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Date: October 5, 2022
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You can either try to embrace your masculine side or your feminine side, and be content with what you're getting from him either way. The “useless” version of himself is generally going to be a great helper. He'll be the dependent one, he'll see to it that he helps around the house, and you accept that he's not going to be a big contributor to the financial pie. Or you can adopt the mindset where he's the boss, and he needs to be ambitious and driven and you are the dependent helper and work off of that paradigm.
People aren't all masculine or all feminine so you do have some level of mixing and matching going on either way. The important part is recognizing that no matter where you are on that spectrum there is a cost associated with it. Being somewhat feminine and somewhat masculine means that you're somewhat bossy and you're somewhat agreeable. That's where the average person sits, and why so many fights happen in relationships because it isn't clear who is supposed to lead and when. You just kinda guess at it and then resent that the roles are so unclear. I know you've felt this way before, “like what am I supposed to be doing here, what am I supposed to accept and what am I supposed to not accept?” That confusion is that you didn't establish a hierarchy to lean into. Two leaders= no leaders.
I’m a pretty levelheaded person. No real jealousy issues, etc. I communicate what I’m doing and who I’m with out of respect and my spouse does the same. We could be at a bar and a woman could be throwing herself all over him and I would just make a bet with whoever I’m standing with on whether or not he shrugs her off in disgust or sends me “bitch, help me out!” eyes lol.
That being said, I would not be comfortable with him going on an overnight trip with someone he had long term sexual relations with, have them stay in the same Airbnb, and not inviting me along in the process.
In fact, I’d start using some really strong language.
Honestly, he could be going on a trip with men and women who he’s never had relations with and if he didn’t at least offer to invite me, my eye would be twitching.
Stick to your boundary like a bare ass on a hot stove. The fact that you’ve given him this much leeway is a miracle in and of itself. It shows you value him and the relationship.
It’s a shame he can’t return the sentiment.
As an adhd woman I have to say, this is me x100 with my adhd brain not comprehending time right. People saying it’s disrespectful is not helping you or her. My thing is this: did you ever have a serious conversation with her about why she is late? Maybe she’s known to have adhd maybe she doesn’t know but this is something worth looking into. Also if she keeps coming late why don’t you tell her the appointment is an hour early? Works like a charm ;).
Overall my advise is have a conversation. Not a: I’m mad and you need to listen conversation but a we need to try and understand each other conversation
Have you had conversations about your daughters autism with girlfriend before? It seems like she had little understanding of how people with autism may see things/act differently to how she expects – if she’s going to be in your daughters life this is some fundamental learning
She is a cheater. Twice in two years isn’t a slip-up or a mistake or a lapse in judgement. It’s a pattern. My guess is she cheats on you constantly and these are just the ones you know about. But no matter what, there is no way you can trust a thing she says. I think you know what to do, but if you need someone to say it … it’s time to move on and let this girl go.
My partner(35m) and I(30f) we do this also where we pick tv shows. My partner went to school for movie production and directing so he is in love with tv and movies, altho he a buff when it comes to this sometimes his taste isn't the same as mine. He likes shows like Monk, burn notice, chuck. He tried to get me to watch some so I can experience what he did when he watched them. Ngl those shows are boring. I couldn't focus or engage and we have a rule where it comes to ANY tv show that we give it 3 episodes. He explained because the pilot is just to hook you but the real interest comes after episode 3 in most series. So I always try but if I don't like something I'll just tell him “hey sorry but I feel like I can't watch this anymore it's too (insert adjective) for me” they should understand, my partner he will continue watching but on his own time whatever show I didn't want to watch. We then pick a new one based off interest.
Are you a girl?
What are either of you getting out of this relationship? He's claiming he doesn't trust you and is using that to control you. You're claiming he “indirectly cheated” (whatever that means) multiple times. How is this relationship good in any way, shape or form? Ditch this guy and enjoy the time with your friends.
Recently ( since 2 weeks ago more or less.) Charlie has been gloomy and absent minded.
That says to me she’s already likely cheated. That may seem like pretty big conclusion jumping and maybe it is, and maybe she hasn’t. But I’m just saying that because I’ve seen that episode before.
It is unreasonable to put the responsibility for your mental health on your boyfriend.
You need to find a coping mechanism that does not rely on someone else's effort – and yes, it IS effort, despite your claim that it doesn't cost him anything.
People do need time and space to be alone to decompress, and you are denying your bf that independence.
This is your problem, for you to find a solution. Don't try to make it his problem. You are being unreasonable.