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Date: October 31, 2022
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I have had therapy before but it hasn't helped.
Find another one. And if that don’t help, find another one.
Did you have good parents?
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!!!! IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE
If you’ve tried communicating this issue to him many times before and he dismisses the conversation as you trying to be difficult, it’s probably not going to work out for you both, IMO.
One of the worst things that can happen for a relationship is when one partner is able to communicate their frustrations/ worries, but the other partner is not willing to listen and actively make changes to work on things. Eventually, you just keep quiet about things, and keep it all in until it inevitably boils over and turns into resentment. That will only make things 100% worse.
I understand that your lives are busy and hectic. But that shouldn’t be an excuse. You make time for the people/things that are most important to you. If he wanted to, he would.
So your only options at this point are:
A.) stay with him and deal with things the way they are and continue to be unhappy.
B.) try to have a serious conversation face to face one more time and let him know that if things don’t change, things aren’t going to work out between you both.
It really depends on where you stand. It seems like you already have one foot out the door. Follow your gut instinct and act accordingly.
Good luck
He's been clear, you've been clear. Why are there any views for a future beyond a few years of having fun? Neither one of you should be expected to compromise on having, or not having, children. Doesn't make any sense to me at all
Male. I have literally only had sex with my wife. We started dating at 17. No regrets. Not embarrassed.
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Sounds like she has more to confess. Nobody confesses to something they got away with 10 years ago without reason.
Easier said than done from someone who's not been married, but I couldn't continue the marriage knowing this. Ending an affair because you feel you'll marry your partner isn't noble and doesn't make a good enough excuse, she cheated on you.
And speaking from experience, if someone's cheated once they've probably cheated twice and thrice.
You are acting out of fear and have created the thing you fear. Being left.
Insecurity/needyness , mood swings are super off putting especially when you don't see each other all the time and your precious weekend is ruined by it.
Moving to the living room had everything to do with the conversation and to deny it is sheer manipulation. You didn't get the attention you wanted by moving beds so you escalated.
Your behavior sounds straight up manipulative I hope the guy sticks to his guns and breaks up with you. This behavior doesn't deserve to be rewarded.
Don't ask questions if you are not prepared for the honest answer.
Well now we know why you’ve been married 3 times and yet you still haven’t learned. She’s right. That was abuse and abuse over something minor. The sad thing is you know what your problem and won’t fix it. You just expect someone to just forgive you and accept it. A smart woman who knows her worth will stick around to put up with that. You’re banking that she’s not.
You don’t think cheaters intend to get away with it? Then why do they lie when caught?
What an idiotic take.
Haha except she said they didn’t even bother pulling out 4 times after she got her IUD out. Sooo?? Not much thinking going on there
Thank you
It sounds like you two are really caught up in a cycle of blame and self-doubt. And honestly, it's hard to say if it's you or not. But what I can say is that it's not all about physical appearance. There could be a lot of different factors at play here. It could be that he's just not into sex, or it could be that he's got some deeper issues or insecurities that he's not ready to talk about yet.
The thing is, if he's not enjoying the sex and you're not enjoying the sex, then it's not really doing either of you any good. It sounds like he's not ready or willing to have an open and honest conversation about what's going on with him, and that's something that might need to change if you're going to work through this.
But as you said, actions speak louder than words. It's not easy, but you might want to consider seeking couples therapy to help you both talk through these issues. And remember, It might not be the sex you want, but if you're happy in every other way, that's something to be thankful for. Don't forget to communicate and be open with him about what you're feeling. And if he's not willing to do that, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
You could buy a ring for his finger and ask him to marry you.
It sounds pretty sincere to me. I think he put a lot into the apology and repeatedly took her feelings into account. He didn't play it off or make light of it or say she was delusional. I would have been upset, too, but I would give him credit for trying, even though it was not to her liking.
Is his name George Costanza?
She has every right to let you know of her plans, and you have every right to accept or pass/break up. Women who want kids have a much shorter window to have them than men do.
It's just not the gifts its gift giving. Small effort. Things he shows me he loves me? I'll take a ring made out of chicken bone. It's the thought that counts. That's how I was raised. I'm not shallow. He got a ps5 for xmas paid by me!! Tf
I appreciate you trying ?? /gen
He is trying something. He’s testing the waters on how she reacts to what he’s saying. You’re being a bit naive about the situation maybe because you’re a bit young. But she has no choice in the matter nor the situation. This is sexual harassment and a big issue and she may truly feel scared and stuck with her job on the line if she doesn’t act right.
It does sound shady but I don’t wear mine because I’m paranoid of losing it.
Even without her reaction though, having a man over so much that they are bonding and having more family time with wife and son than her own husband is, because he’s doing all the work to keep them financially afloat, is beyond inappropriate. I am sure she would not like another woman invading her home and having family time to that same extent if the shoe was on the other foot.
Move on. Either don't respond or just text back something like “yep, have fun” and get over it. Sorry to tell you man but that's life. Don't interact with her, tell your friends you don't want to be around her for a bit and be an adult about it. Greet her, be nice, don't entertain any conversation you don't like and that's it. If anyone asks what happend be honest, that's the best payback you can give.
You’re like him?
There's nothing more beta than having to be in control 100% of the time. It shows you're insecure.
Lead the relationship on how you feel is right, women like to relax passively and enjoy the ride.The more you ask her stuff, the more you look incompetent, the more she will get turned off. Do you, and what feels right to you, confidently.
Ecaf, your GF's strong abandonment fear — as well as her abusive and controlling behaviors — may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your GF, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate her “victim” status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see her expressing her anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you or her parents).
Third, you are convinced she truly loves you. But you often see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you), often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
Ecaf, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
Just co parent as friends.
He will escalate. Get out now
It doesn't look like he has it in him to even want to be faithful. Are you sure that you want to stay in that type of relationship?
With cheating, there is definitely a once-and-you-are-gone element but if you truly think that everyone deserves a second chance…didn't he just use his second chance to prove he didn't deserve it?
Yeah I agree about the prenup after considering it all I full heartedly think it’s necessary, don’t know completely about dropping him yet