Personally I find it off putting for an adult to have sex with 17yo, despite them.both not being in a good frame of mind from being drug addicts at the time.
You definitely cheated if you initiated the kiss out of your own will and more importantly please get a doctor's opinion on your physical well being just to rule out any form of abuse
No problem! That’s all you can really do, i think he’s basically just used to the way they are (I’m assuming older sister) and he’s been programmed that way essentially for a long time. You can’t pick ur family unfortunately, but u don’t have to accept poor behaviour. I say that because I have a similar issue with my sister, but I just tell my partner to know it’s nothing to do with her personally, it’s how she is and unfortunately I can’t change it. I understand his “trying to keep the peace” but honestly it’s not possible (I’ve tried). That’s why as a Man U just need to see who is acting wrong and support the other. In this case he has to have ur back as he is going to marry and live with you.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Dating for 2 years before getting married means you’re probably getting engaged at 6m – 1yr. It takes time to plan a wedding and there’s a lot of competition for the best venues.
It kinda sounds like he's done done. Last straw style.
From your post, I have no idea why he'd be so upset, but yeah, driving several hours away and staying at a hotel overnight is the kinda thing you do before a breakup.
it started as an emotional thing, but we worked out our relational problems and really bonded over our shared love for the kids, parenting and doing stuff together. we became friends after being lovers.. but now we are just friends, and not lovers. I can see why I once found her attractive.. but she is not that anymore to me.
How easy life can be right xD. Anyone that is mature knows its that easy and that ex'es can hardly stay friends, especially when both were emotionally invested in the relationship.
I don’t think the person you responded to was disputing any of that. They were saying that it can lie dormant and be asymptomatic, implying that OP’s husband may have passed it to her unknowingly and without cheating.
Maybe ask on r/legaladvice in regards to having the baby without having him involved – I've seen some similar questions and circumstances on there. I wish you the best of luck, whatever you do.
Im mean this in the nicest way… you would be fucking idiot if you stay with her any longer and i would heavily recommend seeking legal action because those images and videos being around can cause irreparable damage to your future
If you had snooped it would be one thing- he could be working through feelings or something -, but he was voluntarily sharing these thoughts with you. Next!
I have, I just don’t know how to go about this. My gf loves me a lot and she knows about everything I’ve done I just don’t know what to do now, I want to be honest with her but I know it’ll hurt her and I don’t want to break up because I know it would kill us both
How much do you know about BPD? BPD is an incredibly challenging condition to handle, even when medicated – let alone unmedicated. People with this disorder have a tendency to swoop in, try to rescue people and completely get obsessed with the situation. Many then, suddenly – sometimes after years – lose complete interest and hunt for the situation to get absorbed in. I am assuming this is what has happened here.
I have no idea how you should proceed at this stage, but looking at behavioural patterns typical for people with BPD might prove very insightful.
as someone who considers myself queer, and probably bicurious, i’d NEVER even think to ask my boyfriend to let me experience sex with a woman, or femme presenting.
like many have said, your boundary is monogamy. she wants to break that for “an experience.” and is adamant about that? that sounds very suspicious, also felt uncomfortable reading it. i wonder why she’s refusing to listen and the sudden persistence… OP you did the right thing filing for a divorce. i can see how it’ll feel disheartening, you just deserve someone who respects your boundaries and has the same view of relationships (monogamous) as you.
The other issue is that if the man who SA'ed your wife is the biological father, he would have to sign off on the adoption. In some states, even if he were convicted of rape he would have that right.
It could have just been his inexperience and nerves. Who knows. But, get yourself checked out medically if you are really concerned. If nothing is wrong down there, just shower right before and use a very mild feminine wash rather than soap or scented body washes which can be harsh and throw off your body's natural PH causing an unpleasant odor.
Because we had the most wonderful first few months (8 month relationship) before I believe that doubts first came creeping in her mind, and I still hope that we can find our way back to that point
It sounds like your other relationships are done as well. People are judging you by your actions, Eric they should. Some people might be able to look past a person being the affair partner, but when you cheat with your friends girlfriend, that is something most people see as unforgivable.
You just have to accept that most of your relationships are either going to change drastically, or be gone.
Time to try and meet new people and learn a hard lesson from this.
Why are YOU seeking out how to fix it and not him? He needs to do it. It is his work that he needs to do. You aren’t making him insecure. He is making himself insecure.
Umm nothing, she starts and does it for a few minutes, no pre cum going on or anything at that point, and then she just stops and we end up doing other things ie. foreplay stuff, kissing, caressing her softly, fingering, break out the vibe or go down or her and then just have sex for hours and all that's super fun and great but, still no bj for me anywhere in all of the mix.
She's emotionally driven, out to prove something, and she does want him, despite what she's said. She's not 9-year old innocent. She knows exactly what she's doing.
Although he had clearly gone about this the wrong way, i’m betting that he is realizing he doesn’t want to live without blowjobs any more.
Yes flesh lights and mouth play are hot and exciting but they are not blowjobs.
Honestly I would walk away and find someone that clearly communicated he doesn’t like or want blowjobs. I’m willing to bet this will be an issue here on out and it seems he lacks the emotional maturity to communicate effectively.
I feel like either your boyfriend is a controlling douche or you're leaving out information like that you aren't saving money and are spending it all making it tough to save for a home
but every other word in your paragraph insinuates that it would be
No it doesn't.
or she should at least feel guilty if it happens again.
Never said that.
I'll repeat myself again – the power imbalance is not in her favour
As I said before, this guy is a restaurant manager. The power imbalance isn't as big as you claim it is. There is no restaurant manager alive who can have any serious effect on someone's career as a waitress.
she has no responsibility to put herself in further harm's way
She is actually constantly putting herself in harm's way regardless of her actions. She alleges this guy is a predator who preys on his workers. If what she is saying is true, then she will always be in harm's way by working with him. And I promise you, despite what you believe, he is not going to “blacklist” her from anything if it comes down to it.
Dude, just take care of your shit like a grown man and quit tryin to fuck around bro. You have a baby. “Im 26 and need help doing laundry”.. Its incredibly obvious sucka.
Thank you for your comment. I do agree that it's ok to have different beliefs and still be friends. But the issue is not that we enjoy or are interested in different things. I find it troubling that my friend often sees men as inherently better than women. And this subtle sexism is not really a matter that I can simply be more accepting of.
I suppose anger is an emotion that comes most easily to me, and I appreciate you pointing it out.
It's not only the hair in your face it's the pillow cases her hair rubs on. Which means you need to wash anything that touched her head that makes contact with your body especially your pillows and sheets. Possibly even blankets. You're also running the risk of becoming more allergic to it and your body having a more severe reactions to it the more you expose yourself to it. She's literally looking at you and going “oh you horrible, I can totally stop this but I'm not. SUCKS TO BE YOU!” Sure doesn't care about you. Break up with her, it's a valid reason.
So you have a girlfriend who thinks she's in a monogamous relationship with you, but actually you're cheating on her with other women. You don't want those other women to get romantically attached to you, because you're only interested in them sexually, not romantically, because you're in love with your girlfriend. Is that right?
I told you he initially did not want a relationship. He told her he'd not looking for anything himself
Personally I find it off putting for an adult to have sex with 17yo, despite them.both not being in a good frame of mind from being drug addicts at the time.
Oh dear!
You definitely cheated if you initiated the kiss out of your own will and more importantly please get a doctor's opinion on your physical well being just to rule out any form of abuse
Can't be with someone you don't trust. Doubly so since she is not really even trying to change.
Wasn’t this posted about two weeks ago?
It is NOT YOUR FAULT! He is a controlling person and for your own safety block him on all media. Call the police and tell them exactly what happened.
Oh noooo all the boys are mad now??
Get out!!!! Tell his parents, and flee. Holy hell.
Give them your time and attention. Take in the things they say (hear them) show up in the ways they speak to you about ?
No problem! That’s all you can really do, i think he’s basically just used to the way they are (I’m assuming older sister) and he’s been programmed that way essentially for a long time. You can’t pick ur family unfortunately, but u don’t have to accept poor behaviour. I say that because I have a similar issue with my sister, but I just tell my partner to know it’s nothing to do with her personally, it’s how she is and unfortunately I can’t change it. I understand his “trying to keep the peace” but honestly it’s not possible (I’ve tried). That’s why as a Man U just need to see who is acting wrong and support the other. In this case he has to have ur back as he is going to marry and live with you.
Hello /u/six7rock,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Dating for 2 years before getting married means you’re probably getting engaged at 6m – 1yr. It takes time to plan a wedding and there’s a lot of competition for the best venues.
It kinda sounds like he's done done. Last straw style.
From your post, I have no idea why he'd be so upset, but yeah, driving several hours away and staying at a hotel overnight is the kinda thing you do before a breakup.
I appreciate you have put three years into this relationship, but is this really the man you want to be the father of your children?
it started as an emotional thing, but we worked out our relational problems and really bonded over our shared love for the kids, parenting and doing stuff together. we became friends after being lovers.. but now we are just friends, and not lovers. I can see why I once found her attractive.. but she is not that anymore to me.
How easy life can be right xD. Anyone that is mature knows its that easy and that ex'es can hardly stay friends, especially when both were emotionally invested in the relationship.
No no. Kelsey and I were on & off for 2 years. We were off when my friends set me up with Lauren, we just weren’t seeing other people.
I don’t think the person you responded to was disputing any of that. They were saying that it can lie dormant and be asymptomatic, implying that OP’s husband may have passed it to her unknowingly and without cheating.
Idk how true that is, I’m just clarifying
Maybe ask on r/legaladvice in regards to having the baby without having him involved – I've seen some similar questions and circumstances on there. I wish you the best of luck, whatever you do.
Im mean this in the nicest way… you would be fucking idiot if you stay with her any longer and i would heavily recommend seeking legal action because those images and videos being around can cause irreparable damage to your future
Simple rule. If your partner acts single, they are single.
As to the therapist, it's smoke and mirrors. It's irrelevant and to distract you from what she chose to do.
She's an open lesbian, I never intended to start a romantic relationship with her. We were just friends.
If you had snooped it would be one thing- he could be working through feelings or something -, but he was voluntarily sharing these thoughts with you. Next!
I have, I just don’t know how to go about this. My gf loves me a lot and she knows about everything I’ve done I just don’t know what to do now, I want to be honest with her but I know it’ll hurt her and I don’t want to break up because I know it would kill us both
Testing him by letting the young sis send nudes?? Ya I don't think the older sis would let her do that
How much do you know about BPD? BPD is an incredibly challenging condition to handle, even when medicated – let alone unmedicated. People with this disorder have a tendency to swoop in, try to rescue people and completely get obsessed with the situation. Many then, suddenly – sometimes after years – lose complete interest and hunt for the situation to get absorbed in. I am assuming this is what has happened here.
I have no idea how you should proceed at this stage, but looking at behavioural patterns typical for people with BPD might prove very insightful.
If you DON'T you will regret it for the rest of your life. If you DO, you will regret it for losing your friend.
as someone who considers myself queer, and probably bicurious, i’d NEVER even think to ask my boyfriend to let me experience sex with a woman, or femme presenting.
like many have said, your boundary is monogamy. she wants to break that for “an experience.” and is adamant about that? that sounds very suspicious, also felt uncomfortable reading it. i wonder why she’s refusing to listen and the sudden persistence… OP you did the right thing filing for a divorce. i can see how it’ll feel disheartening, you just deserve someone who respects your boundaries and has the same view of relationships (monogamous) as you.
The other issue is that if the man who SA'ed your wife is the biological father, he would have to sign off on the adoption. In some states, even if he were convicted of rape he would have that right.
It could have just been his inexperience and nerves. Who knows. But, get yourself checked out medically if you are really concerned. If nothing is wrong down there, just shower right before and use a very mild feminine wash rather than soap or scented body washes which can be harsh and throw off your body's natural PH causing an unpleasant odor.
Because we had the most wonderful first few months (8 month relationship) before I believe that doubts first came creeping in her mind, and I still hope that we can find our way back to that point
It is sad that future fathers have no legal rights whatsoever. Even if he is prepared to be the a single father,she is in control of their baby.
I know my body, my choice. But the older I get, the more it feels like the father rights are neglected.
It is a difficult situation to solve no matter how you look at it.
your other posts say you have a wife?
It sounds like your other relationships are done as well. People are judging you by your actions, Eric they should. Some people might be able to look past a person being the affair partner, but when you cheat with your friends girlfriend, that is something most people see as unforgivable.
You just have to accept that most of your relationships are either going to change drastically, or be gone.
Time to try and meet new people and learn a hard lesson from this.
Do better… for yourself.
Find a better gf.
Why are YOU seeking out how to fix it and not him? He needs to do it. It is his work that he needs to do. You aren’t making him insecure. He is making himself insecure.
Umm nothing, she starts and does it for a few minutes, no pre cum going on or anything at that point, and then she just stops and we end up doing other things ie. foreplay stuff, kissing, caressing her softly, fingering, break out the vibe or go down or her and then just have sex for hours and all that's super fun and great but, still no bj for me anywhere in all of the mix.
She's emotionally driven, out to prove something, and she does want him, despite what she's said. She's not 9-year old innocent. She knows exactly what she's doing.
Although he had clearly gone about this the wrong way, i’m betting that he is realizing he doesn’t want to live without blowjobs any more.
Yes flesh lights and mouth play are hot and exciting but they are not blowjobs.
Honestly I would walk away and find someone that clearly communicated he doesn’t like or want blowjobs. I’m willing to bet this will be an issue here on out and it seems he lacks the emotional maturity to communicate effectively.
Best of luck to you!
I feel like either your boyfriend is a controlling douche or you're leaving out information like that you aren't saving money and are spending it all making it tough to save for a home
but every other word in your paragraph insinuates that it would be
No it doesn't.
or she should at least feel guilty if it happens again.
Never said that.
I'll repeat myself again – the power imbalance is not in her favour
As I said before, this guy is a restaurant manager. The power imbalance isn't as big as you claim it is. There is no restaurant manager alive who can have any serious effect on someone's career as a waitress.
she has no responsibility to put herself in further harm's way
She is actually constantly putting herself in harm's way regardless of her actions. She alleges this guy is a predator who preys on his workers. If what she is saying is true, then she will always be in harm's way by working with him. And I promise you, despite what you believe, he is not going to “blacklist” her from anything if it comes down to it.
This exchange has been super upsetting
I don't care.
Dude, just take care of your shit like a grown man and quit tryin to fuck around bro. You have a baby. “Im 26 and need help doing laundry”.. Its incredibly obvious sucka.
Good for you!! Stay safe ?
Thank you for your comment. I do agree that it's ok to have different beliefs and still be friends. But the issue is not that we enjoy or are interested in different things. I find it troubling that my friend often sees men as inherently better than women. And this subtle sexism is not really a matter that I can simply be more accepting of.
I suppose anger is an emotion that comes most easily to me, and I appreciate you pointing it out.
Dude, she doesn't value you as much as she values him. For me, it sounds like she is with you because he is not around.
That's called being an alcoholic. More than 8 units in a drinking session (in men, it's 6 in women) is considered binge drinking
He binge drinks every weekend and verbally abuses you when he drunk. An abusive alcoholic
my family and his friends have all told me at separate points how much they dislike him).
His friends and your family know what's up
Now the only thing is what to do next
Confide in your family and make an exit plan
It's not only the hair in your face it's the pillow cases her hair rubs on. Which means you need to wash anything that touched her head that makes contact with your body especially your pillows and sheets. Possibly even blankets. You're also running the risk of becoming more allergic to it and your body having a more severe reactions to it the more you expose yourself to it. She's literally looking at you and going “oh you horrible, I can totally stop this but I'm not. SUCKS TO BE YOU!” Sure doesn't care about you. Break up with her, it's a valid reason.
Tell her it’s you or the shampoo.
So you have a girlfriend who thinks she's in a monogamous relationship with you, but actually you're cheating on her with other women. You don't want those other women to get romantically attached to you, because you're only interested in them sexually, not romantically, because you're in love with your girlfriend. Is that right?
“because he's straight and it would cause drama”
Funny how you ignore the second half of that, which is EXACTLY why you are choosing to exclude her fiancee, by your own admission.
Actually you didn’t call me by my preferred “sexiest man I’ve ever set eyes on” you are the bigot
And why should I have to learn when there is actual science backing up that your chromosome assign your sex?
Describe to me when I had an emotional affair? What did I do that was an affair?
Cause if you're saying you can prevent yourself from liking someone, that's news to me.
But either way. I broke up with my gf THEN explored feelings. Not the other way around.
Got an explanation, u/throwaway0934672?
So you broke up with your ex; and now you're planning to break up with your current, if you can just figure out the best way to do it.
What makes you confident that a few years down the road, you won't regret breaking up with your current gf?