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meykurumi chat
Date: October 25, 2022
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OPS boyfriend shouldn't haven't become exclusive if he's going to hold it over her head forever then. As you say everyone's different … OP isn't going to win here. He will hold it over her forever. She should just end it.
OPS boyfriend shouldn't haven't become exclusive if he's going to hold it over her head forever then. As you say everyone's different … OP isn't going to win here. He will hold it over her forever. She should just end it.
Give him a swift kick to the ass. Show him who’s boss woman. I mean my bf isn’t like that, but that reminds me of my dad and stories he told me of him in his 20’s. Tell your bf to go get professional help, he’s got anger issues and he’s gotta sort that shit out.
Sit down and ask him exactly why he was doing that, and try to explain that you no longer feel comfortable with the open-relationship offer. Praying you get it worked out, good luck ✝️?
Yeah righto. Shit bloke maybe but I don’t think he broke any bro code, you weren’t actually friends, just moved in similar circles. Shit that he stole your misses but if she’s that way inclined it was probably going to happen anyway, either him or someone else.
Come ON girl. Come ON!!!!!! Why why would you want to be with such an ignorant asshole? People get old! Women gain weight after pregnancies and sometimes cant bounce back completely! But that doesn’t matter when you love someone, does it? Because you love their soul, you love their mind, you’re there through sickness and health!
This guy is a superficial bitch who wants a doll, a trophy, and OBJECT! You are not an object and Very light for your height, do not go anorexic for some AH. Please love, wake up. Leave him.
Yeah this is a red flag
Just FYI. A psychiatrist is a doctor who’s specialty is prescribing mental health drugs. It’s actually one of the least useful doctors for someone like OP.
Talking therapies would be far more useful to OP than a prescription.
Get hormones checked and go to a therapist also. I’m betting hormones. If this doesn’t resolve the issue… then you know what to do.
No. I do not want my partner to be with anyone else. He claims he is okay with me being with others if that makes me happy, but we have talked about how that is “taking the easy way out” of fixing a deeper issue.
Just look tru his phone? What's the problem? Like seriously you're crying on Reddit and want a advice? But the only advice you get is : leave him, you deserve better girl omg.
Seriously if he is honest what is there to blame. You're his first girlfriend, you're together like when? I'm from Germany idk what at what age people go to highschool but even if it was 18 or so this would be like 5 years.
It's normal when you only had one person in your live to look around and talk with other girls / womens. If he didn't asked for meet ups or if he didn't send nudes or anything other sexual text related There should be no Problem in that.
Like how could he cheat with you, when the only thing he did, was talk to other women.
Does the thought of finding a spine also worry you? That should be your next step, and would help in your search for a new partner.
You never been super into a game then. Like have you ever played a game that just hit all the happy spots in your brain and you don’t want to stop? Or ever player a game that takes full focus and you lose track of time? It seems like you never have and won’t relate.
You are just sounding bitter and want things your way and wont compromise with him. So he’s going to say “fuck you” and focus harder into his games to mentally get away from you.
You seem to be aware that it's a bit shady and you also seem to want to take steps to avoid this person and to never cross a line. All of that already means you're not a terrible person, and you don't need to feel so guilty. From what I've gathered, all you've done is speak to this person. Everything else that might be “shady” is in your head. This means there is plenty of time and space to salvage the situation. Please consider couples counseling, and maybe consider telling my your bf that you feel this way. Not to dangle this man in front of him, but tell him that BECAUSE you are so loyal and attracted to your bf, it's weird something like this would even happen. Therefore, it signals a problem in your relationship that needs fixing. Maybe this will wake your bf up a bit more and take the situation seriously. But please be sensitive about it and don't make him feel bad either.
Get out like yesterday
INFO Does he know where you live?
Block him & move on. Do not, PLEASE DO NOT, put anymore time into this person. Send a welfare check out & call it quits after that.
Please take the advice you're being given, some of us have been in your shoes and unfortunately didn't make the wise choice & would love so much to go back and redo things and save us time, mental wellbeing & trauma.
It's not your fault. I promise. Take care of YOU.
He yelled at me over the phone said he wanted to choke me out
Literally the only advice we can give thats intelligent is to LEAVE and have the police to a welfare check on hm.
If you have any doubts, don't do it
Buy toys
No guilt
No stalkers
No harm to your baby
But he's also her ex. Isn't that supposed make things different for her?
Thank you! I didn't scroll through all 300 comments before I posted. My bad.
Though.. sounds like that convo was before this latest shift in ideology? Or, he said it to avoid her finding out now.
I dunno. People with hate in their hearts don't usually make the best parents/roll models.
I’m not sure he likes you that much. I’m an introvert and when my partner gets a little to “ talky “ for me I go do some chores around the house and listen to my podcasts or audiobooks. I do get overstimulated at work and out and about so I understand needing down time but the fact he wants you to leave the house entirely is a huge red flag to me.
Definitely break it off, she can do better.
I don’t think you were wrong, I think your gf has anxiety and is taking it out on you. You shouldn’t feel the need to walk on eggshells around her for supporting her, and she should take some time to review how her actions (which appear to be fueled by her anxiety) affect those who love her.
It seems like you have major incompatibility issues. Only you two know if it is worth trying to work these issues out, but why force it at such a young age? I would guess you could each find someone else that could satisfy your needs better.
Yeah don’t fucking do that. Respect this man and his relationship.
If you were dating him and some girl came and did what you want to do, you would be pissed right? And prob make them cut you out of their life.
This is dumb.
Go find your own man!
Everyone suggesting OP just get on some sort of birth control lord do I have some words for you.
Most uterus owners’ options are hormonal, not everyone can do hormonal. Almost none of the female options are STD/STI preventive, there is only 1 that I know of and that’s the female condom. OP and her boyfriend may be ENM or polyam and condoms might be a boundary for all parties. If OP feels most comfortable with condoms, that’s what she feels comfortable with and that’s the end of it.
Honey ? You cannot control your bfs behaviour but you can control your own behaviour. Fighting every day is awful. Just because another person says harsh things to you, doesn’t mean that you have to do the same. Just don’t. Draw a hard line in the sand and refuse to be mean or insult him. Try to understand what he is saying and how he is feeling and try to express your feelings to him.
Whether you break up or stay together, it’ll be worth it for you to learn to communicate maturely and effectively.
You fucked around and found out. Sleep in the bed you made.
people that are POS usually wait for time to past to tell you the truth… to some degree.. just so if you react they can say what he told you. “ we are divorced already” is a cop out excuse. don’t trip girl people don’t change until shit happens to that person. it just sucks he wasted your time but didn’t put time in for you. and having kids also makes it harder. all you can do is work on yourself and find peace for yourself. it’s hard not to do that without the “ i’ll show’em” motive. but trust me it’s the only way to get out of that funk. you aren’t the first or the last person that this has happened to. hell it happened to me but without kids. so i feel you boo , keep ya head up for your kids and yourself!!
This is a subreddit for relationship advice. It’s not for hypotheticals and vague generalizations of all 8 billion people.
I prefer people my age. Going for somebody significantly different in age feels weird and creepy.
Lol if I wasn't invited to the wedding, I ain't gonna plan the fuckin bachelor party lmao. Thats honestly really disrespectful move by the groom lmao
This was really hard on me. Trust me. When this was revealed to me, my view of him completely changed. Trying to have any intimacy brought me right back into my PTSD, I felt like a little kid again being told again this is just “tickling” all over and it was normal. (These are part of the flashbacks I would have as an adult). I know now it’s been the right decision for me to leave. I don’t really have any friends, and I can’t afford my therapist anymore so I really don’t have anyone to talk to and I genuinely appreciate everyone’s time they take just to read my story and share their feedback.
Bingo. I don’t believe this story and it’s ludicrous to abandon you and the young kids for 5 whole days. I’m sorry but he’s probably cheating on you. Time to speak to a lawyer and start planning your exit.
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I think you need a therapist or a counselor to help you get through these feelings. Your ex was/is a danger to you and bad for your overall well-being. It's probably fine for you to feel bad about how it ended, it definitely doesn't sound like an easy breakup. But I'd guess your want to reach out because of those bad feelings is a result of your being in an abusive relationship and how abusers manipulate those they abuse.
You have a restraining order against the man )rightfully so it sounds like). Do not contact him at all. Delete his number and block him from all social media. Move on with your life.
No means NO!! PERIOD!!!!
lol you are 23 and just a temporary side piece to a 45year old. Please date someone more appropriate.
Yeah i feel you im not rly worried about ruining it between anyone if anything i feel it would be just a bit weird at first
And i know it sounds cliche but its not about getting laid it wasnt a sexual attraction, but obviously at one point that will be part of it
I dont think ill even text her but who knows mby in a couple of years we meet again
Thanks for your opinion
once your sister is in a better place emotionally, remind her that its better she got out of a relationship with someone who would lie and say she was emotionally abusive to manipulate a girl he has known since she was a very young child to sleep with him.
I’ll bet the price of an hour in the Skybox that this post, and ‘the wife’s POV’ post are both faker than a stripper’s … well … anything.
So, I'm 21, my partner is 27. We've been together happily for a year and a half and feel like equals in this relationship. That being said, we met through mutal friends and despite the age difference were in similar points in our life (both university students because he decided to go to uni later in life), and we were good friends fir about half a year, gaming together daily before anything happened. It can work, and it's not always grooming. But be careful, if he approached you without having a friendly reason (mutal friends etc) you should look out, also look out for lovebombing and him belittling you in the small things. He's not gonna start out big. A lot of people here made good points too. Use your judgement.
This is rape. This happened to me. I got pregnant despite the morning after pill. Had an abortion bc I realized I couldn't be with a man that would risk my health for 30 seconds of pleasure. He fell asleep at my house while I had taken the abortion pill while I was vomiting and sick as fuck. Then he left early in the morning bc “it was too stressful for him”. Don't be like me. Cut this shit off before you end up pregnant or harmed mentally and emotionally by a man who doesn't give a fuck about respecting your body. Leave him. This isn't salvageable.
Exactly :S
“My girlfriend bought me a thoughtfull and expensive gift, and now im angry!”
My dude, what the fuck are you doing? Just fucking buy yourself something different if you feel like you absolutely need to spend 350$ on something.
Just dump her.
It could probably have been handled better than that, but it is what it is. It's done now. You can't really negotiate sexual attraction or desire with someone. If he doesn't have an interest in being sexual as often or in the ways you want, you can't talk him out of that, you know? That's probably just who he is.
And even if you took him back, it wouldn't be much fun for him or for you. You'd be essentially saying, “I'll take you back, but only if you do the following sexual things”. That's essentially coercion. And who wants a partner who only wants them because he or she has been pushed into it? Noone, right? You want to feel genuinely desired for yourself.
You might want to consider apologising for how it all happened and just being totally honest with him so he knows for the future – if he's a nice guy otherwise, maybe he deserves that – but I wouldn't suggest seeking to restart your relationship.
You're young and there's a world of good people out there, plenty of whom will align better with your sexual interests and desires. Take a bit of time and see what you can find.
I think the main problem here is that most good men really want to please their woman so he probarbly took this very personal.
As for the porn addiction. The usual way of working with problems like this in a couple is to start of with him just touching you. It could be a massage or oral, depends on your situation, but just try to reflect on where your mind are while beeing caressed. It's common to either have a hard time focusing (porn is easier to focus on) or not getting mentally turned on enough. Both is something that you can practice on.
As for the part where you masturbate the same way all the time. It's also is usually possible to let go of that by relaxing and working with focus or mindfulness in other positions.
You know there is someone out there that will appreciate the kind, loving and understanding man that you are. Unfortunately, your wife is not that person. She cheated and wants to continue to cheat while she keeps you as the back up plan financially and emotionally. That’s abusive and you deserve so much better. Tell her to go stay with her affair partner in the hotel and get a lawyer.
If you have a joint account go open a separate new one in another bank and switch your direct deposit to that. Cancel all joint credit cards and lock down your finances to cut off access. You do not need to be funding her affair with this guy. Any guy that cheats is worthless but one with a toddler is worse especially since it’s been going on for a year and his wife was probably pregnant at the time!
Don’t be naive, the first time she slept with him may have been a year ago but it’s been going on since then. This wasn’t a one time thing. I wish you luck, you deserve better.
I'd leave right away. Also, no second chances if she ends up coming back.
This is a difficult situation and there is no excuse for cheating. The big question you have to ask yourself is if your marriage was worth saving before the infidelity. If you were already struggling you have virtually zero chance of saving this even if you want to. I have known couples who have talked it through and made it work only because they both wanted to. If your SO isn’t remorseful then you don’t have much to save.
What’s more embarrassing – seeing a doctor about it or not being able to have sex? Advice – tell him the last sentence that you wrote, “I really like him but I don’t think I can go without sex forever.” That should encourage him to see a doctor.
Jeez. Your bfs family is a mess. They have been enabling him for years if not decades. In your shoes, I'd be ok with not having a close relationship with my in laws.
How does your boyfriend feel about them?
when you get people who get to the point where they feel dating is so impossible that they seem to heavily indulge in entertainment which presents women as just sexual objects, and/or start making negative statements about another gender as a whole
Can you blame them though? Dating for men is substantially harder for men and when you constantly get rejected 24/7 you start to struggle and get jaded.
Wouldnt you say the same is true for the guy? This guy may have come out of his previous marriage raked across the coals and if so he would feel no security in marriage.
All great points. We both work remotely so we aren’t limited to visiting each other just on the weekends. We would take turns on who visits who. I can put up with a short visit to the city. I just rather not stay somewhere full time that has a lot of triggers for me. Long term I hope through therapy I can better cope and maybe move in with her, or maybe in 10 years she’s had her fill of the city and joins me out in the country. We’re both very understanding. I don’t want her to limit herself on what she wants to achieve and she doesn’t want me to be miserable. Only immediate hurdle will be kids in the near future.
You need to gtfo of that bs situation, to accuse you of rape because of her fk'd guilt issue is ridiculous and pathetic.
Whats plan B if he gladly obliged?
What could someone POSSIBLY need to save silica gel packets for???
Fair enough i guess but pictures would do the trick for me
If you go back to her you deserve everything that happens to you. It's hard yes, but this is clearly abuse
Wow so her mum called me and said I should come back home, have our daughter tonight so my wife can work tomorrow! Like seriously? Am I in the wrong here? I said she needs to stop talking with guys, quit and never go back there again (the job where she was cheating with her coworker). I went there a couple of days ago and told her manager what happened and they said they will fire her. She called them and told them whatever and they have had her back.
I said “If she wants me to come back then she can call me and tell me she is stopping all that behaviour and that she wants me to come back and open to fixing this situation.” Otherwise she can live with the consequences of her actions. Of course im greatly missing our daughter ?
Boundaries are things we set for ourselves for our own well-being. “I can't allow his alcoholism around me” then you decide what steps to take to protect yourself. If you can't be around him while drunk tell him that, but the reality is, you can't force him not to drink and you can't force him not to call you drunk. So the next step is what do do when the boundary is crossed? Hang up. Block him. Don't get involved.
Realistically, it sounds like you're dealing with a Frank Gallagher, me too, and the only thing you can do with that type is no contact.
You’ve been together three months and for half of that he’s already controlling to the point you can’t see friends? This only gets worse, please get away from him.
No the sister was def the instigator.
I am jumping in… before I do… please understand that I agree she cheated and it is a problem.
…AND…
I grew up being told that all men wanted a threesome… that girls practice flirting and kissing each other. That this is normal and fine. Obviously that an outdated and wrong take, but she may not have actually thought about her preconceived notions. Now… that is not an excuse. It is empathy and informs how you react. Is she breaking off contact and thinking about how her actions hurt you? Is she accepting that she hurt you and wants to show you that she loves you? Then I would say try to work through it together. But if she is doubling down or acting like you are being overly reactive then this is just far more of a problem because she didn’t care about your feelings.
Gf does the same thing ? You do you.
She is mentally exhausting herself. She should understand that he is working an insane schedule.
I don’t understand this. I have read posts and complaints that my husband sits at home and watches TV all day and plays video games and does drugs.
I have read this post my husband is working like crazy and is coming home exhausted everyday from that insane work schedule. Doesn’t have the ability to talk to me.
In both cases the lady has the same complaint guy is not doing what I want.
The silent treatment is to avoid fights and conflicts. The desire for peace and quiet.
Why not wait to have these discussions once his work load has come back to normal? Why is she going to therapy? I think there is a serious issue in her own mind that she isn’t disclosing.
As I said modern men and women are not suitable for marriage period. Your responses prove my point.
I agree, as a strictly long term monogamous type. I think the assumption that monogamy is work & commitment and poly isn’t is a very weird attitude.
In fact one of the reasons (beyond the basic lack of desire) that poly doesn’t appeal to me is because of the additional work it takes and complexity it adds. As a programmer I think of relationships as O(n!) complexity. For me if n goes above 2 the complexity goes beyond my energy to deal with, lol.
He says they are weird and that are friends from high school who he likes and likes to hangout with them. He says this only gives him anxiety and it’s silly for me to care. I cried this morning for feeling like this, I said I wanted to try again and go out with them tonight, but he said no, because I would give him anxiety all the time thinking if I’m feeling ok. I really don’t know what to think about this – I would never hangout with people who don’t try to engage with him.
I just saw that it is possible some places do
Excuse me? I never said I was.
I understand. I literally had to max out a credit card at one point. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Most therapists, or even online therapy, have some sort of assisted/reduced payment plans for those who need it. Just don't rule it out because of money. Mental health is more valuable than money.
Change the locks. Install cameras inside as well. Move where you hide $ and meds.
I’d probably tell your sister that you’ve been river but that you handed over your camera footage to the police and they’re investigating. Watch body language. I’d mention that the only person coming in has been BIL that you know of. Let them know you’re changing the locks per police.
I’d press charges to him when you corner him with the evidence. Show it to the family.
You could plant $50 with a hidden cane and get his hands and face on the tape with the $$. ??? So no one can argue this?
Whos us?
If he considers it cheating then yes it is cheating. It sounds like this greatly stems from him being insecure and you not being honest. I get curiosity if my Google search was exposed I’d look like a serial killer, but I hope you realize that those aren’t normal things to search. If you have urges to look stuff like that up and can’t suppress it then that needs to be addressed as well. Is it like porn to you? Like a sexual fantasy that you don’t want to actually fulfill? I’m just trying to understand why you do search it.
Also like to add that scar tissue doesn’t stretch like regular skin (or extra stretchy penis skin) so the problem is only going to get worse if he keeps tearing it.
Your emotional state is reliant on someone who is not stable. You need to see that. You shouldn't be emotionally reliant on someone for your livelihood either. You need to work on yourself and don't date crazy.
You directly violated a clear boundary, multiple times. That shows more in your character than just the actual act of smoking in the house, which you seem to think she will just get over.
She can’t get over you being a different person than she thought you were.
You showed her a deeper part of your character, that she has every right to want to not have in her life.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
If you could “inventory” the new ones and just see if they disappear over time you might have some idea.
It might seem weird in a stable relationship but in my opinion having a few on hand is never a bad idea. If not for me a situation where you can toss one to a friend before a night out.
It's only weird that he wouldnt be up front about it but it could be similar to a pregnant women still carrying tampons just in case someone they know ends up in a situation they need one.
Cut them off 100%. Let them stew in their misery. She sounds like a home wrecking, petty narc and your father a pathetic enabling cheat. One thryll wake up and look at at each other and feel nothing but resentment. And they deserve the loneliness.
OK, first, I didn't say you said it was against the law. I just implied that it wasn't for these jerks for making things uncomfortable.
If guys are making faces or doing jesters. You get up, walk over and state to them that you're making my GF very uncomfortable with your jesters. If you continue I will have to get management involved and have you removed. Or…….
You both leave that area or leave the establishment.
Do not be provoked into arguing or fighting. Just walk away. You can't control someone who's a jerk or immature.
I know. I feel like his free personal tennis coach, which would sleep with him on the side haha
This sounds so familiar! His friends always thought I was keeping him from seeing them, and I tried to get them to understand that I literally told him to hang out with them all the time!
It’s no fun to date someone without his own personality.
And body language. A chuckle, nudge, a smile at your spouse – would all give non verbal clues it's a joke. If it was a bitter chuckle or zero chuckle along with those words – then its not a funny joke, but more a reality.
He keeps your phone with him?
This guy is a pure abuser. Straight up abuser.
You need to get the fuck out of there before he hurts you more.
Seriously, get out, get help from friends and family if you have to.
If you're expected to spend time with his family, and there is no valid reason not to spend time with yours (IE they're not monsters), then it's only right for him to grow up and start attending family functions. He will never be part of the family, even if you are married, if he chooses to isolate himself from them and it puts you in an uncomfortable position.
So I would have a frank discussion about this, tell him while you appreciate his being angry on your behalf, you are over it so he should be as well and he needs to start spending time with the family. You can't be expected to accommodate his, if he doesn't accomodate yours.
It really sounds like he is secure about his interests and ok with the fact that you two are different. You are the one who is reading this as a problem. So why is that? What has changed? It sounds like you have some unresolved issues. You hate childish things, you didn't connect well with peers as a teen, you call yourself uptight, your family didn't have a lot of income, you say you have never been good at being fun, kind, or gentle. You do come across as pretentious and belittling (“I have a ton of patience for my husband”… ?), but it sounds like this is really a you-problem. You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder, like you resent him for being fun and likeable, while you have struggled to fit in. You have worked hard at being this person who likes opera and intellectual things, but few respect or appreciate you for it. There is nothing wrong with your interests. Own them. Love them. But acknowledge that they are yours and yours alone. Be secure with the fact liking the same things is not mandatory in a marriage. Appreciate your husband for seeing the world differently than you do; that's not a bad thing.
It is perfectly normal for partners to have different interests without the other being expected to participate. But you do need several activities that you both enjoy and can do together. Maybe you just need to spend more time off YouTube and figure out those common interests again. Something attracted you to each other in the first place…
Good call for now but this is still about you and not your BF. Even though you say you love him more than you hate your looks, youll never deep down inside like your looks so it will grow and fester.
So therapst is a MUST asap. Love yourself first.