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valentinasexyts Public Chat Channel
Date: January 1, 2023
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I am firm with my boundaries but she keeps pushing and pushing.
So? Who cares? Stop caring if she pushes and pushes. You make it sound like you eventually give in to it. she pushes and pushes because she knows she'll get a pay-off eventually. If you were actually firm with your boundaries, you wouldn't care that she pushes and pushes. You would ignore, ignore, ignore.
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Cheating is frowned upon in the military
Yeah, what he did is a pretty big deal. This dude doesn't sound safe. That kind of selfish decision making and the willingness to change your entire life means he can't be trusted.
I suggest you move on. Look be open with the next guy because yes it's important information for him to know.
White male yoga teachers are either the most grounded least pretentious dudes ever, or Peter Pan lost boy types desperately fighting against growing old and irrelevant. I say this as a female yoga teacher who has met a lot of both.
It's probably because it doesn't really mean anything, it's just meant to come off as important.
If you don't love her and you don't want to be with her, the kindest thing to do is to break up with her. Don't string her along. You already cheated, don't continue to disrespect her. If she finds out you cheated, she will feel betrayed and humiliated. Odds are your relationship is going to end sooner rather than later.
Move out. AFTER you move out, tell her you don't want to be with her. Tell her you cheated on her and who you cheated on her with. The worst thing would be for her to find out from another person. She deserves to be treated with respect, tell her the truth.
Good luck.
Oh my goodness! Women get women off without toys or a penis? What sorcery is this? s/
just tell him that. its amazing what being emotionally vulnerable and communicative with a guy can do. if he shuts it down, leave his ass. if he tries to understand better, work with him. sometimes men are absolute morons.
Think about how this kids life would be affected by parents who don't want them. Make a decision based on that.
Honestly bro before you throw your relationship away realize that you mutually agreed to do this with her and it didn’t seem like you were telling her you were uncomfortable up until it was done she was just picking up on that you weren’t comfortable.. give her a break it wasn’t her fault nor was it yours give yourself time to heal
There’s a more recent update on his profile and he seems to be doing really well which is lovely to read
No, he did well to dig in. I'd rather know that my partner thinks of other men and even worse, exes, during sex, so I know she ain't the one for me and bail.
Wow I can’t imagine..
You shouldn’t have reacted that way.
She should not have taken it so personally.
Tell her she kinda hurt you, those beard hairs hurt when they get pulled, and your prefer if she kept going but just was careful.
You don’t have to say “CoUlD YoU NoT” in a condescending manor because she accidentally hurt you bro.
Leave her. You're never going to get over this, and I don't blame you either. You'll spend the rest of your relationship thinking about what happened.
You can absolutely be devastated and upset. But there’s no magical fix to get your husband to suddenly want to spend time with his second child.
If that child is old enough to realize what’s going on, you’re not doing them any favors by keeping everyone under the same roof.
Perhaps you can consult with a lawyer to see how custody would work. You also don’t want to force your husband to take both kids like on a weekend, because we all know they’ll be returned to you with the second born being upset that they watched the favoring happen all weekend. So I mean it might work out where the second just doesn’t have a relationship with dad. They might have to do talk therapy and grow up figuring out how to accept this. It’s not fair at all. But a relationship also cannot be forced. Hopefully the first born will realize this and still love and support their sibling and not flaunt their own relationship with dad.
It’ll be a unique journey for sure, but you need to look into doing what is best for your kids, even if it guts you.
I mean, you can feel a certain way and assume the other person feels the same. I get that. My gf hooked up with someone just a week prior to us becoming “exclusive”, I was upset about it because I assumed she was in the same headspace as I was, and it really threw me off. I thought we were together and that she felt what I was feeling. Honestly though, it doesn't hurt to continue to seek what you are looking for, if your ideals don't match. It may seem good, but your ideals differ, and it will begin to show later on in your relationship. There may be someone else out there who understands how you feel and it may not be her. If I were you, I would tread carefully and maybe date a bit more, as you may find someone that is closer to you and your ideals than her. Doesn't mean you need to sleep with a ton of people, but just experience others and find what it is that drives them. She was able to experience others, it shouldn't be an issue for you to do the same, and then commit if you feel it's right. If you don't, then keep searching and let your expectations be known when you feel something becoming important to you.
Why has he not talked to you?
It depends on the answer.
If it’s because you royally screwed up and he’s upset with you, try for an apology before you wish him happy birthday. If it’s because he has sand in his boxers about something and rather than talk as adults, he’s giving you the silent treatment, then no don’t wish him a happy birthday.
If it’s something in the middle, then you need to decide what you want to do.
My advice is to accept that it's a twin thing and you're never going to mean as much to either of them as they mean to each other. Sounds like you've been jealous of their bond since forever. Work on your own acceptance of instead of trying to change them or seeing it as an insult. TBH, the more pissy you are about it, the less likely they will want to be around you.
Oh man, this is so true!
You need to tell every single one of them. It’s not fair that he gets away scot-free with everyone defending him while making you look like an asshole. If anything, IF HE CARED ABOUT YOU AT ALL, he should have the balls to tell everybody the truth about what’s really going on.
If he really thinks he didn’t do anything wrong, he should have no problem telling everybody the full story, riiiiight?
I understand that. It is still complimenting to me.
And it is possible that some don't say it in places other than while having sex?
Reschedule to a place much closer to yours so she's not going to put you out if she flakes again. No harm no foul. The worst could happen is you end up at your local coffee place.
She’s abused you and made your life awful. Don’t bring a child into this mess. You think she’ll be nice to an innocent child when she can’t even be nice to the supposed love of her life.
Divorce her and get it over with.
Does he not care about his hygiene? I get that he could get sweaty again from sex, but I would rather get sweaty from sex than add sex sweat to work sweat.
Some dudes really don't care about hygiene.
Sex or no sex, dude isn't a smelly teenager any more and needs to shower when he gets home.
No sex guarantees or anything like that, just get in the fucking shower like a big boy.
don't believe him. others showed you who he really is, and they had to because he was purposefully hiding it from you. there's no friendship here.
I could see. We both work opposite schedules which would make it a little tough, but there was one week where we saw each other three times.
^ This
She isn't sorry for her actions, she's sorry she is facing consequences.
We've only heard your side of the story. For all we know, you're a diva or a drama queen. So, I have no opinion.
Stay out of it. You hadn’t spoken to your ex in years before you met up with her for a night, and then you haven’t spoken to her in over a year and a half since. You know nothing about her life, their relationship, etc. There are about 100 ways for this to go bad, and only 1 or 2 ways for it to be positive.
Sounds like you know what you need to do to me. What is going to change if you stay? Can you live like this long term?Also, she is physically abusive and that is not ok.
Cancer can come back. For a lot of people, the idea of their loved one dying is just a hypothetical situation. This might be closest he’s been to that being a reality so he’s not handling it well.
Either way, OP needs to think long and hard about this because the unfortunate truth is that everyone will die and he shouldn’t let the fear of that stop him from pursuing a relationship.
Hopefully he’ll grow up. I’m 50. Dicks and vaginas look, smell, etc like um…dicks and vaginas. ???♂️ Maybe when he matures he’ll realize it for what it is. For the record, silly boy.
I think this tactic only really works if you mean it. And I don't think you do. I think any thrat you make to leave is just a bluff.
He would never allow him to be adopted. That would possibly mean for him to no longer see his own son.
Will absolutely do man. Thank you so much
I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel like I'm not good enough.
Then don't. Find a better partner.
Why? Why can't you just accept it?
My husband one time couldn't understand why I was upset over something – I don't remember what. He didn't think it was “any big deal.” BTW, if you've ever made that comment to something she's said that was important to her, she may feel like you don't take her concerns seriously so why bother even telling you anything anyway. This is speculation on my part.
That said I simply told him, “Why does it matter if you don't think it's a big deal or not? it's something that concerns me and I'm upset because it upsets me. Why does it have to matter to you to be supportive of me? Why does he even have to understand simply to be supportive? Needing to understand a situation is exclusive of being supportive of me when I am upset. They are not a combined thing.”
He finally understood that my feelings are separate from his and he doesn't have to have the same feelings, he doesn't have to take on my feelings, he also doesn't need to understand or even agree, just be there to support me without insisting on knowing the “whys.” The “whys,” frankly, are irrelevant.
If you simply support her without the need to understand you are doing so much by validating her and accepting that she doesn't have to justify herself to you in order to garner your support.
Because that's what's the problem here. You feel you need to understand so you can support her and accept her. That puts the onus on her to justify herself to you in order to get your support – that she needs to “work for it.” That's not a fully supportive situation or relationship.
Again, YOU don't have to understand, know the “whys,” or even have to agree or feel the same to simply support your girlfriend and validate how she feels.
It seemed like a fitting name to give op since all they spam about is vaginas lmao
You have no control over what drama was occurring in your family / what toxic dynamics existed between your dad and grandma when you were in the womb before birth or when you were a small child. If this is his way to cope and fight back then let him. No harm done. He always knew you were his. You always knew you were his. Mom knew. So leave it at that and keep your nose out of his petty drama with grandma.
I have no idea where it is because he keeps hanging up on me. He is very hotheaded and has major trust issues as he was abused and abandoned by his parents as a child. I am hoping the girl the text was intended for will also show up and show him she has a similar number and is in a relationship with the texter. Otherwise I have no idea what I’m going to do
I’m not worried about anything between them, they have been friends a long time and she is married
What? I dont think he meant academic careers, everyone (in most places) goes to school as a child?
I mean, have you seen the research about higher connectivity among women and the way that we show affection and friendship to one another? Absolutely yes if you go anywhere and look at lonely men talking about their mental health and being touched starved, it is a thing. Being touch serve happens last and close, female friendships, and communities, because we are OK with more physical affection. If physical affection is not your love language, that’s very cool, but to pretend like socially for hundreds of years folks haven’t needed that and felt a desire for it from familial or partner bond is just bullshit. You are allowed to not need what you do not need but to act like being touched starved, and that being a part of depression, isn’t a thing just shows that you did no research before responding to my comment.
Then why are you claiming you were “bullied” into blocking him?
Then why are you claiming you were “bullied” into blocking him?
Look like they don’t know boundaries. It also happens to me. Not just family but also friends. Recently, I took long time to reply back to them as I was busy or taking a break away from social media unless it’s really important matter. When I get back to them, they never reply. There’s nothing you can do but to ignore them. Your fiance’s enjoying his dream career and living his dream. Why should he let this small matter affect him?
I wonder if he’s using the same phone number for both work and communication. If so, I suggest that he gets another cheap smartphone with cheap prepaid SIM card, create new Whatsapp account with it, and only uses it for communication with his family and friends while his current phone is for work and you only. He doesn’t have to use data of prepaid SIM card since he can use home wifi. It’s just for creating new WhatsApp number for communicating with his family.
A lot of people are praising separate finances, but if I choose to separate my finances from my husband, it is because I want a divorce. Plain and simple, I may be the minority here but take advice with a grain of salt. The people praising this separation of assets may not grasp the reality this really is for some relationships.
Marriage counseling and just listening to her is what she needs now. I personally would walk on eggshells, make sure the house is spotless, and her fave meals are available, and be present in the evenings.
Is there a way you could also get a nicer vehicle?
not sure wasn’t done by me lmao, my whole account and automatically tags posts as nsfw idk how to turn it off especially since im not posting nsfw stuff
This is a great idea. I think the long torso is part of it in my situation too lol
He should've asked you first no matter what. Imo proposing you to his buddy without having your consent is unbelievable, basically treating you like an object. It's just my opinion but if this is not a good reason for ending the relationship/marriage I don't know what is, I don't see how you can be with someone who doesn't respect you and your will
What if it's not his wife manipulating him but him realizing that he needs to set boundaries? It honestly sounds like your relationship is a tad inappropriate considering he's married and now you want to go to his parents. Back off and let him decide what he wants to do.
Where does she say she financed the start up and the running of her baking business, it doesn't, because she didn't. Neither is it a 'side hustle'. It's a hobby business. She told us all about his job, never mentioned she had a full time job.
He liked her, she saw someone she could game. She is gaming him, he's realising. Now she wants to gaslight him into thinking he's a monster, expecting a real partnership. She's show him all the nasty comments people have made about him to subduing him into shutting up, leaving her to do whatever she wants whilst still gaming him.
It's the husband that should seek annulment, and get rid of this abuser out his life. Hopefully he learns his lesson that people who only take aren't worth giving too.
He deserves a partner that brings something to the table,, she hasn't and has no intention of doing so.
Why make a blata t golddigger into a victim, when she's the one taking full advantage.
Jinxy poo?
When I got engaged and married, I thought I loved the person but I was more in love with the idea of someone wanting to marry me and less about the person. We are divorced now and probably shouldn’t have ever gotten married in the first place.
I remember thinking I was so glad I didn’t have to SEARCH for my person anymore. I had achieved the next step in life. But it was almost like I was at the finish line. I should have been thinking of it as the exciting start of a new adventure with someone I love and admire deeply. This wasn’t really the case with him. Live and learn.
Despite red flags in my relationship, I went for it because it sounded romantic and I thought we loved each other. In all honesty, I was settling because I thought I couldn’t do any better than what I had then…. And someone FINALLY wanted to marry ME!? It actually didn’t feel right though, and I was drunk when I said yes. I know my situation is different, but I also had an inkling of doubt in me. I just didn’t give it any weight.
So, I implore you to think about why you want(ed) to marry your fiancé. Do you truly love him, or are you settling? Are you really ready to share and grow your life with someone else? Getting married can be scary and it’s not always a good time. Planning a wedding can be extremely strenuous. I hated it and it definitely caused arguments. You should be excited and probably nervous about getting married. It would be weird if you weren’t.
Take this other guy out of the picture when you think about your feelings. He may just be the catalyst to demonstrate to you that you aren’t ready to be married. OR, it could be showing you that you need to do some reflection about what it is you really love about your current partner.
The other guy is a total fantasy at this point. But your fiancé deserves to have all of you, or none of you. You should not follow through with marriage if you are only HALF in on it. It’s a huge decision – not one to be made lightly. My divorce was horrible. So, I’m telling you, you need to make sure you are in this for the long haul.
Only you can make that decision. But please, do not make it about the fantasy of this other guy. I’m speaking from experience. The grass is not always greener.
The truth is, if you have feelings for someone else and you are in a committed relationship, you either need to CUT TIES with that person because of the temptation and potential obsession, OR figure out if you truly would want to leave your current relationship if this other person were not a part of your life. Because your significant other should be your romantic focus, IMO.
If you can’t make yourself cut ties with the other guy, you may have your answer. That’s just not fair to your fiancé for you to continue talking to someone, especially alone, you have feelings for and that you are ALLOWING yourself to have romantic feelings for.
EVERY RELATIONSHIP will have its challenges and it’s very possible that if you jumped into a relationship with this other guy that you will end up in a similar situation further down the road with someone else.
Even if you left your current relationship, the other guy wouldn’t deserve to have you as you are now. You need to find yourself first. You need to discover your feelings and be confident in them. I know it’s hard not to get wrapped up in fantasy land. Trust me on this.
It MAY even help to tell your fiancé what happened. The cheating aspect is that you’re hiding what happened from him because you’re afraid of how it will affect him.
And you’re letting the fantasy take over in your mind because of it. I don’t believe in withholding the truth, especially with your best friend for life. It’s hard and it sucks, but really, he deserves to know. Telling him will absolutely kill the fantasy. We can’t control how other people feel, but they deserve to have the option to decide what they want to do. It just isn’t fair to hide things from your life partner. It’s their life too. Would you want him to harbor feelings for someone else and not tell you too?
There’s a way to approach it without making it seem life or death, but you have to really think about this.
It’s actually in very poor form, in my opinion, Clark even told you about this ring and the story behind it. He knows you’re engaged to be married. He’s not married to you, so he could’ve kept that to himself. That wasn’t a kind thing to do to you. He was only thinking of himself when he said that.
It might even be a good idea to see a therapist about this because we can’t fix your problems.
However, I understand SO well how complicated emotions are and how overwhelming they can be. I sincerely empathize with you. It isn’t easy.
In my mind, the goal would be to be with someone you cannot IMAGINE living without and who you think is the bees knees even on their shitty days, knowing that they aren’t perfect.
OP has to just start reading what she’s typing. “No actual wife” is something you say when you already have suspicions there could be someone else.