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Date: October 16, 2022
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We don’t even know the context of these requests, these could be harmless jokes but she misinterprets it as serious, she needs to make it clear what it is. The key thing if serious is the only thing I could agree on, it’s not that serious to cook or clean for someone, he should just be prepared to do the same for her if need be.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. What a devastating shock! Do NOT say anything to him. DO screenshot everything you can. DO call a lawyer and see them asap.
You sound like a strong woman. I believe you can get through this.
Yeah my sister doesn’t like him and he thinks she’s being judgemental the only reason she thinks he’s weird is because he’s her age and she couldn’t see herself with someone my age
Thank you for the response. He used to be so caring and patient with me, but now he uses the excuse of coming to the end of his tether with me as he’s been ‘trying to get me to sort my shit out’ for almost a year now. I agree that sometimes I can be difficult, but I try my best not to let it be projected onto everyone around me. I’m a SAHM and I feel as if I have so many people relying on me but no one for me to rely on. My parents already refused to let me come back home a few months ago, I lost my flat so had to move in with my partner, we had a fight on my moving day and he told me I weren’t able to move in with him. I asked my parents about moving back home, instantly said no, don’t even think they needed to think about it. I’m feeling really lost and like I have no where I feel comfortable anymore
They're both 24, not 19.
Ugh. It’s hard to know. I do know that if you make it a thing, she will absolutely make sure to come into your house and linger. If, however, you said something like, “my friends are dying to meet you” she would not want to come in.
I understand your position – the woman is a nightmare, but I also understand your husband’s position- she’s never going away & she holds the keys to his daughter. To him, the most valuable thing is going along to get along with as little drama as possible. Honestly, that should be your goal as well. Besides, treating her as if nothing she’s ever done has had any impact on you would bother her way more than any boundaries you could erect and defend.
You need to straight up tell her
And then she’ll rightfully leave you. Not only did you cheat on her. But you gaslit her
In my case, it was something to worry about.
I would just talk to him about that.
He's told you he wants to beat and hurt you if he could. On top of the emotional blackmail and manipulation he's doing. Block him and move on. You'll find someone who has respect for you.
How do you not understand that? Your best friends sleeping with your sister? There’s a certain code between best friends and it’s to not secretly bang your sister. I can’t comprehend how you don’t see how that’s messed up.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I’d give it one good final try. Tell her “I think we both need to sit down and talk. I have something I really want say or talk about.”
Option A: she says okay. She makes the time to see you. She hears you out and you both talk things out. Come to a solution or at least the start of one together.
Option B: She says okay and makes time to talk with you. Instead of hearing you out, she interrupts you. She turns the blame on you. She victimizes herself. She completely misses the point of the entire thing.
Option C: She argues with you then and there. Tries to start a fight just because you want to talk.
If B or C happen, or a variation of it, then that’s your signal to move on. She won’t give you the energy or effort you deserve in that relationship.
If she genuinely tries to sit down with you or really does try to hear you out, then it’s worth fighting for.
Sounds good
If your boyfriend has a problem with confrontation maybe you should confront his roommate yourself. Just pin his ears back and ask him what the fuck his problem is and why he thinks it's OK to interfere in your relationship. It's not up to him to decide whether emotional cheating is really cheating. It's between you and your boyfriend and maybe you should point that out to him and tell him to butt the fuck out and mind his own business. I don't like confrontation myself but I'll be damned if I sit back and have somebody treat me like I'm some kind of 2nd class citizen just because they don't like something I did. Someone needs to tell the roommate to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a teenager and getting all butt hurt because he doesn't like the way you treated his friend. It's not up to him to like it or not… it's up to your boyfriend.
Thank you ever so much ??? im just scared ill end up in jail for knowing about it… but I know that's not how things work.. especially if knowing about it is finding it and then completely breaking down and shutting it all off in under 5 seconds
Fr?. He’s treating her like his sister walking in?
Why not message . You are older. She may be married and kids etc. Keep it light hearted. Don’t burst into how you were before. Just be casual. See if she says things like “my bf” or “my husband” or “my kids” … they are signs she’s making you aware of where she’s at.
Good luck brother
Have they slept together before? I personally would bounce, but I am very, very insecure and do not know if this is the right play.
Yikes. Sure he’s not breaking bones or anything, but what does he get out of squeezing the cats and making them uncomfortable? That alone is creepy af. You are not being ridiculous, there is something really off with him just even doing that. This isn’t even getting into how shitty he is about it when you object to it. Run girl, don’t look back.
Please break up with him!
As a woman in my thrities, I agree with your mom. I understand it's not nice to hear. But he has a massive amount more life experience than you do. And for some reason, he chose to go for the woman whose neurology was barely about to be fully cooked? Yeah, no. No one does that for good, unproblematic reasons.
She also said that and I get. And what I meant what as far as logic goes, what more do you need and I’ll gladly explain as best as I can
Glad you broke up!!
You’re right to be mad. I would be, but at this point, being mad about it gives him power over you. The marriage is over and there’s nothing else to be done. Be completely bland when co-parenting and give him nothing more.
I’d walk away 10 months ago. Wow!
Depends on how she payed for it
Thank you. This is nuts and it’s not how surgery works.
Bear in mind that you're only hearing one side of this. He might have said he wants to break up because he's decided having kids is really important to him and she could have said something like 'oh so you want to marry a 25 year old?'
Or anything else really. I just doubt that he's 100% awful and she's entirely blameless.
My husbands father taught him that men dont cry as a kid although as he got older he started to tell him otherwise but the original lesson stuck and it took him many many years to be ok to show feelings in front of me. Even after nearly 30 years together he still will not show full emotion around me and has only cried a handful of times but no longer feels ashamed about it. Showing your vulnerability around a woman is showing you trust her and feel comfortable enough to do so and there is nothing is nothing more powerful than seeing a man comfortable enough with who he is in aspects of himself. If my husband hadn't started to show that he was a human and wasnt a robot I dont know if I would've stayed with him. I feel more protected by him as a person who can show his true self to me. If a woman ever makes fun of you for being yourself and showing your vulnerable side then she is not someone you want to be with.
If she wants to wait let her wait. If you dont (or from how it sounds refuse) or won’t wait till marriage that’s your right.
I am going to be crass here. What the actual hell does “I can’t have a proper conversation with her knowing that information” actually mean. Does her wanting to wait mean you see her as less than before??? You need to clarify cause this seems… kinda AH.
You linked an article which describes the dangers of bedsharing in a soft top bed. This breaks the ‘safe seven’; you’re supposed to make sure you have a firm mattress if you sleep with your baby.
It's really difficult to move forward.
My ex was obsessed with his ex for years and early on befwe were official but were interested in one another he told me they made a sex video and the chemistry with her was off the wall.
Our intimacy wasn't that great. He talked a big game of stamina but fell flat. I felt like I was the problem and felt ugly I couldn't measure upto his ex.
Honestly if he wanted to know he would ask. I wouldn’t lie but I wouldn’t volunteer. You were single at the time.
Appreciate you queen
Yes this! Cheating no. Absolutly not the right behaviour in a relationship and disrespecting. Yes!
Uh, why wouldn't a parent text his babysitter occasionally? He's the one who's home when she comes over, so a text here and there to coordinate is neither suspicious, nor grounds for setting up hidden surveillance.
I agree his reaction to the question was over the top, but once Reddit has deemed someone “guilty”, everything that person does is the most suspicious thing ever no matter how good a reason that person has to do whatever they're doing. In this case, texting the babysitter on occasion.
You can give advice to a person, but you can't change them unless they change it themselves willingly.
You could ask “besides med practice, what other careers in life are you interested in “
As a cop you're dad is used to being in charge and what he says goes no matter what the circumstances. When people give him a disagreement at work he doesn't have to tolerate it like we do at our jobs.
I'm a cops kid also and I will tell you this. My dad hated my husband who has a similar outlook on life. It was always problems and drama. It's been 12 years and now my dad loves my husband who still has same views because all my younger siblings got married to actual duechbags.
If you listen to your dad, you'll never be happy. Screw his opinions. Make up your own mind about how you feel about your boyfriends feelings.
I find it hard to believe you live in a small town and you didn’t know and/or she doesn’t know. Small towns are notorious for everyone knowing everyone else and what they’re all up to.
Please trauma response is not cheating. Get a grip
Bpd isn’t an excuse to cheat don’t let her fool you into thinking that
What the hell do you stand to gain from this?
Even if you did do it, there is a right way, which you won't do since you are already discounting your husband's feelings on it.
You really don't want to be wasting the rest of your 30s with someone who is obviously no longer sexually attracted to you.
Needing space is one thing, but certainly not deciding to travel a whole month on the other side of the world away from you. The fact that he can't even be bothered to respond to your text shows how little he cares about saving this relationship. He's just too much of a coward to split up with you.
It could be that over time, you can save your friendship with him, but at this point, a relationship has long ceased to exist.
Therapy would help. It doesn't help that you're repeatedly fighting to the point of yelling, you're keeping score by counting fights, and you're accusing her of being dishonest. You guys need therapy. Both joint and individual.
No, you need to respect her, and let her back away. She's trying to do the right thing, by distancing herself. And my god, no, you should not tell her to confess to your boyfriend, do you even like either of them? Hell
You’re not the side chick..he has had you meet his parents and some siblings. Unless they’re all morally fucked, I don’t see many people being okay with this. You don’t have a Chester but you do have a man child as a bf. Having a girlfriend comes with responsibilities like picking up the tab and paying for things. Seems like he likes you keep you inside and keep his money for things HE wants to do.
Babe he’s 31, turning cameras off to his parents house. Dump him and find someone on the same as you.
Yeah, decided not to tell her and will go to my appointment soon, thank you.
He isn’t insecure. There are acceptable boundaries and this is one of them. It’s naive to think nothing will happen overtime given the opportunity. if you are in a relationship, seen too many examples on cheating in other subreddits.
If you can’t accept his boundaries in return that’s ok, you probably aren’t compatible. If you want to engage with the concerns then you should rethink and come up with some mutually agreeable options. There are many options available that don’t involve living with a male friend.
He said the kiss happened 3 days before he asked her to be official.
You are taking the discussion off track here by throwing in a monkey wrench that doesn’t exist.
I guarantee you, that straight men that have girl “friends” are just looking for a chink in the armor and they would fuck his girl friend.
Yes, you’re reading too much into it. It sounds like what he said was a joke. Don’t deep dive into this so much.
This doesn’t matter. You didn’t grow up together as siblings, & you aren’t siblings now. Let it go.
First things first. What do you want? Do you want a poly relationship, an open relationship or monogamy?
Trust and respect is crucial, even more so in these kinds or relationships than monogamy. It sounds as if you feel pressured to do as he wants in order to keep him. That things are moving quicker than you're comfortable with. And that you've said so, but he doesn't listen.
So, no, I'd say he is absolutely not mature enough to handle things as well as you seem to think. He's showing you he isn't, and that he doesn't care about your comfort.
Ask yourself what you really want. To me it sounds like the only thing your focusing on is pleasing him. That is not a strong nor healthy foundation for a relationship.
I'm not saying open relationships or poly are wrong in any way, but they only work when all parties want it and get something out of it.
Lol my account is named after a Daft Punk song (a good one btw)
I appreciate a bit of humour, it’s been a dark comments section lol but that’s the way the cookie crumbles
I’ve seen this story a few months ago ?
She is not his friend , she is his ex who wants to get back with him.
Unless he cuts off the friendship 100% and blocks her you should break up. She has zero respect for your relationship and by continuing to see her he is engaging a one sided emotional affair & leading her on.
Can't imagine settling for mediocre sex, does he even try? You sure you want to tied to this?
Look. I used to be 100% sure about kids in my late teens to mid/late 20s.
Then the last few years it started to hit me. The reality of what it really means to have a kid as a woman: how much my body might change, the stress and trauma of pregnancy, the possible long term affects of pregnancy, no more doing what I want when I want, the amount of money it costs to raise a kid, no sleeping in, my needs being put last, cleaning all the time, passing on generational trauma (every woman in my family including myself has dealt with some type of eating disorder), and most likely baring the brunt of the childcare and housework even if Im working, and this is all only if the kid(s) is healthy…sure kids can be great and I love my friends’ kids but I started listening more to moms online and those same friends who are moms about the uglier hard side of what it is to be a mom, and it has me changing my mind on kids. I still go back and forth but I lean towards not wanting them. Would I be able to be absolutely selfless towards my potential kids? Would I come to resent them?
Since we are little girls we are fed only the good parts about being a mom. I mean what is typically a little girl’s first doll? A baby doll. But more recently women have been opening up about the realities that have been hidden for so long to help convince women to be moms. More and more being childfree is an option that isnt demonized like it used to be and that choosing not to have kids doesn’t make you a monster. Look at who tends to be the happiest demographic: childless unmarried women. Who tend to be the least happy: women married with children. I’m not saying this, as a means to tell other women not to have kids. It’s just now more than ever, we have a choice. We need to hear the good, the bad and the ugly to be able to make an informed choice when brining in a whole human into the world. It isnt fair to any potential kid to be brought into the world only to simply check a box. It needs to be done with absolute certainty.
Talk to her. But if you really want kids and she doesn’t, then you need a part ways. Because one of you is going to end up resenting the other.
My girlfriend who is now my wife didn’t want kids either.
She changed her mind and never looked back. They’re now grown and she loves them more than me. Lol.
Don’t overthink everything.
Just keep listening and talking.
Don’t give up automatically. That’s all the advice you tend to get on here. Zero willpower, giving up and short term gratification will never get you any fulfillment in life.
If you don't mind being the sole breadwinner and primary housekeeper stay with him.
If that is a problem, leave
…they literally discussed meeting up while you’re at work. I’m unsure why you think this isn’t likely.
Do no apologize, run girl!
Cmon you already know what you need to do. Move on. It'll only get worse.
Totally agree. There’s zero reason to change her number.
Good then tell her mom what her lovely daughter is doing so that she can make plans for your wife to get some shit packed to go stay with her. There is no reason you should be forced from your own home because of her behavior.
Dump him. Find a bf who cares about you, and his own image
Looks like she travels 4-5 times a year, for a few days at a time. I wouldn't call that “completely uprooting” their lives. There is a mass exodus of teachers right now for a reason. Teachers are burned out, underpaid, understaffed and generally treated poorly.
Who cares? He's your ex and no longer your business. She can have your leftovers if she wants.
Not wrong at all. My daughter is only 13 and I understand that she needs time by herself. You are an adult, of course you need time alone.
I started doing this shit when I was 13. My Dad wasn’t religious, he was a state trooper and then a city police chief~ so I dated who he didn’t want me to date but seriously, I was much younger. You’ll grow out of this phase. Regardless of your Dads politics, he likely loves YOU. He probably wants what’s best for YOU. Or maybe he’s abusive and acted out aggressively against your boyfriend because he is an abusive bastard. I wasn’t there.
I scrolled, didn't read, couldn't be bothered. Sorry OP. You need to think of yourself now.
If you want to be with him, you should just be honest and tell him that, however, be prepared for hurt, because it doesn't seem like he feels the same way, as he is prioritizing this other woman over you.