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Date: February 9, 2023
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I feel for you dude. I'm in a similar situation. Work full time and I'm in two bands with varying degrees of responsibility. It either comes down to time management vs her ego or just being practical. It sounds like you're over extending yourself. You need to come to terms with your priorities. Is there one of these you're willing to drop? Also, it's 1000% okay if the one at the bottom of your list is the girl. But it ides mean that you should probably end it so she can find someone who is willing to prioritize her, and maybe you can find a fwb who won't expect too much of you. But you can't burn the candle at both ends and just expect everyone in your life to play along. They have wants and needs too.
Amen sistah!
I wish you the very best of luck and nothing but all good happy stuff from this day forward!
Her next boyfriend can thank you for showing her consequences.
It does suck, it completely sucks. BUT, you will get through it. You can make friends and find hobbies and get therapy if you want to.
You will be ok. Be miserable at your Dad's for a bit, but save some money and get out. Being a strong single woman is fabulous in so many ways. I highly recommend taking a solo vacation. It's very empowering. Put a goal out there for yourself to focus on so you don't focus on him.
The fact that he still treats you expressing dissatisfaction as “reverse gaslighting” him (which is nonsense – you're either gaslighting or you're not, it's not a thing with a reverse option) doesn't bode well for long term success, especially if you're already in couple's counseling. If you've talked it to death and nothing has worked, probably nothing will – you've put up with this for a decade and he's gotten away with whatever, so he has little reason to make changes. But you could always try the “live your life essentially separately and see if it wakes him up” option if you're not ready to call it quits yet.
You mention this:
Unequal as far as- financially, parenting, sharing a home and our marriage
Are you both providing the majority of the household income while doing all of the parenting and domestic work? If so, you're essentially a single mom already and you may be best off with a separation – you might find that doing it all on your own sucks less if you don't have to watch him watch you work and can just be a single mom of 1 less person. If you're not ready for that, definitely drop all his responsibilities from your daily life. Don't cook him meals, don't do his dishes, don't do his laundry, etc. If it's his mess and in your way, gather it just enough to dump it where he spends his time – where he sits, where he sleeps, etc. Relegate him to his own bathroom (if you have more than one), ban him from any others, and don't touch his. Expect him to cover half of the house and child expenses – invoice him that amount every month and keep track of the debt. Take the hard line on making him solely responsible for himself until he either figures it out or you decide to actually separate.
Same with me. I'd do anything for my partner. I never had an issue with marriage, for me it was always the wedding costs, attention and insanity. I'd prefer a lavish honeymoon. My current partner, soon to be wife, wanted a luxurious wedding however were making compromises and making it work for the both of us.
Bro. Have some self respect.
I have known people like this. You view them as so intangibly, unreachably cool that you must be the one that isn't good enough. Her thoughts and opinions must be cool and complex and good and correct, so yours must be juvenile and subpar. Eventually the facade cracks a bit and you become aware that no, this other person is not as objectively beyond you as she feels. She is human, like you, and your thoughts and feelings hold the same weight and validity as hers. Unfortunately, it seems that she also views herself as untouchably above you, and will not treat you as her equal. This dynamic seems unhealthy
All of my kids have bought houses within the past 3 years so time really is n't that much different
Women are worried now about men who don’t like cheating. Lol.
She already is emotionally cheating tbh
What's stopping you from asking him?
Make a big scene and fight everyone! Jk lol I use to deal w levels of jealousy and insecurity. Hated feeling that way, I determined that if I do something to improve me or my mind, ie studying topics that interest me, gym, run, a walk, eat better food & at appropriate times like avoiding that late night binge, I began to feel much better about myself. More confident in my own skin and less worried about what other ppl thought or assumed. End of the day, haters are free fuel sources of motivation. It just depends on your approach. It’s not easy or an over night thing tho gotta keep at it so that confidence compounds itself like money. Love ?
Damn I thought you'd say he'd just drive up the price of the trip for la tourista
I think you need to be a lot more proactive than this. Ask her to stop texting because you've got something really important to say. Tell her how this is all making you feel and maybe tell her how insecure it's making you and ask to look atbthe messages. You'll pretty soon find out where you stand.
so i should just continue to let them hang? isn’t the girl sus
Hon, you aren’t even correctly understanding the first insane thing you linked. And sorry to blow your theory but I’m fat as fuck lol and very strongly advocate for full acceptance and fair treatment, but I’m also not a delusional science denying nut job. If you’re fat, basically everything medical gets more complicated.
Best of luck. Stop blaming everybody else for your issues. This is nonsense and deep down you know it.
He is able to be with her. Most people would cancel a vacation to go be with their partner who’s undergoing a medical procedure.
No way you have to jump to conclusion, make it about yourself, and then make everyone else feel bad about it. /s
Boy is not to bright is he?
You do know he is completely clueless as to what happened and probably thinks you blindsided him after he gave you the room
I understand I also forgot to mention that he was the one that initiated the kiss with me, so in words he got myself and another M on the go ?
I know and it sucks because I’ve been basically bragging about him to my granddad. When I tell my granddad about someone, it’s very serious how much I like them. :((
What's the problem here? That he didn't ask you to marry him?
You're actually mad he bought you a nice ring you wanted because it was labeled an engagement ring?
Damn you sound so ungrateful
I’m not saying he’s wrong to want a test. I’m sure plenty of men who got duper felt like they could trust their partners.
But the problem I see this posing is he may not be supportive of you during pregnancy, because he won’t really be invested until after the fact when he knows it’s his. You might feel like you’re on your own because he’s not going to invest energy in a pregnancy that might be with a kid that’s not his. So he may not go with you to appointments, support you when you’re sick, take up the slack for things you can’t do while pregnant, go to the store to get foods you’re craving, be emotionally supportive during labor, etc., because he doesn’t know if the kid is even his. He’s not going to commit to things until it’s all over and he knows for sure. So ask yourself if you want to feel alone while you’re carrying and birthing his child.
Personally I would not care as long as it was brought up pre-pregnancy and the reason was decent.
I would care about the verbal abuse and misogyny though.
Or it has nothing to do with you. You husband is an AH who is sneaking around with his ex and her family. He KNOWS why he did it, he didn’t want to be encumbered by the fact he has a wife. You not there removes the reminder. They know you exist, right? Well then they are just as big AHs.
You have no reason to feel embarrassed, if anything your husband should feel ashamed. If I were you, I’d contact a lawyer, get my financial ducks in a row and figure out my options. THEN I’d flat out tell him either he goes nc with ex or you divorce. He is completely disrespecting you. He may choose the latter, but that’s on him. You will have saved your self years of dealing with his bs.
Im sure it is very upsetting and heartbreaking for you, but you absolutely deserve better.
What should you do? This is the part where you drop to your knees and thank the universe for its blessings. Bro, seriously, thank her profusely and go buy yourself something nice, because it sounds like you seem to think you don't deserve this sweet gift.
there’s no cutting down on alcohol this time she needs to stop it completely. some people do not have healthy relationships with alcohol. she’s a binge drinker to the point she blackouts and her personality becomes volatile. you breakingup with her is okay it doesn’t seem like it’s about the assault at all. it’s just every experience you’ve had with her drunk building up. if you wanted to give her another chance if i were you i’d say it’s me or alcohol all together. but, you definitely do not have to give her another chance. you breaking up with her now is justified just make sure she knows it’s about her drinking problem.
i have a lot of trauma and used to resort to binge drinking as a college student. i was a mess. eventually i got help dealing with my trauma and now my relationship with alcohol is completely different. i was never addicted to alcohol i just used it to deal with my pain. if i’m going through a hard period of time i don’t even have an alcoholic drink just because i don’t want to give myself that option. i can’t say if she is doing this because of other reasons or if this is just the way she is wired. i can’t say if she will get better or not. everyone is different. it’s your choice to stay or leave, but know it is okay if you do leave.
Jesus Christ where I do I find a woman that has such little self respect that she will put up with actual 3 year old behaviour?
I just had to see the first few sentences and remember.
In relationships, you help each other. You are in a relationship with this guy, but he doesn't seem to be in one with you. You deserve better.
He does not understand or see the struggles a woman has. This is a bigger issue than the Values issue
First of all the idea that people can't cheat with members of the same gender is, at the very least homophobic or biphobic. It's also generally rooted in misogyny.
She cheated. She had sex with someone that wasn't you when you had an agreement otherwise.
You do exactly what you would have done if she had fucked a man.
I think when somebody cheats in a relationship like this you just got to throw in the towel. You're 25 years old. Do you really want to spend the next 25 years wondering if she's going to fuck somebody if she goes out with friends?
It would be different if she had discussed non-monogamy with you before doing things. But if she cheated once in one ways she's likely going to do it again. Even if you decide non-monogamy is the way to go.
A lot of people are actually blown away that you can cheat in non-monogamous relationships. Generally that sort of thing is regarding sexual barriers like condoms.
Exactly. Then they wonder why she was with someone so controlling.
Be single, you are 18, she can not kick you out if you are on the lease. Tell her to leave.
Your exBFF kicked you out of the boat and through you and your family an anchor?
I’d go NC with her, no matter what you do she’ll bite you again, or the the piper will come after you.
Her actions were beyond forgiving going after not only you but your family.
She did this to you, and now to self. Donate some money or shelter referrals but don’t open that door to future chaos.