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Spank Ass [Multi Goal]
Date: October 10, 2022
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Spank Ass [Multi Goal]
Nope. He has proven that he will lie to you to protect his own ass under the guise of not hurting you no matter the impact to your physical or mental health. What if he gave you something incurable? He took away your autonomy to make informed decisions. Unforgivable.
The second you said you wanted to go should of been when the night ended. You are allowed to revoke consent during whatever sexual activity you agree to at any moment. You’re wife did cheat and is likely a lesbian.
My bad. Was late to the game and didn't pay attention to time stamps. 🙁
Drop what you're doing today and get a meeting with a lawyer. Explain everything to them and follow their advice on moving forward.
Needless to say, the relationship is over. There is zero coming back from this.
Listen to what your lawyer says and get the fuck out of there. An accusation, not even charges, just an accusation like this has the potential to nuke your entire life.
I’ve thought about this myself, however return flights alone are generally 1-2 thousand and so I’m not sure if it’d be worth the risk if I then end up still wanting to go there on the visa.
Sarah was 6 when you left, this is a pivotal time for children developmentally. Children this young are absorbing everything around them and their brains are in hyperdrive. Their brains are making neural connections that will form the basis for their long term development. This experience for her was undeniably traumatic for her. Trauma experienced at such a young age will fundamentally change her for the rest of her life. She is absolutely the woman she is today because of the prolonged trauma she endured at such a young age.
This was a time when she needed her mom, not her aunt, her mom. You can explain to her all the reasons you left for work, but that doesn’t matter to her because not only were you gone but her dad was actively dying. From her perspective she lost her mom and she was losing her dad, all she had was her aunt. Her aunt was the only parental figure she had during the most traumatic part of her life. This is why she sees her aunt as her mother because her aunt was filling your role as her mother.
She was experiencing a trauma so severe at such a young age it profoundly changed her, there’s absolutely no way this wouldn’t shape her perspective for the rest of her life. Losing one parent at that young of an age is going to be traumatic enough, but she basically lost both her parents. It didn’t matter you were alive and sending money home, nothing can replace you physically being there for her. A 6 year old doesn’t care about the money you’re sending home, that means nothing to them. Money can never replace a parent no matter how old you are. She needed you more than any sum of money you could send back.
To compound that you told her to call you “aunt” because your employer said you needed to be childless. Now not only has her mother abandoned her but she can’t even call you mom. That’s adding confusion on top of trauma. This went on for 4 years. She endured watching her dad die and not understanding why her mom abandoned her for 4 years.
One of her first formative life experiences was loss and abandonment, no kid escapes that without some serious mental health problems. When you finally came back the damage was done. You described her behavior growing up and defiant and rebellious. I’m not surprised in the least. What she saw was you were back after she’s watched her dad die and you expect her to look at you as her mom or an authority figure.
You were basically nonexistent in her life for 4 years and you expect her to recognize you not only as her mom, but as an authority figure, nope. You were absent from the most traumatic experience of her life and she was supposed to greet you with open arms?
She’s a kid, she doesn’t have a concept of money or why you were gone, all she understood was you were gone and your reasons are irrelevant to her. Your reasons are still irrelevant, so if you want a snowball’s chance in hell of having a relationship with her, stop defending yourself and start really listening to her.
When you came back what you saw from her was her acting out her trauma. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to tell you but you either dismissed her or you got angry at her. I’m sure she told you why she was angry. I’m sure she said you abandoned her. I’m also sure you never internalized anything she said and immediately became defensive.
You said you were surprised she didn’t end up pregnant or in jail. Which I’m sure you openly criticized her behavior, creating even more of chasm between you. This was her acting out her pain. She lacked the language at the time to explain why she was acting out.
You said you were surprised when she graduated she wanted to go to college. Why? Why were you surprised? I would venture to say your relationship with her has been strained since you came back, so she probably didn’t confide in you a lot. She probably didn’t feel safe confiding in you. When she told you she wanted to go to college you immediately discouraged her and even went so far as to say you would financially support your son but not her.
From her perspective her mother abandoned her at 6 years old to care for her dying father. This went on for 4 years until he died and you came back. She was severely traumatized from the experience of caring for her dying father but also from being abandoned by her mother.
When you came back into her life she felt alienated from you and she resented you for abandoning her. You expect to swoop back in and be her mom again when you’ve been absent for 4 years, so she pushes back. She pushes back because she’s pissed off at you for abandoning her. She’s dealing with the trauma of watching her dad die while being abandoned by her mom. She has a lot of built up anger towards you and justifiably so.
Now she wants to continue her education and you have an opportunity to mend your relationship with her and you failed her again. You abandoned her as a child and now you’re abandoning her again by refusing to financially or otherwise support her goal of going to college. You instead say you will financially support your son. This is a crushing blow for her and seals your fate. You have consistently failed to emotionally support your daughter, by choice.
The message you have been sending her her whole life, wether this was your intention or not was, you can not count on me for anything. Your behavior has told your daughter she doesn’t matter, she is inconsequential, she can not rely on you for emotional support, she can not rely on you for anything. This is why she is no contact with you.
She’s not a psychopath or anything remotely related, but by judging your behavior I might call you a Narcissist. You have consistently blamed Sarah for your own shortcomings, without once acknowledging your own behavior. Not once did I read anything where you apologized or took responsibility for any of the trauma you inflicted upon your daughter. Not once have you acknowledged how your behavior affected Sarah. You have continued to blame Sarah for your failings. Her decision to cut contact with you isn’t about her, it’s about you.
My husband has gone very low contact with his father. His father is a grandiose narcissist who physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused my husband when he was growing up. My husband has severe trauma from childhood abuse. I’m very protective of my husband, like Sarah’s husband is protective of her. We are the partners of childhood abuse victims and we are vigilant protectors. I know logically I can’t go back in time to stop my husband from being abused, but I’ve cried myself to sleep wishing I could do more. I can see the trauma and the pain my FiL caused my husband and it breaks my fucking heart. He deserved better. He was a helpless child who was supposed to be safe. Your daughter was a helpless child who you abandoned in her greatest time of need, that’s abuse.
If you read all this I hope something I said gets through and you can gain some self awareness. You need to accept you are absolutely the reason your daughter went no contact.
You hate it enough to post on Reddit so you need to talk to her. In my marriage I find communication is the most important tool, you can solve anything if you communicate with each other.
There are literally thousands of cute pet names she could call you – I’m sure she can think of another one. I think it’s pretty sweet though – she’s obviously happy and proud you are her husband.