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Date: October 9, 2022
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She can’t afford her own place
Welp, not your problem anymore.
I almost called it off. But we’d already made so many plans I let it go.
I feel like everyone has a watershed moment in their relationship, such as 'man I should have just broken it off at that point'. This appears to be it.
Since you're close with the mom, I'd either tell her the story or show her the post. The lame thing about breakups is that they invalidate other friendships.
That happened to me going through my husbands phone once when we first got together. He rarely uses his phone since we got together so I genuinely think he forgot about the few pictures I found, he apologized and had me permanently delete them out of his phone, then had me go through the socials and delete pictures out of there too for him. We haven’t had any weird instances like that since and our relationship is actually pretty damn healthy. For now, I’d take his word on it and delete whatever is there and possibly seek therapy. Not like therapy is a bad thing as it can help what you’re going through!
It's clear that this is an issue of insecurity on both sides of the equation. It sounds like your partner has been effected by his past experiences, leaving him feeling neglected and insecure in relationships, while you have experienced a traumatic situation with your ex which can be hard to move past or recover from.
My first piece of advice would be for you each to focus on taking care of yourselves. This may include going to individual therapy sessions if you haven't already done so and focusing on addressing the underlying issues causing the insecurity within both of you. Once these underlying issues are addressed then it will become easier for both of you to manage the current issues without fear or apprehension.
Second, communication is key! Make sure that when there any doubts or worries between either one of you, that it should be brought up and discussed as soon as possible – even if it might seem uncomfortable at first – as this could help reducing misunderstandings and build trust between partners moving forward.
Finally remember: Love yourself before loving anyone else; only then can someone truly love and cherish them back!
I’m not sure… i don’t know if breaking up with him is the right option, i am also scared to breakup with him, worried he’d try to hurt me or himself
if it gets dangerous or escalates then tell one of her friends or siblings. her mental state isn’t your responsibility and the most kindness you should extend to her is letting those around her know she will suffer a hardship soon
This is not the way to handle your finances. You do not quit your job, and take out loans you have no means to pay back. Also all this financial generosity buying you a PlayStation and all your meals? If you marry her that’s money that’s gonna have to come out of your pocket to pay back. She seems to have no idea how to manage money.
Tell her the wedding is off until she gets a job and starts paying off her credit card debt and loan. If she wants to go out to dinner tell her no, do you want to support her getting out of debt. If she buys you expensive gifts, tell her to take them back. You would rather have a house than a PlayStation.
Sit down with her and make a budget. Show her how much money is coming in and how much money is being spent. Unless she grasps the concept of money, you refuse to marry her.
Yup, we’ll, you just laid it out by saying his race is what she is attracted to and she’s pouring in all this attention.
It’s extremely obvious.
UpdateMe!
No one is making her do anything. She is making the choice but is saying she is making it because I made the report.
Obviously we don't know your girlfriend but maybe she is easily influenced and her friend has been poisoning the well so to speak. I suppose if you want the relationship to work you could suggest couples therapy
Maybe he’s just decided he rather have you call him by his name because he’s not your baby but didn’t quite know how to say it without upsetting you.
Personally I’ve never called any man I’ve dated anything but their name and find it ick hearing women call men “babe”.
You mean hsv…
Leaving him is ALWAYS an option and here it’s your best one.
lmao at your account getting banned already. even the mods know you suck
let it be known this man has NEVER lied to me and has been otherwise an extraordinarily loyal and trustworthy partner in life.
While I think it is 'nice' you believe this I worry that him lying about meeting her isn't just a single lie. It is part of a broader lie that he was telling you [and perhaps himself].
my fiance always seemed so uncomfortable around her so it made me think he still had feelings.
Because the thing is… his need to go get closure ostensibly proved this true. Your discomfort, your worry that he was still invested, that he insisted was wrong and that it was just awkward… well, that wasn't true. It wasn't just awkward, it is now explicit that he still had not dealt with his feelings yet.
On top of that him not speaking to her for the sake of the relationship pangs a lot of him using you as an excuse to cut her out, which is kind of unfair. On top of that if he was really getting 'closure' he'd just let all the past go. Seems to me like he is just assuring he will hold on to that resentment and assures future interactions are worse than ever. And he lied to you to achieve even that, if you choose to believe any of this at all.
Like reality is that he comes across as quite prone to not being upfront or open about his feelings especially in regards to her. Don't get me wrong, I get it: she dumped and cheated on him, no shock he is still hung up on or dealing with that. But he still chose to dismiss you when you pointed that out and I worry about let alone their suspect meeting.
You get over it because you decide not to dwell on it. You lived 2 hours away & had one date. A month later you were exclusive. So she went on another date. That doesn’t make what you have less great. Are you just looking for a reason to ruin this relationship? That’s what’s going to happen – and it will be 100% your fault.
I don‘t know what she should do about her pregnancy, it‘s entirely her choice. I‘m from Germany and there are definitely places you can ask for help and advice for (if she wants to abort it or keep it etc.)
But she has to leave this guy and file for divorce. If she wants to keep the child he better pays for the child and the mother. This asshole is absolutely disgusting tbh and she deserves better. Tell her that.