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Lilit, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 3, 2022
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Very important context to this is she and her parents are Chinese and have not seen eachother since 2019 (we are in UK). I very much appreciate that they have been separated for so long, but we live in a small apartment and I do not want to spend six months living with her parents, or mine for that matter! We also may have kids within the next few years, I would be open to six months as they can offer help and spend time with their grandchildren. As we are single, six months to me feels unnecessary and too much. The parents are also in their 60s.
I've said three months is fine, but I put my foot down on six months. She's upset and is guilt tripping me on this. What to do?
EDIT: Many have asked about them renting somewhere near. That would be a great solution but we live in a really expensive city.
What?
Have you considered therapy? You are showing a very odd behaviour.
one point for cats and lizards
wait until OP’s wife gets “baby fever” bc she thinks babies look cute but the second the baby is born she’s upset that it cries and poops
He votes for: removing bodily autonomy for women, against healthcare for the poor, against workers rights, against common sense gun control, against welfare programs for the most downtrodden in our society, against equality legislation. He is either one of two things, stupid or an asshole. He may have other skills but are these the things you want to teach your children?
Yeah, i did that and i hated those people that did that to my friends. Also, im afraid that if she sends me a message that she changed her mind and that she's sorry, i might fall for it and forgive her once again.
He's the one who got away, and she's settling for you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
I love this comment ?
Yeah I really hate the phrase 'body count'. These are people you have had relationships with, or were intimate with, or (hopefully) have/had some meaning to you. Even if it was just a fun time.
To equate them to 'body count', which traditionally means the number of dead bodies on a battlefield, or how many enemies you took out, is pretty shitty for every conceivable reason.
Both partners should be on the same page about finances and how many children you have. My S/O hates budgeting, but I track our spending every year so we can make adjustments and to make changes year to year. It’s critical that we both sign off on it. We budget a fixed amount to spend each year and divide it by categories. I don’t care how we spend money, so long as the total amount is close to what we planned. If we want an extra vacation we have to spend less on eating out.
If we don’t agree at the beginning of the year we inevitably fight.
If you don’t want a divorce yet, ask him to explain where the money goes.
1) How much do we budget towards retirement, and, is it reasonable? (15% would be minimum, 50% would involve radical deprivation) 2) How much towards housing? 3) Discretionary spending? 4) Child budget? 5) What would budgeting a second child look like?
I’ve relaxed some because my S/O loves to travel and when we retire I want memories. Hard to climb Incan pyramids when you’re 50. Much easier at 30.
I do feel trapped, I do not yet know if I want to break up with her, I do still love her. I will need roy talk to her about treatment to gauge the specifics. She will be reluctant but she will give in if I insist.
I’m just going to put this out there. I had a very hard childhood but not sexual assault thank goodness. I used to lie about the going’s on and say I’d been through things I hadn’t, I was a total compulsive liar as a kid. The reason I lied was because I needed the care/ attention since I was suffering – but I was too scared to say the truth cause the truth hurt and was a lot worse.
It's not rude for friends who are concerned for you to tell you about those concerns.
Yeah, that libido style is an important thing but I want you remember this. She’s getting ready to go through menopause so some of this may be handled with medication. And also when menopause is over, the libido comes back about three fold. Don’t get married again until you take the death do us part seriously
You just explained your own relationship. As someone that just turned 30, when I was 23 I was no where near ready to date someone my age. Whether you believe it or not, you are at the age to be more easily manipulated, and it’s happening actively – he’s manipulated you into letting him go down on you when you don’t like it. I’m sure there’s many other examples.
Be strong and dump him – there are plenty of other guys out there! I met my current bf/soulmate on Reddit for Pete’s sake! Good luck, be strong and care for yourself ??
P.S. there are many men out there that don’t care that much about blow jobs. My bf is one of them.
You are 100% right. This guy is a serious POS. Waste of human flesh.
update: i talked with my boyfriend about this again and shared everyone’s responses and he made me feel really safe and secure. he validated my feelings and understands why it’s hard for me and told me he’s happy to give me reassurance whenever i need it especially when it comes to times they will hang out. i know it will still be hard for me to sit with the icky feelings that may come up when they want to hang out bc that’s the nature of my insecurity and also ocd tendencies, but im not going to let it control my behavior or control my sweet and loving boyfriend. thank you all (:
Taking out trash and emptying the litter box does not constitute a lot of work.
Yeah that's alkward. Maybe in future to have this not happen again ypu should casually ask how old someone is if you are interested in them.
Just don't get conned by any influencers.
This doesn't change my mind lol. I get having preferences, but its also a gift. Did your parents never teach you guys to never look a gifted horse in the mouth?
u/throwramariokart People are giving you advice based on experience. You need to listen. The next time he lays a hand on you, he won't be careful to make sure you don't bruise. The best piece of life advice I want to give you, is that you only get in life what you will tolerate for yourself. Be picky about who gets your time, even if that means being alone. You deserve better than the bottom of the barrel.
Dude. Ur not happy. Just move on.
Why are u trying to stay unhappy