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  1. This is a him problem, not a you problem. He didn't make you anything, he's the one who knew there was a third party and proceeded anyway. Do not take on his guilt or anxiety for him.

  2. Is this your GF or FWB if it’s your GF then it’s strange but the fact that she does it right there then I doubt her intentions with him are bad, if it’s your FWB then it ain’t your business

  3. Most or all of this conflict is in your head. And it will end when you understand both of you are just putting the other's clothes out of the way. Not all clothes can be dried so putting your wet clothes in there would have been not the right call. On top vs in the dryer, what does it matter?

    Perhaps consider leaving a hamper down there permanently just for situations like this? And if one needs to move the others clothes you agree to put them in the hamper?

  4. Have you included her in doing your finances? If she can see the numbers and how tight things are maybe she could better appreciate the situation you are in.

  5. We won't be able to tell you how bad it is or isn't because we don't know him, but a good test would be if making jokes about your books bothers you ask him to stop. If he won't, I would reconsider the relationship.

  6. Yes, we have, you were jumping all over my comments in another thread trying to bait me into a conversation about libido.

    I have no interest in you whatsoever. Fuck off.

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  8. Not at all. Shouldn't have given her the satisfaction of seeing you flip out like you did. I would have text “Rot in hell.” Then blocked her.

  9. They are VERY religious but would never show their dissatisfaction in the situation. They both are confused why it is so fast but are not asking any questions. Just smiling, my dad even gave his blessing. Not sure why ?

  10. Both of you are upset. You are valid in your anger, he is not valid. But those feelings are real. He should have sat you down when things got serious to explain and give you a chance to decide if you want to continue or not. He probably feels hurt because being rejected in the moment is a nasty blow to his self esteem and is now reacting more irrationally because he’s trying to compose and protect himself.

    Have a sit down conversation where you explain why you’re upset and how he should have handled it differently. If you’re planning on breaking up then try and be kind. He will hopefully learn from this and approach this differently with someone else in the future.

  11. This would ruin things for me.

    but I'm kind of perverse and I'd start asking about how this works exactly.

    Like if I'm spending all my time trying to find women to “date,” how much time will I have for her?

    and if I find someone I want to “date,” what do I need her for?

  12. Are you an anxious person in general?

    I had relationship anxiety at some point in my life. I have a perfectly happy relationship and we both love each other. Due to anxiety I started to experience random intrusive thoughts like “what if he’s not the one”, “what if we are not meant for each other”, “what if I’ll marry him and will regret forever”. This lasted for a couple of months and there were absolutely no reasons for me to doubt our relationship.

    I started to do read articles about relationship anxiety, watch YouTube videos, and finally went to therapist. I’m not saying that you have RA, but maybe just look into it? There are r/relationshipanxiety and r/ROCD which I find really helpful.

    Therapy helped a lot and it’s been a year since my RA episode. We are happy and I’m not anxious about marriage anymore.

  13. What does “allowed” mean. You’re an adult, why do you need to ask permission to buy yourself a sex toy.

    You can talk to him about why it makes him feel uncomfortable but it’s ultimately your decision. Your money, your body, it’s not cheating and it’s not amoral. What is the problem other than his insecurity? If he’s going to break up with you over a vibrator, then good riddance.

  14. Be careful. You want a partner, not a dependent who you will have to take care of, and who has proven to have poor judgement. It sounds like she would hinder you in attaining any goals you may have. I wouldn't hitch my wagon to anyone who would not have a positive influence on my life.

    CNA's work damn hard for very little. It is terrible what they get paid for such demanding work. I had a family member hurt her back doing that job, thankfully she found something better.

  15. OP you need to break up and block this guy. He does not actually care about you. I know that's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth. He is a terrible person to tell you that wind raped is cheating. Thats a horrible thing to say to a person you “love”. He also has a pattern of being purposefully hurtful and mean. Why the heck would you stick around?! The hard truth of life is that you can wait for someone to be better and change. Sometimes you just have to take someone at face value and walk away. He's already shown you who he is, believe him. Get away and stay away. You are so young and you deserve happiness and peace. He is never going to give you that as long as you keep letting him back in.

  16. OP you need to break up and block this guy. He does not actually care about you. I know that's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth. He is a terrible person to tell you that wind raped is cheating. Thats a horrible thing to say to a person you “love”. He also has a pattern of being purposefully hurtful and mean. Why the heck would you stick around?! The hard truth of life is that you can wait for someone to be better and change. Sometimes you just have to take someone at face value and walk away. He's already shown you who he is, believe him. Get away and stay away. You are so young and you deserve happiness and peace. He is never going to give you that as long as you keep letting him back in.

  17. Not necessarily doomed.

    The first step is recognizing your differences. The next would be to try and build the reletionship in a way where the two of you fit in it comfortably. This includes at lot of compromise both ways.

    He needs his space at times. And he needs to step up and ensure that quality time is had.

    However, for a reletionship to work, you need a functioning partner who is willing to build a plan and stick to it.

    When he says things like this:

    his reply is usually that “he’s not going to pretend to like/do something/act a certain way.”

    That would be dysfunctional. He cannot have that attitude in a reletionship. You signed up for the connection, connections require dedication, dedication requires effort. There needs to be a genuine motivation for his position to be in the reletionship. Can't offer that to you? Then yes, you need someone who is capable.

    And obviously, having the desire to be attached to your partner's hip is something you need to work on to minimize.

    Stuff like this:

    a hello when he comes in, but that’s it. we can (and have gone) days without even kissing each other if i don’t ask or initiate. there’s times when i ask if he can take a few mins to cuddle me and he usually asks “why?”

    Is what makes relationships feel hallow and empty.

    That needs to be filled for this to be a fulfilling experience. Otherwise you dilute your connection down to feeling like roommates instead of romantic partners.

    Little things like coming home with excitement to see your partner makes a huge difference long term. Makes you feel like the reletionship has a purpose.

    So for you… This is your reletionship too. You have the right to stand up for what you need.

    You have a perception of what your r-ship should look like, you relay that information and try to build it. Meanwhile understanding you two are different people, you may not be able to get everything you want, but you can get pretty dam close to it. Seeing the effort on his side, makes the missing parts easier to let go. The effort/dedication makes a massive impact.

    Of course you reciprocate the above paragraph for him. And if you two have friction (not getting anywhere), that is when you reevaluate the reletionship.

    But yeah… you need the willingness to adapt before you can start any of this. Some of his comments are concerning for me in regards to the track your reletionship is on.

  18. I think if you have the money, actually want to pay, and don’t think he is planning this with the hope/assumption/expectation that you will pay. Then you should pay.

  19. I think a lot of people are skipping over that it has been a month. It’s not like he scheduled a date 5 min later.

  20. OP from your post it's not clear if your gf is down to go or not. Is she down to go as long as it's not a shared air bnb ?

  21. Well you were a cute kid and she knows how you look now and is presumably attracted to you so it seems the only ugliness is coming from her.

    If the rest of the relationship is like this Id tell her that you’ve considered her offer and she can go and get fucked.

    Pettiness aside, Would you even want to have kids with someone who’s shallow enough to judge children by how they look? Would you want your future children to be scrutinized and picked on over their genetics or appearance by their own mother.

    She deserves a Mr Yuk sticker for being so toxic.

  22. First off, you were a cute baby. Second… genetics are complicated… getting sperm for the most handsome man in the world doesn't guarantee a super cute baby, or handsome kid. Third, I've seen some pretty ugly baby's turn into adorable toddlers and kids, to awkward teens, to stunning adults…. like that's just life. Fourth…. I'm sorry but she seems shallow. Listen, I get having a physical preference.. but who the hell looks at baby pictures and says “yep these genetics just wont do” I could get looking at medical history and suggesting a medically tested and cleared donor if there is a high prevalence of genetic disorders or predisposition to illness in the family… but not because she didn't' like the baby pictures. Just really weird and shallow.

  23. This is kind of my point, everybody is opaque to us until we probe deeper, you are the only judge of who you think he is inside so I would trust your gut, and I mean really. He kind of has one strike against him already for the affair suggestion, so if you do proceed, do so cautiously.

  24. My man, she’s partly testing you to see how possessive you are. And you are being somewhat possessive, asking for more, saying things can;t back, etc. What ever happened to guys playing it cool? You have to let the girl come to you, and not chase her. If she doesn’t come back, you never had her anyway. But since you have already been together, you’re likely on her mind. Play it cool and when you see her let her know it’s be nice to hang out sometime, smile your best smile, excuse yourself, and go busy yourself with something else. She’ll probably come buzzing around.

  25. This 100% my husband and I took years to finally say exactly what we liked and what felt best and let me tell you, we were both missing out lol ?

  26. First off, all relationships are transactional to some degree. You can give her what makes her happy or she leaves. She gives you what makes you happy or you leave. That's the basic gist of any relationship.

    But, your girlfriend is just stingy. I recommend, if you want to stay with her, that you bring the receipt for anything you buy and show it to her and tell her to send you half of the amount. Maybe she'll realize she's getting more from you than you're getting from her and then she'll stop.

    But, if it were me, I wouldn't stay with a person like this.

  27. He doesn't want to do the work of supporting you, so he has abandoned you. He might be waiting around to see if you'll take him back after you don't need support anymore. Don't take him back.

  28. This. My partner and I did this and it works. I wrote down everything Him and I do WITHOUT being asked. He saw my big list next to his little list. He crossed off a few things and moved them to his side. Anytime I feel like he’s slacking, I show him the list again and he gets back to it. I’ve only had to show it once over the past 3 years.

  29. I went to find myself once (no attachments or responsibilities,I was still young). What I found was that finding yourself comes from doing work on yourself and there ain't a thing out there that does that for you.

  30. We all want to do this kind of stuff at times, but we have responsibilities to our family so we can’t. It’s pathetic to think that you can just go traveling for an indefinite amount of time and expect to be able to rock up back at home like nothing’s happened

  31. The boy told me after wards he was just joking. I trust my bf wouldn’t do that and if he would I believe his friends or him would tell me. Am I being naive ?

  32. I don’t think this is a black and white topic, because first and foremost, everyone is different. We can’t just argue as a generalization that men prefer or don’t prefer younger women. The reason for that is I’m sure some do. I’m also absolutely certain some don’t.

    Anecdotally, I’m a guy in my mid 30s, happily married to a woman of the same age. I think she’s absolutely gorgeous. Now, have I seen younger women that I find objectively attractive? Of course I have. But would I leave my wife for them? Not a chance.

    Therein lies the misconception. To start, there’s obviously a percentage of men who are awful human beings who cheat on and/or leave their wives for younger women. It is what it is. Realistically, with no other context, those situations largely don’t end well.

    Now, let’s just talk about marriage. I already mentioned my situation. I’m all good. But I’ll argue to the death that the vast majority of divorces and the end of long term relationships are the result of people learning they’re incompatible early into dating, forcing it regardless, and then ending it when they can’t fight it anymore.

    So now in those situations, partners leave each other. Then maybe some men start dating younger women. What’s the natural assumption? He left her for a younger woman. No, he’s single because he was in a bad relationship. He’s maybe now having fun with a younger woman or women, but that’s not why the marriage ended.

    But what are you looking for here? Reddit can absolutely be an echo chamber. People can also be right and give great advice. Family often gives good advice. They also often don’t.

  33. I think it is clear that your husband loves you, wants you, and chose you. Perhaps his way of wording things (“with you i’m level-headed”) wasn’t the correct one, but I took it as his way of saying that you ground him, YOU provide him with the love and safety and stability and comfort he needs to be able to think straight and be the best version of himself, the one that can make the smart choices that will benefit you both (soon to be 3!) in the long run. Abby was puppy-love; the kind that only leaves its mark because it fed off his imagination, the kind that would’ve given him 3 months of bliss then crashed and burned and left him stranded. I definitely understand where you’re coming from and tbh I could see myself feeling the exact same way were I in your situation, but it is also true that hormones are a b*tch, and our minds like to play tricks on us sometimes. I would sit your husband down and explain why you feel how you feel, if you feel like this is something you need closure on, but remember that you’re the one he married and the one carrying his child, if he had wanted it to be Abby then it would be, or at the very least you’d have seen many signs of it over the years. Enjoy your marriage and your babymoon and don’t let negative thoughts get in the way of your happiness.

  34. And why is it she didn’t consider including you in those experiences? Or be mature enough to say monogamy doesn’t work for her. Or end the relationship without being a cheating, gaslighting, despicable human being.

    Yes, sex with others behind your partners back is textbook cheating.

  35. I'm not sure I like the implication that caring what genitals are on the person you're having sex sith is not open-minded and not admirable. Some sexualities are not more enlightened than others.

  36. This sounds terrifying and I would be contemplating moving to another country no exaggeration.

    But if that's not realistic, get a good lawyer. I think supervised visits should be allowed, you don't want your daughter growing up to believe her mom never cared enough to even try.

    Also explain things to your kid in child friendly words asap.

  37. I am so so sorry!

    I completely sympathise, and I am so grateful to you for sharing your story these things arent easy. It sounds like you handled it so gracefully and delicately, and I'm sure she was very appreciative of that too.

    Thank you for this, you're right. I have made the assumption without proof and relying on the photos but I know that is not enough.

    Sending lots of love.

  38. I am thinking and perhaps this is crazy talk but maybe you should stop trying to contact her and leave her alone.

  39. Did your girlfriend confirm that she was the one who cause the injury, or did she leave you to flap in the wind?

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