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Why does everyone want to be a bridesmaid? I understand being bummed if you're not invited, but you do know being a bridesmaid sounds like a terrible amount of work and frustration, right? Not to mention more money spent.
If you want to throw them a party, then throw them a party. If you're only doing it to get a bridesmaid position – stop. I can almost guarantee that doing grand favors to get what you want doesn't usually work. It would be a lot of wasted effort. Just hope for an invitation and enjoy the wedding! Good luck
If a man really loves you, it would be out of the question for him not to invite you from the very beginning regardless of what others were doing, otherwise it’s just an excuse. Red flag sis ?? also sounds like he was feeling guilty about it and sharing the nights experience teetering on the edge of the truth, so he could feel like he told you the truth without actually telling it. But can’t say for sure without evidence. If my fiancé ever did anything like this to me I’d be incredibly hurt. Personally I’d just back off so he doesn’t feel watched or suspicious that you’re onto him, and I’d do some sleuthing and find out the truth.
When you’re waiting for someone and it’s already the scheduled time they could be there in 2 min, but it could also be like 20 min you never know. And most meaningful activities are not of the nature that I want to start them if I know I might have to pause in 3 min. Like studying or doing assignments for university, doing workouts, most chores, even reading when it’s a book you really want to focus on. That leaves drilling Reddit which can be considered a waste of time. Also what if you already left the house and are waiting somewhere else? How is standing around in front of a restaurant or whatever not wasting time?
He knows what he's doing, and, ensures his schedule accommodates it. Ever see a doctors office that didn't schedule one appointment right after the next? Even with an MT, there would be just enough downtime to clean up and get ready for the next, but, an hour or more to just sit and CHAT with clients? That's on purpose.
My GUESS is he's checking out which clients are open to the occasional cheating on SO's/spouses/etc. Your SO hasn't bitten yet, but, by going along with it, why not continue trying?
As I said, it sounds like once the red flags were brought out, your SO realized it could get worse and she decided to back away. So, trust that decision as well.
If my significant other and I were in that situation, there’s no way in hell I’d be leaving her in a car to sleep and piss in a bottle while I’m going into a buddy’s house. I’d be in the car with her. That’s insane.
I’d ask him about his issues. And if he has been in love before.
Two of the women I have dated have told me that they loved me before I told it to them. I try to be honest about my feelings, and it would feel extremely wrong to me to confess love that I do not feel. Something like 1-2.5 months later I told them, when I loved them.
So sorry for what you've been through ok. I will advise you get yourself engage in different kinda activities e.g playing games each time that feelings of her comes up. It really helped me and i pray you get over it soon ok.
Red flags to me. He's either very insecure or he's controlling.
No relationships are not meant to be like that. Yes there is some give and take, but what you have put, is pretty extreme. Relationships are built on trust and it appears there isn't much there.
My advice would be to walk away. If you don't want to then at least you need to have a conversation and put your foot down to this behaviour.
Okay we need to take a step back, bc you two are clearly two balls of toxic.
1. You trauma dumped on this man on day 2? You thought you’d be a good couple? You didn’t know each other. I’ve got major trauma too. You don’t reveal shit like that to strangers. 2. He then used that trauma in a fight? Why tf are you already fighting 4 months in? 3. You guys are planning to get married four months in? To the point where you’re telling your parents? 4. He regrets rushing and then used your trauma as the excuse?
You guys are not good for each other. His “reconsideration” is an emotional abuse tactic, so he’ll come back but YOU should leave. This dude is going to torment you for the rest of your life.
I appreciate your comment. I talked to my kids about this in an age appropriate way. My youngest doesn't mind either way, he was 8 the last time he saw her. My oldest is a bit more..compassionate? I hope it's not codependency. On one hand he wants to try because he says he might he able to be a good influence on her but is worried that if we try to merge our families again and then determine it was a bad idea, then we're back to where we've been for the last 2 years and have to distance again.
I think the solution for this is to invite your parents to come over and visit the baby at your home. Sorry, but I agree with your husband about staying at their home for nights at a time. If your sister has a history of violent behavior and jealousy, I wouldn't let her anywhere near your baby.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
That's what she is going to take away from the conversation. That you cared. That you acknowledged the problem. Sought treatment. And most especially didn't put any of it on her. That's top grade man behavior, not something to be ashamed of.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My bf makes a good salary, around $350k a year as such he fancies high end restaurants however whenever we go I get super embarrassed by the way he acts.
We went to a Michelin star fine dining restaurant that had a set menu. He asked the waiter if he could tweak some of the recipes on there and asked the chef to make his food extra spicy. The waiter responded back saying that they don’t tweak their food and gave him a side of chilli flakes.
We go to a fine dining Koran bbq place where we got to bbq our meats. He takes the side dishes such as corn, jalapeño peppers, white rice, broccoli, raw onions and mixes it up in the tin tray that the meat came in and puts soy sauce and ketchup in it and lets it cook on the bbq where the meat is supposed to cook. He then proceeds to offer his mixed up gunk to everyone around the table (mind you this is something that a 5 year old would make).
A group of us went to a high high high end steakhouse and everyone ordered their own entrees. When he got his plate he started to chop up his food and starts spoon feeling his food to everyone around the table.
I feel so embarrassed that he doesn’t have any table manners and idk how to confront a grown man about this.
TLDR: My (30f) bf (30m) likes going to high end restaurants but doesn’t know how to act and it’s embarrassed
First, there's no excuse for what he did. That's false imprisonment and where I live, that's a crime. You need to decide if you want to involve the authorities.
Second, you should NOT have gone to class when you were sick. You were endangering other people's lives. That's not ok.
Fr I didn't hangout with her much before moving in, I became friends with her in a 6th grade, she seemed great friend to me then we lost contract for 6 years and just met three or four times before moving in.
He will cheat on you one day. Maybe you had a fight, maybe you said no to sex so he goes and punishes you for not doing as he likes. A partner does not punish you for arguing or not texting for a bit.
He is not a partner. You are not his equal in his mind and there is no fixing assholery. And don't fall for his excuses and the BS about how he didn't go to her house because you texted him.
He will keep threatening to cheat as long as he knows that it gets to you. Should it become less effective then he might escalate or change tactics. Be aware that he does what he does to get you back to keep you under his control, not because he is sorry or willing to change.
Get out of the fog, listen to your gut, it will tell you that all of this feels wrong and hurts you.
Thank you, I am not saying “you are forbidden from Budapest” I am saying “if you want this relationship I am not going to accept you going on holidays without me where you go off the rails with your alcohol”
I use a cleaning brand (everdrop) that reduces plastic waste where you mix the stuff yourself in a reusable bottle and the products to mix with water come in paper packaging and have to be kept dry. So I keep them in a closed box and toss whatever silica gel packets I have left in with them.
It took over a year and she only knew because she found it out, have you of told her earlier that you reconnected her reaction might’ve been different.
I loved my GF within a the first 2 months… it took her 1.5 years. We've been together for 4 years and planning our engagement.
The key… is communication.
You not receiving an 'I love you' back… is neither good or bad.
What you actually need is communication from him that the relationship is going somewhere and has a purpose.
What you should not be feeling is this:
I kinda feel like he resents me caring about him.
Sounds like you're looking for more depth but don't know how to find it together. Deeper communication, genuine direction to things.
At the end of the day, if you two work out long term, these details of when or how it happen won't matter… what matters is getting there. Relationships are not a race, they're a marathon.
As long as its on track for the right direction, the pace of things is less impactful.
I think you need to blow open some deeper communication about things and gauge his reaction. Determine if this is going somewhere or not.
Great, so she’s a hypocrite as well as a boundary stomper. If dads unhappy but not saying anything to keep the peace I wonder how much of a nightmare she really is. Update us a year after the wedding when she shows you her true colours.
If your ex can be there as a purely platonic support for you, why not? I confide in my exes still about life, career, family, etc. if the situation and topic is appropriate for it. There are some perspectives they can provide for me more than my partner can, and the same goes for him. Provided there is open communication between yourself and your partner, adequate trust and both sides upholds the personal responsibility to be truthful at all times, there should not be problems at all. Let me reiterate “if the situation and topic is appropriate” as most people miss this point…
Again, depends on the individual, and ultimately what Op and their partner is comfortable with.
At one end of the spectrum is the person that he was. On the other end is the person that he is. You're asking him to be somewhere at maybe 70%
Here's the problem- at some point in that spectrum is the line where you leave him. And he's terrified of crossing that line. So he's going to try to stay as far as possible him it. You're asking him to get closer to that line
One thing you can try is to very clearly communicate where that line is, but even then he's going to be watching his behavior like a hawk
You could try to reassure him that you won't leave him, but you've already shown that you're willing to do so
Everyone is taking the most pessimistic view of OP here when it really seems like she’s just worried he’s going to burn himself out. She could have just ignored the imbalance, but instead she’s here asking for advice because she wants to make sure he’s happy.
OP, I don’t think your original complaints about the relationship are unjustified and you had communicated them plenty of times before separation. It’s great that he took it to heart and you two were able to reconcile. I also understand worrying that your requests have caused him to act on edge, or changed him in ways that take away his happiness. If he responded well to therapy in the past, I would seek out joint sessions. Tell him how much you appreciate him and everything he’s doing, it’s possible he fears failing you and is going above and beyond to ensure you don’t leave again. Come at this from the perspective of wanting to ensure that he is in a place where he can find happiness long-term without burning out or developing resentment towards you. Good luck, OP.
Yeah, it's very much a double standard. I'd call her out. Or simply break up with her if you're done dealing with it. It's probably time, there are just too many flags.
He's really nice. He's the one will buy and pick out her bday gifts and sort of just say it's “from both of them” he's fine with talking and seeing her
Why does everyone want to be a bridesmaid? I understand being bummed if you're not invited, but you do know being a bridesmaid sounds like a terrible amount of work and frustration, right? Not to mention more money spent.
If you want to throw them a party, then throw them a party. If you're only doing it to get a bridesmaid position – stop. I can almost guarantee that doing grand favors to get what you want doesn't usually work. It would be a lot of wasted effort. Just hope for an invitation and enjoy the wedding! Good luck
If a man really loves you, it would be out of the question for him not to invite you from the very beginning regardless of what others were doing, otherwise it’s just an excuse. Red flag sis ?? also sounds like he was feeling guilty about it and sharing the nights experience teetering on the edge of the truth, so he could feel like he told you the truth without actually telling it. But can’t say for sure without evidence. If my fiancé ever did anything like this to me I’d be incredibly hurt. Personally I’d just back off so he doesn’t feel watched or suspicious that you’re onto him, and I’d do some sleuthing and find out the truth.
When you’re waiting for someone and it’s already the scheduled time they could be there in 2 min, but it could also be like 20 min you never know. And most meaningful activities are not of the nature that I want to start them if I know I might have to pause in 3 min. Like studying or doing assignments for university, doing workouts, most chores, even reading when it’s a book you really want to focus on. That leaves drilling Reddit which can be considered a waste of time. Also what if you already left the house and are waiting somewhere else? How is standing around in front of a restaurant or whatever not wasting time?
How are you destroying a family when she is persistently harassing you for sex? If the truth will destroy the family, maybe it's for the best.
Nah, OP needs to tell the husband first so she doesn’t have a chance to do damage control and make it sound like OP is the crazy jealous one.
First of all: you don’t have to do ANYTHING you don’t want to do.
Secondly: a man having sex with a woman isn’t gay.
Bingo.
He knows what he's doing, and, ensures his schedule accommodates it. Ever see a doctors office that didn't schedule one appointment right after the next? Even with an MT, there would be just enough downtime to clean up and get ready for the next, but, an hour or more to just sit and CHAT with clients? That's on purpose.
My GUESS is he's checking out which clients are open to the occasional cheating on SO's/spouses/etc. Your SO hasn't bitten yet, but, by going along with it, why not continue trying?
As I said, it sounds like once the red flags were brought out, your SO realized it could get worse and she decided to back away. So, trust that decision as well.
If my significant other and I were in that situation, there’s no way in hell I’d be leaving her in a car to sleep and piss in a bottle while I’m going into a buddy’s house. I’d be in the car with her. That’s insane.
I’d ask him about his issues. And if he has been in love before.
Two of the women I have dated have told me that they loved me before I told it to them. I try to be honest about my feelings, and it would feel extremely wrong to me to confess love that I do not feel. Something like 1-2.5 months later I told them, when I loved them.
Of course you tell her. Send her a text now. Seriously, how is this even a question?
So sorry for what you've been through ok. I will advise you get yourself engage in different kinda activities e.g playing games each time that feelings of her comes up. It really helped me and i pray you get over it soon ok.
No what I’m trying to say is she dosent respect herself enough to not sleep with a large amount of men
Red flags to me. He's either very insecure or he's controlling.
No relationships are not meant to be like that. Yes there is some give and take, but what you have put, is pretty extreme. Relationships are built on trust and it appears there isn't much there.
My advice would be to walk away. If you don't want to then at least you need to have a conversation and put your foot down to this behaviour.
Okay we need to take a step back, bc you two are clearly two balls of toxic.
1. You trauma dumped on this man on day 2? You thought you’d be a good couple? You didn’t know each other. I’ve got major trauma too. You don’t reveal shit like that to strangers. 2. He then used that trauma in a fight? Why tf are you already fighting 4 months in? 3. You guys are planning to get married four months in? To the point where you’re telling your parents? 4. He regrets rushing and then used your trauma as the excuse?
You guys are not good for each other. His “reconsideration” is an emotional abuse tactic, so he’ll come back but YOU should leave. This dude is going to torment you for the rest of your life.
I appreciate your comment. I talked to my kids about this in an age appropriate way. My youngest doesn't mind either way, he was 8 the last time he saw her. My oldest is a bit more..compassionate? I hope it's not codependency. On one hand he wants to try because he says he might he able to be a good influence on her but is worried that if we try to merge our families again and then determine it was a bad idea, then we're back to where we've been for the last 2 years and have to distance again.
Yeah that’s his wife
I think the solution for this is to invite your parents to come over and visit the baby at your home. Sorry, but I agree with your husband about staying at their home for nights at a time. If your sister has a history of violent behavior and jealousy, I wouldn't let her anywhere near your baby.
They're teaching abstinence.
Clearly that's going very well. /s
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
That's what she is going to take away from the conversation. That you cared. That you acknowledged the problem. Sought treatment. And most especially didn't put any of it on her. That's top grade man behavior, not something to be ashamed of.
heh thanks
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My bf makes a good salary, around $350k a year as such he fancies high end restaurants however whenever we go I get super embarrassed by the way he acts.
We went to a Michelin star fine dining restaurant that had a set menu. He asked the waiter if he could tweak some of the recipes on there and asked the chef to make his food extra spicy. The waiter responded back saying that they don’t tweak their food and gave him a side of chilli flakes.
We go to a fine dining Koran bbq place where we got to bbq our meats. He takes the side dishes such as corn, jalapeño peppers, white rice, broccoli, raw onions and mixes it up in the tin tray that the meat came in and puts soy sauce and ketchup in it and lets it cook on the bbq where the meat is supposed to cook. He then proceeds to offer his mixed up gunk to everyone around the table (mind you this is something that a 5 year old would make).
A group of us went to a high high high end steakhouse and everyone ordered their own entrees. When he got his plate he started to chop up his food and starts spoon feeling his food to everyone around the table.
I feel so embarrassed that he doesn’t have any table manners and idk how to confront a grown man about this.
TLDR: My (30f) bf (30m) likes going to high end restaurants but doesn’t know how to act and it’s embarrassed
There's a lot to unpack here.
First, there's no excuse for what he did. That's false imprisonment and where I live, that's a crime. You need to decide if you want to involve the authorities.
Second, you should NOT have gone to class when you were sick. You were endangering other people's lives. That's not ok.
Fr I didn't hangout with her much before moving in, I became friends with her in a 6th grade, she seemed great friend to me then we lost contract for 6 years and just met three or four times before moving in.
Thanks for the comment. I love him so much it feels impossible to break up with him. I wish I could forget the last few years and start a fresh
He will cheat on you one day. Maybe you had a fight, maybe you said no to sex so he goes and punishes you for not doing as he likes. A partner does not punish you for arguing or not texting for a bit.
He is not a partner. You are not his equal in his mind and there is no fixing assholery. And don't fall for his excuses and the BS about how he didn't go to her house because you texted him.
He will keep threatening to cheat as long as he knows that it gets to you. Should it become less effective then he might escalate or change tactics. Be aware that he does what he does to get you back to keep you under his control, not because he is sorry or willing to change.
Get out of the fog, listen to your gut, it will tell you that all of this feels wrong and hurts you.
Ghost his ass.
Man don't listen to half these lunatics. It was traumatic for you and you don't have to accept it. They handled it horribly
I want her to say it outside the bedroom too. I'm confused as to why I'm only complimented there and not anywhere else.
You don't. You apologize and leave her be. That was incredibly inappropriate.
If you don’t want to do anything with her, why do you have a gf?
Thank you, I am not saying “you are forbidden from Budapest” I am saying “if you want this relationship I am not going to accept you going on holidays without me where you go off the rails with your alcohol”
So, you told him you love that he works hard. So, if he doesn’t work hard, it’s over?
See what I did there?
You’re overthinking.
I use a cleaning brand (everdrop) that reduces plastic waste where you mix the stuff yourself in a reusable bottle and the products to mix with water come in paper packaging and have to be kept dry. So I keep them in a closed box and toss whatever silica gel packets I have left in with them.
Do not EVER cave on this. His poop stews are DISGUSTING and HE is wrong!!!
Why?
I feel safe with him and well respected.
Those are good pre-requisites to have- good luck!
Leave. Run. Sprint and cut her off wth
Why lie to her in the first place?
Did you think she would never find out?
It took over a year and she only knew because she found it out, have you of told her earlier that you reconnected her reaction might’ve been different.
You’ve lost her trust, good luck getting it back.
Here’s a hint, she wants you to pay her portion. Hint at it and see if her mood suddenly changes.
Everyone operates on their own timeline.
I loved my GF within a the first 2 months… it took her 1.5 years. We've been together for 4 years and planning our engagement.
The key… is communication.
You not receiving an 'I love you' back… is neither good or bad.
What you actually need is communication from him that the relationship is going somewhere and has a purpose.
What you should not be feeling is this:
I kinda feel like he resents me caring about him.
Sounds like you're looking for more depth but don't know how to find it together. Deeper communication, genuine direction to things.
At the end of the day, if you two work out long term, these details of when or how it happen won't matter… what matters is getting there. Relationships are not a race, they're a marathon.
As long as its on track for the right direction, the pace of things is less impactful.
I think you need to blow open some deeper communication about things and gauge his reaction. Determine if this is going somewhere or not.
Great, so she’s a hypocrite as well as a boundary stomper. If dads unhappy but not saying anything to keep the peace I wonder how much of a nightmare she really is. Update us a year after the wedding when she shows you her true colours.
It sounds like she didn't want to expose the son to a racist. She wanted to expose the racist to a pic of her diverse family.
If your ex can be there as a purely platonic support for you, why not? I confide in my exes still about life, career, family, etc. if the situation and topic is appropriate for it. There are some perspectives they can provide for me more than my partner can, and the same goes for him. Provided there is open communication between yourself and your partner, adequate trust and both sides upholds the personal responsibility to be truthful at all times, there should not be problems at all. Let me reiterate “if the situation and topic is appropriate” as most people miss this point…
Again, depends on the individual, and ultimately what Op and their partner is comfortable with.
If this were one of your children with a verbally abusive partner someday what advice would you give them?
LMAO. My high school girlfriend pulled this. Her grandfather made the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had in my life.
Never gave me the recipe. I’m still bitter.
At one end of the spectrum is the person that he was. On the other end is the person that he is. You're asking him to be somewhere at maybe 70%
Here's the problem- at some point in that spectrum is the line where you leave him. And he's terrified of crossing that line. So he's going to try to stay as far as possible him it. You're asking him to get closer to that line
One thing you can try is to very clearly communicate where that line is, but even then he's going to be watching his behavior like a hawk
You could try to reassure him that you won't leave him, but you've already shown that you're willing to do so
Everyone is taking the most pessimistic view of OP here when it really seems like she’s just worried he’s going to burn himself out. She could have just ignored the imbalance, but instead she’s here asking for advice because she wants to make sure he’s happy.
OP, I don’t think your original complaints about the relationship are unjustified and you had communicated them plenty of times before separation. It’s great that he took it to heart and you two were able to reconcile. I also understand worrying that your requests have caused him to act on edge, or changed him in ways that take away his happiness. If he responded well to therapy in the past, I would seek out joint sessions. Tell him how much you appreciate him and everything he’s doing, it’s possible he fears failing you and is going above and beyond to ensure you don’t leave again. Come at this from the perspective of wanting to ensure that he is in a place where he can find happiness long-term without burning out or developing resentment towards you. Good luck, OP.
bud sounds Like someone else has her so how can you lose her. you need to man up and deal with it now
Is she your wife's friend from work?
I wouldn’t entertain the friend. So many other guys just move on to a simpler situation
Could be a recently viewed, could be the only file that is a file not a folder.
Yeah, it's very much a double standard. I'd call her out. Or simply break up with her if you're done dealing with it. It's probably time, there are just too many flags.
He's really nice. He's the one will buy and pick out her bday gifts and sort of just say it's “from both of them” he's fine with talking and seeing her