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Men, ‘s Sweetheart ❤️, y.o.
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms Men, ‘s Sweetheart ❤️
Date: October 23, 2022
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I thought it was removed in 2011.
Be straightforward with her about that.
I agree the responses are ridiculous. No one should be trying to convince someone to get an abortion who CLEARLY DOESNT WANT ONE. And since it takes 2 to tango and even if he doesn't want to be an involved parent and partner, he will still be legally obligated to pay child support. I feel bad for OP that everyone seems to be acting like she's the one wrong when she imo clearly isn't, just maybe a little delusional that he's the right guy for her.
You both are very young and have a lot of plans. But if you want to stay together, you have to change your attitude on porn. I’m a woman and I don’t see anything wrong with a man watching porn, especially an 18 year old just discovering his sexuality. As long as he doesn’t watch porn instead of having sex with you or expect you to do things he sees, it’s harmless entertainment. And as long as he understands porn isn’t real, even amateur porn, then he is ok. What is a problem your insistence that he stop and he keeps watching it. And he keeps finding different platforms to see it and he is going to keep watching it. So you have to make a big decision. Break up and find a boyfriend who doesn’t watch porn but isn’t as compatible OR understand that some men need a visual release that has nothing to do with his love for you or his attraction to you. He is not replacing you or wishing you looked that those women. And again he is only 18. He might be bored in a few years and stop. But constantly monitoring him will not change him.
The only way you solve this is by ending the relationship. Whilst it's perfectly normal for men and women to be friends in a non sexual way, having “sleepovers”? Let's put it this way, as a man, there really is only one reason I would want to have any form of “sleepover” with a girl. Pretty sure the same goes for pretty much every woman I've met too. It's not innocent and there is clear intentions there. Good luck.
I mean, at least have a separate group chat with just the bridesmaids. Idk it’s just kind of weird to have a group chat where ostensibly everyone is a bridesmaid except for OP and then no one will tell her anything when she does ask.
Just don’t
You'll get better advice I'm sure, but go with your gut if you're having off feelings.
I was 18 and starting uni and he was 22 and working on an apprenticeship when we met, there is 4 1/2 years between us, which is not an uncommon age gap.
My guess is he's occasionally not confident about the quality of his erection and doesn't want to let you down. I've been there. As a guy it's not fun knowing you're not always able to perform.
Think you're a bit lost, this is a sub for people seeking relationship advice.
Having a child with him will always leave a door open between you and him. He will always have leverage. He might try to take this baby from you or try to insert himself into your life just to spite you and control you. Because you chose to get pregnant with an abuser and that is what abusers do.
Assuming he will just leave you alone and you will live happily ever after with your children is almost as naive as allowing this pregnancy to happen in the first place.
Please make smarter decidions. Having a 4th child somewhere down the line is not more important than your existing three children and their saftey. The risk of infertility after an abortion is very low. It's not worth it. Don't tie yourself to this man. You will regret this.
i would communicate that with him how you feel and if you still feel controlled you should reconsider being w him
This is an unbalanced relationship. He is setting you up to 'earn' his love with actions. You will never 'win' him this way. He is already manipulating you into feeding his every whim in order to make him 'feel love and wanted enough'. Warning, it won't be enough. Sorry OP but he is actually wanting to sleep around and trying to sell it as a favor he's doing for you to take some of the pressure off? That would be a hard no from me OP.
I know it is immaturity but let me tell you I am still dealing with this crap in my 40s. Since I was 16 until a few years ago I have had so many friends who just do not ever value themselves and think that their partners are amazing for the most basic things.
If I had magic words for you to give her I would use them on my own friends but they don't want to hear it, they know it, deep down, but dont want to admit it.
Will you be stuck with a roommate not speaking to you if you do decide to talk to her, can you handle that or can you move or get out of the lease if it becomes too toxic. Think about these things first, protect yourself first.
Yeah, she is into him
I piss outside with my dog regularly, daily almost.
Umm…. Why are you involving your personal self in this situation that isn't about you, instead of enjoying your honeymoon?
You aren't responsible for others' choices. You didn't do anything wrong here, unless you encouraged said person to cheat.
When you are done with your newly married time, reach out as a friend to the pregnant wife with support, not an apology for something that isn't your burden.
Honestly I'd make money off of it, cause it's out there now no way to get it back/deleted. I've heard there's big money in it.
Why would he do that?
Do you want to press charges on him or just get the video removed from wherever it's been shared?
Not sure what your options are tbh.
That or suicide are my best options quite frankly. I hate women because they hate me. THEY are the ones who would rather I die than look at me. Ive lost all humanity a year ago so that all I am now is a shell of a person with rage and desire to harm people. What's the point not to? Gets you nowhere in life but lonely and labouring constantly.
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Bud, you should ask her to choose either to drop the friends or breakup, if hanging around her ex is more important to her than your relationship then it's aight, leave
You get your shit and you get out of there Trust me there are other girls who would probably love you Embrace the fact that you have options Give urself a little bit of credit past this ungrateful person and more importantly START BANGING OTHER PEOPLE Violations are violations And she’s expended all of her free ones
So here’s the vital info you left out of the post, making your family’s request reasonable.
I'd give her space and wait it out. I can see the intention is good, but she was clear with you that she'd make the next move if/when she's ready. It's showing her you're listening to what she's saying and giving her time to enjoy the holidays with her family.
If I was clear with someone about how I felt about them/us, and they just decided to show up at my house to go out on a non-date date, during Christmas/holiday time, I'd be super frustrated that the other person wasn't listening to me, and it would not be to the advantageous for other person.
If you did want to though, you could shoot her one text and just be like: “Hey! Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. Hope you're enjoying your holiday so far!”. This way you're being kind, sincere, while respecting her boundaries.
So in a club, full of people, and we are to believe she was sexually assaulted by checks notes guys making out with her? It doesn’t have a ring of truth to it. She is coherent enough to remember not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 guys forcing themselves on her to make out?
The reality of it is, she got drunk, was probably having a good time, under the effects of alcohol (which mitigates feelings of responsibility) and made out with guys because of bad decision making. If it wasn’t mutual, in the middle of a club, there is NO WAY those boys would have run a train on her mouth.
If I were at a club and noticed a gal visibly uncomfortable while men are approaching her attempting to kiss her (it’s VERY obvious with body language) there is NO WAY I’d idly stand back.
Her story is NOT a truthful depiction of the events that transpired.
You realise why you're probably getting downvotes though, right?
100% I do. People are downvoting because they don't understand the difference between an explanation and an excuse.
They also don't care about what drives people to chest as that puts sone responsibility on “the victim”.
he sounds like a manipulative manchild that needs to be foreveralone
And the problem is with power plays like this, the longer you stay the easier it is for them to wear you down to the point you start to accept poor treatment as normal. Please don’t do that to yourself.
oh ):
Thanks for the advice, I agree, especially from what I’ve read pelvic floor therapy seems to be more effective. But the thing is no matter how much I suggest it, she’ll acknowledge it and then brush it off. In the past she has mentioned a few times that because it’s so difficult to have piv sex she wouldn’t mind not doing it. Otherwise we communicate great honestly, but maybe couples therapy is still a good choice just for this.
How long have you two been together, what kinds of things did he use to provide for you, and how old is your kid(s)? You mentioned you were a stay at home mom for a couple of months, it seems weird to me if you took a few months off from working an otherwise normal schedule that he'd seem this…bitter.
Also you mentioned you'd been a SAHM for a few months, was that the first few months after your child's birth? That's why I'm curious how old they are cause if you're both working now and your child is only a few months old who is their primary caregiver? Do you both take shifts on alternating schedules or have a sitter?
How are household tasks/chores divided up and how were they divided up prior to whatever change happened?
how do you 'navigate' being insecure? grow up. get over yourself and stop being so paranoid.
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WHY does he continue to insist that he loves me and wants this to work?
It seems like he really does want it to work – on his own terms. And he probably really likes the ways he benefits from the relationship but either his ego is too big for him to think you might end it, or maybe he thinks he can replace you with someone else if you decide to bail.
But the end the bottom line is that the relationship isn't working for you, and if you've already tried everything that's worth trying – then it's time to end it – and it doesn't matter what he's thinking.
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I like no responding and just move on. These gifts are an attempt to get attention, so the worst thing you can do is – give attention. Worst from her point of view; best from yours.
Do it before New Year? Today? It's not going to get any better with waiting
I was in a prop abusive relationship where I was constantly torn apart. My husband helped me get out as well. However, he and I joke all the time. He has helped me heal by telling me am I being ridiculous when I tear myself down. He has called me an idiot when I am taking emotional burdens that are not mine. Here is why it works, because I hear the love in his voice. You can relax a little. Let your husband be your husband. Let h express his love, and frustrations, and all emotions with you. Don't take his emotions from him. Let him continue to love you. You need therapy to deprogram the abusive and reactions, or it will deteriorate this relationship.
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Sorry for the length of this reply. From the jump before anything else, it's concerning that he crossed a boundary you had set for him (drinking alone with a woman.) He not only did that, but he chose to go back to her place. When he got back to her place and realized that other people were not there, he chose to continue to drink with her ALONE at her place. Again, disrespecting the boundary you had set. I understand how alcohol works and how it can mix with meds. Yes, you may not be thinking straight and may have a lapse in judgement but it was like a snowball of wrong doings. Unless he was drunk at work, he likely wasn't impaired enough to not realize that drinking alone with her at the bar was against your boundary. If he can't adhere to a reasonable, respectable boundary (especially after you have a history of being cheated on) then it seems like he does not respect you. That's troubling.
This is the tricky part. If things went exactly as he said, it seems like she took advantage of him. SA works both ways. Men can be taken advantage of as much as a woman could. For him to have fallen asleep/not have full recollection, it sounds like he was super impaired and could not appropriately give consent or reject her. I know some men face embarrassment when admitting SA, which is maybe why he told you it was just a kiss. But at the same time there was a chance he lied because he knew it was wrong. We won't know either way. I'm trying to be careful with wording because I'd never want to invalidate the experience of a victim of SA. It was behind closed doors and we'll never know. My male friend experienced something similar a few years back. He was entirely single and did not have sex but this woman was in his house during a house party and she got so drunk she took her clothes off and layed naked in his bed while he was in it. She tried to cuddle and make moves and grab him inappropriately. He left her in the bed to sleep and went to sleep on the couch and he was genuinely traumatized from this. He's a good person though and did not take advantage of her in an impaired state like your bf's coworker potentially may have.
I'd say this all boils down to some internal reflection and truly thinking if this is something you can get over. There's no right or wrong answer. I know a lot of people in the comments are saying it's definitely SA…some are saying it's definitely cheating. Take all of that away because the definition of what it was adds complication to the situation. Look at it on a much simpler level. You set a boundary which was probably established based on past trauma from your relationships in which you were cheated on. You communicated this boundary to him. It was not unreasonable. He knew it was a boundary. He knew it would make you uncomfortable. He chose to drink with her alone in the bar. Should've ended the night when he was likely coherent enough to realize it was disrespectful. I get it was a co-worker and they needed to discuss issues at work or whatever but that can be discussed in a professional manner that doesn't disrespect your boundary. He chose to continue to hang out with her while drinking at the bar. Chose to go back to her place. Chose to stay when he realized they'd be alone. Chose to drink more alone with her. Can you get past that? Even if the physical stuff was her taking advantage..can you get past that? It's ok if you think you can. It's ok if you can't. You deserve a relationship where you are respected, feel safe and can trust your partner.
Dump him. Unless you are blind deaf and dumb this should be all the confirmation you ever need that you should never have got back with him when you did.
This will never end. He will store this shit up for ever and keep bringing it out for an airing every time he suspects you are cheating.
Or even if you so much as smile at that sad looking 90 year old out of pity when they’re sitting on their own in the park.
What is she diagnosed w if you don’t mind sharing? It’s possible a med change could make a big difference but I feel you could have a lot better person in your life.
She does, and that is why I apologized for how and where i said things. That was wrong, but what gets me is her saying “if i had done it you wouldnt be here nor would you daughter”, which has nothing to do with my distaste in young people having kids without a proper future set ahead of them.
Oh i dont even mention him anymore. It has only ever come up because someone else said something. In this case someone who didnt know our family just asked how he was doing and I made a very snide remark in front of everyone.
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Ugh missed the ages. There's always a creepy age gap smh. There is no sane reason for a 31 year old to date an 18 year old.
Girl. You can’t allow your insecurities to keep other people from enjoying life. It’s definitely out of line and if it were me, I would have never put up with it. I think the guys with no shirts on is exactly what you needed to hear and compare it to. Because it’s literally the same exact thing. The way you feel about THAT is the same way he feels about yours. You need therapy or something and I’m not one to diagnose you but you definitely have some kind of underlining thing emotionally that you need to have addressed internally so you can find happiness. This isn’t to shame you, it’s to help you. I feel like you must be exhausted being sad all the time over something so common. Lots of luck, leave the dude alone and keep your feelings to yourself and a professional
Is this real? He likes you when you were 13 and he was 21?
Sick get away
I don’t condone any of those but realize that while democrats are not perfect they are far ahead of the Republican Party on the majority of issues those included
My boyfriend votes conservative (we're not American). It's definitely been really difficult with some of our political disagreements. On the other hand, my grandparents also vote different from each other and they've been together for over 60 years.
Let me tell you from my experience having a great boyfriend with different politics. There will be a lot of miscommunication. My brother has literally never had a conversation with my partner and refuses to because of how he's voted. My friends often don't understand where he's coming from. We've faced lots of stereotyping and a lot of people telling me that they know what he thinks better than I do.
On the other hand. They're wrong. The assumptions they make about what he thinks and feels aren't true. It's just complicated and they don't understand ideas they haven't been exposed to.
He's a great partner. That won't change. His opinions might.
It's his job to rebuild trust. You can't help him. Time alone can't. And he can't just say “trust me”.
To motivate him he needs to believe you are willing to divorce rather than tolerate his behavior.
Talk to an attorney. The first hour is typically free. It sends a message that you're serious.
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I agree with others saying you need to set the mood earlier in the day. Start by kissing her super passionately before you leave for work. Send her a nice message during the day about how your thinking of her or how good she smelt that morning etc. Then be abit more affectionate that night without trying to get her in the bedroom. It's about warming her up a long time before getting into bed. You have to remember, men want sex alot more than women. You guys think about it more and are ready for it at the drop of a hat. Women like abit more attention and affection if you want them really into it.
I wish I was as perfect as you.
Don't pretend it's difficult to not cheat.
This! My point wasn't that his wanting to go on those walks makes him a bad dude. It is the whole picture.
Sure if you cut out the whole context (he repeatedly pressures her to be in a scenario in which she is afraid, which is visible to him) and only leave “he likes to take her on night walks” then diagnosing him is overkill. But context matters.
Just let her know YOU expect an apology by the end of the day.
Maybe he can find some form of online therapy, given the waiting lists you mentioned. Or perhaps a support group.
You need therapy. You can't help your trauma, but you are responsible for your reactions, and throwing a meltdown and smashing stuff up is not an acceptable response.
He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. That behavior is a red flag. As an actress, you’re going to eventually start traveling, long full days on sets, obviously handsome costars. It just doesn’t sound like he’s going to be able to handle/support you through that and it’s going to be harder to break up with him if you bring him on this career journey with you.
Enjoy your youth, CHASE THAT DREAM CAREER, and eventually you’ll meet a person that exceeds your expectations and you guys can enjoy your $$ rather than someone living off your hard work.
I can understand your concerns because of his past cheating. However, it is possible he feels extreme guilt over the accident. But if you have a hunch or vibe that something is off in all this, go with that and keep your eyes and ears open. Remember, you know your husband and babysitter while non of us know them or even know if he’s showing similar signs that he did in the past when he cheated.
Ask him what evidence he has to suggest that you cheated
Dude just DARVO'd you?? Like how many times can a no become a yes, it's disgusting that's coercion and yes that's rape. Yes your boyfriend raped you. You can take that information and do with it what you will. But from a legal standpoint it looks like he got you high on cold medicine and then tried to take advantage of you.
This isn't an AITA post, but my judgment would be NAH.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Your ex-boyfriend is still hurting over the breakup. He's going through heartbreak. It sucks, but he will get over it.
In the meantime, if he keeps reaching out to you, stand firm. You cannot give him the type of relationship he wants, and you do not want him to wait for you. The romantic relationship is over between you two.
If it becomes too much, you can say that you think some distance might do both of you some good. That maybe you can be friends again someday, but not today. And then stop responding to him as much or at all.
You're so young. Live a little. Figure yourself out. There are plenty of people out there for you to love and be loved by.
Praying for you
Thank you. “Submissive in a healthy way” messed me up. What on earth?
Block her and move on. I suspicion she's having problems with the new husband and wants an invitation back or an escape route.
… and this relationship has mostly been pleasant?
Communication would work best here.
“Hey, can we please talk? I know things have been a bit awkward with us lately. You are my best friend and I love you and I wouldn't want to do anything that upsets you or makes you feel uncomfortable but I have to be honest about my feelings in this situation. I do not regret what we did. I enjoyed being with you in that way. I feel something for you but I don't know if you feel the same way. If you do, I'd appreciate it if we talked about it but if you don't, that's ok and I promise to never bring this up again. I do not want to lose our friendship as it's very important to me as are you.” And then you wait to hear his response.
If your not comfortable being in an open relationship you need to tell your husband you don't want to be in a open relationship. If this makes him depressed than you should walk away because he will resent you for not allowing him to bang other people and wont really care how much this is hurting you.
I (M19) slept with my best friend (M19) even though we’re not gay
Srry bro, you forgot to say no homo.
And you happy?
Grow a spine, man!
Why are you “asking” him? Just tell him what his brother said and did is BS and you want a reputable test from a reputable place.
she’d rather go to lunch with her friends than pick you up
from the hospital???
Wtf?
Yea this bit is fucking wild lmao. My partner does that once ever and I'm fucking gone. Jesus. OP has absolutely 0 respect for himself.
. She usually replies that she didn't do a master's degree to do a trade job
That attitude won't get her very far in CH. 80% of young adults here start out with an apprenticeship, and many outearn their peers who went to uni for a BA/MA over the years.
But still, she's constantly worried about her future. She seems fine most of the time, but then one day, without us having a prior argument or anything, she will start freaking out about how she would be completely helpless if something ever happened to me or if we divorced. I
The longer this goes on, the worse it'll get. What sort of jobs does your wife do?
Then, yesterday, she was in one of those moods again and straight up told me she would start looking for jobs as a French teacher in China. I wouldn't realistically be able to go there, as I said earlier, I live in Switzerland but am not a national. As such, I would lose my settlement permit if I left the country for more than 6 months. Even if I could, while East Asia has some very interesting countries to visit, the working conditions there are, to put it mildly, suboptimal.
I struggle to understand some couples….how comes this was never seriously discussed when you were still dating? These sort of “worst-case-scenarios” are VERY common here in CH. I know a few couples who went through it.
She doesn’t have depression dude. She’s literally living her best life. She went on four vacations this year alone and had an all expenses trip with her best friend. She is not depressed.
You are depressed. Your father is sick and possibly dying. Your body is suffering. You’re working yourself to death and still can’t keep up financially. Your life is a complete lie and you’ve decided all of it is worth it if you can just keep this relationship.
You should feel angry. You should feel resentful. You should feel angry at her for sitting back and watching you destroy yourself while she reaps all the benefits, and you should be angry at yourself for allowing it to get this bad.
But your self-worth is so in the gutter you feel nothing but the gradual overwhelming pressure that your life is a catastrophe and your relationship is a lie and you’ve done all this work for nothing.
You should be feeling a lot of things right now. But your coping mechanism for your depression is to redirect the effort you should be putting into yourself into her. The metric of your self-worth is how much you do for her. “I can’t be a flawed person, look how well I treat my girlfriend.”
You have some severe co-dependent and abandonment issues. Deep down you know the truth. She doesn’t love you and she’s not depressed. You know she’s taking advantage of you.
If you got injured and couldn’t work for six months do you seriously believe she’d go out next week and work two jobs 12 hours a day, pay all the bills, come home and cook for you and clean the house and be happy to not even get any gratitude, affection, or appreciation? You know she wouldn’t do any of that. She’d leave you in a heartbeat. She wouldn’t say that’s why, she’d come up with some BS reason she thinks you’d believe — but she would never do any of this for you.
That’s why you’re so afraid of confronting her. If she leaves that means all of this was for nothing and the only person you’re left with is yourself.
You need to start focusing on you. Quit the second job. Flat out. There is absolutely zero reason why she can’t work at least part time. Stop cooking for her. Stop paying for her vacations. When was the last time she paid for a vacation for you? In five years she couldn’t have scraped some money together here and there and surprised you with a nice vacation?
Start putting some of that energy into yourself. Chip away at your denial. Start seeing the truth for what it is and stop allowing her to use her mental health as an excuse to not contribute. Depression doesn’t prevent people from being grateful. She’s not.
I get your POV but at the same time, this whole situationship has felt like it’s about me always caring for him. I don’t want to be a “garbage human being” as you said but I also don’t want to drop everything to help him. I want to make sure that he is safe but in a way that a friend can be, not romantic and completely not coddling and consoling like he wants me to be. Again, I’m not his girlfriend. That’s why I’m trying to find a way to balance, if I’m an asshole I wouldn’t even have answered him and deserted him.
This is true for sure. I'm just going to talk to her like I'm myself without trying to cushion anything. It has to be done no matter what.
this the same girl that was 24 yesterday?
Well, a lot of disorders have significant overlap, so I'd let the professionals do their job. I don't understand this trend of trying to diagnose people, or why him being diagnosed with ADHD would have anything to do with him calling you names more than any other diagnosis. It feels needlessly inserted and that concerns me. It is legitimately wrong of you to prime your partner for a specific dx because this might change how he interacts with the psychologist and what he communicates. I hope he tells them that his girlfriend has been pushing it but he personally doesn't know — they should be aware of your role here.
The only way you forgive someone is effort, time, and changed actions. So that's the advice I have.
Also this guy is pissed about all the effort he put into this but she didn’t even ask for it. That kind of martyrdom drives me crazy.
Did he say he met her? I am not seeing it in the opening post. I am seeing an argument friends had with her about him after she accused him of that after listening to their stories, but no actual meeting. Looks more like she made an armchair diagnosis on some one she doesn't know, which any therapist worth their weight in salt would know better than to so that.
I think he’s just tryna get with her
Jesus you sound insufferable
I don't know about you but after I gave birth the first time I wondered if it would ever be the same again. ( I know it “snaps” back) but the thought was still there. The timing might not have been right, but it's a genuine concern.
OMG betrayed by someone you are in a relationship with is bad enough…. but your mother's betrayal takes this to a whole new level. YES< he is a sick person and you need to stay away from him. There is nothing left to salvage. He sexted with your MOM! Not some stranger. Your mother! He is not the kind, decent person he pretended to be with you. He is a manipulative con-artist who pulled the wool over your eyes. Please cut him off. Tell him to leave you the hell alone and then block him at every turn. Take comfort in your friends and other family members. As far as forgiving your mom goes, maybe.... in time, and with a lot of therapy (both you AND her). She is clearly a very, very messed up person if she thought sexting and camming with her daughter's boyfriend was an ok thing to do. So forgiving will be one thing, letting go of the negative feelings will be good for you to work towards... but I would suggest never trusting her ever again and keeping her at arms length as she is likely to continue to disappoint you. Seriously, I think that I am just losing faith in humanity today.
That's good. Enjoy your family outing and the game. 😀
They don't have fully mature bodies, but my point is that they're clearly post-pubescent. Pedophiles are attracted to the total lack of secondary sexual characteristics.
You never know how you will react to something you’re allergic too- this time it wasn’t anaphylactic shock but next time it could be. Your MIL played with your life here, this is as serious as it gets! I would never eat anything she or her family makes again, and your husband and MIL owe you a huge apology and need to understand how serious this was! Do NOT apologize! I would recommend marriage counseling since your husband doesn’t grasp the seriousness of this smdh.
In the short term I would also recommend a waterproof couch cover, they're cheaper than saving for a new couch, or paying for professional cleaning. Bonus points if people ask about it when they come around and now you can point out husband's weird habit to them too. Maybe having to sit on a couch cover that is mainly designed for people with pets and babies will help him learn that he's acting like a pet or baby.
I probably should have added this to the post but eventually I suggested to him a pair of iPhone-friendly earbuds since he was having such a hard time with it. And he is going to therapy currently to work on his issues
Can I ask you, how long have you been in this slump?
All of this stuff is just noise. If she wanted it to happen, she would make it happen. She just doesn't want to move to your country. Why would you want to make a future with someone reluctant to take the next step with you anyway.
She doesn't seem motivated at all, it's time to think about not flogging a dead horse, and thinking about your next move, and with whom.
It’s definitely easier said than done. Im trying for sure.
Girl run and run now You’re not compatible for long haul and you’ll ruin your life getting married to this guy
I gave birth twice, and I wouldn’t consider either traumatic.
Both were inductions at the Drs request (I’m an older mom) with a healthy baby delivered on the due date via uncomplicated vaginal delivery with an epidural.
The first I got a first degree year, the second I got a second degree tear, and I have experienced some mild incontinence after the both, that is more or less resolved now that my youngest is almost 2. I didn’t get PPD, PPA, or PPP with either of my kids. My autoimmune issues are worse (an impact of having fetal cells in your bloodstream that your immune system doesn’t quite know what to do with) so now everything sets of my eczema. But all in all fine.
I consider my birth experiences to be relatively easy in the scheme of things. But there were times during both where I felt undermined, not listened to and scared. The first time I had my mucous plug cleared without permission or even warning (ow!), I was lectured for having my induction take too long (as if this was my fault) by the same nurse who kept forgetting to bring me things I asked for. The first contraction after my water broke was like being hit by a train, so I asked for an epidural immediately, because so didn’t want to miss my window. I vomited about a dozen times and very nearly had an emergency c section because the pit protocol made my contractions so strong once they got going that my girl’s heart rate kept dropping. If I hadn’t gotten an epidural, I would’ve had to have the c-section, because of how much they had to position me to reduce the impact of the contractions on my kiddo.
Knowing that pit would take awhile for me but then come on way too strong, for time 2, I discussed the pit protocol at length with 2 shifts of nurses, and gave explicit instructions to not raise it too fast. There was a shift change while I was asleep, my husband was out of the room and the new nurses reverted to the standard protocol without checking the notes. So I woke up and the pit was much higher than I had authorized, and frankly that made me feel pretty unsafe. I knew they weren’t trying to ignore me, but I was vulnerable, and my needs weren’t being respected. The fact that I had an epidural almost certainly contributed to increased tearing the second time, since I couldn’t really feel how hard I was pushing. No regrets, but it’s the truth.
I don’t feel traumatized by either experience. But I am incensed at the idea that things like what I went through is so normal it barely registers. I notice that you have mixed memories about your own birth experiences. Birth is a pretty big deal, and I imagine that as a teen mom, you knew even less about what you wanted or what to expect, or how get the support you needed than you did later on.
Which brings me to the essential point: I don’t think it helps the laboring woman for her support network to get lackadaisical about what her needs might be.
The OP in this post is considering leaving her 8 months pregnant wife with a huge gap in her support network right as she is going into this process. I think that’s cruel. Whatever else either of their decision-making has been.
I’ve heard plenty of gnarly birth stories, but not one that made me think that the mother was focusing so much on her birth experience, it was preventing her from seeing her child as a miracle. On the other hand, when women feel unsupported in the perinatal process, they are at much higher risk of mental health issues such as PPD, which, in turn, can interfere with the bonding process. When we talk to support people who don’t know what they are in for, we have to let them know how essential it is that they have their priorities straight.
Doesn’t have to be steps does it? Other ways to move your arms up and down a bit. She got plenty of exercise. Just not all the walking kind.
Unless you’re hiding something in this story like the new bf is a jerk. I see no positive value to introducing a guy you used to know (you’re no longer fwb, you no longer hang with that friend group) to someone you’re dating. Seems likely your ex fwb is planning to do something rude and there’s no need to add drama to your life. Tell him no and if he continues to push, block him.
This might be hard to explain. I live in Iran, this country has a messed up culture. Like in my class (80 ppl), almost everyone has a partner, but only 2-3 couples actually act like couples. It’s like its a taboo. My family does know about him, but it’s just my family that accepts having a boyfriend. The whole country frowns upon something like that.
And my male friends are way more comfortable around me, because well, they’re just ‘friends’. I know it’s sad and stupid, but it’s how it is.
Even if it was an “accident” , since he never sends them to you , who did he take or mean to send that pic to? Not you!! Whether it was your sis or someone else this is a problem.
Go to therapy, get the words and feelings out, and never, ever tell her. You know it's a bad idea to kep the child. The fact that you feel sad about it doesn't make it a good idea. She is having to make the decision for both of you, do not mope or make her feel like she's making the wrong decision, because she isn't.
Not having her in your life is far from being the end of the world. You now know who she really is. Imagine all the guys including myself that find out after ten years you were cheated on throughout the full marriage and you get to test your children's paternity to see if they are really yours. It took me three weeks to open the letter from the DNA testing center because I was not really ready to handle it if my children were not mine.
Put your focus back on yourself along with your friends and your job. I would simply tell her she needs to move on with her life and if she says anything bad about you that you will share all the evidence you have with everyone.
Life will be difficult for a while, but you will be far better off without her in your life.
How old were you when you started dating? He's almost a decade older than you. Maybe neither of you are ready to date at the moment.
I’m so sorry to read that your test came back positive. It’s something I’ve personally been though and it’s terrifying. Do you have immediate family like parents or a sibling that could maybe help you not be alone at this time? Love to you, baby.
I have never wanted him to feel regretful or resentful of us or to feel that I'm holding him back and we've always said that if he feels like this we would talk about it and figure out next steps.
It depends on what exactly was said in these conversations you had. You say you knew he was bicurious or bisexual and wanted to act on it, and from how you phrase it here it sounds like perhaps you would be open to having an arrangement with him where he is free to explore? Obviously the last night happened without your knowledge and agreement but the degree to which this is unforgivable cheating or something you can work through really just depends on the extent he felt you would be okay with this based on what was actually said/agreed. So assess what happened against any conversation about boundaries you had before and take it from there. Good luck.
Get a divorce. Why are you spending your life with someone who does not like you and wants you to feel bad?
This isn’t polyamory, and quite frankly I’m sick of all these cheating SOs out there who use that as an excuse and the way your wife went about it is downright despicable. If she were truly poly she would have discussed this with you before ever setting foot into a relationship with another person. But she didn’t. This is just a manipulative tactic she’s using to try and have her husband and her affair partner at the same time. Bet that if you discussed the relationship being poly she would flip if you ended up finding someone else.
Thanks for commenting.
How well did she handle your joke? Not gonna lie. I did find my bf annoying yesterday for 1)telling me what to do on the roads when I am driving and 2) telling me how to boil water and blanch vegetables when I am doing it already. He wants me doing things his way, and I find it annoying sometimes.
But I still love him. So I wrote I love you (true)+ you are annoying (true) + you annoyed my ass off today (true+joking).
And what is option communication? That sounds interesting.
Why are people on your ass about this so much? It's like it's a crime to not like cosmetic surgery
Ok so living in the guest house instead of uprooting the kids?
I agree with you as well…the whole situation is indicative of why I'm divorced. EXTREMELY controlling ex. Even with legal physical joint custody, it just wouldn't happen. My kids refuse to stay at my house
Please note that the majority of responses in this thread are from people who are a) not trans and b) never slept with a trans person.
You need to be having this discussion in a place where people are knowledgeable about trans lives and trans bodies.
Note: there is way more to gender, bodies, and sex than having or not having a dick.
I hope you do what’s best for you. Someone stayed with me because I was going through difficult times – When they didn’t want to be with me. Wish they hadn’t and ripped off the bandaid.
I'm concerned with marriage because I'm Arab and it's a part of our culture and religion that girls should get married and must not even have boyfriends. I'm a strong believer, but still, I'm very open-minded, especially when it comes to relationships as it is a way for me to get to know the person more before getting married. In my country, girls get married at 18, 17…
Prior to marriage, sure. Let the fiancé handle this. As a spouse, you have full authority to defend your family at all times. A married couple should be a unified front and either one can speak for the family.
Sadly, it sounds as though you walked out of one bad relationship and into another. It's easily done, you were vulnerable and he took advantage of that. Get yourself away from him, make sure he has no access to your money and enjoy your writing course. I wish you the best.
No way shoukd you ever have to put up with this.
I am in a relationship where my amazing girlfriend has some mental health issues and sometimes gets a little defensive to avoid dealing with issues. It seems your partner is doing something similar. To make him understand you could ask him to talk to his friends or other family about this situation. I'm sure if he genuinely talked to somebody else, they would also agree with your position and how it's inappropriate for a couple I your position to essentially start looking after his family.
Nope, he just said that his parents reaction was an APPROPRIATE one.
While it may be petty of you, there is a point to make here. She cares about him, and prefers to make you upset by retaining their contact then him, by cutting it. This indicate she is still emotionally attached to him.
You can try to explain it, but I expect she will just defect anything inconvenient to her. At this point it might be better to look for some that is not openly attached to her ex or former fwb.
The short answers make me nervous because I feel that he is not really accepting your answers but he doesn’t want to press it. So he says “ok” like I don’t believe you but let’s drop it
Happy cake day
It's disgraceful.
If it were a guy nobody would be suggesting it's ok for him to get his brother/mates to text some woman to see if he's blocked for any reason whatsoever.
So they shouldn't be doing it here. It's no less fucking creepy to the person on the receiving end just because it's women doing it and redditors like playing armchair sleuth.
A mistake can be overcome. A mistake once when timing, people and circumstance all lead to an outcome no one really wants. This isn’t that. This is repeated, planned and deceitful. It was over before this even started.
Way to bury the lead. He’s a cheater. He just is. Move on. And you know he’s a liar.
Your boyfriend is a mentally unstable man baby, go ahead and tell he can be almost live in roommates with someone else or go back to his mommy’s so she can do his laundry for him.
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Wow, where do I begin on this one.
Me and my wife have been together over a decade and have 2 young children together. Things have been, from my perspective, fairly great recently. She's currently at work, and has her suitcase sitting beside the bed. Well, I ended up kicking it over on the way to the bathroom, and when I got back I noticed a lacy item hanging out of one of the inner pockets. Checked it and sure enough, there's 5! outfits in there! I checked the closet after discovering this, and there were two outfits still hanging in there where they normally are.
Now, this isn't any normal lingerie/sexy bra and panties/sleek nightie type deals. This is fuckinglingerie. You wouldn't wear this around family, or for any reason other than… well… sex. The 5 outfits that are in there are the best ones… so it's not like they just made it in there accidentally.
Its a weird scenario, because she's going back to where she grew up and taking both our young kids. They will be staying with her family.
If I'm being entirely honest, over the past month or two I've noticed her seemingly hiding text messages and whatnot occasionally. Its not that it didn't tingle my spidey senses, but there was a combination of 1. if she was in fact stepping out, I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I noticed and 2. maybe its just a coincidence.
Seeing the lingerie, now I'm thinking maybe it wasn't coincidence.
I need a game plan on how to approach this. I feel like waiting until she leaves to make sure the lingerie leaves with her is ideal… because asking beforehand, she could just deny and toss it back in the closet. Obviously I'm not going to bring it up while she's gone, but once she gets back its going to need to be brought up.
I'm not crazy right… I mean, this is on par with me leaving for a trip with a box of condoms in my suitcase, isn't it? I'm not overreacting?
Since then I’ve messed around with a few but caught myself with a single mom of 2 kids. She wasn’t my type at all physically, but very sex positive and made it enjoyable. I accidentally knocked her up and was relieved when it didn’t come to fruition because after she was pregnant – she was just miserable to be around. However after breaking it off – I realized I don’t have anyone else I text or talk to.
Um, it sounds like you do not even like this woman. Why are you talking to her just because you're lonely? It sounds like you're using her.
I don’t have close friends that are females.
“Females”….there it is. You say you're an intellectual, but you refer to women as “females,” which is the go-to misogynist blanket term.
Please break up with this woman and stop wasting her time since you don't even like her.
You both need to read a book on communication within a relationship.
My wife and I have similar differences in past. It sounds like you regret not having a more adventurous past, and are some how holding that against her.
The third point is the hardest. You want to move all the time, she doesn’t. Either you give up on moving or on her. My wife was like you, always wanting to travel and move. I was like her. So we met in the middle. No moving more than every 5 years, at least one of us needs to have an established job prior to the full move, should kids enter the picture we will not move more than twice with them being able to be in one place 8-12th grades. As for trips, I agreed to one international trip every 2 years. Place must not be on a warning/hazard list.
So any issue can be overcome. But you both need to be willing to make it work. Relationships are a team activity. Not a solo one
My abusive ex calls all ‘females’ “love”. Reading this witless windbag’s comments sent icky shivers down my spine. Hamlet that, you brief antecedent.
The only 2 relationships I’ve been in have resulted from me wanting to get laid from a dating app! I’m genuinely scared that’s gonna happen again? it’s like as soon as you say you want something causal everyone you meet wants more man it’s scary
You marry your finace. I am very suspicious of the timing of this, he just happened to be cleaning out his dads stuff and happened to have a ring which his dad forbade him to give to you, despite him being a college student, therefore an adult!. All of this after you have been engaged.
He might have genuinely been thinking of marrying you, but he never dated you, never did anything couple-ey as far as you have said. I think this is more a case of a man wanting a woman and not see her marry another man. Tell Clark goodbye.
Call emergency services.
She knew him since he was 8 years old.