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miiahot chat
Date: November 6, 2022
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miiahot chat
You can sure as hell try to apologize, but pleaseee have empathy and acknowledge her feelings, ask her how can you make this right and open up. Don't half ass this. if you're apologizing you go all in with it.
Don't dip the pen into company ink.
Timelines are good OP, reasonable time lines. This will show you if she’s working with you, or delaying. The abstract idea of getting a job and being a partner in the house are really great, but you need measurable goals to see she is making the effort. Take a job in a months time. Split up chore list immediately, she cooks xy and z days per week. Start online therapy next week, etc. Make it clear and measurable so you can see that the effort is being made.
It was always been expected of women to do so… It seems more then fair to start expecting men to.
Exactly :S
not all controlling partners can be defined out right as abusive but it's still wrong to control other people, people are not property and married people should have a healthy times for solo activities weekly, as long as they aren't neglecting other responsibilities and spending time together.
Being controlling is a sign of abuse though. As is breaking his controller.
My ex would forcibly detain me in rooms squealing “physical abuse” with her camera going if I tried to access the doorknob. She would threaten and pull the internet on me while I was at the computer. She would tell me to get out of the house then when I was loading things into my truck she would lock me out of the house or trap me in the house not letting me leave. Some days she would just be in a fighting mood and come at me verbally. She would publicly embarrass me and get in fights with my family then want us to avoid my family and say “I'm your family now”. She also once purposefully broke one of my possessions when I was trying to leave. She told me during a fight that if I didn't shut up she would hit me in the face. She would get enraged over things. She would be relentless until she broke me anytime she wanted something and would buy whatever it is she wanted and then ask me for help or would have me pay for it, if I wanted something we didn't need it, etc to her.
My girl.
It sounds like you are going through a lot. That sucks. I do want to point something out tho:
He's a good person but he says really hurtful things knowingly (he wants to cause damage).
That statement does not compute. A good person doesn't hurt others knowingly. But the really important thing you may be missing here: taking responsibility for his mental health is 100% on him. That means it's on him to find a therapist, on him to figure out what's wrong, and on him to put in the work to change it. A good person does all that – particularly if their mental health starts to affect the ones they love.
You say the change came when he switched cities. Then he needs to unpack all of that with a therapist, so he can understand what he is feeling, since he obviously feels some kinda way about his new location he's not consciously aware of.
This is really ruining my mental peace because I'm not asking for much, and only that he talk to me everyday. I don't know what to do, is this toxic or just a pattern of sabotage that will get better if i give it time?
I would say some form of contact once a day from anyone in a long term, serious relationship is kind of the bare minimum. So no – you aren't asking for a lot. But to your last question: it absolutely will NOT get better with time unless he decides to do something about it.
You're not his counselor, nor his doctor. You can't “fix” him. You can encourage him to find a therapist, but if he pushes back – then you have your answer. At that point you just have to decide if this is what you want your life to look like.
Good luck, my girl.
Nobody wants a virgin for a FWB. What benefit is it for her to have bad sex with a creep?
Thank you