The boyfriend did the homewrecking and broke trust. I would have hoped things stopped once that information was known, but it wasn't. I don't think piling on to the OP is going to help. They know they made a mistake and they're trying to go forward with the best option available now.
Bro I'm not even reading the post why are you married to a man who is twice your age. Your 22 you have your entire life ahead of you and the is guy is obviously a predator.
This is all true, but she could very well be harming herself here. It's going to be difficult to move past a long and abusive relationship while building a new one.
It can be a long and difficult process moving past a terrible relationship like that. It isn't fair to him either. Unless she can say with 100% certainty that she's not using this new relationship as a distraction and a bandaid, it's leading him on. If she never told him about the abuse, its even worse because he can't make an informed decision about what he's getting himself into.
I got into a relationship like this a few years ago. It got very intense very quickly and ended badly. If she's like my ex, her feelings are going to change a lot over time.
I think we need more information. I don't have a TikTok, and I'm not exactly sure what's being shown.
I know TikTok is based on an algorithm, and he doesn't get a chance to choose what comes up net. What exactly is “little to no clothes dancing”? Are these women naked, or dressed in skimpy clothing? Is there a setting on TikTok saying “don't show me 18+ content?
>I tried my hardest to be the cool girl and be ok with it but I can’t
Relationships are about communicating. You aren't happy about something, communicate that to your partner.
> he just denies it and says he doesn’t watch them but I am too old to know better
He might NOT be watching it, if it's on a “up next” queue that he can skip.
I suggest either updating your post, or just talking to him.
And if op doesn’t have a history of lying or being untrustworthy I her boyfriend, the boyfriend should work on his insecurities and trust his girlfriend.
Idk, he lied about some little things early on, I'd be thinking the same as you…what else has he lied about? Him suggesting counseling together is a positive though. If I were you, I'd start with counseling for yourself with the therapist that's trained in relationship counseling. But I wouldn't disregard my intuition, either.
I meant in life. I actually scrolled pretty fast back and didn't see anything that directly applied. I brought it here because I'm almost feeling gaslighted that I'm the only person he's talked to that disapproved.
Break up with him. There is a lot of insecurity here. Tell him the next time that it comes up that you and the other person were mutually using each other for fun and pleasure, that's it. If it's a dealbreaker for him, if he wants you to be ashamed of being a woman with needs then he can find himself someone else. You did nothing wrong unless these men forced you into bed, then it was mutually consensual and you're tired of being shamed for having a sex life.
This happened to me quite often with my ex. I completely understand how you feel. The first time, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything, but then they kept doing it even when I did speak up. It’s not necessarily about the drinking, it’s about the complete disregard to the commitment and plans they’ve made to you. I would encourage you to communicate how you feel to her and make it clear that you’re disappointed.
Awful idea. I'd do it.
The boyfriend did the homewrecking and broke trust. I would have hoped things stopped once that information was known, but it wasn't. I don't think piling on to the OP is going to help. They know they made a mistake and they're trying to go forward with the best option available now.
I really hope he sees it that way, im so scared!
Bro I'm not even reading the post why are you married to a man who is twice your age. Your 22 you have your entire life ahead of you and the is guy is obviously a predator.
Right? WTF?
You were violated. This age gap is also a red flag. Listen to your gut.
No, normal people do not spy on their family or read their explicit messages.
This is all true, but she could very well be harming herself here. It's going to be difficult to move past a long and abusive relationship while building a new one.
It can be a long and difficult process moving past a terrible relationship like that. It isn't fair to him either. Unless she can say with 100% certainty that she's not using this new relationship as a distraction and a bandaid, it's leading him on. If she never told him about the abuse, its even worse because he can't make an informed decision about what he's getting himself into.
I got into a relationship like this a few years ago. It got very intense very quickly and ended badly. If she's like my ex, her feelings are going to change a lot over time.
I think we need more information. I don't have a TikTok, and I'm not exactly sure what's being shown.
I know TikTok is based on an algorithm, and he doesn't get a chance to choose what comes up net. What exactly is “little to no clothes dancing”? Are these women naked, or dressed in skimpy clothing? Is there a setting on TikTok saying “don't show me 18+ content?
>I tried my hardest to be the cool girl and be ok with it but I can’t
Relationships are about communicating. You aren't happy about something, communicate that to your partner.
> he just denies it and says he doesn’t watch them but I am too old to know better
He might NOT be watching it, if it's on a “up next” queue that he can skip.
I suggest either updating your post, or just talking to him.
And if op doesn’t have a history of lying or being untrustworthy I her boyfriend, the boyfriend should work on his insecurities and trust his girlfriend.
Idk, he lied about some little things early on, I'd be thinking the same as you…what else has he lied about? Him suggesting counseling together is a positive though. If I were you, I'd start with counseling for yourself with the therapist that's trained in relationship counseling. But I wouldn't disregard my intuition, either.
I meant in life. I actually scrolled pretty fast back and didn't see anything that directly applied. I brought it here because I'm almost feeling gaslighted that I'm the only person he's talked to that disapproved.
Break up with him. There is a lot of insecurity here. Tell him the next time that it comes up that you and the other person were mutually using each other for fun and pleasure, that's it. If it's a dealbreaker for him, if he wants you to be ashamed of being a woman with needs then he can find himself someone else. You did nothing wrong unless these men forced you into bed, then it was mutually consensual and you're tired of being shamed for having a sex life.
Interestingly throughout that whole post I didn't see on mention of him admitting what he'd done or even apologising. Just a lot of excuses.
2 weeks ago op was saying they'd been dating for 4 months and he's complained about her cheating in the past.
Defence in depth.
Both of you should aim to do it.
This happened to me quite often with my ex. I completely understand how you feel. The first time, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything, but then they kept doing it even when I did speak up. It’s not necessarily about the drinking, it’s about the complete disregard to the commitment and plans they’ve made to you. I would encourage you to communicate how you feel to her and make it clear that you’re disappointed.
he sounds exhausting
In so many ways