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Remove the T -shirt [GOAL MET]
Date: October 3, 2022
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Remove the T -shirt [GOAL MET]
Honestly it’s really fucked up and I’d call the police and report it. It’s not even close to normal behaviour. It’s illegal and is grooming and has probably altered your son’s psychosexual development forever.
I totally understand him and I would feel the same. In fact I would find it a bit weird that I have a date with one dude who's investing time on me for him to then go feck someone else hours after our cute date? Is this like a cheap movie? He deserves better
This absolutely not change. She made up her mind. It's her, you, and her kids. Your child will be ostracized and treated differently. The fact that this is towards the beginning is the largest red flag.
If you want your child to be the “hated step kid,” then by all means proceed. The fact you didn't figure this out on your own, or at least I suppose are still questioning pursuing this… You might as well just let the mother take custody of your child.
Your only redemption would be telling her straight up “Yeah, no… my child is my world. If you want this to end now, then so be it. But if you want a family she's going to be included.
I personally would send him a text of everything you have back at him and then block, delete and ghost ?!!!
You are at different points in life. At this moment you both want different things and he was showing vast disrespect by not listening to your feelings and needs. You did the right thing by leaving him. You can both now find partners who want the same things, on the same timeline and who will listen and show respect and concern and support towards your feelings, wants and needs. This is best for both of you.
yeah I would never force him. i really love him and i just want to be there for him. thank you so much
I’d straight up just tell him I think he has a phone addiction and that he should seek help before it affects our relationship further
I don't agree with him on the euthanasia aspect but I understand his reasoning. I do agree with him on the abortion issue. The amount of people actually deciding to abort late-term on a whim and not due to severe medical issues is damn near zero. Laws against it often don't cover all (or sometimes any) of the possible medical reasons and just make things harder for people who are already going through a terrible situation.
Well you seem to remember everything, plus you aren’t saying you cheated while drunk only that you were under the influence, sounds like you just feel bad now. Your partner deserves better so you need to tell her you messed up, put her feelings above your own to spare her the pain of someone else telling her.
Again, you are trying to rationalize the actions of someone who was shitty to you. Maybe the kids thing was important to him. Maybe he just wants to fuck around and didn't want to tell you that. Maybe he got a fortune cookie that said “break up with your girlfriend” and his dumb ass listened to it.
We can't control the actions of others. And we can't always find reason and rationalizing in their actions. There's a therapeutic concept called “radical acceptance,” where we just have to accept the world that is in front of us, as we can only control our own actions. You may never get answers or closure from your roommates, or your ex. You can, however, accept that those things happened, that you deserve better, and you will look for better roommates/partners in the future.
Listen, I've been there and I'm going to give you the advice you don't want to hear and that is to leave him. Mth is literal Hell as a loved one. Get out before you drag kids into this mess. He has to want to get sober and stay sober and he doesn't. And why would he? He gets his drgs, his side pieces and you because he knows you're just giving him threats. And if users can't get clean to save their own kids, what makes you think he's going to get clean and stay clean for you? He needs to do it but he needs to want to do it first and keep fighting those demons every day. It hurts like Hell and I wouldn't want to wish that on anybody. And I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. But please, take it from your online big sister who stood in your shoes for 10 years, you need to leave. You guys can reconnect when he's at least a year into his soberity. But he's going to become your dr*g and you will lose your sanity trying to save him and your relationship.
Questions I have:
How many boyfriends have her parents let live with them for two weeks? Did you leave a job and pick up a new one to move nearer to your gf? If she's as great as you say, she doesn't trade sexual favors with guys just to get a hoodie That being said, regardless of there being a contest or now, how does she feel about asking guys for their property while giving nothing in return? Would she give a random guy a hoodie if he asked? If not, why not? Ask her if she has anything with her that reminds her of who gave her what? Like a name, cell #, social media account.
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I wanted to see if we could work things out as the breakup wasn't dramatic
I want to be involved with the child
Highly likely it's mine because of window but pending paternity
Not sure what you mean by brutally ending the date?
Co-parenting together or apart
Judge Judy would say “You're an idiot Madam”!
breaking up is absolutely not an option
Yes. It's an option. It might not be an option you like but it's still an option.
i have been hurt so many times
Right, and that's why I suggested therapy. You should have cut the relationship off as soon as you learned you have different views on sex. You made the choice to continue, and that choice lead to you feeling more torn/hurt.
and in my heart i know he's the one
He might be the one for you but you're not the one for him.
i can't let him go
You sat that like he's an item for you to possess. He's an actual person who can make his own choices, even if you don't like them.
Sorry but fuck that guy. Find someone else.
He's broke in his 40s. Yes it's odd that you're dating him lol. He's doing pretty good for himself though.
I used to have a friend who acted like your boyfriend. My life got so much better when I cut her out. Don't waste your life with someone who's not happy for your success.
This is such a major issue that it is best to end the relationship. Children really are an all or nothing decision.
Ask her out!! Don't wait. Do it now. One of two things will happen… she will say no, and then you will know where you stand or you got a date.
LOL. Sorry if you find someone mentioning postpartum depression and the need for self-care offensive.
i was expecting this comment but didn't want my post to be too long – I do a lot for her and she is very grateful.
Thanks for making the effort to learn instead of doubling down!
TL;DR: I MIGHT be able to offer some insight as to what's going on in your wife's head. Unfortunately, it's complicated, and I can't summarize it. But the actual practical advice is in the last 2 paragraphs.
I don't know that it's fair of her to re-draw these boundary lines without making it clear where you stand. And while it sounds like she did become uncomfortable and need you to stop, it also sounds like you DID stop, and she was able to avoid a full-blown episode. So I'm not sure criticizing you for not knowing what it's like to be in her shoes was the best way she could have handled that, even in the moment.
However, I'm going to take a guess at this, being a PTSD patient and survivor of abuse myself. I have very little practical advice for you, and I apologize, but maybe my perspective will help you understand where she's at, and maybe that will help you find solutions.
It seems like she's made some huge progress lately and is finally able to enjoy these acts with you in a way she wasn't able to before – but don't be fooled. This is decades-old trauma, and it's not getting better all at once. My guess is that she's finding herself okay with these things in these little moments here and there, and she wants to take advantage of that as it happens. But she has experienced these little moments of bravery before, and she knows they don't last – recovery isn't a straight line. So, as of right now, and until she says otherwise, you can never assume she's okay with any of these things unless she tells you, then and there – or physically makes you do it. If I'm right about this, she should have told you that. But I have a guess as to why she didn't.
Often, when I notice progress in my recovery, I immediately panic and wish I hadn't noticed. The traumatized brain is such a fragile thing sometimes. It feels like I'm made of glass and could shatter from a light breeze. I don't want to figure out why it got better, I don't want to draw any attention to it, I don't even want to know it happened. It's kind of like the concept of jinxing a good thing by pointing it out, except it feels much more real than that. I'd actually compare it to doing a repetitive task on autopilot, then messing up when you start thinking about it. If your wife has been feeling this way, then she is following her impulse in the moment – but then panicking and trying to bury it before it can get screwed up. It's not the responsible thing to do, but it is a very understandable instinct for self-preservation.
Going to therapy can kind of be the same way. She's been in therapy before, so she has an idea of what it can do for her. She's been dealing with this all her life, so she thinks she knows whether that would be helpful. It's never a bad idea, but it is a scary one, and I have to admit it's not ALWAYS as helpful as you want it to be. What if you unearth all the buried stuff and you're not strong enough to work through it? Then it will just be worse. If your wife feels like she's made of glass, then therapy sounds like carrying the glass one-handed over your head through a strong wind.
So… if your wife is anything like me, this might give you a window into her head. And if not, then take the one piece of actual advice I buried up there: never assume it's okay for you to give her oral, hold her wrists, or anything else she told you not to do. Wait for her to tell you or “make” you. That seems to be the boundary here, even if she should have communicated better about it.
Also… don't feel like you have to do things with her that you don't want to, just because she's open to it in that moment. If she's trying to make you go down on her and it's uncomfortable, stop her. Your consent is every bit as important as hers, and it's not something to make concessions on.
I understand there are some red flags in him. But I also have red flags, for peat sake I have BPD that spells it out that I’m not a trophy of a gf. Everyone is human. And if I can stop it in its tracks I will do he and we can grow
UpdateMe !
I'm on the same page here. The boyfriend is being an ass with all these demands. He should just break up with her. And I think she knows that, but they're both too scared to pull the plug.
I'm 32 and a parent and I still feel like a kid trying to get my shit together. I'm not sure that feeling goes away with age.
So what? If you’re trying to argue that he’s categorically too old for her, don’t be imprecise.
“My boyfriend is loving and romantic but he screams at me when he gets in arguments and guilt trips me by saying he’s gonna kill himself”
Wtf is this relationship LOL
You need to just get out as fast as you can
I don’t think that’s any kind of violation of therapist ethics. Their job is the emotional wellbeing of their clients, not enforcing moral codes. If in their professional judgment not disclosing something is in the emotional best interest of the client, they won’t advise disclosure.
That therapist is a criminal and needs to be reported to the board.
So you're gonna do this again? Be careful not everyone is sane
Name checks out!
So you think that I should proceed with my plan to confess?
Ah and also… I guess you can call it that we're pretty much soulmates… we actually both have the problem of people getting “intimidated” of us because of our attitude and stuff. So I doubt she thinks I'm afraid of her, we even tease each other that we'll leave the other, we both take it as a joke and laugh it off often. She often talks/chats with me for several hours everyday in those 3 months despite her and my busy schedule.
When you have “unmet needs” in a relationship you break up first and then go pursue other people. Not sure why this concept is so difficult for some people.
Okay that makes more sense.
Honestly, at this point you have to seek couples counseling. One party shutting down and refusing to share their feelings is something that can be overcome with compassion and communication. But it sounds like both of you have shut down? I don't see how either of you can open back up without it sounding disingenuous to the other.
Honestly just take your cue from her. She will talk when she is ready. Let her know you'll be there for her.
Bro, take the phone back. Simple. Or stop paying and block her. If it doesn’t affect your credit etc then I would really stop it all.
As a person who's easily manipulated, thank you for this, I'm so lost lately.
Nah dude this is a major fundamental core value difference. This isn’t disagreeing about where to eat dinner. This is him saying that her wants and rights would always take second place to a fetus. That he is comfortable forcing a woman to have her rapist’s baby regardless of her trauma. Yikes! I would not feel safe with that man as my partner. How could you develop the trust and connection required for a long term relationship if you know deep down your partner doesn’t believe you should be able to control your own body. I personally would never feel safe.
Just about anything can be hacked, but why would someone want to spend the effort and risk imprisonment to hack his tinder account?
You don’t get it, he gets to judge her because he would never do such a thing. Besides, the market for a drunken dude in a ONS is flooded.
Don't marry her, a woman
I'll keep saying this till I'm blue.
Loyal people are loyal regardless of the situation.
People who cheat will find a way even if you put the tightest leash on them.
Her friends no matter how wild will never compromise who she is, if you trust her than no you don't need to worry
Hooo boy, it sounds like he’s grooming you.
The prof and I hit it off right away, same academic interests, same hobbies. Literally everything you can think of. Finishing eachothers’ sentences. It was almost uncanny. Felt like someone had run a detailed con mission on me.
Because he probably did. He possibly abused his student record’s access to research your files. He could have easily known what classes you took, accessed your other class notes, etc.
He should not be asking any personal questions about you. Ever. Do not spend any more time alone with this man. He’s violating professional ethics. If he pressures you, threaten to go to the academic dean if he doesn’t back off.
To answer the question directly, different men have different communication styles. Ask him if he's into you.
So when you were 19 he picked you at the age of 28? What the fuck is wrong with him? Does he like teenagers?
She literally just considered that her husband might be cheating because some random person on the Internet she's never met told her he is, she's very easily influenced.
Then it doesn’t seem like a real issue. If there’s love, there’s possibility:)
I’m sure others have told you, but this is a very toxic situation. It is your decision whether to seek an abortion (hopefully you live in a state where that’s still the case), but if you are determined to get out of this situation, having no ties whatsoever to your toxic bf will help you move on.
Not really. There's different degrees, such as larceny and embezzlement. Also different kinds, such as by trick, default, by omission. Oh, and the federal government only lists two kinds of fraud as federal crimes; tampering with electric mail or against the government itself. That's not a small thing.
If it's always on the same tonight though shouldn't it be a given that they're going to do it? And seeing that that's the case, again is it not maybe a case of delayed communication by your partner and not necessarily them?
So he shouldn’t ask? And should just shove it in her mouth?
Asking is the considerate thing to do. I don’t think the asking is the issue…it’s his selfishness
Have about making male friends from other countries that live where he lives?
Did she actually end things?
OP, some women grow up in homes where there are no emotions shown, especially from fathers and these women associate that with being better and stronger. This is far from the truth. Your partner will not change, but rather grow to resent you for being sensitive. This will get worse and not better. You cannot change her. Find someone that you can bond with better.
Some people are higher on the sensitivity spectrum and find it easier to feel their emotions. It is also a strength, because it means that you process sensory input at a more complicated level. This shows up as a net positive in your life, if you let it.
As someone with similar traits. Just as an example, it has made me a more capable father, being able to empathise with my children's feelings. Talk them down from tantrums and generally show up on a deep emotional level.
You need a partner that loves this about you, not one that dislikes it. When you find that person, it will be like night and day.
The chances that your kids will be like you is high and imagine how she would treat the kids.
Do yourself a favour and find someone more compatible. For your sake and hers. She can have her emotionless dud and you can find a girl that cherishes the deep emotional connection you are capable of.
Yeah that fully depends on what the couple agreed to.
I'm obviously gonna take a test but the points is that if it turns out to be positive I'm basically alone unless my bf wanna support me with the decision
Well boy howdy, certainly am glad you feel so much better. Now if only she was able to make a more concrete and informed decision from ALL the details and not only the one AP who bit back.
Dude you can’t just wipe this under the rug. It feels like you’re projecting big time from your own bad behavior. You have to take accountability and either trust your spouse, or move on.
Threatening to find someone to have a baby with is NOT the same as actually cheating. It’s emotionally manipulative for sure- and I definitely said you both suck.
Its not like she will lose her contacts
No, but now she has to update her phone number in a ton of different places.
Just ignore them all. Also, ignore any social media drama they start because that will be their next step.
HUGE red flag. Rule #1, no friends who have been inside of you. Draw a line in the sand and stand firm. This shit only ends one way.
I think you are going to be frustrated as long as she's there with you. You've asked and pleaded, and she just can't do it.
Look into an auto-closing door that locks itself, and that you have to use a keypad to open. This is not a standard item and it will be expensive.
Very much so, because in an earlier comment I'd explained to him I absolutely agreed with her, he needed to step outside and to me, on the balcony is outside. I make my fiance smoke outside, and we have a balcony, I'd feel pretty damn rude to force him to go down the stairs to smoke since we're a couple floors up, when he can just step out on the balcony, long as the door is closed and he doesn't like walk in taking his last drag I don't mind. But he typically sits outside for a while and will start chewing some gum before even coming in.
As soon as he said that other girls would do it? I would have said “then you should go and find them.” Such manipulative crap. If you don’t feel like it? Don’t do it.
Your boyfriend is a creep, not because of his BJ wants (I would love a daily BJ) but because he is using his apparent greater experience to try and manipulate you. There is likely a reason his is dating someone so much younger. You tell him that you are not comfortable, you do not enjoy doing it as a chore or anything else that your feel, how he reacts is his problem.
This isn't a judgement sub. Did you want advice on how to talk to your partner and come to a compromise?
All you can do is tell her what you're observing, but she needs to come to her own conclusions at the end of the day, so don't push too hard.
This sounds like a creepy fantasy novel. I'm calling bs
She got a dream job offer and she wasn’t going to take it, but he told her it was a great financial opportunity to put her where she and her daughter needed to be, and if she loved him she would take the job and she did. They are still close and talk, when she comes back to visit she always hangs out with him, makes it a point to visit me and our parents. We all know they will be back together future lol but right now this is what she needed to do.