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miapearls chat
Date: October 14, 2022
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miapearls chat
Why not?
send a message saying that your husband isn’t interested in a skank. tell her she clearly isn’t trustworthy and if she contacts you or your husband again you will be forced to seek legal advise
Uh no. Her response is wicked weird. Men do not put in two months of work to get laid. In my experience they put in roughly one date. Lol. She has a few issues. Personally I’d run. But that’s just me
Sometimes I’m too angry or upset to have a productive conversation, with my bf does something stupid. That is when I might spend some time away from him so I can calm down, gather my thoughts and can be ready to move on.
This is pretty selfish. The only reason you’d tell her is because of you? Not because there’s another human being who is getting played and oblivious to the betrayal? This is revenge on him. This has nothing to do with doing the right thing and that’s just incredibly selfish. Try having some empathy for this poor woman.
As someone who’s been cheated on, I would want to know. She deserves to know her boyfriend is an asshole.
He's old enough to be your dad, granddad even in a small enough town.
In the 28 years he's been on the planet longer than you, you don't think you have different levels of maturity, life experience, energy, finances? Different friend groups, goals, interests, career stages?
Will he be supportive of your continued growth? Will he respect you as an equal?
If he's really wasted 28 years and is still on the same level as a 25 year old, you need to run in the other direction.
Definitely creepy. He's much too old to be dating high schoolers, this is a big red flag.
It’s been 2 months, what did you end up doing?
You mean just walking out on your partner without discussion because they’re clearly both adults in a two year relationship? Yea ok, buddy. Keep dreaming that’s normal behavior
Good for you. Pressuring you into a legally-binding contract you’re not ready for is not charming. Just search this sub for the word “married” and you’ll find thousands of reasons making a commitment you’re not ready for could be a bad idea. You got this. Your plan makes sense. Good job.
You should probably head over there like right now… don’t bring your husband or daughters tho, don’t know what your son knows. Just listen to him and show love for him, I’m sure it will work out in the end.
he was curious? why? of course he just wanted to flirt with others, why would he want to do that in a healthy relationship? listen, he cheats on you, if not physically (yet) then emotionally. I honestly don't know if I would want to save a relationship with someone who is obviously bored and unfaithful.
Maybe what i'm trying to discover is what that kind of trauma does to a person and what are the most common ways of coping?
Run bro!! Once a cheater and liar always one
She should get an abortion and you should never talk to her again.
It can be very difficult to understand why someone would behave in such a way, but it is important to remember that gaslighting is often done in order to gain power or control over the other person. It's important for you and your son to recognize these manipulative behaviors so they can be identified and addressed appropriately.
Encourage your son to express his feelings openly with you as well as those close to him instead of internalizing them. In addition, ensure he feels comfortable talking about any interactions he has with his in-laws so you can all work together on creating healthier boundaries and preventing further abuse if necessary.
My advice would be to lose some weight.
If you end up getting what you want and the emotional cheating turns into physical cheating and it comes to a breaking point of her getting caught and breaking up or she leaves him for you, you may never trust her down the road because you may start to think “what if she does to me what she did to him”.
Tell her she can't have her cake & eat it too and that you two can't be anything until the two of them breakup and cut off contact because obviously the lines between frienship and being a couple have become blurred. If she really wants you, she'll come to you. It is going to be extremely difficult but it's what is right in this circumstance.
If he's acting like this, he isn't the love of your life.
INFO: Do you have small children at home, or is she 9 months' pregnant and about to deliver?
If the answer to both of those questions is “No”… she is controlling as hell and you need to put a stop to her BS or it will only get worse.
You already “properly confessed” to your friend a year ago and she told you she didn't feel the same way about you, so what exactly would be the point in doing it a second time?
To me, it sounds like you are just hoping she will have somehow changed her mind about you now that she is no longer in a relationship with someone else.
But she didn't reject you back then because she was already in a relationship, she just told you she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. If that had somehow changed in the meantime, she would probably have tried to revisit the topic herself by now.
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I don't think Sarah understood that when she cheated?
But now John is depraved one and she is not? Double standards.
This is just karma at it's finest and I like it. ?
Do not move in with her.
Do not sign anything ie the birth certificate until you see the paternity results.
Do not provide any financial assistance of any kind until you see the paternity results.
Use your own company for the paternity results.
I can see her taking you to court prior to getting the paternity results so get your friend’s recollection about seeing her at her ex boyfriend’s house in an affidavit that also specifies date and time of the incident.
Best of luck
You'll get over it. It's not the end of the world, you're too young for him anyways.
Take a step back and all that.
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it wasnt always like this …. more like once in a while
I definitely understand and empathize with this thought. Thing is, I’m NOT sure I can or can’t. I’ve never been on my own.. I wish I had better insight on this.
Informed consent is getting more attention in the healthcare space and I think it needs to be the clear standard for sex as well.
You can not enthusiastically consent to sexual activity when major relevant information is withheld.
Exactly when and how can be a surprise if that’s what you both want, but the fact that you intend to propose—especially given you’ve been together for seven years—should not be a surprises. Talk to her about it. Ask her how involved she wants to be in picking out the ring.
Or, if you’ve already discussed all of this and she’s made clear she wants it all to be a surprise, talk to her best friend for ideas.
I am amazed you tolerated this behavior.
I am amazed you tolerated this behavior.
Sounds like he enjoys the sex and the dates but doesn’t want to build a life with you. I would move on.
I know two women who did the same as OP and are still with the guys they fell in love with. Both going strong over 20 years and both married. Did not do too good with the kids (I'm one if them), but that was just shitty parenting. OP seems to have the stats and realities figured out AND seems to do well with the kids. Ex seems vindictive and unhealthy and if OP and her new love are happy, good for them.
Steroid user here. I think the single biggest thing I'd say is that steroids are very complicated, and it's difficult to make meaningful blanket statements about them. There are many different compounds that all have different uses and risk profiles, and then there's a wide range of doses, with scaling risk as you get higher.
At the simplest level, there's Testosterone Replacement Therapy, which is a medical treatment for low Testosterone. It's legal, administered by doctors, and has plenty of clinical data at this point to show that there's no hugely significant health risk (studies show very mixed and small effects on overall longevity, both positively and negatively).
At the opposite end, there are drugs like Trenbolone that are well known to be pretty bad for your health and infamous for causing anger and paranoia issues. I personally won't touch it myself.
This is just to say that it really depends on what exactly he's thinking of doing and the state of his overall health. I'd vaguely be willing to bet that a guy who eats a healthy diet, exercises a lot, and uses moderate doses of safer steroids is going to be healthier than the average American with a terrible diet that doesn't exercise at all. This is to say, alcohol and junk food also harms your body, quite a lot, but we don't really have nearly as visceral a negative reaction to those.
But again, steroids are very complicated, and things can get very bad. If someone is going to use them, there's a ton of knowledge they need to know and stay on top of in order to remain as healthy as possible.
EXFUCKINGCACTLY
My daughter's husband is eight years older than her – they are extremely well-matched. (Downvote me if you must, guys, it's true).
It's totally okay to feel bad for someone, especially if they had a bad childhood…
AND still require them to take responsibility and experience consequences. Bad childhoods do not “mint” a pass to hurt other people.
In this case, natural consequence of her threatening to kill someone in an attempt to get what she wants is;
For her to experience police investigation, legal due process, a mental health assessment, a permanent record of Her bad behavior and to be blocked from doing it again.
Otherwise, it's like society saying she is allowed to keep doing that, like it's okay… but her behavior is NOT okay. Thats why our society bothered investing the resources to write laws about exactly this thing.
Hopefully she learns from the experience.
How is the top advice literally to willingly be sexually assaulted again. I lose faith in humanity everyday Day.
It was a nice idea but you should have waited until after her rough patch at work. It almost seems like you didnt listen to her when she said she was having a rough time at work and if you did listen you just didnt care
I work somewhere just as you described – people being friends doesnt mean the job is not stressful.
If my bf waited until after my big project sale in three weeks to celebrate and then did this as a surprise i would cry of happiness lol. If he did it this week I would probably have a mental breakdown with my schedule being so tight. And frankly, he KNOWS this. He knows ive been stressed at work and offers to get me dinner/snacks or whatever. I would feel really ignored and upset if he tried to pull me out of work during a stressful time because he was bored and felt like going to the spa
they have a kid together he cant
Still have no idea why you need the pictures if you have known her since you were both in your teens.
Ask her directly.
Chill. He wanted to be held and sleep. It’s his birthday, everything is not always about you, okay?
Yeah I’m sure a guy who, at the mere possibility of pregnancy, instantly decided to entirely rearrange OPs life without any of her input wouldn’t take any other liberties in making huge decisions for her body and future behind her back… It’s totally soooo irrational to think that could be happening here. ?
They gave up both of us and then changed their minds, took her back and told everyone it had been a singleton birth.
You’re assuming they were ever half-decent.
And being mad she was with someone else after knowing him for 2 weeks and they weren’t exclusive. It is far too much.
OP – you’ve already really messed this up with your unfounded lack of trust. This is going to cause her to not trust you, rightfully so. Take some time to think of why you felt the need to snoop if she hadn’t given any reason. 3 months in and just 1 of being committed – you should still be in the honeymoon phase. You’re in the wrong here and what she did when you first met and weren’t exclusive has nothing to do with you.
u/Any_Potato8193 You need to hold yourself accountable and tell her what you did, and how you plan to remedy the situation without blaming her for your insecurity. If you're honest about what you did, there's a 50% chance she breaks up with you. But, if she finds out later that you did this and decieved her to hide it, there is 100% chance she will leave you.
I'm saying that that's the goal of the strategy, which many men don't even realise that they're doing.
Coping mechanisms aren't necessarily bad things. They can themselves be a way of living with a problem.
That sounds gross, you should ditch him. If someone is saying stuff that turns you off/makes you uncomfortable at the very beginning of a relationship or friendship, it is a sign that it will only get worse. We’re at our most guarded/polite when we barely know someone, so think of all the stuff he’s gonna say when he’s more comfortable around you.
Also, it’s just your own boundaries. The biggest lesson I learned after an abusive relationship was to not give people who ruin your energy any of your time at all. I cut out people who make me feel down, self conscious, icky, or miserable as soon as I feel that they’re toxic. Protect your own peace, you’re not overreacting.
I'm surprised there's room for anyone else around that level of ego!
you’re right, I tried a sort of similar approach to this but definitely could see a better conversation starting if i come at it a little more blunt like this.
He went on a vacation with a friend of his from out of town and it seems like they had a blast without me. Renting jet skis, going out and drinking, etc. And now, he wants for this friend of his (29M) to move in with us soon. And whenever this friend of his asks him to do anything, he’ll do it without question where when I ask it’s always like pulling teeth.
You are his beard. Sorry.
You know that you’re a stand in until he finds what he wants, right? The fact he had an answer immediately means he’s already thought about this and decided……but never told you. He remained in his comfortable relationship and will continue to do so until 1. Something happens like a big fight or he has to be there for you emotionally 2. He meets someone else.
Move out and don’t look back. There’s nothing there for you.
It wasn’t constantly or once a day every day. It was more like once every two weeks more or less when I happened to remember it, sort of checking in and asking if he got around to it yet. Does that still count as super concerned though? Trying to work on it.
Does this guy have a golden dick? Does it produce gold for you? He’s an unemployed asshole who is probably cheating with one of those girls. Let him pay his own rent.
I wish this was more sexist.
Post this also in r/ justnofamily. Your sister is a just no. Your mother sounds like a yes.
So funny reading this comment because I just said good night to my girlfriend an hour ago. The last thing we talked about was how much fun we had on Saturday night during a threesome.
I would say the very first threesome we ever had was one of the best experiences in our relationship! I’ll spare you the reasons why, but rest assured, it was an amazing, positive experience for everyone involved.
Threesomes, like anything, involving sex, had NO INTRINSIC VALUE at all! None. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s not worth anything other than the value you assign to it. YOU might not think that threesomes are a good idea in a relationship. For your relationship, you might be 100% right!
Just because I’ve had amazing experiences in that department in my relationship does NOT mean that I recommend it for everybody lol. I recommend it for ME, my partner, and that’s about it.
Block him, speak to the police, get a restraining order
i’m curious how the counseling is going
Everything suggests you are the 2nd wife. Different cultures?
Poor dog. A dog always sees the good in its owners, it’s a shame the dog got stuck with a piece of shit owner
No, you won't ruin his family because he already did it by cheating on his wife.
As for his wife, she deserves to know so she can decide what's best for her life and her baby. Staying with a cheater or will someone who deserves more of their love.
I’ll just brush off that old joke…
You know what they call people who use the rhythm method?
Parents.
Yes. You seem jealous of your sister. Do you often try to sabotage her?
Girl this guy has more flags than the Olympics.
Anyway, last week I found out she'd been texting the guy again. Apparently, it's nothing more than that, but as you can imagine, that's hard for me to believe.
Dealbreaker right there. Keeping in touch with an affair partner is never OK.
she says it was just texts and was stupid and was only sporadic,
No, it wasn’t just texts. It is a continuation of the betrayal. And it wasn’t stupid, it was a deliberate decision.
The guy was saved under a different name, and almost all messages were deleted.
That’s deliberate deception, not a stupid mistake. It’s also a string suggestion that they are sexting or making plans to meet in person. Or have already met in person and the deleted texts were discussing what they did.
weirdly, I don't want to taint people's opinions of her as I still love her..
That’s a very dangerous mindset. If you try to protect her reputation, she will twist the narrative to make you the bad guy. She’s already betrayed you. Twice. After you forgave her. What makes you think she won’t destroy your reputation to make herself look like the victim?
And yet she saved his number under the wrong name and it’s clear to you that she deletes messages….
Who cares what she says? Look at what she DOES. She lies, she cheats, she hides things, and she actively tries to cover her trail. Why would she be deleting messages if she didn’t have anything to hide?
Why is she communicating with him at all, even if it were only sporadic or ‘innocent.’ It’s entirely disrespectful and inappropriate, and there is NO excuse for it.
Stop listening to the things you want to believe are true and start looking at the cold, hard facts. You can’t love a person into honoring your relationship and respecting you. You can’t love her into being honest or faithful. You gave her another chance and here she is, being shady again.
You know exactly how this ends. You just need to grow a spine and end it. Or you can continue to waste more precious years of your life with a person you don’t trust, who disrespects and lies to you. Loving someone isn’t always enough. Love yourself enough to demand better.
I like Foghorn Leghorn.
Rule 2
This is how I feel about the wife
Consider this a blessing. Even if she isn't around when you first meet, introduce the guys to her asap. If they behave ?, you won't have to waste time with them. If she wants the trash you throw out, will you mind?
But don't mention a word to anyone. Manipulative guys who wants a low self esteem victim will take advantage of it.
Never put up with this for children sake man. Have some self respect.
Simple, just tell him to stop watching incest porn! Problem solved!
Agree with this. I’d just say it was a one night stand unless you really can’t live with not telling her. Unless you feel like this is a situation that you’re going to repeat, our partners do not need to know every detail of our previous sexual experiences, unless it affects them going forwards. So consider if this will affect her going forwards (as you’ve been tested I’m not sure what would) or if this will affect your place in the relationship going forwards (as in can you move on from it? Have you come to terms with it?)
Well if you want him to not cheat then you have to have that serious talk. Everything on the table type talk. While also validating his feelings and don't make him feel like he is crazy.
If you take a step back and think objectively, did this come completely out of the blue? Or has this been a long time coming?
Yeah, right now he's probably buying lightsabers & video games.
I was SAd by an acquaintance at a party. I woke up naked and in pain mid-assault. I also never reported mine, and it took me a long time to be able to talk about it without wanting to puke or cry.
If I were you, I’d just say, “hey I heard about blah blah blah. He deserved it. Let’s put it behind us. I can’t move on if you stay angry about it.”
Jasmine is interested in your brother and it was a complete douche move of her to not tell you she was going to the club instead of meeting up with you.
As for your brothers they are also kind of mean to exclude you. My best guess is that they want to do stupid shit with girls and don't want you to see how they act.
Hang on clarify something for me: you tell him “don’t touch me” and he touches you anyway? You tell him not to get sexual and he continues to do so?
If that’s the case this guy is a complete creep and you need to kick him to the curb.
It seems like she’s using this as her get of jail free card. Obviously OP had no knowledge of this kid. If my husband found out he had a kid from someone else before me I wouldn’t just up and leave him.
It’s gonna be funny when he hires his own lawyer and argues himself out of all these nice things she was going to give him, and ends up with half or less.
At least for me, this read of the situation makes it even worse. This is the kind of thing that would make me never want to have sex with him again. She has just gone through something mentally and physically painful, she’s in constant pain, and he is looking at her and thinking what if we don’t have sex again? If that is truly what he’s thinking about in that moment there is zero hope for this relationship because the lack of empathy there is horrifying.
This is a night time deal, not a relationship
Sorry that should be I wonder about the tone, your tone, to her based on your most. You say to her you’re supportive, etc, but I wonder if it actually comes across that way.
Has it helped you?