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Silvia, 28 y.o.
Location: If I tell you…then I, ‘ll have to kill you. :))
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Date: November 6, 2022
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First off, I'm very sorry for what you went through.
tldr: Your boyfriend probably got hard because of how close he felt to you, knowing you would share such a private thing with him.
Someone mentioned crying sometimes triggers boners, and I wanted to add on. Sometimes emotional vulnerability can make men get arroused. You were telling your bf about past SA, which is traumatic, but it's also your most intimate secret. I hate that my body does this, but I'm older and it's happened to me since childhood. When my female partners have shared that type of intimacy with me, it causes an erection. I wouldn't be surprised if some men get erect for tears, but for me, it's the conversation that is causing the crying. If this was what happened, it was innocent and you don't need to be worried. He wasn't getting erect from the literal things you told him.
There is no reason you need to go through your girlfriends phone.
You guys are young. I can likely speak for most people that this has happened to them as well. High school relationships very rarely last. It is extremely normal to be feeling this way after your first serious relationship. Personally, I felt the exact same way and could of written this myself when I was 18. You will get through this, trust me. It still feels very raw for you and will for awhile but I assure you, this relationship was not the end all be all. You got this