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1. Hey, I know what this situation is like, from your boyfriend's side. My partner was diagnosed with cancer in early 2020. It was an extremely serious type, and our entire lives turned upside down.

   I know for us, having hospital employees (like a doctor, nurse, psychologist, sex therapist) talk to us and give us resources and leaflets about cancer and sex was very useful. Learning how to keep me safe from chemo, what we could and couldn't do, how sex could be beneficial to both him and us, was very useful in making both of us feel safe about it. We also had a lot of therapy to ensure we stayed romantic partners and I didn't just become his nurse. I would start there.

   Secondly, you shouldn't underestimate the toll your cancer may be taking on his mental health. Being the closest person, the main caregiver, and also facing the prospect of potentially losing your life partner, can be overwhelming. It is super scary and can cause a lot of worry, and he may not know how to handle it or how to talk about it. Caregiver fatigue is very real, and it is quite normal to have a reaction to seeing your life partner literally battling for their life. Some partners turn off their libido and start feeling like they are in a nurse-patient situation instead of a romantic relationship as well, that is pretty common.

   So is there someone be can talk to, to help him process? Like a therapist or social worker? It helped me a lot to have an outlet, because worry and exhaustion is a libido killer. If he can't talk to anyone, perhaps hanging out over on r/caregiversupport and their discord server can be an option for him, as well as r/cancercaregivers and r/cancerfamilysupport?

   You shouldn't push him to have sex if he clearly shows/says he doesn't want it, because it is equally valid for him not to want sex as it is for you not to want it. Even if that sucks. If he doesn't want it, I would focus on the points above first, to educate yourselves and give him an outlet for his worries and then see where that lands you.

   Thirdly, you might want to ask this question over on r/deadbedroomsmd, it is a space for dead bedrooms for medical reasons, and I found it to be both helpful and nice, although it wasn't very active when I used it. We had people on both sides of dead bedrooms come by there, and you might get input from other cancer couples.

   Last, I just want to say I'm sorry you were dealt this shitty hand, and here's hoping your treatment continues to be successful!

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2. Wow, sorry you had to find out your husband is full crazy. Leave him. (Also, if you would be jealous if he had a pocket vagina for masturbation, please seek therapy yourself.)

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3. Thank you for your help ?

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4. Do yourself a favour, delete and block the email address. He's not worried about what's good for you, his email was all poor me, I just want to feel better about myself again because I realised I'm a shit person. If he actually cared about you, he would have apologised to you for everything he did and just left it at that, but no, he had to go on a oh poor me, it was hard after you left because you weren't there to be the target of the abuse anymore, poor me I'm not good at anything, poor me for all my issues. He's trying to make you feel guilty so you will forgive him. Don't, I agree with your husband, nothing good will come out of it. Remain NC.

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5. Find a therapist to talk to. Heck, if you're even faintly religious, talk to to a priest or whatever your religion's equivalent is. Any of your friends or your friends father's you have a good rapport with that are willing to listen. Etc.

   Don't bottle it up. Don't drown it in alcohol. That way she wins because she will have broken you. Screw that shite. Pick yourself up and move forward. One step at a time. One day at a time. It will get better, and if not exactly happy-go-lucky better at first, it will become bearable sooner than you think.

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6. Nope don't point out flaws, will make them angrier, they don't see what they're saying as anything wrong

   Just the first part before the question mark is enough

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