I totally understand how you feel and your feelings are valid. I think I would feel the same way. But there’s another part of me that feels differently. I’m not a person that is good with words. I can see myself doing this because I want my speech to be special and sometimes I’m not good at expressing myself on my own. Maybe he did this because of that reason
Don’t pick a side be friends with the people you want to be friends with and if others get angry for that and don’t want to be your friend are they worth keeping them as friends
I hear you and fear is a big emotion. In my experience, if both people are mature and confident in their feelings, it works out. A lot of times it doesn't because the feelings of one person are the reason that keeps the friendship up. I hope that visiting him will help you discover if he feels the same about you ?
Once I stopped them running from the room to grab the knife. They kind of attacked me a bit, but I calmed them down. I felt that was worth it at the time.
Once I also calmed them down while they were holding the knife, I got them to put it down and come over rather than take it from them.
At other times they would do it in secret, they wouldn't tell me about these but it wasn't too hard to see, I wouldn't ask.
They were on meds and in therapy at the time, and their worst points were during meds switching which can be pretty wild and take several weeks.
I think the guilt of doing this to you is probably also eating them alive right now, so it can get pretty self-spiralling. It won't mean they won't do it again. I bailed on my partner at some point after these events, and told them to focus on themselves. They're doing better now.
You have been played. The lesson is to not make such grand life changes for someone until you are 100% sure the effort you put into the relationship will be reciprocated.
Don't worry, you're right. It's very icky. Creepy. He should have been honest and got your permission. Very grey area, too grey. Not the kind of thing he should hide, what else is he hiding? He uses other women for it as well? This is not OKAY. He should also have no problem stopping if it bothers you.
He will not change. I promise. He had showed you his true colors time and time again. Take it for what it’s worth and LEAVE. You are so young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. I’m sure you will have a lot of supporters for leaving this loser!
You can. You could leave her, work on yourself, realize you're worth more and then go get with someone who's better. Or you can stay with this sketchy Hoasaurus rex and spend your life wondering whether you're going to catch scabies.
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I mean we know nothing about her family’s interactions with him. For all we know they’ve generally been really welcoming.
Maybe this is a cultural thing, but where I’m from it would not be typical at all for future in laws to throw a bachelor party for the groom, unless one of them was going to be the best man or a groomsman or something. It wouldn’t even be common for them to attend unless they’re in the wedding party. An engagement party is the more typical “welcome to the family” type of event.
I’m obsessed with my husband. Like I would want to do fun things with him. Maybe cuz I’m older but this whole 21 year old girlfriend thing is just not a wife thing to do.
You seem to be a good kid…but you absolutely can not help your mother.
You can be supportive of her but by no means should you let this hold your life and schooling back. I'm sure you love her but the only help she needs is professional.
You were away, you were tempted and you ran away from that. You were trying to give yourself a message when you enjoyed flirting with another man. You need to try and reconnect with your husband. With toddler twins, it's difficult to make time for each other. You need to plan time for romance in this case.
Plan at least one date night a month. Get a sitter and go do fun things together. If money is tight, it can be a picnic, a walk in nature, even McDonalds.
I had a f boy use me for like three years. He always strung me along and pretended to have emotions and care, but never committed. 6 months into dating and spending 4 nights a week together, he couldn't define the relationship. Then was on and off again for years.
My husband and I defined the relationship in two weeks, knew we wanted to get married in three months, got engaged in one year, and got married in two years
Wtf? Sho it isn't allowed to just drink with friends from other genders? Don't blame her for those 3 things. She told him that she got a boyfriend and stopped it when it got to worse, offcourse she needs to tell the boyfriend but a real friend is trustworthy with those 3 things.
Wtf? Sho it isn't allowed to just drink with friends from other genders? Don't blame her for those 3 things. She told him that she got a boyfriend and stopped it when it got to worse, offcourse she needs to tell the boyfriend but a real friend is trustworthy with those 3 things.
I understand you’re a bit too fragile to break up with her right now but you’re starting to realize one of the main problems in your life is your GF. Do not let anyone abuse you. We all have our issues, every. Single. One. Of. Us. Don’t let her put you down and as soon as you feel ready, move on from that relationship. Nobody should be abused by a partner.
You can stop trying to convince people to believe that bullshit. Go talk to your man about your marriage and take couples counseling. Stop seeing/contact your ex and stop reading romance novels.
You decided to marry that dude, deal with the consequences like an adult and grow out of that dumb teenage phantasie world.
Oh man. I did not realize that it was a same sex relationship. My apologies. I was like how do you know she isn't using them to see if you got her pregnant? Now I get it!
I think it’s possible he was doing all those things out of guilt. He felt guilty for the cheating so was trying to “make up” for it in other ways.
He didn’t confess or stop the cheating, and even tried to conceal it when confronted. I don’t think I could live in a relationship without trust and he broke that. Maybe you can forgive, but you won’t forget and without trust you will always be anxious and living in fear he will do this again.
If you truly want to stay marriage needs to be off the table for now. He will have to drop the affair partner completely, no contact. You need couples counseling and he will have to be an open book to build back any trust at all. It will be a lot of work for you both. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.
For what it’s worth, I would leave if I were in your shoes.
When you got into the discussion about sharing, hoping to hear he felt the same about you, his best answer was to fucking explain how he would want you to share him if someone offered him a blowjob? And dumbo doesn’t see why you are upset about that? You should have said “Good, because if a guy ever comes my way to solicit me for sex, who happens to be hung like a horse, I would hope you understand and say yes.” But on second thought, that could inspire a whole line of discussion from clown shoe about opening up the relationship which you don’t want.
Adults whose single parents date other single parents with adult children don't suddenly consider the partners' children as their “step-siblings”, just “their parent's partner's (adult) children”. Nobody is suddenly related and in incestuous relationships. Just as how a set of twins/siblings getting married to another set of twins/siblings isn't incest. You remain, as you have always been, biologically unrelated, consenting, adults.
To be honest, I’m pretty sure I told my now husband that he reminded me of a fish emoji that was popular at the time. I was also a giant AH, but he still put a ring on it lol.
Hate to say it but he's gonna have a hard time with his future partners from now on. It's gonna eat away at him each time the thought of sex come to his mind
I hate to burst your bubble (not really) but you’re probably not going to be “great friends”and coparents. She will probably despise you. You wasted years of her life and strung her along just long enough to trap her with a kid before ripping her life out from under her. Actually, tell her RIGHT NOW so she can plan an abortion if she’s not too far along. That way she never has to deal with you or your family ever again and can wait to have a child with someone who loves her.
Do not get married to someone who makes threats about withholding access to your child. Instead, get a good lawyer and have them deal with this to create a legal custody and child support court order.
A name is just a name, OP. Your infant child isn't going to have a clue for many, many years. Stop obsessing about this silly issue. It's just a name. People change their names all the time.
Marital benefits do have value, but they are primarily related to things that can be shared by spouses – job benefits, next of kin issues (if one of you became incapacitated), insurance, property purchases, tax issues, debt, etc. If you are having children together, these things can be very important!
Oh sorry. Didn't think I'd have to spell it out. Here we go: if you are not being paid hundreds of dollars to read that shit, you should cease all contact with that anthropomorphic red flag.
Welp, best case: I would write a somewhat lengthy message along these lines:
“Until you stop selling drugs and can prove to me that you can be a trustworthy and dependable partner who makes money legally and safely, I will not have a relationship with you of any kind. Here are the steps you can take to show me you are willing to be the type of partner I need:
Procure and keep a legitimate job of any kind for no less than 6 months. Show evidence that you have ceased ALL drug trafficking within 1 month. (I want to say 1 week, but I'm being generous I suppose) Show continuing evidence that you are willing and able to be financially responsible and either work a legitimate job or start your own legitimate business, with NO illicit or illegal activities involved indefinitely.
The instant I discover or find enough evidence to reasonably suspect any such illegal activity, this relationship will be terminated immediately, all contact methods will be blocked, and you will be reported to the police.”
More realistic case:
I would dump this dude faster than you can say “Breaking Bad” and look for a partner who actually wants to be a real life, responsible adult with a real job and a sense of self-respect and a desire to contribute to society.
Take the trip. And stop listening to him and whether or not he “allows” you to do things. I’m very confused as to what he brings to the table. Literally just child care? But no cooking or cleaning? And you work two jobs? Your child is not a newborn. You deserve better- like a partner that either works the same number of hours as you, or takes over the household duties entirely.
You are with someone who has poor money management skills, has no self control and will never have any money saved for emergencies and is unlikely to be able to save for retirement. I understand you're not wanting to subsidize/fund their poor choices.
There are some people who don't mind being financially responsible for their partner. I always wanted someone who felt the same way as I did about finances and shared the same financial goals. You seem to be two individuals with different wants, needs and goals. I would suggest financial counseling to see if you could reach an arrangement that suited both of your goals. If not, be strong because you have not only your financial future to worry about but also your children's. You have a lot more to risk here than he does because you are responsible for others beside yourself.
So, as much as we all love animals, the fact is that animals shouldn't be kept inside a house or home, especially sleeping with their owners. Period. There are many reasons why you shouldn't, including medical ones that can negatively affect your health. To keep it short, if this is the only problem in your relationship and you don't want to break up with your partner over a pet, try making a list of the good and bad things about your partner's behavior and see if it's worth it. Not liking animals is not a red flag, regarding what people sau, but if you think it's not worth it and you can live your life with just animals, you should either find someone who likes animals like you or remain single with your pets. Additionally, and beinh honest here, don’t compare children to animals…; Also when you entered the relationship and your partner came with kids, you knew and accepted
His mind games continue. Block him an dif he shows up call the police and don't answer the door
I totally understand how you feel and your feelings are valid. I think I would feel the same way. But there’s another part of me that feels differently. I’m not a person that is good with words. I can see myself doing this because I want my speech to be special and sometimes I’m not good at expressing myself on my own. Maybe he did this because of that reason
Don’t pick a side be friends with the people you want to be friends with and if others get angry for that and don’t want to be your friend are they worth keeping them as friends
I hear you and fear is a big emotion. In my experience, if both people are mature and confident in their feelings, it works out. A lot of times it doesn't because the feelings of one person are the reason that keeps the friendship up. I hope that visiting him will help you discover if he feels the same about you ?
Once I stopped them running from the room to grab the knife. They kind of attacked me a bit, but I calmed them down. I felt that was worth it at the time.
Once I also calmed them down while they were holding the knife, I got them to put it down and come over rather than take it from them.
At other times they would do it in secret, they wouldn't tell me about these but it wasn't too hard to see, I wouldn't ask.
They were on meds and in therapy at the time, and their worst points were during meds switching which can be pretty wild and take several weeks.
I think the guilt of doing this to you is probably also eating them alive right now, so it can get pretty self-spiralling. It won't mean they won't do it again. I bailed on my partner at some point after these events, and told them to focus on themselves. They're doing better now.
You have been played. The lesson is to not make such grand life changes for someone until you are 100% sure the effort you put into the relationship will be reciprocated.
Don't worry, you're right. It's very icky. Creepy. He should have been honest and got your permission. Very grey area, too grey. Not the kind of thing he should hide, what else is he hiding? He uses other women for it as well? This is not OKAY. He should also have no problem stopping if it bothers you.
Well it seems that you already know what you should do.
The fact that you are asking us to advise you to be a lying deceitful cunt shows us you have no intention of being honourable.
There is no advice we can give. Fuck off.
Bruh she is doing you a godly favor by breaking up with you so you don’t have to deal with that. You are dodging a major bullet
You say he knows you would never do that to him, but obviously that’s not true because he’s asking you for paternity tests
He will not change. I promise. He had showed you his true colors time and time again. Take it for what it’s worth and LEAVE. You are so young and have the rest of your life ahead of you. I’m sure you will have a lot of supporters for leaving this loser!
You might have finally met your frienemy
You can. You could leave her, work on yourself, realize you're worth more and then go get with someone who's better. Or you can stay with this sketchy Hoasaurus rex and spend your life wondering whether you're going to catch scabies.
Life is too short.
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When are we celebrating the divorce anniversary? What about an online cup of wine? I’m ready.
A great person would communicate (better).
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Date someone closer to your age, and who isn't a lying drug user. You're dating and immature drug addict who lies to you.
If women are going to approach you they can choose to outside of a nightclub. Your girlfriend has some serious emotional issues bro
I mean we know nothing about her family’s interactions with him. For all we know they’ve generally been really welcoming.
Maybe this is a cultural thing, but where I’m from it would not be typical at all for future in laws to throw a bachelor party for the groom, unless one of them was going to be the best man or a groomsman or something. It wouldn’t even be common for them to attend unless they’re in the wedding party. An engagement party is the more typical “welcome to the family” type of event.
lol this can't be real
I’m obsessed with my husband. Like I would want to do fun things with him. Maybe cuz I’m older but this whole 21 year old girlfriend thing is just not a wife thing to do.
Damn it’s going to be rough when he moves on. Start working on yourself
You seem to be a good kid…but you absolutely can not help your mother.
You can be supportive of her but by no means should you let this hold your life and schooling back. I'm sure you love her but the only help she needs is professional.
You were away, you were tempted and you ran away from that. You were trying to give yourself a message when you enjoyed flirting with another man. You need to try and reconnect with your husband. With toddler twins, it's difficult to make time for each other. You need to plan time for romance in this case.
Plan at least one date night a month. Get a sitter and go do fun things together. If money is tight, it can be a picnic, a walk in nature, even McDonalds.
I had a f boy use me for like three years. He always strung me along and pretended to have emotions and care, but never committed. 6 months into dating and spending 4 nights a week together, he couldn't define the relationship. Then was on and off again for years.
My husband and I defined the relationship in two weeks, knew we wanted to get married in three months, got engaged in one year, and got married in two years
Forget the f boy and find you a real one
Wtf? Sho it isn't allowed to just drink with friends from other genders? Don't blame her for those 3 things. She told him that she got a boyfriend and stopped it when it got to worse, offcourse she needs to tell the boyfriend but a real friend is trustworthy with those 3 things.
Wtf? Sho it isn't allowed to just drink with friends from other genders? Don't blame her for those 3 things. She told him that she got a boyfriend and stopped it when it got to worse, offcourse she needs to tell the boyfriend but a real friend is trustworthy with those 3 things.
Let it go. Take the L. It’s ok to get rejected, it’s part of life. Keep asking eventually someone will say yes
There will be better times, pal!
I understand you’re a bit too fragile to break up with her right now but you’re starting to realize one of the main problems in your life is your GF. Do not let anyone abuse you. We all have our issues, every. Single. One. Of. Us. Don’t let her put you down and as soon as you feel ready, move on from that relationship. Nobody should be abused by a partner.
You can stop trying to convince people to believe that bullshit. Go talk to your man about your marriage and take couples counseling. Stop seeing/contact your ex and stop reading romance novels.
You decided to marry that dude, deal with the consequences like an adult and grow out of that dumb teenage phantasie world.
cant be her BF because my GF would recognize him, and my GF said she does not recognize the guy in the photo
Dump him. He “made up” missing Valentine's to you by telling you yet again he wants to sleep with other women.
Lol that’s my bad.
I didn't read past the title cause: bf covered my mouth during argument.
What you should do? BREAK UP.
End of story.
Oh man. I did not realize that it was a same sex relationship. My apologies. I was like how do you know she isn't using them to see if you got her pregnant? Now I get it!
It’s itchy and it just makes me emotionally uncomfortable to
It’s itchy and it just makes me emotionally uncomfortable to
It’s itchy and it just makes me emotionally uncomfortable to
Can you ask him about it?
Tacking on to the top comment.
She doesn't want kids. He does.
She doesn't want to get pregnant. They are incompatible.
I think it’s possible he was doing all those things out of guilt. He felt guilty for the cheating so was trying to “make up” for it in other ways.
He didn’t confess or stop the cheating, and even tried to conceal it when confronted. I don’t think I could live in a relationship without trust and he broke that. Maybe you can forgive, but you won’t forget and without trust you will always be anxious and living in fear he will do this again.
If you truly want to stay marriage needs to be off the table for now. He will have to drop the affair partner completely, no contact. You need couples counseling and he will have to be an open book to build back any trust at all. It will be a lot of work for you both. Only you can decide if it’s worth it.
For what it’s worth, I would leave if I were in your shoes.
When you got into the discussion about sharing, hoping to hear he felt the same about you, his best answer was to fucking explain how he would want you to share him if someone offered him a blowjob? And dumbo doesn’t see why you are upset about that? You should have said “Good, because if a guy ever comes my way to solicit me for sex, who happens to be hung like a horse, I would hope you understand and say yes.” But on second thought, that could inspire a whole line of discussion from clown shoe about opening up the relationship which you don’t want.
A new, love triangle romcom has started playing.. go, get the popcorn ??
Adults whose single parents date other single parents with adult children don't suddenly consider the partners' children as their “step-siblings”, just “their parent's partner's (adult) children”. Nobody is suddenly related and in incestuous relationships. Just as how a set of twins/siblings getting married to another set of twins/siblings isn't incest. You remain, as you have always been, biologically unrelated, consenting, adults.
Hahah showed the post to my husband and he said the same thing
To be honest, I’m pretty sure I told my now husband that he reminded me of a fish emoji that was popular at the time. I was also a giant AH, but he still put a ring on it lol.
Don't do that.
I've had partners and at fit together very differently.
Think of it this way – no genitalia is the same, none. What works for one might not work for another.
An old home comes to mind that ends in “like throwing a hotdog down a hallway”
A dab of Bacon fat behind the ears.
Hate to say it but he's gonna have a hard time with his future partners from now on. It's gonna eat away at him each time the thought of sex come to his mind
I hate to burst your bubble (not really) but you’re probably not going to be “great friends”and coparents. She will probably despise you. You wasted years of her life and strung her along just long enough to trap her with a kid before ripping her life out from under her. Actually, tell her RIGHT NOW so she can plan an abortion if she’s not too far along. That way she never has to deal with you or your family ever again and can wait to have a child with someone who loves her.
Your girlfriend sounds like a 7 year old. Why does she have no ambition to leave? Are her parents controlling?
Before you tackle the moving problem you should talk about being independent of her parents.
I'm sure he is ashamed, but the fact remains – he ruined the sheets and he should replace them. Whether or not it was an accident is irrelevant.
This is an advice sub, and my advice is –
Do not get married to someone who makes threats about withholding access to your child. Instead, get a good lawyer and have them deal with this to create a legal custody and child support court order.
A name is just a name, OP. Your infant child isn't going to have a clue for many, many years. Stop obsessing about this silly issue. It's just a name. People change their names all the time.
Marital benefits do have value, but they are primarily related to things that can be shared by spouses – job benefits, next of kin issues (if one of you became incapacitated), insurance, property purchases, tax issues, debt, etc. If you are having children together, these things can be very important!
This just started in the last 2 months? Did he have a head injury or other traumatic event,? He is acting like he has a mental health problem.
Oh sorry. Didn't think I'd have to spell it out. Here we go: if you are not being paid hundreds of dollars to read that shit, you should cease all contact with that anthropomorphic red flag.
Welp, best case: I would write a somewhat lengthy message along these lines:
“Until you stop selling drugs and can prove to me that you can be a trustworthy and dependable partner who makes money legally and safely, I will not have a relationship with you of any kind. Here are the steps you can take to show me you are willing to be the type of partner I need:
Procure and keep a legitimate job of any kind for no less than 6 months. Show evidence that you have ceased ALL drug trafficking within 1 month. (I want to say 1 week, but I'm being generous I suppose) Show continuing evidence that you are willing and able to be financially responsible and either work a legitimate job or start your own legitimate business, with NO illicit or illegal activities involved indefinitely.
The instant I discover or find enough evidence to reasonably suspect any such illegal activity, this relationship will be terminated immediately, all contact methods will be blocked, and you will be reported to the police.”
More realistic case:
I would dump this dude faster than you can say “Breaking Bad” and look for a partner who actually wants to be a real life, responsible adult with a real job and a sense of self-respect and a desire to contribute to society.
That's what I would do.
I don't know, but it ended up in both us in tears and her family not liking me anymore
Take the trip. And stop listening to him and whether or not he “allows” you to do things. I’m very confused as to what he brings to the table. Literally just child care? But no cooking or cleaning? And you work two jobs? Your child is not a newborn. You deserve better- like a partner that either works the same number of hours as you, or takes over the household duties entirely.
He sounds lazy and useless.
First, can you elaborate on the title? You say 26F and 27M. What is 6-FTM?
So you’re doing a full time job with a 2 year old and also now doing his adulting? Get that job and get out.
They’re not his friends. Who cares if he’d like to see them? He can be an adult and get over it.
Never invite someone hoping they say no
You refuse to pamper her, why can't someone else?
That does help, thanks. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't insane for feeling like it was being overblown.
You are with someone who has poor money management skills, has no self control and will never have any money saved for emergencies and is unlikely to be able to save for retirement. I understand you're not wanting to subsidize/fund their poor choices.
There are some people who don't mind being financially responsible for their partner. I always wanted someone who felt the same way as I did about finances and shared the same financial goals. You seem to be two individuals with different wants, needs and goals. I would suggest financial counseling to see if you could reach an arrangement that suited both of your goals. If not, be strong because you have not only your financial future to worry about but also your children's. You have a lot more to risk here than he does because you are responsible for others beside yourself.
So, as much as we all love animals, the fact is that animals shouldn't be kept inside a house or home, especially sleeping with their owners. Period. There are many reasons why you shouldn't, including medical ones that can negatively affect your health. To keep it short, if this is the only problem in your relationship and you don't want to break up with your partner over a pet, try making a list of the good and bad things about your partner's behavior and see if it's worth it. Not liking animals is not a red flag, regarding what people sau, but if you think it's not worth it and you can live your life with just animals, you should either find someone who likes animals like you or remain single with your pets. Additionally, and beinh honest here, don’t compare children to animals…; Also when you entered the relationship and your partner came with kids, you knew and accepted