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Date: October 15, 2022
You said how you feel. If he wants to be paranoid that’s his choice. Its your choice to be there for it or not.
She is not suffering a psychotic break in which she is unable to determine the consequences of actions
I am going to stick my neck out here and say you are probably not qualified to diagnose your MIL. Psychotic breaks can look like a lot of things, and you yourself has stated she never acted like this before.
After the holidays you and your husband should strategies how to get a proper diagnosis and treatment for whatever is happening to your MIL rn, whether a psychotics break, ptsd, or undiagnosed mental illness.
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Only you can make that decision. But the abuse is escalating and it's only going to get worse. How long before he starts abusing your child, too?
She knows what happened and forcing definitions on her is not helpful to her healing. She may never choose to call it that, and that’s ok. She gets to decide how (or if) she thinks about it and talks about it. If the goal is to help her, which is what it should be, people become more isolated when we insist on terms, reporting to the police, or whatever else we think is right. Letting the harmed person lead and not compounding the trauma caused are the standards for care of consent violation.
What’s the point of moving an hour away to just commute?
Does he resent you making more?
Is your relationship happy or do you both constantly argue? Does he love you? Has he said it unprompted in a while?
Abso-fucking-lutely not!
This is insanity and incredibly manipulative.
Why are you still with him? RUN.
How so?
Sorry, if you do something thoughtless like she did and the other person reacts with disappointment, its not their fault. He’s just supposed to suck up his disappointment and thank his girlfriend for messing up something he was looking forward to?
Ask her to make you sexy underwear.
Yes I feel like he got annoyed and then he blocked me. I messaged his sister today, she said she‘ll ask him so we‘ll see if he really sent the clothes or not.
I hear you and I understand where you're coming from.
I did put my child's well-being first. It was gutting…hurt so much. My mom did too when my dad cheated with his 22 year old secretary. It ended their (bad) 20 year marriage and dad married the secretary and she's been with him for 45 years now. My mom has been nothing but beautiful about it. It took a chunk out of her, like it did for me but she always prioritized me. So I guess my own life experiences biase me.
It looks like you read comments. I just read the OP's comments on the first post. The parent's marriage ended 10 YEARS ago so OP was a 14 year old child then. Mom doesn't believe in therapy. Meanwhile, OP has little brothers that he's partly grown up with that he wants to see and mom is asking him to not have anything to do with any of them. He didn't choose the people who wronged her. That's her narrative. He chose to have all of his family. I mean, I'm still salty about being cheated on from years ago. I'm not on any high moral ground and my child died, in part because of what a garbage fire her dad was. So that's probably also coloring my view. If you knew your child would be gone for good…and you had a choice to have them in your life or lump them in with the cheaters…a lifetime of regret. So yes, I understand her reaction completely. But people here blaming OP is not right.
Thanks so much for your reply.
So what I feel is that we don't bring out the best of each other. I make him angry/frustrated, he makes me withdrawn/fearful. But is this a dynamic that we can change?
I understand he has trust issues and why he might think I cheated. But whatever I say or do, he seems to have got this in his head.
I genuinely don't think he is a bad person. Do his anger issues surface because of me…? That's what I'm trying to figure out because I do wish we could find a way to communicate better.
When I'm away from him it is easier to reflect on things (like now), but I do miss him. I was happy single and can be happy single again, but in reality I think I want to be with him. Is this unhealthy scenario salvagable?