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Timon and Lilit, y.o.
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Date: November 23, 2022
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Well, as someone who found out that their sperm donor didn't want anything to do with them when I was 12, maybe wait until they're not 12.
Your child has a loving home. Bringing him in for child support could result in a custody agreement, ruining his marriage (there's no way he wasn't cheating), and dragging your child into that mess. They'll always be the kid who screwed up the man's life by being proof of infidelity.
The man could be great and want to be a dad. But he could also be an asshole who wants nothing do to with your child. You can't tell the kid either way if you don't know. Tell him, find out, and take it with a grain of salt. He probably won't want you/your child around bc it'll ruin his life (I mean screw all cheaters but still).
He is a great father and good partner,
WOW. I am always bewildered by this when posts end this way. Describe the most selfish, and self centred partner possible and end with this shit, girl please you're killing me.
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You know when it's time to go when you came to reddit to ask this question. Good luck to you
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Tl:dr I just started making good money, my GF wants me to start sending money ($1,000 or more) to her family every month. I refused and she’s irate with me, calling me selfish, etc. Seeking advice.
Hey guys, need some advice here. My GF and I have been together for about 2 years now. We live together and share some finances, split everything 50/50, but I believe she’s trying to take things a bit too far by asking me to give money to her family.
For more context, we live in the US, she is 2nd generation Mexican. (meaning, her parents are from Mexico but she was born in US)
My GF is an outlier in her family whereas she is one of the only one of her relatives to get a college degree. She is making decent money now ($70K) and also moved across the country from her family after graduating. She leads a stable and drama free life, which is why I love her. She is frugal with her money and is generally low-maintenance.
Her sister, on the other hand, is a mess. She is a single mother of 2, moved to Florida from Michigan on a whim with no money, skills or degree to follow her baby daddy, BD left her and the kids. She is now jobless and moved in with relatives who are also struggling. Blames everyone for her shit except herself. Her mother is not doing any better. After a nasty divorce where she was cheated on and abused throughout the marriage, she decided to represent herself in court despite all advice and lost just about everything to her name. She is also just notoriously bad with her money, she will spend the last $800 to her name on a fancy table she doesn’t need then freak out and ask for money to cover rent. This is just a glimpse into the mess of her family, not even including all the issues and drama caused by her extended family. (there are many of them)
Then, there’s me. I come from a pretty poor background and have worked myself silly to get into a good financial position. I finally started making a decent wage in the past 2 months ($150K) for the first time in my life, I have things I could only dream of like…good healthcare and a savings account.
Recently, my girlfriend approached me and asked if I could start helping her send money to her family since I’m making good money now. I was a little taken back, and just asked what she thought. She’s asking me to contribute nearly $1,000 each month to send to her mom and sister. I said absolutely not, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to just be sending monthly payments to relatives, much less relatives that aren’t even mine! She’s acting like I’m being outrageous by refusing, saying she couldn’t believe I’m so selfish.
She will absolutely not let it go and her demeanor towards me has shifted since I shut her down. I feel like I’m going insane. If a relative was in a life or death situation and needed some funds, sure, I could spare some change. But not $1000 a month! Or any monthly payment for that matter.
I tried to compromise and said I would buy some school supplies or some clothes for her sister’s kids. (Who I feel are an innocent party here and shouldn’t suffer from there’s mom’s stupid decisions) She refused, saying it’s not enough. Either way, I really don’t want my hard earned money in the hands of her relatives who are notoriously bad with it.
I understand that family is important in Latin American culture. Has anyone in a similar situation dealt with something like this? How can we move past this?
Yeah we don’t live together. We nearly moved in together back a few months ago but decided against it as my dogs haven’t taken to acclimating well with her son. I appreciate your reply, and I think I do know that I need to end it as hard as it may be.
She never apologises for her reactions. Thats a big part of the issue for me. In her mind I’ve messed up and deserve to be reprimanded for it. She won’t just mention it once and move on. It ruins her day.
She would argue its from a string of failures on my part.
I would argue its because Im not her and don’t need the same level of structure and routine in my day to day life. I try to keep up with her but often I can’t.
Shes very highly strung but she can’t see it. She’ll forever be disappointed with something because nobody can live up to her expectations.
Shes in a mood with my mam now for not giving a specific time of arrival tomorrow, my mams coming over to look after my step son so we can go out (we never go out normally).
Yup you guessed it, shes stressed out her mind over this as well. Worrying about taxi’s, timekeeping, tomorrows chores etc.
I feel really bad for her and wish she could see this isn’t healthy. But in her head its all justified.