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Lena, 27 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
You’re avoiding what I said. You’re blindly believing her.
OP will be the one fucking around. That's what he wants this break for.
u/ThrowRAanothernote I'll summarise what a few other have said here, its a no win situation, but its one you have to deal with.
Your FIL doesn't respect you and doesn't want you at the party, that is enough to not go. But your wife who's opinion you should care more about does want you to go.
In this situation, it's her father, she should deal with him and either tell him to pull his head in or not attend But this is a larger discussion/conflict that needs to be resolved. If she wants you there, she needs to talk to him about his behaviour. You have done nothing to provoke him, this is a him problem.
Ask her what you are going to do when you have kids, because you should not allow your kids around him if he cannot be civil with you. How are you going to feel the first time the kids comes home and say “Hi Daddy smooth hands”, or tell your wife “Don't ask Dad how to do that he doesn't know what work is”.
You are going to Fucking lose it and you have every right to.
I mean yes sure you can go, take two cars, wish him happy birthday and then bugger off once he snaps at you again, but you are going to feel like an arsehole doing that because “the party was ruined” because you were there, even thou its not your fault.
So please sit down with your wife, show her this thread, have the discussion, ask what happens when you you won't allow your kids around her grumpy arsehole of a father because he hates you, because this needs to be fixed before the party, even if it involves you having her parents over to discuss and try and come to some understanding. You're her husband and she needs to put you first.
good luck mate.
sounds like you had a panic attack, and you need to leave him now.