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Date: October 7, 2022
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If you want advice then you have to not tiptoe around the problem. She was with the kind of person not well seen in your family? What's that mean? You can't get over that she has a single person in her past?
I genuinely don't get what the problem is.
If moving in together is such a tough decision, then the answer is always no.
You need that step to be a confident one. You can't make it a 'save the reletionship' type choice.
Do not ignore these:
Over the months he has been pushing me away from being myself in order to have everything be about him It makes me feel unloved and I've explained to him how our conflicts have been hurting. I cannot handle him getting upset at me for every little thing, especially when I sacrifice so much of my time, my money, my trust, and my dreams for him I am constantly framed as the bad guy for him getting upset over small things he is pushing me to take it down because it “takes attention away from him” even though I talk to him daily and constantly spend time with him. The worst is him saying that I can't be bisexual because I should only like him – and I've told him that hurts my identity but he has pushed it aside.
None of that is good in a reletionship.
I know you see positive things in him. But the negative side of people is what makes or breaks a reletionship. It's what creates pain, disconnection, neglect, EVERYTHING that you're feeling right now.
You need to focus on the bad side of people and not let the good things blind you. You can be the most comical, generous, sweet person, but if you're a shit partner, you will have a shit reletionship. The good does not out-weigh the bad.
You are 18 right now. Moving entire states for a dysfunctional reletionship is not the move to make. Nothing about this reletionship has told me it would be a heathy decision for you.
And I would even encourage breaking up. Working on yourself. Set your life up. And find a more loving partner who is not self-centered and who doesn't hurt you emotionally.
Same, but only because mine gave me about a million green flags and nothing resembling a red one. If he'd ever acted anything remotely like OP's boyfriend, I'd have been SO done. Nope, nope, nope. Never marry someone who makes caring for you conditional on getting their way.
Stop hanging out with her and her friends. All you’re doing is prolonging your own suffering. She doesn’t want you, it’s time to move on.
Get the genetic blood screening at 13 weeks' gestation. It'll tell you the likelihood of the child having any significant disabilities and it's about 98% accurate.
No if course not I have my own life goals and responsibilities. What’s wrong here is having your SO support someone just for the heck of it. You’re saying it’s okay for a person to be supporting someone with everything while they lie around and don’t do anything? There’s something wrong there if you think that’s okay. Reminder I’m taking about when she is able to get a job not right now because I’m more than aware that she is unable to.
That's false. He did not make it clear. Plus at his age and experience in life (at the time 34yo) he knew better than to allow for any misunderstanding on a critical life issue.
He also knew the 'uncertainty' benefited him. He said just enough to keep her hooked.
She was a young woman in love and he took advantage of her love and led her on for FOUR years (wasting her life and knowing she wants marriage).
His behavior was not loving or caring but was: selfish, entitled, and showed zero empathy for her.
I”M NOT SUGGESTING THEY GET MARRIED. Just the opposite. He's a deceitful, manipulative POS.
This.
I've known lots of women how have been propositioned out of the blue by their friends for sex (which is basically what “hey, wanna be fuckbuddies/fwb?” means.
And it always makes things awkward or ruins the friendship, unless that friend is also sexually interested in you, and unless sex is sonething you are both already comfortable talking about together. It usually ends with the object of the proposition distancing from that friend. It sounds like this was out of the blue for her and left her feeling very uncomfortable.
The difficult thing is that much like confessing your romantic interest, you generally have to lead up to it by getting to know the person and where they would stand on FWB in general before approaching them. It also means reading the room and trying to see if they have ever shown interest in you.
In the future I'd recommend suggesting being FWB to girls you are still getting to know, if they are inti the idea of FWB in general, rather than old friends, as then you're not trying to change more established friendships, and you arent losing an older friend if she isnt into it.
Given that friends with sexual or romantic feelings can struggle to move on or accept “no”, many people can feel uncomfortable remaining friends in that context. Especially when like this, it was out of the blue with no intication from her that she was at all interested in OP. She probably feels like she thought she had a friend, but now wonders if OP was just hanging around hoping for sex.
Unfortunately confessing feelings is never risk free.
Not helpful.
He shouldn’t. In the years that we lived together I never once checked him. The one time I do I got disappointed so I looked more, now I’m literally packing my bags and waiting for him to come home from work to give him the ring back. Booked an airplane ticket too.