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Room for online sex video chat Testix1
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Languages: en
Birth Date: 2003-04-16
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Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
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Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: October 6, 2022
I’m sure you already know the answer…you should love yourself and break up with him. He cheated on you and he put your health in danger. The fact that you feel like he’s going to blame you shows you have a toxic relationship. He’s toxic, literally and figuratively. You’ve got to let it go or you’ll keep getting hurt, and ill apparently.
You need to talk to him and get therapy before getting into another relationship
All I’m reading here is that your awful family are homophobic and are never going to accept any male partner. Your ex encouraged and most likely took part in a set up to record you and max in your most intimate moments to destroy your relationship.
Families- functional and supportive families are supposed to love and protect you unconditionally (and give you a kick up the ass if necessary!). Your family are homophonic, unsupportive and cruel. You need to find a loving, supportive network away from your family if you have and hope of keeping Max and being happy. I think Max is a saint for putting up with your family’s cruelty and bullying. You should have stopped this before now.
Hey you done your job, you warned her, now up to her to make her diligences.
Usually because I've done as much small talk as I can tolerate and I'm just waiting to see if he gets around to asking me to go on a date with him before I meet someone who interests me as much as he does, or more.
You know your own limits. When one of the triggers take place, take a minute and try to counter the craving with the negative emotions you felt when everyone decided to bludgeon you after the wedding, and how you do not wish that upon yourself again, and sip on water. Communicate the feeling with your BF so that he’s not confused/concerned by your reaction. You got this!
I'm so sorry to hear this .I had a similar experience.do u wanna chat
If he hasn’t given you any reason to believe he’s out there looking for more from the women who think he’s awesome, then I’d say be happy for him. It’s natural to feel insecure about it, but if you can trust him, think of it as being the lucky one who bagged him. He chose you, and you get to have this wonderful man all to yourself.
I’ve struggled a lot with insecurities with my boyfriend, and it really does help to think “yeah, isn’t he amazing?” when women compliment him than to get bogged down in negative feelings.
If it would help, it might not be a bad idea to very respectfully let him know it makes you insecure, but that you trust him, you’re happy for him, and you need a little comfort or reassurance about it.
I dont know if it can help you now since its not so long for Christmas, but a efficient way to be good at gift giving is to take notes of what people tell you at random times. Are you passing by a store and your boyfriend mentions he wants to get something, write that down. Usually things related to hobbies/activities they like is also a safe bet. Mom likes to go on walks? Maybe get running gear/comfy running shoes. Boyfriend likes videogames? Find out his fav genre and get him a new game. And so on! Good luck!
I just don’t know. I get scared. He says he wasn’t a creep back then and he was nice to women at parties. Maybe I’m just insecure and want to look for a reason not to trust him? Idk
Lesson learned right?
Maybe you give him his oral and do whatever you can (talking calmly and other reasonable requests from him) to work on the trust and mess up.
After things are smoothed out if it’s possible, your dude shouldn’t get oral if he don’t give it to you.
If someone is not into oral that’s fine, however, if it’s just a control thing, fuck that.
People including you are human, you know you made a mistake, it’s done, move on knowing we all live in glass houses.
Do you remember what the update said specifically? I saw this post a few hours ago and then it got deleted before I saw the update :/
Sorry, we don't care about your defense for why you like underage children dragonfruit
Honestly OP, if you want to hear more about this, mention that in your post and you will get LOTS of advice. Completely outside of this drug/alcohol question, there are many reasons to consider not tying yourself down at your age.
You two want different lifestyles. You have a hard time time boundaries from controlling behavior. That indicates that you likely don't have clear boundaries of your own or feel like you are being controlling when you have reasonable needs/boundaries. You have time. If you are not 100% sure that he is definitely your forever person, there is no shame in walking away and deciding to be alone for a little while, or just date casually.
Yeah that’s what I’m worried about but if that’s the case why would she then try to reassure me that she does love me and want this? Idk I can’t wrap my head around all of this so I’m really hoping that’s not what’s happened
+1
He is 37 and you are his first gf?
Anyway, I completely agree with you. A text message takes 10 seconds.
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Ask him what exactly his contribution is. Is he going to carry and birth your children? Ok so you buy the house, pay half the bills, carry the physical burden of child bearing. Remind me why he's there?
You would be much better off dumping him and buying a house for yourself. If he's so traumatized from his divorce then he needs a therapist not a gf
Drugs and sex go hand and hand, you’re just gunna have to trust me on this lol.
Raves…. Sex everywhere. Even in the crowd. ITS A BLAST
I recommend that you get an STD test.
Gurl, I don't say this often but this situation warrants it.
Get the fuck out of there ASAP.
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You are unsupportive. You literally said yourself you don’t think he will follow through.
Yes she is isolating you, yes her comments and behaviour are abusive, yes your marraige counsellor is an idiot, RUN and do not have sex with her.
What a bunch of bullshit.
You don't have to wait for answers. This feels familiar because it is familiar.
After you end this relationship, do the work to figure out what draws you toward these assholes.
I can see why it is baffling, it is so outrageously bad.
Ask him why he doesn't send nudes of himself to his boss? Why isn't that compulsive too? Haha.
thank you so much for that. finally got a fresh new perspective since every time I try to communicate with my bf in this “losing, destructive, depressive state”, he either shuts down or walls me up. I'm glad that he doesn't bring this to real life. We get over it after an argument. I avoid showing my feelings such as “getting affected by it”. or “having to go through this again.” For the record, he is aware of how his actions affect me because it would always end up with him blaming himself for everything and endlessly apologizing. I would say for him to stop playing so that he won't continue to be irritated but his replies are “I'm sorry, I should've shut up.”
And I guess that's what I struggle the most with. It feels like walking on eggshells trying to make him feel better because one wrong move and we're back to square one again.
Confronting him probably would be the most challenging part for me. I hope saying “it's just a game” or “we need to accept our loses” won't be too offensive and too neglecting to his feelings. Won't it?
That’s the point.
Yikes… sounds like she is checked out.
Are you still going on dates etc? Getting her out of the house a few days a week.
If she is cooped up she is prob depressed.
People think it’s enough to just be around, but it’s not. She still wants to be dated. She wants to be taken out to do stuff.
Go bowling, hiking, out for dinner and drinks, etc.
See if that improves things. If she wants to live rent free, and be treated well, she has to pull her weight around the house. If not, move on. That sounds miserable.
Friends don't let friends fuck UKIP members
Oh, my god.
I felt uneasy reading this.
This is so creepy and obsessive that I can't even…
You sound like a stalking psycho every woman is taught to not even look at.
Wow.
I wish. I honestly just don't trust anyone enough to have my naked pictures on a device. I've seen toooo many horror stories
She's not The One darling.
It’s an overdramatised example, so OP can tone it down and his GF can hopefully understand where he is comes from.
That’s messed up. They need to come clean with the kids now. I wouldn’t continue to move forward until he gets that sorted.
Umm ofc? Because they met on tinder a dating app? Where you find a s/o?
Umm ofc? Because they met on tinder a dating app? Where you find a s/o?
Umm ofc? Because they met on tinder a dating app? Where you find a s/o?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
Umm ofc? Because they met on tinder a dating app? Where you find a s/o?
Umm ofc? Because they met on tinder a dating app? Where you find a s/o?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
Theirs five bedrooms, so theirs enough until guests and his step son visits but I agree.
It’s really too much for someone with one kid.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I don't know who to turn to with this. We share friends and I can't speak to my family because it will damage my wife's relationship with them if I do. So I come to you, Reddit…
Early in our relationship, I had very low self esteem and anxiety. My wife had insecurity and trust issues because she has been hurt in the past. We had a number of big arguments towards the beginning that often ended in objects being thrown and broken, me having water poured on me in bed, or generally exchanging horrible words until the early hours. Two particular arguments that happened early on (around 15 years ago) are key to what's happened now. One is that, while at the bar with a friend, I admitted to finding a celebrity attractive. My wife was very upset by this and it was brought up repeatedly. As time went on, I began to say that I didn't really mean it that way and while, I think, it was understood that I did it was forgotten (or at least in the background) with years that passed. The second is that I told my wife I can find people objectively attractive. This was abhorrent to her and one of our worst ever arguments. I had never been in altercations like this before so was left genuinely traumatised by the verbal and physical backlash to this revelation. To save myself and our relationship, I said that I didn't in fact find other people attractive, that I only had eyes for her, and as time passed she would bring it up and I would repeat this to keep things smooth.
Around the time of these arguments, I broke it off with her. She was a mess. I finally agreed to talk and I told her my concerns about her insecurities and how they were affecting me. She understood and said things would be different if we got back together. They were, somewhat…
We are very happy together for the majority of the time. We have had big clashes and they are usually based around the themes I've outlined but, otherwise, we have a great relationship. I have never been unfaithful and wouldn't dream of doing so. I love her and we are best friends.
That said, this has always been with the proviso that I act a certain way or follow certain rules. As mentioned, I have held the party line that I do not find anyone else even objectively attractive. I watch porn in secret occasionally but have always insisted that I don't. I don't watch TV or films that have a lot of nudity. I don't speak too favourably of other females. I don't have any female friends that aren't also hers. I don't go out to a bar with friends without her. There are more, but you get the idea.
I have always justified the above by saying that all marriages, to work, need compromise. All marriages have problems. I love her and I want to make it work so I have been willing to sacrifice parts of my life for that. That said, I have always known that I am lying to her about my own sexuality and this has caused me a lot of stress.
Recently I have learnt to have more self-confidence. I am growing as a person. I realise that I can't go on lying to anyone, especially my wife.
I am a big movie buff. Last week, I started watching a film while she was on the couch with me. In the first ten minutes there was a topless woman. I cringed internally knowing my wife would be feeling irate and, sure enough, she stood up and stormed out. I turned the film off. We spoke and she said she was disappointed that I would want to watch a film like that. I finished watching it the next day (because I really wanted to see it!) and admitted this to her which caused the biggest argument we have had in a long time. She said I disappointed her because she didn't think I was 'that kind of man'. I said that I wasn't watching it for that reason, that it was a classic film, and that it didn't continue in the same vein. We eventually agreed this clash happened due to a communication breakdown. I should have reassured her and she should have spoken to me instead of walking away. Afterwards, she said that she has always felt like she's holding me back and it is selfish to keep me to herself. She said that she feels like a broken dog at the pound no one would want. This hurt me. She has been saying similar since then and feels like she is going to lose me.
She mentioned in the past week that she told a male colleague about how I used to find this celebrity (mentioned above) attractive and they have been bringing it up a lot to her (not sure why). She asked me yesterday 'why did you find them attractive?' I said that I didn't and never did, wanting to avoid a fight but knowing she knew better. She told me to stop lying so I said that, yes, I did find them attractive and she knew that at the time. We spent the rest of the evening apart. In bed, the conversation continued, and I beat around the bush a lot, finding myself scared to speak the plain truth but, ultimately, I said that I do and can find people objectively attractive, that everyone does, and that I'm sure she does too and that's ok. I said I still only have eyes for her in that way and that I love her and nothing will change that. She said that I have lied to her (which I have in this regard), the trust we built the relationship on has been broken, and that she doesn't even know me.
I feel terrible and at a loss. We are due to be going on holiday this week but I said I doubt that will happen and that we need to spend some time apart (this was not met favourably). I need to get my head straight because I don't know what to think or feel. I realise I have wronged her by lying to her all this time when I thought I was doing the best thing for our relationship. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to break her trust because it was so hard to build up. If I'd grown a pair sooner and stood my ground maybe the relationship wouldn't have continued but at least I wouldn't have deceived someone. This is a hard lesson I have learned.
I don't know where we go from here. Do I open up fully and be completely honest at the risk of hurting her further? Do we break it off? So much of me wants things back how they were so we can go on holiday and enjoy it… I don't want to lose her but I don't want to feel like I have to lie or be controlled anymore.
Sorry for the long post, Reddit, but I feel utterly alone. Thank you for reading this if you have.
Theirs five bedrooms, so theirs enough until guests and his step son visits but I agree.
It’s really too much for someone with one kid.
How she gets him, is how she'll lose him……Your sister needs a good lawyer to get the house, child support and anything else she can from this POS.
I agree everyone is living a lie. I asked him to go to therapy.
Are you afraid that she won't sleep with you anymore?
Why are you not trying to find a compromise in Canada? You don't like the area you live in but could you move to an area that you both like instead? Or would that not help because it's not Australia and you just want to go back?
Don't date a 23 year old when you're almost 30 and then complain that they're immature.
If they want you to stop walking around in your underwear then they need to do the same.
Sorry, I missed that bit. Now that your post is better formatted, I see it.
Has this been a relatively steady weight gain over the years, or a lot at once? That is truly a lot of weight. I've gained some and am in the process of losing it, but if I had gained that much, I would be a person and a half – and that wouldn't be good for my heart, knees, or anything else including self esteem.
I'd suggest a visit to the doctor just to be sure there's nothing else going on other than too much food/calories and too little exercise, especially if it's been fairly rapid.
Nobody’s said anything about a fight. Being lied to by a family member is hurtful, and hearing input from others helps give me perspective
Are you an equal partner in raising your children? 'Helping out' isn't enough; you need to share responsibility. Four kids under school age and a house can be a huge workload. Often SAH parents work much longer hours than their partners.
So I am going to assume she isn't looking for a secret reddit account but came across a post with similarities.
You may have to write her a letter saying clearly that you have never posted anything on reddit or had a secret account, but since you cannot prove a negative then what does she suggest you do? If she wants to talk to X and your co worker is up for it then offer that as well, including coworkers other half if necessary.
You could also dm the account and see if they will dm your wife with something clearly that isn't you, say when you are actually with her. It might work.
Ask her if she is okay because some people get pre partum issues with mental health and clearly she was convinced it was you on only the barest of similarities.
Ok… this is toxic as all hell.
I know you are probably bummed right now but try to let him go… even if he comes back. Work on yourself a bit. This whole “not responding for 3 days” isn’t great. His blocking you isn’t great. All of this is awful and probably exhausting to you and everyone around you.
Everyone has a personal preference and when it comes to differences of likes vs dislikes, no one wins.
If you like them then go for it. If he doesn't like then he is free to leave.
End of story.
I would get therapy. You deserve support too, man. You've been through so much
Quit trying to be a people pleaser and realize that your family back home are pieces of shit
That's a perspective I hadn't considered, thank you.
You came to the wrong place for help on this.
Sorry for late answer, we've been together for a year now.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far before someone made this excellent suggestion!
How's your sex life been during your relationship? Were there changes to that when you got pregnant that he might he bitter about? Or any other significant changes besides his behavior?
Girl, you don't even wanna know some of the shit I've seen while working in the XXX community. Pun intended
Ah got it, and yet plenty of people aren't raised knowing how to do the job they have as an adult, we continue to learn past what we are taught as children.
The whole “we weren't raised with the expectation of being clean” reads like an excuse to me rather than a fact. Like saying “sorry officer, there's not stop signs to roll through at the go-kart rink, what can you do?” lol
….do you really not know what happened here? This entire story is example after example of you nit picking her and calling her out for things. You had only been dating for a few weeks and you seem to have so many times called her out for things, convinced her she was wrong, and expressed distaste for her actions. That is an absolutely horrible start to a relationship. It makes perfect sense why she ended it. She lost her feelings due to this constant stream of conflicts and probably also due to feeling like she couldn’t do anything right in your eyes.
Same, her thumb unlocks my phone and our tablet, and my face and thumb unlocks her phone, and we both have zero need to check, yet zero things to hide.
If my phone (or the tablet) is dead I’ll use her phone to watch YouTube or Netflix, and vice versa.
Plus (this will come across as weird, lol) I assumed if she cheated (or I did) we wouldn’t be stupid enough to use our day to day phones xD lol
It’s 100% trust, both ways 🙂
Is this really about smoking in the house? Our is it being a smoker in general? Our is it really about something else?
Please talk to a divorce lawyer when she on this trip, cheating on you ??♀️
She doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, try to explain it however you want, she’s just going to call you controlling and run to her coworker to laugh about how stupid you are.
Have some self respect.
It sounds like he focuses on this one instance to deflect from his flaws maybe? Like he got the upper hand because you made a mistake first. Have you talked to him about why he brings it up and why it's such a problem for him?
I really like the smell of Gain laundry detergent, and I do the laundry in my household. My husband kept breaking out in a rash, and the only thing that had changed was the laundry detergent. He went to the doctor, got all kinds of creams, etc. I went back to Arm & Hammer no fragrance, no dyes, etc, and washed everything in the house. His rash went away. I love the smell of Gain, but I love my husband more. It’s not a big thing to ask. Your gf’s priorities are fucked.
I really like the smell of Gain laundry detergent, and I do the laundry in my household. My husband kept breaking out in a rash, and the only thing that had changed was the laundry detergent. He went to the doctor, got all kinds of creams, etc. I went back to Arm & Hammer no fragrance, no dyes, etc, and washed everything in the house. His rash went away. I love the smell of Gain, but I love my husband more. It’s not a big thing to ask. Your gf’s priorities are fucked.
I really like the smell of Gain laundry detergent, and I do the laundry in my household. My husband kept breaking out in a rash, and the only thing that had changed was the laundry detergent. He went to the doctor, got all kinds of creams, etc. I went back to Arm & Hammer no fragrance, no dyes, etc, and washed everything in the house. His rash went away. I love the smell of Gain, but I love my husband more. It’s not a big thing to ask. Your gf’s priorities are fucked.
You know, I've had issues getting off because of my ADHD but I've never not gotten a partner off. Sounds like a BS excuse, and if it's not he probably should seek medication or therapy or something because that's odd tbh.
Read an eerily similar story two days ago ?
Read an eerily similar story two days ago ?
The problem with hyper focus is we can't really control what we end up hyper focusing on. Sounds like you got lucky lol.
Personally, I have to fight my mind wandering hard if it's taking a while to get her to climax.
So then you make a plan. You’re not unsafe right now are you? You gather yourself, get your finances together, go see a lawyer, and figure out what your options are.
This “ADHD” excuse is complete BS. He’s just selfish in bed and/or sucks at it.
Fellow person with ADHD here and I completely agree with this. Whether or not my partner is experiencing pleasure is huge to me.
OP I think you're absolutely correct to feel uncomfortable
“zero sexual attraction” to me this is a very weird deflection – its one of those comments that sounds like reassurance but in this case it sounds like a way to lie without lying.
> that she loves me like no one ever before.
This also has that hyperbolic love-bomby feel I think people should be wary of over the top comments that are weirdly comparative.
Overall it feels like this is a situation that really can only be bad, at BEST you're not GFs priority , any further context is just going to be more dodgy
There was other stuff but this is the main reason why she felt like she needed to breakup with me/ need space to think
Give him the legally required notice to move out – in writing. After that, tell him you will be changing the locks or getting an additional lock and he will not be allowed back in. You are going to have to play hardball with this guy or he is never going to leave.
Give him the legally required notice to move out – in writing. After that, tell him you will be changing the locks or getting an additional lock and he will not be allowed back in. You are going to have to play hardball with this guy or he is never going to leave.
You know she’s not enjoying it because it’s painful for her. You’re acting like it’s some purposeful slight against you but it isn’t, she can’t control. Even when she tries to still do it for you it’s not good enough.
Now you’re thinking about cheating.
It doesn’t sound like you care a whole lot about her honestly.
Maybe it's a case that you don't have time for a relationship, if he feels you don't reciprocate then it's probably a case he's sick of doing most of the running in this relationship, is it always him that makes the plans? Could it be a case of if he didn't initiate then you wouldn't ever see each other?
Could be that he feels like you're happy being a passenger in this relationship rather than in the driving seat with him.
I can't really say anything big about this as you've given so little info, but the impression I get and from my own experience this relationship has run it's course.
if you don’t tell that girl you’re gonna report the car stolen if she doesn’t return it in an hour…
I think you really need to sit her down and make her write down a timeline and reasons for what she did.
She disrespected you while you were together, If you were not together then anything she did would not affect you, but being together caused damage.
If you can move past this with firm boundaries/blocking him (why didn't she) then that is great, if you can't then do what you need to do.
Starting a marriage or any form of relationship with an omitted lie or sending nudes, etc. will not have a happy ending.
You're right. I definitely need to work on that and I will in therapy.
You don't. You bury that shit, bury the guilt and bury the shovel.
I can see why she wouldn't mention she saw him at the wedding. It's really not a topic of conversation, considering you're no longer friends with the guy. But not telling you how she got the job is problematic. I'd ask to see her conversations with this guy. If she refuses or the messages are deleted, you know what's been going on.
Do you still want to marry him?
This is CLASSIC abuse. Isolating you from friends and family. Making you fail so you’re dependent on him. Controlling all aspects of your life. Guilting you. Please contact your family and escape
BTW: YOU need to be the one to “out” this situation to both your family and hers. The first one to break their side of the story is the one who gets the best 'hearing' from the family. Let your parents know, then her parents, then your siblings/friends. Leave her siblings/friends out of the equation as they will hear the gossip soon enough.
If you're religious, seek an annulment from your church, as well. If you're not, then just stick with the divorce.
After the divorce go completely no contact with her parents, siblings, friends. No good can come out of hanging on to “all the years of growth together” because you grew up but she didn't.
Offensive humor and bigoted humor are not the same thing.
You don't have kids. Fucking end it. You obviously can't trust him. Aren't you tired of “catching” him???? You don't have to, just leave. You can do it. Don't talk yourself out of it. Unknowns are uncomfortable. You'd rather be in a comfortable known, even if it's shitty. Everyone would. Just take the leap. It's not as bad as you may think.
Yes
Thank you very much. I talked about the issue with my boyfriend, and he is very sweet and supportive, but this is something that I have to learn how to handle. Your ideas help me to see my reactions in a different light. ❤️