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Date: November 23, 2022
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You did make a mistake with the new person. I don't know if leaving the old situation was a mistake because if you were really invested it wouldn't have happened. He would definitely be making a mistake taking you back now, though.
I'm not going to slam you if you met someone, realized you were falling, and broke up before pursuing this other person. Feelings happen, and the responsible thing is to break up rather than stay in your relationship and cheat physically or emotionally.
But…your partner can't trust you won't do that again. And if there's no trust, then the relationship is doomed. At your age, if after four years you're not sure enough to not let someone you just met turn your head, you're not in it for the long haul, and he now knows that. Don't use his residual feelings for you to reel him back into a situation with someone who realistically is just going to hurt him. If you actually care about his wellbeing, and not just him as an object to give you comfort, then phase out of his life quickly so he can move on.
religious trauma. being indoctrinated from birth to feel shame and fear due to religion messes with people's heads, and it can take a long time for someone to sort out if they can admit to themselves that's what is happening. If they can't, then this is what their life will be like.
You need to back away here, carefully. She's not ready for any kind of sexual intimacy, even if she says wants some in a way she feels is safely contained. False accusations of rape are dangerous. For her, she's not lying. She's convinced she never said yes, which means delusional thinking. Do not lie to yourself that there is a work through here unless she is able to fist admit she has trauma from her upbringing.
Also, apropos of nothing, but people- please don't go from the anus to the vagina with hands or mouth without a lot of cleaning first.. That's how you get infections like bacterial vaginosis.
it was different for her because women are more often the victims of domestic abuse
LMAO OKAY.
A buddy of mine was dating a girl for a month. Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago she punched his fucking teeth out when she was drunk (turns out she’s an alcoholic). Dude was just sleeping. Is that not domestic abuse? Because he’s a guy and she’s a woman?
I think a background check would be useless but both of you could go to Therapy but more for her.
So he is abusing you and your answer to that is cheating?
Yeah, instead of that you need counseling because you and him are walking red flags
This is the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
After only knowing each other a few months? Someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? Hell no.
The best way for you to understand is to flip the script and ask yourself, if an attractive female friend of your BF were to move in with him, would you 100% feel comfortable with this scenario. If you would be, then tell him that he can do the same. Even suggest it. So that you're showing your not just talk, but will act accordingly.
Then fucking seek professional help. You need it. But you won't get it, because you don't think your problem is that serious.