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Date: October 18, 2022
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here is the thing,
I grew up poor, I mean poor. I had to get odd jobs cleaning house at age 10 to make money to buy essential items I needed, because my mom was only one working, and kept having kids to have more mouths to feed etc.
My husband grew up in middle class family, both parents worked , he had things that I could only dream of, went on vacations, had nice new clothes etc.
When we met I had to hear all these stories of things he had, and not just from him, but his parents. Any time I made a comment of liking something or we went shopping with his parents, and I seen something I needed or liked they would say well you should buy it.
And I am notorious for not spending very much on anything. I will go with the cheapest version I can get. Or go without. And I had to deal with comments about it.
I finally had to have a talk with my husband, and he had to have a talk with his parents.
I started changing the subject, and diverting their attention. And eventually I just straight up said it is my money and I will spend it how I see fit, and no one except husband had any say in what I spent my money on. No one elses opinions mattered. They finally got the point.
But honestly your bf needs to be the one to say something.
And just because they need help and you have to go up there, does not mean you have to put up with it. You also don't need to go over there.
Mmmmm what rhymes with riddle?
Are you sure she didn’t meet someone on this retreat someone that she finds herself attracted to? She may want to keep a relationship going with this new person and a relationship with you at the same time. This way with an open relationship, she won’t feel guilty.
Thank you for manners and saying please! Not nearly enough manners being used these days.
I have a couple years of psychology classes under my belt, but not a fully trained mental health professional.
However, my wife has a PhD in psychology and is a fully trained mental health professional. We had 29 foster kids down through the years, some female, and I had to be trained to deal with trauma, one of the symptoms is promiscuity/hyper sexuality.
Respectfully, From a purely educational standpoint, random, casual or even anonymous sex is a symptom of a few psychological disorders.
That type of counter productive behavior is also a very large health risk, and can very well be a personal safety risk.
I'm aware there are people that shame females for how many partners they have had, I'm not one of those. I'm simply concerned about this female's mental and physical health since she stated her self esteem/self worth has never been lower.
I hope you can understand the difference, help spread the word about the difference between shaming and actual concern over mental & physical health.
Thank you.
I think there’s a non trivial chance she’s been acting on her homosexuality behind his back this whole time. All these “lunches” with friends that take priority over her husband/family.
Oh buddy… she’s only the love of your life because she’s your first real love. You need to move on. She’s clearly more into your brother than you, and she knows you won’t break up with her. She’s just too scared to do it. She might not necessarily want to be with your brother, but she’s over you, and she’s too much of a coward to say anything
Take her off the pedestal, tell her that your mental health is not worth continuing a relationship that just causes you to suffer, and move on with your life. Find someone who actually loves you.
And stop calling her the love of your life! She’s just a woman that didn’t treat you particularly well when you were together. She’s just the first person you loved, and you’re too inexperienced to move on
Put her up in a nearby hotel. You can see her for as many hours a day as you like without invading your husband’s space and obliterating his mental health.
She's def flirting with you so up to you if you want to pursue anything.
He does understand how rude and disrespectful this is. It’s exactly why he’s doing it. He’s pissed you went away and this is how he’s punishing you. He’ll continue to make you feel bad about everything you do until you make your life so small you give up on doing things like going home, having hobbies or hanging out with your friends.
Get out now.
You’re right. My boyfriend is the strongest person emotionally I know, and I shouldn’t mistake one reaction for trauma. He’s usually just super calm as a feather, and we’ve never had any major emotional outbursts before, so I think my brain is trying to process it as this is the first time it’s happened.
I think deep down I was worried about him seeing me sick because him mom died of cancer when he was a teen, and his mom is all he had. He mentions how watching her get sick was the worst period in his life, and perhaps I’m TOO protective over his emotions to the point to where I’m bringing fear in situations where it doesn’t need to exist. The thought didn’t dawn on me before I saw the post.
My brain went to the worst case scenario, which is definitely reflective of insecurities I need to work on. Forgiving myself for this reaction will hopefully make us stronger, mainly because it’ll be a lesson of patience for me. A lesson I’m ready to learn. I’ll be patient in processing this and I’m sure he will be too.
What about your friends? Do you have people in your corner that will show up for you that isn’t family?
I have no idea what lolis are so can't comment on that.
Has your sex life changed since then or is it still good?
Especially when u consider that she wants kids, there’s no way to read this situation that isn’t her using him as security for family life whilst getting to live out her sexual fantasies at the cost of OPs mental health.
So, now you need the other person's consent to masturbate in your own bed? I think the bigger likelihood is his np sexual needs aren't being met in the relationship.
You seem to be waiting for something worse to happen so you can justify leaving. You can leave now. If you're looking for permission, here it is. You're allowed to leave whenever you want. He doesn't need to cross some uncrossable line. You can leave just because you're unhappy. Hysterical crying isn't a sign of a good relationship. Most relationships don't make people this sad.
You don't need your husband's (or any man's) “permission” to do anything. It is not your job to “obey” him, and the fact that he has this attitude and is deliberately controlling you, sabotaging your education and career, isolating and manipulating you means that he is ASTONISHINGLY abusive and you need to start working on an exit plan ASAP. It is only going to escalate and get worse and you will be more and more unhappy until you leave. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard but in a few years you'll look back on this time and be SO glad you left that POS behind!
Mommys boy, just wait until she is your MIL. it will be worse