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Room for online sex video chat Naomi-Berlin
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Date: September 18, 2022
Not you literally but people I've known
Agreed
Film it. Start recording, and then leave the room, and stay awake on the couch. He will only accept physical proof, so give it to him. He clearly has some sort of sleep disorder, but can’t (or won’t) acknowledge he is the issue. Honestly, he probably should be sent for a sleep study, but that won’t happen until he has proof he is the issue.
I have flirted with female friends that I was comfortable with and maybe was not even attracted to. Does attraction help, probably but it's not necessary. Plus, innocent flirting can make all parties feel good. Endorphins, don't underestimate that shit.
This is an awful precedent for any relationship. I’d break it off and I don’t say that lightly. There will be someone else out there who will cherish you and not even dream of causing you pain. This person is a menace. Nobody in their right mind would be okay with hurting someone unconsensually during sex – and making jokes afterwards is just awful. Don’t sleep with him again and please go to the doctor asap. It could be anything, and honestly, it could affect your fertility if you don’t get it treated before it’s too late.
Grow up
2
Yeah you’re right, I just feel so damn bad though :/ also how do I approach my bf and tell him
“…(verbal and physical abuse) have left me in a bad place mentally.”
This right here. Time to take care of you. Breaking up is never easy and always painful, but it sounds like you’re at your breaking point. You’ve put up with a lot and that’s commendable, but you did it at your own expense. Move on.
I think that's where I'm at with it. I feel taken advantage of and like a backup plan with him leaving me like this. He's never been unclear with his direction for me so I'm just like ? what am I supposed to make of this.
Not a very good friend or a very nice guy. If he is like that with a friend, it may also be something you may face in the future.
He certainly isnt the type of guy I'd want as a friend.
I wish I could say that, but truthfully I don’t know. I told my “partner” that if we can’t start over we aren’t going to work. But it takes two to tango and two to fuck up.
Redditor, I wish I could, but adhd and anxiety make my life difficult. I am tomorrow, but tonight, needed to see your comment
Say, in this instance, you end your relationship with your bf and stay where you are.
You grieve the relationship and start to date again. Will you only choose people from the “acceptable” dating pool so your parents are happy? You could find the love of your life there yes, but also high chance of not as you have already set criteria YOU DONT AGREE WITH (ie some notion of people only date ‘their own social class’) to please people who aren’t the ones you will be building a home with long term.
I get that they have financial worries for you (and that is reasonable) but you have said yourself you have determined that you will still be independent and able to support yourself, plus a better life balance.
Perhaps calmly state that you understand they THINK they are looking out for you, but you have thought this through and are not doing it on a whim or short term thing. Even if it doesn’t work, you may find the change suits you, or you will realise it doesn’t and plan accordingly. It’s called living your life, allowing new experiences to happen and being realistic on how it might play out. Ask them to trust in the good sense they instilled in you and support your change.
If not, you have a problem with their ideas of image, rather than your overall happiness, to deal with. And that may be them not being in your life. I suspect once they see you thrive and remain healthy, happy and independent they will come around.
Equal contribution to the relationship. Stop doing shit for him if he isn't pulling his own weight. Right now it sounds like you're his mother who opens her legs when he throws a tantrum. It would be odd if you were sexually attracted to him honestly. Start focusing on yourself. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself! He'll figure it out and you can leave him if he doesn't.
Definitely control. Find someone else.
I’m talking about telling HIM not the health department, you could go to him and tell him with someone else present if you are scared he will just snap. The longer you take the longer that kid is exposed.
I'm 30 and exhausted reading this.
Meanwhile, 20 year old me passed limes from mouth to mouth of random guys at a bar or party so… All adds up.
Next time he says “nothing” hit him with 3 are you sures maybe 1 “last chaaaaance” then actually don't get him a gift. Consent is key in a relationship after all.
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surgeons tend to make the tip of the nose more „uplifted“ like a piggy nose because it will tend to sag over time to compensate it. i‘m from the country with the second most cosmetic surgeries and they all do them like that, but after some time has passed the noses look much better than right after the surgery
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Grow up and move on?
You are dangerously creeping toward stalkerish territory. She is your ex and she had to promise to stay friends to get to break up?
Work on your codependency, people get divorced after 20+ years of marriage and survive.
As someone who grew up with narcissistic abuse her whole life, I have no reason to doubt that this is real. True narcissists are evil. They put their wants above everyone else's needs and then they gaslight you into thinking that you're the problem.
I would also not advise couples therapy. Narcissists are so good at bending the true and can twist therapists to their whim. My parents went to therapy and my narcissistic father will still use things the therapist said as a way to manipulate and abuse my mom
I don’t think we can ever just be friends – on either end it would hurt too much seeing the other with someone else. That being said, I do get what you mean about her wanting it both ways and having her cake and eating it too.
I just don’t want to fully exit her life because while I know NC is beneficial, after a month or so I feel like talking now and then could help keep that door open for each other. Just not sure if I should ever be initiating contact or always waiting for her
I would move somewhere where you both have a support network. It sounds like where you want to go only you do, and where he wants to go only he does?
Every single time? Even with uti’s? Be serious
He said he wouldn’t drink again after this incident, but I have no idea what he’s doing (since he still works at that pub). I also didn’t speak to him for a while after it happened and I did put in place “terms” to restore trust. But you’re right, I feel like I’ve let him get away with not following through with doing the things he promised ?
He doesn’t trust you. He’s just framing it as “inconsiderate”. Did you do something in the past to make him not trust you? If not, then just go hang out with the dude.
it's absolutely my pleasure to try and help in any way I can!
you aren't an idiot, at all. that said, the cost of my kindness is I'll now be admonishing you.
please be a lot more careful in the future– it's not good to be so far from home, alone, with no backup plan in case things go sideways. never put yourself in a position to be fucked, you know? don't put yourself in a position where you need to rely on someone to extract yourself.
It's fine to be adventurous and whatnot, but you still need to keep your safety in mind. I know you love him, but you've been alive ~300 months and you've dates this dude for only the past 3 of them.
so… it might be okay to fly halfway around the world alone, but you absolutely have to take extra precaution. again, if you don't have enough cash in hand to adapt to any emergency that might arise; if you don't have a return trip ticket in hand; if you don't really know anyone where you're travelling; and if you arent, like, a world-class MMA fighter… this kind to trip sounds neither safe nor wise.
i mean, i am making some friendly assumptions and i am speaking in broad terms… there are probably mitigating factors i'm unaware of, etc… but if this were a Netflix special, you'd be halfway abducted, by now…
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That would be a deal breaker for me… if I am official with someone else then all the people from the past gotta go… numbers deleted, text messages gone, people blocked if necessary. I don't care what they did with them in the past but the contacts in the phone gotta go. And yes you do have the right to ask for him to remove them. Maybe he didn't give much thought to remove them from the contacts but you should remind him
He's gaslighting you…. Claims you are selfish for wanting foreplay, even though he's the one that only cares about his pleasure….
Why would you want to stay with a guy that treats you like that?
Break your lease or find someone to take over your lease and move on.
i’m sorry for my bluntness, but you need to read this: if he is saying he cannot wait for you, then he clearly doesn’t care for you as much as you do for him. look at the situation for what it is: you love him enough to sacrifice your education, to move from everything you know, to be with him, someone who cannot even promise themselves fully to you unless they get everything they want. let’s be real, he wants you closer to he can have easier access to you physically. that’s why he’s pressuring you to visit. otherwise, waiting for you to finish school, having conversations with you about what schools you want to apply to, he’d want to be there for it. but he doesn’t care about that stuff. he doesn’t care about what’s best for you, only how you can bear serve his needs. that is not a good boyfriend, and you deserve, and can do, much better for yourself.
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The silent treatment is what’s needed. You’re dealing with a narcissist. She only loves you when you’re useful to her. It sounds like your function in her life is to be there when no one else is, basically you’re her back up boyfriend. You’re going above and beyond and making all these grand gestures which serves to stroke a narcissist ego. None of this reads like love to me, it reads like a one-sided emotionally abusive relationship. She isn’t treating you like someone she loves. She’s using you. And the only thing I got from your post is you’re infatuated with the idea of her. There was nothing about her that you mentioned other than her being beautiful and love bombing you. Those are such surface level things that what you’re really addicted to is the push and pull of this relationship.
Narcissists often destabilize their victims emotionally by pulling away and then love bombing. It makes you feel like you’re overcoming some great problem but really the problem is being created by the narcissist as a tool to wrap you around their finger. This isn’t love. I strongly recommend you get in therapy to help you get away from this woman. And I strongly recommend you go no contact. She’s never going to stop fucking with you. I dated a guy that did this to me for over a year and a half and it was an extremely hard thing to break away from. But after I got some distance I could see it for what it was and I couldn’t believe I put up with it. Create that distance and don’t reach out to her or respond to her. Block her. Wish you the best.
The silent treatment is what’s needed. You’re dealing with a narcissist. She only loves you when you’re useful to her. It sounds like your function in her life is to be there when no one else is, basically you’re her back up boyfriend. You’re going above and beyond and making all these grand gestures which serves to stroke a narcissist ego. None of this reads like love to me, it reads like a one-sided emotionally abusive relationship. She isn’t treating you like someone she loves. She’s using you. And the only thing I got from your post is you’re infatuated with the idea of her. There was nothing about her that you mentioned other than her being beautiful and love bombing you. Those are such surface level things that what you’re really addicted to is the push and pull of this relationship.
Narcissists often destabilize their victims emotionally by pulling away and then love bombing. It makes you feel like you’re overcoming some great problem but really the problem is being created by the narcissist as a tool to wrap you around their finger. This isn’t love. I strongly recommend you get in therapy to help you get away from this woman. And I strongly recommend you go no contact. She’s never going to stop fucking with you. I dated a guy that did this to me for over a year and a half and it was an extremely hard thing to break away from. But after I got some distance I could see it for what it was and I couldn’t believe I put up with it. Create that distance and don’t reach out to her or respond to her. Block her. Wish you the best.
The silent treatment is what’s needed. You’re dealing with a narcissist. She only loves you when you’re useful to her. It sounds like your function in her life is to be there when no one else is, basically you’re her back up boyfriend. You’re going above and beyond and making all these grand gestures which serves to stroke a narcissist ego. None of this reads like love to me, it reads like a one-sided emotionally abusive relationship. She isn’t treating you like someone she loves. She’s using you. And the only thing I got from your post is you’re infatuated with the idea of her. There was nothing about her that you mentioned other than her being beautiful and love bombing you. Those are such surface level things that what you’re really addicted to is the push and pull of this relationship.
Narcissists often destabilize their victims emotionally by pulling away and then love bombing. It makes you feel like you’re overcoming some great problem but really the problem is being created by the narcissist as a tool to wrap you around their finger. This isn’t love. I strongly recommend you get in therapy to help you get away from this woman. And I strongly recommend you go no contact. She’s never going to stop fucking with you. I dated a guy that did this to me for over a year and a half and it was an extremely hard thing to break away from. But after I got some distance I could see it for what it was and I couldn’t believe I put up with it. Create that distance and don’t reach out to her or respond to her. Block her. Wish you the best.
The silent treatment for days as a 30yo man? Babes you’re dating a manipulative child and he’s hoping you don’t notice. Don’t stay in relationships that destroy your mental health and don’t stay in relationships with partners that control who you talk to.
There should never be fear in a relationship. That’s abuse.
The thing is though, we’ve been together for a while this isn’t the first time we’ve been sweaty during sex. We’ve had many sweaty sessions together, which is why it’s so confusing.
I appreciate that. I feel like I know it was the right one but it was just so hard because everything else was fine. Of course I initiated the convo too after feeling really anxious about it; so I am just worried it’s just a self destruction type thing. If she was 50/50 it would be different but I could tell from our convo she was more like 90/10, plus paired with the timeline I could just envision the convo again in like two years except this time it would be much harder than a 4 month breakup. 🙁
You’ll miss it one day. When it’s all over…
She is NEVER going to contact me again. I know for sure.
But I wanted to give a one last try to get her back.
yeah workplace is not the correct way, but I don't have any other option
Another commentor mentioned inpatient care, amd I second that opinion.
OP, while I don't have problems as severe as your wife, I have self-admitted myself to inpatient psychiatric treatment on 4 separate occasions. I've been on the ward in private and public hospitals, and I can tell you, it makes a difference. There is no more outside world to offer stressors. The sole focus becomes the patient, and what is the best treatment. They may offer different medications, and they will certainly have intensive treatment sessions. In the private hospitals, I got significant one on one time with a fully licensed psychiatrist as well as group therapy. In the public hospitals, the psychiatrist mainly prescribed meds, while therapy was done in groups and psychologists as well. As it's a hospital, I also got full blood workups and physical examinations to make sure there wasn't anything physical contributing to my poor mental health. In all instances, my medications were being closely monitored by medical professionals. If anything happened, RNs were available around the clock. Upon discharge, there was a treatment plan in place, with appointments already scheduled, and medication was stabilized.
Read what you just wrote, there is no real way you are going to be able to keep that job as first officer if she sinks into a suicidal depression once a month. Who could you possibly ask to look after her in that state? The only real possibility I could see is hiring a full time nurse, and that is so expensive it's inconceivable for most people.
Inpatient care is a very frightening prospect for almost everyone, the patient and their loved ones. I think of mine as “reset” periods. Not just for me, but for my friends and family too. They knew I was physically safe, and they got to take care of themselves for a while while I got myself back into a state of functioning. I urge you to look into this option.
Feel free to DM me if you have questions. I can of course only speak to my experiences with you, but at least it's an insight to a world you're not familiar with.
Im always made out to be the bad guy and I have to change and she never does.
From this she sounds narcissistic. Was see very caring before you married?
Is this any of my business?
Of course it's not. Mind your business, yiu have absolutely no idea whats going on. Its not your place to get involved.
Of course she is. They're her kids. They are her priority, not his other kids.
People seriously act surprised when someone doesn't treat kids who aren't theirs the same as the kids who are theirs. Her whole job as a mother is to prioritize and care for her kids, not some other woman's. Like seriously what do you expect?
Before this turns more and more into an unhealthy relationship, ask yourself if you feel you're compatible. If everything except this is perfect in your relationship, you should sit down and have a serious talk. If you're both grown up adults you can both fix it.
But if she's unwilling to change her behaviour or try to get help, you need to put your boundaries first.
Uhh, full offense, but Asexuality has always been a SPECTRUM. Being Grey Ace means that you don't often times have a libido at all, and that you only experience it sometimes.
Would YOU appreciate an older man hitting on your daughter, knowing full well that she's a closeted lesbian dealing with internalized lesbophobia? I don't think you would like that at all tbh. Most sane parents don't want that for their child.
This is pure Seinfeld plot line GOLD.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and at the same time I am giggling my ass off. Like a reddit post hasn’t made me laugh this hard in a while.
It might be too early in the relationship to be able to recover from an embarrassing blunder like this. If she had been able to laugh it off as a wtf moment, which we all have, it woulda been your sign to marry her. As it is, I think your best bet is to wait, see if she can get over it, and if she can’t… laugh at yourself, shake it off, and move on.
My cousin and his husband are both furries but there is a huge difference when being one as a kind versus one as a form of art and self expression. My cousin and his husband feel safe and happy in the furry community and it’s their form of expression. My cousin is also an animation artist so he designs all his own comics and suits with his trademarked character. Don’t assume or be outwardly disgusted without knowing or in general. I would never make fun of my cousin for it either way even if they did enjoy it as a kink.
Tbh. It's worth a chuckle.
I definitely will because who wastes their time like that ??
Being safe and staying alive is always the point, sir.
It means “you’re the asshole”. Your post and comments reek of a self inflated ego. No wonder she blocked you, she was dodging a MASSIVE bullet.
He wants you as his back up plan. I’d let him go and do what he wants but move on to someone who sees you as their number 1 choice. I think it’s good he voiced his feelings to you instead of cheating. It gives you options instead of being blind sided. Or it could be the typical case of him thinking the grass is greener…he might come to his senses and want you back but you don’t need to wait around. Life’s too short.
I wonder if he would be willing to try therapy. His feelings are just not healthy. And they are not good for him or you or anyone else either.
I wonder if he would be willing to try therapy. His feelings are just not healthy. And they are not good for him or you or anyone else either.
She did NOT say she was faithful, she said She TOLD him she was faithful.
It's a carefully worded sentence in which she has never actually said to anyone here she did not cheat. It's like how on maury they always say they never cheated, then come back they are the father (or not the father). He's upset, she says to him “you're the father, I've never cheated”
But when she asked here point blank “Did you cheat”, she does NOT answer the question.
She did NOT say she was faithful, she said She TOLD him she was faithful.
It's a carefully worded sentence in which she has never actually said to anyone here she did not cheat. It's like how on maury they always say they never cheated, then come back they are the father (or not the father). He's upset, she says to him “you're the father, I've never cheated”
But when she asked here point blank “Did you cheat”, she does NOT answer the question.
She did NOT say she was faithful, she said She TOLD him she was faithful.
It's a carefully worded sentence in which she has never actually said to anyone here she did not cheat. It's like how on maury they always say they never cheated, then come back they are the father (or not the father). He's upset, she says to him “you're the father, I've never cheated”
But when she asked here point blank “Did you cheat”, she does NOT answer the question.
He's obviously lying, but those are also quite common fantasies, tbh. Doesn't necessarily mean he'd want to do that irl.
I'm sorry, am I understanding you correctly that you woke up next to your gf, and based on your dreams that she knew nothing about, started the day by out of the blue to her aksing if she would date and sleep with your brother?
Leave her.
Just write it down on your palm and read off that. gloss over bits ruined by nerve sweat.
He didn't say they have money issues. OP clarified they just need to find new housing, not that they're homeless.
It's still really early relationship wise. It may just be more comfortable for her to fall back on family or friends she's known for years. You're a good dude for wanting to be there but y'all ain't married.
I don't think she has feelings exactly. I think she's feeling super hurt that this guy told her he didn't want to get married and now he's getting married. I bet that's making her feel super shitty like “why wasn't I good enough to marry?” or “Does this mean I can't trust anyone to really tell me their intentions?”
It's super unlikely she wants to get back with him or any of that. It's just super painful to watch someone doing something you wanted to do with them, with someone else. Especially if one of the keys to accepting that they wouldn't do it with you was that they didn't want to do it at all.
Thanks for the insight, I have been struggling with this for a while.
The issue was that she was entertaining the flirting. She never shot him down and sometimes ignited the flirting.
I think this is part of the problem, she didn't take accountability for her actions, you guys just swept the problem under the rug by taking the nuclear option. She should have spoken to him first and established some boundaries and asked him to respect your responsibility.
But in any case, she shouldn't put the blame entirely on you by telling her mother that you made her end her friendship with Sean, since this is a decision that you made together.
What I'm getting from this story is that you girlfriend has a very serious problem setting boundaries and taking accountability for her actions and her choices, and you should ask yourself if staying in this relationship is the right choice for the both of you…
Lawyer up.
that means no tv or lights on in the room, please
I would’ve rolled my eyes too. She’s not your daughter, she’s your wife. She’s a grown adult, not a child. She doesn’t need to be disrespected by you. And if you do that, I’d say an eye roll is an appropriate response.
No one on reddit can tell you what to do. If you're asking what I would do, I would abort. I would also insist he get a vasectomy since your birth control failure rate is so unbelievable.
Prenup can protect both parties by setting boundaries. Say you quit your job to be a stay at home wife and then later you divorce. A good prenup will include money to be paid to you for giving up your job so you can make a new life for yourself. Bringing in the government to your relationship is a business transaction, marriage doesn't add anything to the relationship other than government perks.
Honey, you know that any man who is not eager to see your face after a month is not worth your time
Now that people have appropriately lambasted you, here is some advice for next steps:
Take a month off drinking, and do some reflecting on your relationship with alcohol and how you ended up in such a vulnerable state.
If you do go out in the evening without your bf, put some effort in to be kind of an open book. Tell him exactly where you’re going, who you’re going to be with, let him know if plans change, and let him know when you get home safe (and sober). You don’t need to do this /forever/, but at least for a bit.
When you do decide to start drinking, try to have another stretch of time where you only have a few and maybe get a little buzz, ie no aggressive nights.
Try to avoid an extended argument about whether or not you cheated. If your bf brings it up a few times just validate that you know you were an idiot that night but you didn’t cheat. If he really cannot drop it over the next few months you might need to more aggressively shut that down, but right now your main goal is not to prove that you were faithful that night but to prove that you will make smart decisions going forward.
Exercise will help.
Wellbutrin can also help even in low doses.
Here's my advice, you outlined thoroughly that he's a mature asshole. Why would you want such an immature jagoff back in your life?
She wants in on the equity, with her name on the deed. If she doesn’t think you’re at an age where you should be having two properties (?!?) then by all means, you already have one. Protect yourself.
he’s a nut job so don’t waste too much time trying to figure out why he’s acting the way he is. stay safe.
I know what he’s shared with me. I didn’t know he would be uncomfortable answering a question about why he fell in love with her. I know about his past, not everything though.
I wouldn't invite L. If that meant my dad didn't show up, oh well.
If I don't want to invite someone, another person refusing to attend isn't going to change my mind.
I don't make decisions without thinking them through. Once I've made my decision I've considered the consequences and deemed the fall-out worth it.
If your sister doesn't want her she shouldn't be invited. If your dad won't come without her then he can sit this one out.
Personally, nobody who makes my mother uncomfortable is welcome at my wedding. She's had to be the bigger person and take it on the chin too goddamn many times in her life for me to allow it to happen again when I have total control to prevent it.
My situation is complicated, but that's where I stand.
If you sister wants L there, invite her. If she doesn't, don't. If she doesn't care either way your sister needs to decide if your dad's attendance is worth your mother's discomfort or not. It might be worth it to her and she just has to ask your mother to suck it up. It might not and she just has to send her regrets to your dad that he cannot attend.
It really comes down to what she wants.
I wouldn't invite L. If that meant my dad didn't show up, oh well.
If I don't want to invite someone, another person refusing to attend isn't going to change my mind.
I don't make decisions without thinking them through. Once I've made my decision I've considered the consequences and deemed the fall-out worth it.
If your sister doesn't want her she shouldn't be invited. If your dad won't come without her then he can sit this one out.
Personally, nobody who makes my mother uncomfortable is welcome at my wedding. She's had to be the bigger person and take it on the chin too goddamn many times in her life for me to allow it to happen again when I have total control to prevent it.
My situation is complicated, but that's where I stand.
If you sister wants L there, invite her. If she doesn't, don't. If she doesn't care either way your sister needs to decide if your dad's attendance is worth your mother's discomfort or not. It might be worth it to her and she just has to ask your mother to suck it up. It might not and she just has to send her regrets to your dad that he cannot attend.
It really comes down to what she wants.
Tell your husband immediately. Make it extremely clear that you didn’t invite it and didn’t like it whatsoever.
If you aren't married always use rubbers , no matter what the tests say
He's really gatekeepers rock music ? how old is he lmao
There’s no way you typed all of that and still ended on “I love him”.
How is he out with someone else if he's there resting?
You knew he was married andypu still accepted his advances to benefit yourself. At this point you are his 'sneak around lil-thing'.
Find another job that pays well and stop getting involved with married older men.
Not really worth it. If he is interested he will get in touch with you.
You might hear from him in the summer, but don’t hold your breath.
Keep moving.
I’m sorry, I just can’t give you an answer right now.
Because the answer is I’m a closeted gay man afraid of my sexuality and I enjoy having company.
Isn’t 6 years enough for you to realize your mistake? Serve him with papers and go your separate, merry ways.
I’m sorry, I just can’t give you an answer right now.
Because the answer is I’m a closeted gay man afraid of my sexuality and I enjoy having company.
Isn’t 6 years enough for you to realize your mistake? Serve him with papers and go your separate, merry ways.
She envies the part of your life you keep from her but open to others. IMO, she's half right. She's wrong on the attitude though. But honestly, you knew your wife's thoughts on this, so why not keeping from her what you do/tell in therapy? Actually, that's the hole point of this: create a safe space for you to process everything, she doesn't need to know anything, and you should create this barreer without fail for the sake of your marriage and therapy.
You aren’t! Loss is hard. My dad ended up passing from a potential suicide nearly 15 years ago when I was 15. He lost my half brother at 10, his mom died a few months after, then his eldest son died years later, followed by his dad, and then his youngest daughter from his previous marriage passed
Sometimes life just gives you the short end of the stick. I feel like I’ve lost a lot more than people my age but we definitely aren’t alone
Short answer: yes you should leave him.
Long answer: I have been in your shoes. He is just admitting to infidelity since you have been apart. All that devotion to “work” over the years probably included other extra marital relations.
If he cared about you, it would not have happened. Remember you are setting an example for your daughters. What would you want them to do in this situation. What advice would you give them.
It’s the driver that needs reporting to the police. If you know who he is you should do that.
And you should probably break up with your bf because one day he’ll be in an accident with his drunk driver friend and they will either get killed or they will kill some innocent person. You don’t want that shit in your life.
They would tell her to leave, immediately.
Sometimes it's not “obedience” but pragmatism. So find out which. If she's agreeing to toe the line right now because she needs parental financial support to complete an education or something like that it's different than if she's just behaving as a perpetual child. If you need Mom's money to eventually become independent that's not “obedience” so much as an investment in your future.
You can do this so long as you chose your words carefully and tactfully. Don’t best around the bush and use a soft and loving tone. But if you let it ride the resentment will boil over. Explain that it’s a limited small party and there will be other inclusion in the future.
I love this analogy lol. Thank you so much.
A similar thing is happening around my partner and I right now, too. It seems like a lot of our friends who have been together for ages are separating or divorcing. So I totally understand how you’re feeling – it makes me uneasy too.
I think what it comes down to though is recognizing that what’s best for you isn’t necessarily what’s best for another couple. And as sad as breakups are in the moment, they aren’t always hopeless – it can be very freeing for two people who have been unhappy for a long time.
Staying together might be the best thing you and your partner ever do, while breaking up might be the best thing your friends ever did.
He's trying to isolate you, make you financially dependent on him and baby-trap you. Abusers rarely do all this at the start of a relationship because no one would put up with it and stay if they did. He has sensed you have become attached to him and are unlikely to leave. Please don't make the mistake I did and ignore what he is showing you. His mask is slipping, the person you thought his is isn't real and you need to get out of this relationship while you still can
This isn’t a troll post
It’s hard to imagine the roles reversed.
We don’t live in a society where sex work is one of the only viable pathways to stability/wealth for men in lower socioeconomic classes.
The problem isn't that he chose to help them.
The problem is that he didn't even think to mention that anything was happening before it was already done.
Plenty of nursing mothers have also just given the boob to soothe. Baby may have gotten a small feed but just enough to settle and fall asleep to the point they’re just using the nipple as a calming mechanism. But a lot of mothers also just give the nipple like a pacifier and it’s clear to see if baby is actually suckling or not, by throat motion, breathing.
I think,
1) Yea, this is some mental thing with her feeling inadequate as you, being the milk supplier, are using your body to nourish and soothe your baby. Where she can’t quite do the same as she isn’t lactating. 2)I’m not attacking you but I think some of the feelings you don’t understand is possibly jealous/territorial. You are the milk reserve for baby, you have that bond that brings you and baby close. Plus , you carried and birthed baby, so there is that bond.
Your wife didn’t get to experience that and she is probably feeling left out in a maternal connection because her body just couldn’t do the same things as yours. 3) If she was able to lactate and you both were lactating would you feel the ame emotions you are now? If so, then I again, think this is a little tinge of jealousy of someone also coming in with the maternal role.
I, personally, don’t see a huge issue with this. Plenty of women around the world nurse/suckle babies in their family groups to help pass the buck around, so to say, to help out, soothe, comfort baby. She’s doing the same thing. It really is no different than that. I also disagree with a lot of comments here saying that her doing this will hinder your ilk supply.
I nursed. I pumped. I also gave a pacifier. When my child had a pacifier, it didn’t hinder my milk production or stop baby from being hungry. That’s not how it works. The only thing a pacifier was at risk of doing , like a bottle nipple, was giving baby nipple confusion but human nipples aren’t going to have the same affect as a bottle nipple or pacifier on nipple confusion. Because a baby isn’t just sucking on the nipple, areola and a large portion of breast skin is also in babies mouth which is how they are able to pull milk from the ducts down through the nipple holes.
If interchangeable human nipples caused nipple confusion, than again, lots of communities around the world where women nursed familial babies wouldn’t be possible.
I think she is just trying to also find her maternal connection as you have with baby, and I don’t see a problem with this. I mean, don’t we women feel very feminine and strong and in-tune with our babies during this situation with motherhood? That’s what it sounds like your wife is trying to accomplish. This doesn’t sound just like her trying to prove to herself she’s a woman, maybe a small part of her has that in the back of her mind but not the overall vibe.
You sound exhausting.
Wow this was mean. I am not saying I take advice from tik tok, just catching attention.
I have hobbies – I’m excelling in my career and am in the best shape of my life from exercising. I cook. I just started in an art class for one of the nights my fiancé is gone. He is a runner and is really into concerts which he goes to alone, with friends and with me. We have hobbies.
Good luck finding your own happiness.
Good for you!
Ask her, “Does the way they treat you upset you? Because it upsets me and I’m wondered if you have any advice on how I should handle that?”
Yea, you’re obviously not understanding the basics here.
She always in bed. He was literally right outside the bedroom door talking.
If you woke up from a nap & heard someone talking right outside your door, are you gonna rush out & say “wait I’m awake! Don’t talk!” No. That’s ridiculous. & Even if you are getting up to leave the room to move farther away, you still will be hearing some things they say until you have left or until they realize you’re up.
You all act as if her just being a human being waking up from a nap is a horrible thing & she should be persecuted for it. Jfc.
I don't really give a fuck
Proceeds to ask Reddit.
This world is full of jealous, insecure bitches. And you're one of them.
The only reason I can think of that she's do what she did, however, is if she thought that you hadn't been serious. But I think you not replying for 24hrs indicates otherwise. I'd just play the crush off at this point, as much as it hurts. “Wasn't that into you. Never mind. Thanks for the apology, let's move on & don't ever hit on me again”. Hang out with your friends and forget about her as much as you can. And you will forget eventually.
Sorry, OP. Hey – you did your best and you were brave enough to make the move. Good for you.
“Not my type” lol You need to have a proper sit down with him and show him all the places you can afford and explain that while you can afford it would mean that you will work only to have a place over your head and that living with a stranger is a complete no go for you men or woman, and the living with said friend is the most logical thing to do right now Goodluck
“Not my type” lol You need to have a proper sit down with him and show him all the places you can afford and explain that while you can afford it would mean that you will work only to have a place over your head and that living with a stranger is a complete no go for you men or woman, and the living with said friend is the most logical thing to do right now Goodluck
Emphasis on “virtually”. I'm sorry that happened to you and your friend.
I created a couple groups on meetup(.com) where people would join different social groups based on a common interest. This involved meeting people/strangers irl to do a certain activity. An example would be going to a festival. My second group was very popular with 1,000 people who joined and I even met my ex-fiancee through it.
I can tell you that as the creator for the group that I had to make some hard choices. I've seen some folks butt heads with one another. I had to kick people out of the group. I had to watch people literally tear-up when I told them they weren't welcome any more. I'm not heartless. I still felt bad for them. However, the situations were more important than the individual, it was about the group.
Don't get me wrong, I never kicked anyone out that I didn't think that it was absolutely necessary.
You are in a similar position of leadership. You don't owe these online strangers anything and you certainly don't owe them opportunities to mock you. You're real friends SHOULD….I repeat, SHOULD respect you enough to stand up for you and defend you. If they aren't, or if they complain about your kicking those strangers out, then you should question how deep their friendship really is.
The fact that your irl “friends” are seeing all this and not helping you speaks volumes. Make a stand. Make hard choices. At the end of the day, you can at least say you did what you felt was right.
Wait, you were fine fucking another woman, but now it’s a problem? This whole thing is a mess.
Wait, you were fine fucking another woman, but now it’s a problem? This whole thing is a mess.
I asked for advice I didn’t ask to be shamed. It’s almost like depression amongst other mental health disorders exist. I go to therapy .
so which is bullshit, this comment or your other post?
I she with some above comments that it's likely you're speaking too much about your friend. I'm not sure I ever mentioned my best friend on a first or second date? That seems like weird behavior to me.
But, also just a reminder that dating is about finding someone compatible. These men were not compatible. It's not an inherently bag thing that they let you know that.
First off, if he knew it was a deal breaker, he should not have/would not have went. Second off, spending $200 is a bit much when you have a wife on maternity leave and a family to take care of. Third off, if he casually lies about doing anything, then he has done it before babe. Yeah, he’s done it before unfortunately and just finds lying to be easier to avoid hurting you (shocker it does not make it easier but it makes it harder for you to trust him). So yeah, he’s in the total wrong for 1) lying about where the money is going, 2) lying about what he did, and 3) even going to the strip club when he knew it would be the deal breaker for your relationship/marriage with him
Why bother? Just move on
Your boyfriend is an adult and is perfectly capable of deciding for himself what is and isn't good for him. Don't ruin something good for no reason other than low self esteem.
Yeah… Might want to take some time to word it better than a mechanic letting you know you need a whole new tire, not just a plug to stop a small leak. Just a thought 🙂
Shredded by whom? You did the right thing, actions have consequences. Both of them need to know that.
Lol, you're too young to think on my level, and you probably can't afford the Uber fare either. Thanks for your POV.
Lol, you're too young to think on my level, and you probably can't afford the Uber fare either. Thanks for your POV.
Lol, you're too young to think on my level, and you probably can't afford the Uber fare either. Thanks for your POV.
Lol, you're too young to think on my level, and you probably can't afford the Uber fare either. Thanks for your POV.
Lol, you're too young to think on my level, and you probably can't afford the Uber fare either. Thanks for your POV.
Well I guess it was much better than the usual fiction on here.
Well I guess it was much better than the usual fiction on here.
Well I guess it was much better than the usual fiction on here.
Well I guess it was much better than the usual fiction on here.
Oh wow 10 years is very long. I’ll be honest I would of left way sooner. Couldn’t be with someone that long without a serious commitment. I’m really happy for you btw! You deserve it! ❤️ Maybe one day I’ll find that
Oh wow 10 years is very long. I’ll be honest I would of left way sooner. Couldn’t be with someone that long without a serious commitment. I’m really happy for you btw! You deserve it! ❤️ Maybe one day I’ll find that
Oh wow 10 years is very long. I’ll be honest I would of left way sooner. Couldn’t be with someone that long without a serious commitment. I’m really happy for you btw! You deserve it! ❤️ Maybe one day I’ll find that
So, your wife told you that she’s going to have an emotional affair with her colleague, right to your face…
Bring that up in counseling, that she’s starting to prioritize her coworker and going to her coworker for her emotional intimacy needs instead of her spouse, because “he gets her”, maybe with the implication that he gets her in a way that “you don’t.” The fact is that she’s not working on making that connection with you, she’s prioritizing making it with him because he’s new and shiny.
She had way richer partners before me. Much richer. I am only upper middle class where I live! She had exponentially richer partners. I don’t know if I should draw this conclusion exactly.
Lay off for a year.
I think it is because you now realize her morals don't aline with your own. She was and still is perfectly okay with having an affair for almost half a year. And if she doesn't mind doing that to someone else then she probably wouldn't mind doing it to you too.
Honestly for me this would probably be a deal breaker. It's not just the fact that she had an affair it's that she doesn't feel she did anything wrong too. Big red flag there.
I think give it a bit more time since galing breakup sya and she's in therapy. she may just be enjoying your company and missing a male presence in her life and she probably wants to feel safe. maybe hang out a bit more pa before you say anything or confess your feelings. as a woman, based on your story, I believe she trusts you a lot but as a friend (not saying this can't change ha). pero kasi ako if I like a guy I reserve the meetup with my girlies kapag medyo established na na this could be romantic. usually eto na yung part na “if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends” hahahah. BUT, meeting the friends can also be a tactic if gusto nya iestablish na things are platonic. I know plenty of women na nagaaya ng additional friends so the person they're with won't think that it's a date. eto yung mga moment na “kaibigan ko yun walang malisya pero para sigurado eestablish ko na friendly lang talaga to by inviting other people”. it's really too vague for now so best to give it a bit more time imo. I wish you luck OP.
This. Her reaction is less concerning than the fact that OP is going to events where someone might use lethal violence over his ego.
Commit.
Marry her, adopt her son, and you will all have the same last name.
Otherwise, when you leave, it will save her the trouble of having to change their last name to hers. BC if you're gone, that's what it will be anyway.
You said it yourself, you need to have respect for yourself. That means ending it with him. He cheated on you, even with that text. You gave him the benefit of the doubt this whole time. He has placed responsibility back on you and gotten mad at you every step of the way.
Respect and love yourself more than you do him. You know what is true here. You hopefully know that you do not deserve this. The things he said to her, to his friend about you, and the way he has spoken to you does NOT say love. Most likely he’s afraid of his life imploding if you live together, but this guy does not love you and does not respect you.
Start the conversation by asking him, “you know how you got a vasectomy 5 years ago, did you go to the follow up testing appointment a few months following to make sure it actually worked? Because I have it on pretty good authority that the vasectomy was not 100% effective.”
This is way more common than you’d think. Especially with men who don’t do the follow up to check the vasectomy was 100% effective.
Do not marry this one. And do not get pregnant again with your fiance. Your fiance and MIL should be at home taking care of you. They do not respect you. They do not even seem to love you.
Be a man. Stop playing and focus on family and create stronger relationship.
He said that he wouldn’t have “signed up for this” if he knew it would be like this.
That's ironic. I am sure you were thinking the exact same thing about him.
Good:
That was a blow to his ego and he has been upset with me ever since.
Let him soak in that sorrow. Maybe he will start looking in the mirror and see where he is going wrong in this relationship.
After this blows over. Have a sit down and try to keep things calm. But convey to him that he has been neglecting his responsibilities in the relationship.
And when he comes at you with this BS:
That is the woman’s duty.
Keep it simple and ask him why does he think that way? He will realize how stupid it sounds if he is forced to explain his logic behind it.
And if he stands his ground, play this card:
Okay, if that is a woman's duty… the man's duty is to provide, right?
Yet I am the one making significantly more than you. So, I am doing my job, and your job?
See, how stupid that sounds?
How about we stop this tit for tat bullshit because that is not what I want in my relationship. I don't want to argue.
I want you to come home and participate in the relationship, like I signed up for… Companionship.
I don't want a partner who comes home and checks out. I want you present.
And if you're not willing to put in the same effort as me, than maybe we aren't a good fit.
Hes telling you he thinks you're interested in a relationship with him and he isnt ready for one. Give him space, limit the interactions to a platonic level.
OP didn't give the timeline of when that happened vs when she got home.
She was outside of the city – a lot of Uber drivers ditch long rides like that. It happens all the time in my city at the airport if someone is going to or from the airport outside of the city.
Do you not have experience taking ubers?
That, and the your comments are a massive red flag. You're becoming an unappreciated ATM.
Grow a spine and make her an ex.
He emails me daily begging to talk and he’s changed
How did she contact you?
Did they take your ovaries along with everything else? Usually with somebody so young they will leave the ovaries unless there’s a specific reason to take them. Your hormones shouldn’t be affected if your ovaries are in tact….but might be worth having your levels tested
Hey OP, I'll point out this slightly overlooked tidbit: What you did at your father's wedding was asinine, but not surprising for a 15 year old going through a parents remarriage. Your dad and his wife had a right to be passed off, but you were a kid, who is not legally recognized as an adult because you don't fully understand how to act at that age. Your step mother has no such excuse as a 50+ adult attending an adult child's wedding. She knows better, she has had years to come to terms and forgive what you did all that time ago. She instead decided to be petty and vindictive. She tried to ruin your day out of spite, and I'm glad you didn't let her.
She has no excuses as an an individual old enough to be your parent. She is held to higher standard than a child, and if your father wants to make this his hill to die on, he shows you that your relationship with him doesn't hold any real weight in his life. Sorry OP, but dump both of them and live a happier life. You deserve it.
Funny, but I wanted kids and that's the last thing I thought of during it at 25.lol
I’m not trying to shame you. I’m hoping to redirect your energy here. Your boyfriend (that you say is great) isn’t the biggest problem.
Never waking up because you vomited in your sleep and failed to roll over is the biggest problem.
Please take all that stress and worry, and ask someone to help you get to AA. Please.
You can’t get more “tight knit” than your partner. The phrasing of that implies she places greater importance on her friends than you.
I saw someone ask before the MOD deleted it if he makes these remarks unprompted or if it’s a response to what I ask: no he says them unprompted. The breast comment was when we were both standing in front of the mirror and he cupped them up and said most girls breasts are perky and they sit upright, and because mine are bigger they don’t. To him this is an observation apparently. He also has said things like there is objective beauty and I need to come to terms with the fact that there are women who are better looking than me and he isn’t going to lie and pretend there aren’t. I don’t even consider myself unattractive. I believe I have good features. He just finds things to nitpick
That is so so weird OP…no normal person in relationship sends her bikini pics to father in law. And also, should have less communications too..they are not friends…even you dont chat with your dad a lot right?
How come your father only resurfaced 4 years ago? How was his previous relationship like?..does he like young girls?
Take your games and don't be afraid about causing an argument. If you let this go, where does this stop? What else of yours is he free to just give away or trash because he gets the whim? Sometimes you need to fight to show others you won't be taken advantage of – to teach folks how to treat you. Make a fuss, don't let this go.
If you put money into an account you need to have access.
TBf that’s only the urban areas
Where is OP’s self-respect? Is there a shortage of men that she has to scrape at the bottom of the trash heap?