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Date: November 23, 2022
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Also, what kind of self-respecting woman lets herself be the side piece? This person and OP's shitty soon to be ex are low class and deserve…nothing good.
Maybe he's insecure about “going bald” and wants to do something about it before you meet. It reads like it's your first time meeting and he might want to look and feel good when you finally meet
He is being extremely selfish and also immature not to talk about it. Sex is give and take and can be an amazing part of a fulfilling relationship, but not without any communication ??♀️
It's peak reddit – make a comment that sounds pithy and like it makes sense, when you don't have the full picture, and it gets applauded even if really there's no evidence for it. And of course, it's really hard for an OP to be believed when they say “well actually no” once the crowd has hopped on board.
Going into any relationship expecting it to be “blissful” all the time would be one of the major reasons relationships fail. Longterm relationships are part of life, and life isn't always joyful. So having reasonable expectations is really important. Being willing to suffer the bad times together and not expect a partner to be the answer to all the world's problems is key.
It's not going to go well for long, I'm afraid. He doesn't seem concerned about and refuses to talk about future plans with me so, honestly I don't know what is going to happen. There is a lot of uncertainty in our relationship 🙁
She must fight back rather than simply stand there and be bullied. Shit happens and will continue to happen unless she learns to defend herself. These clowns who suggest she tell her parents or a counselor are weak.
Regardless of what the reasons behind this behaviour are, it’s making you uncomfortable and you should address that.
Tell him to put his shrivelled earth worm away and that you don’t want to see it. If he continues to do it, talk to the person in charge of addressing these issues and see what your options are.
Ask him if he has any romantic interest in you. If he says no, tell him you won't bother him again about it.
I totally get that. But I was honest technically. He knows because I told him the truth only the 3rd time we hungout! The 2nd time was just a quick drive meet up. So like, I told him clearly bc I value him and don’t want to ruin any chances. I was only not honest bc I didn’t even know him or if I’d even meet up I made the app as just distraction but clearly I like him
Wouldn’t having sex with a person who’s in a relationship technically be “involving yourself?”
Like, I don’t think you really get to be banging taken people and then be totally aghast if their significant other shows up at your door somedayX
Dang. I'd say go for a drive but no, stay in the warm lol
You keep ignoring all facts that OP wrote.
Not rehoming it and just ignoring that his wife doesn't do anything (based on what information he gave us) to teach it will end up in a grown dog that doesn't have any boundaries. And those dogs are the ones that almost never get out of a rescue because they are just hard to handle and not for beginners.
Agree if that's the case
Wait i mean this in the nicest way please ignore if I'm wrong i mean no offense… if you're going thru chemo and radiation isn't it bad to share body fluids like that?? My aunt wasn't even supposed to share a bathroom with anyone while going through treatment. Maybe it's different obviously depending on treatment but have the doctors okayed sex? Does he know it's OK, maybe you need to sit down you him and a doctor to discuss so he gets it's OK?
Rhinoplasty isn't usually a dramatic procedure. It certainly won't make my nose worse.
My relationship is my relationship. Say what you will about my insecurities and mental health/dismorphia.
But he is an excellent partner and I have no doubts in our relationship.
Thats all he said they did.
Oh wow. She probably knows you are telling the truth but doesn’t want to hear it. Be thankful he’s not your problem anymore and you’re now free to meet a good guy.
She literally told you a week ago she wasn’t interested. You will be best served by keeping your options open.
Sweetheart, You didn't “make” him do anything. He punched the wall because he wanted to frighten you into being quiet.
I doubt his previous gf apologised, he's telling you that you try to get you to do so, it's a form of control. Getting YOU to apologise for HIM being abusive. In time, he'll start hitting you, tell you it's your fault, and expect you to apologise.
He's grooming you to accept abuse in your relationship.
GET OUT NOW.
We still have sex and are intimate during daytime naps. She goes to bed with the baby now and honestly I can understand why shes tired, our baby never learned to self soothe so shes up constantly throughout the night. I truly feel like our problems could be resolved so easily by sleep training and moving our baby to its own bed but at a certain point I dont want to start a fight when I know shes thinks shes doing what is best for our baby, even though im certain she’s misguided.
When my wife and I started dating, we were about six months into our relationship when she received a text from a male “friend” at approximately 10 pm in the evening. I asked who it was and if they’d been intimate… she said they had been but that he had a girlfriend now. I said “so why is he texting you so late in the evening? That’s not a friend. People don’t hook up with friends.” I think we, as a society, should lose the term friends with benefits… they are relationships that serve no purpose in your future if you hope to have a successful relationship with your partner.
The incident spurred us to look deeper at our feelings for one another and solidify our intentions in the relationship going forward. My wife agreed and that friend was no longer a part of our lives.
I have plenty of female friends and she has male friends as well… none of whom we’ve ever hooked up with before. I don’t think that’s a difficult boundary to maintain in a healthy relationship.
He used the word lightly to justify his self defense.
Lightly restrained and bruising don’t add up.
Falling down the stairs will generate a lot more force than even forcefully pushing someone back. To leave those bruises you can be damn sure he applied more than just preventative force.
You are digging a hole for yourself. Once you offer him to be a house husband, he won’t move an inch while you will be working in and out of the house 24/7
He has to get a job , contribute towards rent, food etc
As long as there is a path for communication I think there is a good chance at keeping the relationship going 🙂
She is 18. If you want a real relationship, stay away from that age group. I'm not saying all are basically out exploring, but it's like an 8 out of 10 that do.
That’s your pimp.
He needs to the cut the apron strings and you need to grow up a bit and stop creating tests for him to pass. Neither of you should be acting like this at your age.
You said it all yourself, your husband enjoys hurting you. There is absolutely no acceptable reason for this. Cut any communication or visits that aren’t child related and find a shark of a lawyer and get divorced. And, please, please do not give him any more satisfaction from hurting you. Don’t let him see your pain.
Legally, no. But in reality, it will impact her. He won't be able to afford the same lifestyle that she could — vacations, meals out, etc. He will be the “lowest common denominator” that will throttle her to a certain extent. It may not seem like a big deal but over time, it gets old fast.
So you both like to give insincere apologies – sounds like the two of you are trapped in a pretty toxic spiral.
Don't you think she had cause to act aggravated?
How would you act in her shoes?
You live once, and spend your time with those who have time for you.
EXACTLY. Like, I’ve ended relationships over infidelity in the past, but you don’t EVER tank a new/healthy relationship over suspicion of infidelity until your partner gives you a damn good reason to.
We’ve tried couples therapy but he gets very defensive because the therapist usually calls him out or validates my feelings. When the therapist does agree with him, he gloats about it after the session and becomes very cocky. I’ll give the podcast a try though. Thanks!
Incredibly serious accusation for her to throw around. I do not think you raped her, and as someone who's had another person put a finger up there I can state that if she was asleep she definitely wasn't when you put it in her.
Especially if it's her first time. It can feel very good, but also takes you by surprise and feels a bit weird first time you do it.
Also I am begging you to know if you're sexually compatible in FULL before you legally marry this person. It sounds like she's got some incredibly deep seeded shame issues, really enjoyed what happened but didn't want to so she deflected the blame elsewhere.
You asked for her consent. You ensured she was enjoying it. You did everything you could in the situation. She has to handle her shame issues and move forward beyond the shame.
Also man. Don't marry her. It's not worth it. Go elsewhere and find someone who isn't deeply rooted in shame and accuses you of things you didn't do to mask her own feelings of that shame.
The fact that your friends are welling to tell you that they suspect that he’s gay tells me that they know for a fact that he’s gay. People try to avoid saying such things even if they strongly suspect them.
He's 22. likely grew up watching porn and hearing people talk about dick size nonstop. So yeah, being insecure about it isn't some weird thing.
Girls are insecure about ass, tits, and genital size too, but they don't have people telling them they're assholes for being insecure about it.
Is he immature? Yes. They should have a conversation about why it's bothering him so much.
It's not her fault and it's not his fault. It's just a thing that happens to people.
Yeah no I believe in actually working on long term relationships and not just breaking up
Sis, I think the point the person was making is that if children weren't involved and you two hadn't rushed into marriage, you would have realized that you two are fundamentally incompatible.
You have goals and ambition. You want things out of life and are willing to work hard for them. He's not willing to be a partner to you.
You can only work on a relationship with someone if they want to work on it. If he is willing to grow and change, too. If you guys go through counseling. But just know none of that will be enough if he is just fundamentally immature and selfish. That is not something a person outgrows. That is who he is.
thank you
What exactly are you worried is going to happen?
I’m not even gonna read all of it. The drunken bed thing is enough. Your boyfriend sucks, and so does she.
I would’ve walked away immediately, OP. Your boyfriend should’ve made CLEAR boundaries. My fiancé would’ve quite literally kicked her out of bed or told her off the next day. And then he would proceed to never talk to her again (and I wouldn’t have to ask him to do any of this). Your situation isn’t normal, and you deserve better.
Since she won't block this guy, I'd say there's no chance to work it out.
Either he's gone or you're gone, that's what your ultimatum should be, OP.
And prepare to walk away, maybe for her, indeed her AP is more precious than your marriage. Don't believe ANYTHING that came out of her mouth, only look at her ACTION.
If her action is she's not cutting him off, and not giving you FULL transparency 100% be okay with you checking up on her because she's the one who broke the trust her, she needs to earn your trust back…there's no chance in hell, she'd stop her affair. She's going to continue.
You also need to let that AP's wife know what's going on. Good luck.
It's not that easy when it's so constant. I wish I could just ignore it. It's not like I haven't though of it.
And I DONT blame her. I've said that repeatedly. I'm just frustrated and sick of everything. It's not as simple as ignore and it'll stop like she pretends. Or it would already be done.
That’s a real self esteem ?? punch.
But…. Just because she had a great orgasm , it doesn’t mean she was treated well, loved or looked after.
I’m sure there are many who would trade a great orgasm for kindness , respect , love and an average orgasm.
Also , having the biggest member doesn’t mean much if you can’t show passion, warmth and some kink.
Just turn up your kink game. And remember there’s a big difference between kink and weird.
Kink is a feather …. Weird is a chicken.
Ugh. This man is disgusting. I can’t. You had no business playing with a teenager. And now… 10 years later… ?♀️?♀️?♀️
Also presumably he’s still in your life to an extent due to split custody of your daughter. So it’s not like he’s not reminded pretty consistently that you guys are raising her separately and maybe he never wanted that, or he did but has changed his mind as he’s gotten older and now wishes you could all be a family. I don’t understand how this is such a foreign possibility to you. Especially if you were the one who ended the relationship 8 years ago.
There was a post here recently by a woman around age 40 who discovered her same age husband had been secretly, psychotically obsessed for TWENTY YEARS (their entire relationship length) with a girl he dated for 2 months when he was 19. People found his reddit account where he was writing about his obsessive delusions about how “in love” he was with her. It was really scary shit. This stuff is rare but not impossible.
Nah self centered is giving the silent treatment as a punishment and punishing your kid for having a negative emotion when you can’t even handle your own.
She works full time, takes care of the child and his extracurriculars, and more than likely does majority of the housework how is that not also a brutal workload and physically exhausting?
He’s making her mentally exhausted. You didn’t even read the post it seems you just wanted to excuse this man’s behavior and try and rag on marriage
You could have called them sitting in the car with your BF.
I’d tell her to mind her own goddamn business and tell dad what they’re up to.
idk if i should even tell my mom because shes already incredibly insecure. Shes gained a lot of weight and has been trying to lose it but been unsuccesful. My dad on the other hand loses weight super easily and thats something shes super insecure about. She's also aged a lot and looks nothing like the models he follows and has so much going on i dont want to give her anything else to worry about especially not relationship problems with someone shes been with for close to 20 years now
So your premise on men has been that all men are always looking for someone younger and more fit, except your father? But now it’s him too?
Shit, if that’s true, then I assume you’re never going to date since at some point you’ll obviously be dropped for a new model, right?
That’s obviously a ridiculous notion. Does it happen? Of course it does. But far more often than not, people are simply observing that other attractive people exist in the world and there’s no deeper meaning.
If it upsets you, then speak with your father and tell him how you feel. But stop acting like he’s a half a step away from leaving your mother for a teenager.
There's a reason for those character limits, you know? Don't try to be a partner's therapist.
Are you thinking about leaving him? What’s the difference between getting married at 22 and 26? Girls like you are willing sell your young soul and settle for money (actual cash or expensive item). You’re not gonna experience anything much being in a relationship for the perks.
Being single and exploring yourself is part of being young to find out what you want to do with your life.
Ouch. That sucks, I'm sorry.
You mention that he currently lays in bed all day. Is it possible that he's depressed?
Look, as soon as he admitted feelings for her, the friendship was gone. The dynamic is changed. He needs to be gone from her life, nothing but professionalism at work. No texting, no meetups, he obviously didn't give a crap about your marriage.
And her actions are now saying she doesn't either.
It would be a deal breaker for me. Either the dude is gone, or I am.
She's in a relationship. Why is it still relevant that she is still desirable to other men? Why does she need this validation from her friends or tinder? She should get that from you. This is a red flag man. The fact that she even asked you thinking that you would think its okay is astonishing. This is not okay.
Why do you even want to marry him? It's obvious you don't trust him and think he is abusive / a cheater.
Sounds like you’re in too deep for me to help.
DV is not an accident. I wish you the best and hope you can learn and be safe.
it's always amusing to me when guys in open relationships suddenly have to deal with the consequences of having an open relationship.
Her father is so insane that I can clearly imagine him losing control and killing her boyfriend just to “save her”
You’ve left salient information out of your main post that I’ve had to read all of your narcissistic comments to gather:
You confessed you had romantic feelings for your friend before he met his wife.
He rejected you.
You’re single.
So, presuming your friend isn’t an AH, he’s probably been truthful about the past with his wife. She probably knows you have romantic feelings for him, and he has reassured her that he doesn’t reciprocate them and that he turned you down before he even met her. She sees that you’re still trying to spend time alone with him, you cut her out, you’re unfriendly towards her. She probably sees you as a risk to her relationship and her family stability, and from the sound of it quite rightly so
If you care so much about your friend and this isn’t just about jealousy (it is) then leave them alone, spend time with your friend in a group rather than 1:1 and stop disrespecting their marriage.
The fact is that he didn’t choose you, he chose her. He didn’t even choose her over you when presented with two options, he just flat out wasn’t interested in you before he even met her. He brought her to your country, he wants her that much, and rejected you on his doorstep. There’s no comparison.
These are hard truths but you need to accept them.
You’ll never be more than a friend to him, and if you’re wanting more then you’re only going to end up bitter and disappointed. More so. Deal with it, move on.