only speaking with a counselor about this because you had a close call that was not an accident.
Arguably large? Arguably???
I hope you are not in Canada because they story sounds extremely familiar… if you are in the Atlantic side of Canada, I will tell you, your husband is already cheating lol… sounds like my ex, that left pregnant his mistress but she thought she was always the “one” (she has a kid from a previous relationship as well)… they stayed together and most likely now have the exact same relationship you are describing lol…however l was the real official one, the one sharing time with his friends, mom, dad etc.. the one that was planing to buy a house with and have children, that by the way he named his son with the name we pick together for “our” lol the one that listened to him like no one else and I could keep going… my ex just send me an email not long ago, with a picture of us, talking about love and shit,… I am 1000% i wasn’t the only one he was reaching out, probably he try to reach out all the young girls he was fucking around… to see which one will say yes let’s go…. Anyways again I hope you are not her, but as per you story (same age gap, same relationship etc, the following will apply to you as well)
Jokes, are when all the parties involve laugh…. What he is saying are not jokes, he is already fucking someone else… sorry… you better get ready to leave him and protect your kids… also that age gap is tooo much, but positively in your side, you still have an entire life to live… again just focus on your kids, the relationship is already over.
Most definitely! Although it hurts now, I'll embrace the pain, I'll express myself, and I will use the lead the way to a better life. I'll keep moving forward until I never look back!
After a year you started to fall for him? I think you have bigger issues regarding trust and this guy just trampled on the tiny opening you gave him. I'm not sure what you've been through but this guy is not for you. Don't let this person create a bigger divide between you and being able to have a healthy relationship. LET HIM GO.
Exactly. I’m fiscally conservative, but their entire stance on all social issues and the faces of the party are abhorrent.
Your fiancé came straight home to tell you because of her loyalty to you. I think you also need to consider how your fiancé must have felt. A total stranger with whom she had no connection with and no intention towards made something incredibly intimate happen in a situation where she would not have expected it. She must have been incredibly embarrassed and may have even felt betrayed by her body and/or violated. Both of you have valid feeling but both of you need to reassure one another that it was no one’s fault. It’s good that your fiancé communicated what happened. Keep up the open communication; just be sure now to make your fiancé feel guilty because she likely already does.
Agreed. If she wanted him to end up in jail himself, that’s not cool.
?
Tell her that you meant the cute romantic things that you do for each other, and it was her mind that went straight to sex.
And while you don’t want to hear it, her behaviour could be a red flag ?, she may have been cheating on you while she was apart from you, or may be looking at leaving you, and looking for any reason to make it your fault.
I mean, if she knows you’re gay you’d be way better off waiting for her move.
Because if he wanted to be with you he would have called or messaged you.
Pretty obvious.
You might want to meet with someone professionally about your issues.
I will get you some resources so you can work on your issues.
Dump him. You are incompatible. You are the maid at this point.
He’s not
She understands. She just doesn’t care
Thank u for this ❤️
How could he acknowledge kids he never knew existed?
That’s how I view it, my brother doesn’t agree. And honestly, I’d rather he wasn’t my around because they do not get on and it wouldn’t help the situation imo.
I wish we had a normal family with people around to help though, my big brother is taking most of the responsibility as i try to finish college. It’s not fair but that’s life I guess.
lol no it’s not? I also don’t hang out weekly or go to the gym together with that friend. I have seen that friend a total of 3 times after that incident – because we do indeed go to the same school. and that was way over a month ago
The audacity of this man! To think you’re so dumb you’ll believe his bullshit! If he goes, he can stay there.
Honestly, i’m gonna go somewhat against the grain here but you both need to have a serious discussion with each other about what you expect out of the relationship.
Based on your comments, it doesn’t sound like he’s super controlling or anything like that. It just sounds like having a partner who’s away once a month makes him uncomfortable. I mean, I kinda get it if he’s expecting you to step up as his kid’s step mom one day. Personally, I don’t know if my partner being away every month with no contact would be for me if I’m going to be quite honest.
However, if your trips are extremely important for you, then you need to put your foot down and tell him that you’re not going to stop your trips just for him. It’s ok for him to have boundaries, its not ok for him to expect to control you because of his boundaries. If your trips make him that uncomfortable, then you both need to realize that maybe you’re just not that compatible.
Team super rich here just for this bait and switch.
IF you aren't trolling then you have some real insecurity and lack of empathy issues you need to work on..ps you have not asked for advice in the slightest. You just tossed out the chum first.
You guys are NOT compatible. Why did you even propose to someone whose idea of sex is different from yours, and shames you for it?
Yes it’s one thing if it’s accidental but it’s just self deprecating to do it on purpose. Also very selfish in regards to the child.
Yeah you need to try to get your job back. Try to break your lease and get out of the new place. Contact your old landlord and see if they have any other vacancies.
Get rid of the boy who has cold feet. He’s leading you on and not caring about the consequences for you.
Give her the space she requires and don't put pressure on her. You on the other hand, channel your energy into something else to take your kind off your anxiety.