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Date: October 3, 2022
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As an update- this one was actually slow fading me over the Christmas holiday
There is a lot to unpack here, but basically:
1) You guys moved too fast. This was never love, it was a brief fling.
2) He is not stable or willing to be a good father, husband, or co parent.
3) You also dont seem mature enough to be a good parent. You are too wrapped up in this whirlwind fantasy that you are not thinking practically.
The best thing for you to do would either be to have an abortion (or if that is against your moral code, give the baby up for adoption).
Block this guy from any further contact – he is not in a place to have any type of relationship.
Stop having unprotected sex without any regard for consequences.
You dont do anything to get him to understand why this upset you. He already knows…hes just mean spirited and did it to be a jerk.
There should be legal consequences for hiding a child from a father.
SHE made the decision for him. It wasn't mutual, whilst it may have been a difficult decision for her, it's one she took on her own, without even discussing it with” the love of her life”. If the shoe was on the other foot, and he unilaterally decided he no longer wanted to try for a child, you'd be trashing him just as hard. Do I think he was right to sleep with someone else? No. Do I think he did it to hurt her as a form of revenge because she'd hurt him? Yes.
As someone whose struggled with mental health issues for 30 years, the simplistic attitude of he should've just done this or that is total bollocks. It took me the best part of 5 years before I could even begin to accept that I had a problem and to seek help for it. Downvote me to oblivion, I don't care, but let's not deify someone who had an unprotected one-night stand which by her definition was cheating on her husband.
You probably need a therapist to talk about that stuff with. You may be prone to oversharing.
I almost cancelled the wedding when I found them lying to me the first time, but he promised me it was a one time thing, and I was 10,000 dollars deep into all the wedding expenses…. ( I wanted a big wedding and I paid for it. I grew up on and off homeless so having a big wedding was something that I thought I could never have and wanted to achieve. ) I really REALLY don't think that it's anything sexual, it's just emotional. I'm really not trying to mean or anything, but I am far from being an unattractive female, while she is not even close to my level I'm done with being very honest about that. I have zero insecurities about my appearance. I just needed some validation that I'm not crazy about the relationship they have. I've worked very hard for the salary that I make, and I could support us while he finds a job if we move out of this town and away from her, but he won't do it.
I see what you mean, and it definitely makes more sense in my head the more I think about it because I’ve also been put in a tough spot where I have given people my number when I truly didn’t “need” to or want to.
I mean we talked about sexuality briefly in the conversation when I was expressing I was hurt, and he was asking “do I come off as gay?” And I said he’s just a really friendly, bubbly guy so sometimes it can come off unintentionally. He didn’t actually say he wasn’t bisexual but I have question it as our sex life is kind of non existent… sorry this opens a whole other can of worms, but yes I guess I’ve been worried. That’s why it hit deep
Info: Does she object to the field you’re in it the salary negotiation process?