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Date: October 31, 2022
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This made me laugh more than it probably should’ve
Quick question and no need to answer if too personal or you could answer privately… are you talking to a therapist once a week and have you and your SO tried couples counseling?
these people are being very greedy and selfish. i would never ask for something i can’t afford myself. you definitely need to put up boundaries. you shouldn’t have had to pay your moms car off for two years. tell her she needs to get a job within X amount of time and if she doesn’t you’re gunna stop paying it either way so she’ll have to deal with the debt. it’s not your responsibility to be paying for all of these things.
they need to understand this is your PARTNER not your SUGAR DADDY. he spoils YOU because he loves you and is in a relationship with you. your friends and family need to know don’t have any access to his money. they can’t keep taking you for granted. if they can’t respect you cut them off, this is NOT okay.
I’m old school. My suggestion is to just go out and find a new boyfriend. 2 hours of travel time is too far for a relationship like this as far as I’m concerned.
Why don’t you try going to therapy to help. Good luck!
I have anxiety, and my fiance does not. I really think open communication is the only way to deal with it. Not really such a thing as too open with it as a lot of times anxiety can throw intense curve balls that can be aided immensely by an understanding support system. Can't have a solid support system without communication/a good understanding of what's happening to your partner.
Right?! Totally classic
So why are you together then?
Honestly, it wouldn't be that bad if she just admitted that she did that, apologised, explained herself and promised not to do that again. But the fact that she for sure did, and then continued to lie about it and gaslight you, is worrying.
^
Then she will love it 🙂
Definitely dump him! He’s inconsiderate and disrespectful. You deserve much more. If he feels his female friend is more important and doesn’t even have the balls to stick up for you or put her in place if he’s not going to cut her off completely then he definitely doesn’t deserve to be your significant other. He’s also a liar and manipulative.
i agree with this person, but to add on about how to handle it, i don't think a smear campaign is the right answer. i wouldn't go out and tell all your friends what happened, but i also wouldn't lie if i was asked. i wouldn't seek out who her other partner is either, that seems petty. if the rest of the group really are your good friends, they should know you're still dealing with the hurt of your last relationship & how you approach dating. if they care, they'd hear why you're hurt now. that being said, they all know you spent the night together. it's gonna come out and she probably told her friends too.
You can do this. Keep fighting for yourself and your child. You. Can. Do. This.
Welcome to modern college, it will destroy your relationship. Im also not surprised in the slightest that now she is polyamorous.
I feel like you need a direct response. You made a stupid decision keeping him as a friend after what he did. And you are doubling down on that stupid decision by putting this much energy into debating whether you should end the friendship and how. Fuck him. Ghost or send him a message, either way it’s time to cut contact and move on with your life. This is reaching pathetic territory.
She is SUICIDAL. She needs COMPANY. Therapy and meds are a long term solution but what she needs NOW is not to be alone. Jesus Christ.
Do you have zero empathy? No imagination at all? You can possibly imagine a scenario where a woman would be traumatized by men to the point that she is highly sensitive to men’s glares?
Grow up
I dont believe there is a “proper aftercare” if the indication is that there is a specific way that aftercare “should” be performed.
There may not be a specific activity, but if your partner is not feeling cared for, then you are not engaging in proper aftercare.
OP is obviously not feeling cared for
They are going to be together even if we say don't or it's wrong. Their parents are ok with it for some reason. All we can give them is education or some kind of logic.
I dont believe there is a “proper aftercare” if the indication is that there is a specific way that aftercare “should” be performed.
There may not be a specific activity, but if your partner is not feeling cared for, then you are not engaging in proper aftercare.
OP is obviously not feeling cared for
I have empathy for you. I too had times in my early dating life where it was SO hard to go through with a break up that needed to happen. But this is one of those times where it needs to happen. You have over 300 people who don’t have any stake in your relationship telling you that this is broken and needs to end. Go to r/deadbedrooms and the r/divorce sub, get acquainted…. That’s where you’ll find yourself if you continue on. Rip the band aide off. She’ll cry and beg you not to but you just have to do it. You both will be OK. You will find someone more compatible. So will she. Please OP.
Op you can't even spell “believed” right twice in a row, how are we supposed to beleieieiieve your story. And as this is fake, thanks for freaking me out in the middle of the night. Oh another thing, according to your history, you have a boyfriend who thinks Ryan Reynolds is hot and now a husband and a 7 year old kid? Are you speed running your life?
Good bye
Dude, congrats just take it slow, cuddling kissing, soft petting, maybe oral. My spouse is bi and hasn't had a whole lot of experience either. Ride it out, you obviously like each other.
Sounds like you need to 'level up' buddy. You're looking to build a stable, long-term relationship with a woman who is jobless and lives off of her parents? Of course she's looking to 'level up'. She basically has no choice since she can't really get any lower.
Are you possibly 'white-knighting' these women you get into relationships with? Thinking you're leveling them up by being in a relationship with them? Do you tend to get involved with women who aren't as stable and set in life as you are?
Raise your bar a little. Don't rescue women. Find someone who is more your equal.
Therapy and perhaps taking lithium as a medication against your manic issues.
Sounds like it’s time to talk to a career counselor. If your mom’s willing to let you live with her you’ve got a great opportunity to learn new marketable skills or even continue your education
Just let it go, she’ll tell you if she wants to
Honestly after reading r/sugarlifestyleforum, I think sugar babies and daddies are the worst. If you don’t believe me, check it out yourself. I can’t blame someone for that being a deal breaker.
Tons of old guys cheating on their wives and the sugar babies think they’re above sex work because it’s somehow different in their eyes. But it’s literally sex work. The “adventure” of an older man is just money.
There’s no way an amateur seamstress won’t make a hash out of those pants. Tell him to take back the machine but you’re not doing it. You’ll be incredibly stressed out and it will make you hate seeing and you’ll still mess it up. He’s going to be mad no matter what. A tailor is the only answer.
Report and block him
She don’t owe him shit. If he wants that he can pay for a fucking babysitter. She has obligations literally to survive and make a living for him too. You guys are failing to see that and on top of that she said “I’m happy she was able to help I just feel weird.” She’s not allowed to have feelings ? I hope to god your gf goes behind your back with an ex. My boyfriend would never make me drop everything to help him and he sure as hell would’ve told me an ex is the only person he has and vice versa. I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to drop everything he has in life to help me and I promise an ex would not be someone I’d be calling. Id call a coworker before I called an ex y’all bugging
Maybe they met her at a party, and don't have her contact info.
Maybe they don't want to face the embarrassment of having given their items to a girl that has absolutely zero interest in them.
Many reasons.
My friend:
– She is masking the disease so well that she doesn't have any symptoms at all, which suggests that her viral load is 0 and she is undetectable.
– This means she has absolutely no chance of transmitting it to her sexual partners, because her viral load is 0.
– The fact that she is able to maintain a pregnancy while having HIV suggests it is very well-managed.
This man is not in danger. He should probably be informed in case they both want to be on PEP, but he is not in danger. The child is not in danger. If you remove your stigma, you'll understand that because she is undetectable this is just a personal health issue that she has not shared with her partner, instead of being some kind of assault on him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I (19M) have been with my girlfriend (19F) for about four months. She's the most amazing, beautiful and kindest girl I've ever met with great personality to tie it all together.
We lived 5 hours apart and I just moved to her city this week so this is my first time being at her house.
Everything was great and it felt amazing to finally be able to spend a lot of time together without worrying about when we'll see eachother again.
However today started off kind of rocky. She told me to get comfortable and to feel free to put my clothes in her closet for the time being. (I'm staying with her family for 2 weeks).
The closet is kind of big and confusing (this is to say I wasn't snooping) so while looking for my clothes I found a section of what I'd say was easily 50 if not more hoodies, very obviously men's hoodies all neatly hung in a closed off section.
That moment felt so surreal I didn't know what to make of what I was seeing, my mind went from is she cheating to maybe she collects them to who tf needs this many hoodies?
I immediately asked her about it, I wasn't angry or accusatory I just said “Hey, what's going on with all those hoodies over there?” and her explanation was that this last summer her best friend and her made a “game” to get as many guys' hoodies as humanly possible, just for fun. She said she never had anything with them and it was for their entertainment, and after I asked if she'd be willing to get rid of them because it makes me uncomfortable knowing my girlfriend has a collection of other men's clothes in her closet she said ok and continued the day as if nothing happened.
Now she is a really pretty girl and I have no doubt she'd have zero issue having guys give her their hoodie for whatever reason, and I don't think she had something going on with 50 guys this summer, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way.
I can't stop thinking about what really happened this summer and if she's telling me the truth since she never brought this up in our 4 months together. And giving her my hoodies now feels less special for some reason.
Maybe it's just my insecurities speaking but it felt like a hit to our relationship for some reason. I've been kind of distant today and she keeps asking what she did wrong but I don't have a clear answer.
I asked my friends for advice and they're split between “dump her” and saying I'm crossing the line by asking her to throw out her clothes and being cold even after she explained what happened.
TLDR: My girlfriend keeps hoodies from other guys and never told me about it and now I'm doubting our relationship and I don't know what to do.
Reddit please help?
It seems that you don't really trust your friend with your boyfriend and it's making you feel jealous and accusatory. That's not to say it's a bad thing.
That’s true. I guess we have been long distant for the last month I forgot to mention that so that adds to it. He usually does swipe up but I guess this was an old pic so he meant like he’s already seen it? Idk
why are you going to a college at 23 and cruising for freshmen?
Honestly, reevaluate the relationship with him while y’all are at it. He brought it up during a fight like it’s a bad thing? Said he won’t bring it up again, then brings it up after already calling your parents to tell them that he wants to marry you? Is he trying to out you to your parents about it so that they can all shame you together?
And it’s only been 4 months, why is he calling your family about marriage anyways? You guys clearly need to get to know each other better if one day he’s gung ho about marriage, then the next day is on the fence. Seems like he’s using marriage as a sort of manipulation, but I don’t see for what?
Refer them to local swinger dating sites. There are several.
Info:
Being 19 could you please elaborate on what you consider to be wife material?
She came out the gate questioning whether he was responsible. Now, maybe that came across more joking and confused, maybe it came across hostile and accusatory, we don’t really have any way of knowing and without that information it seems futile to try to dissect who was in the right or wrong or whatever. It was a misunderstanding, it doesn’t sound like either of them handled it the best, OP is asking what’s best for her marriage and—assuming all is well aside from this—that’d probably be to apologize for the misunderstanding and explain her side of things. If the husband was on here asking what he should do, I’d think he should do the same, but we don’t have an opportunity to give him advice right now.
He has a full time job but lives paycheck to paycheck. No kids, never married
No it couldn’t. COVID has a huge age curve and it’s the opposite of being most dangerous to babies.
Whew, girl. Personally, for me, that’d be cheating and we’d need to have an immediate conversation about it. His reaction will determine a lot (i.e., honest and remorseful or defensive and untruthful). If he thinks your relationship is everything he could have dreamed of but he’s sexting someone else while you’re at work, his actions and words aren’t aligning and actions speak louder than words.
ehhh this guy is obviously not exclusively dating people 10 years younger than them. It’s just a preference. Just like you can have a preference for tall women. Doesnt mean it’s a hard limit.
And yeah here in Japan no one gives a fuck if one person is 10 years older as long as they are both adults
Stop being so needy, it’s driving her away
I ever only dated women who were at least one year older than me, since JHS. Never in the same grade. Not by choice though, it was just my luck. Then, over the years, i got used to it and it become a thing.
His story is way different I guess. A cliche?
I agree its a red flag.
Your his FWB. Nothing you wrote here indicates anything more.
I’m so glad you updated, I was really worried about you.
While you’re exploring ways to recovery, can I make a recommendation ?
Get into a sport. Pick one and get fully into it (I recommend triathlon or trail running)
You will find that the endorphins and success of your body getting better at this goal will make you feel amazing about yourself.
You will start valuing your body for what it can do and the awesome places it can take you – rather than for what man gets off on looking at it.
Also, lots of the men you will meet in (non-team) sports (think triathlon clubs, kayaking groups, hiking meetups) are all the kind of men who admire sleek and capable bodies on women rather than jiggly bits. Their looks of admiration every now and then will be a balm to your wounded self.
Embrace your physical body and the outdoors. Both will help you .
This man abused and manipulated you and cheated. Why the fuck do you treat yourself this way and let Jim treat you this way. Girl, please leave him.
He is testing the bounds. Seen if you are ok with
JFC. What is wrong with people.
That seems like a wildly unequal division of labour, all in the hopes of not setting him off. This is not a healthy relationship, and you can't fix his anger issues and other emotional problems, nor can you avoid his violence, by doing everything “right” all the time…because it's not about you, it's about him.
I get that people don't care situations but if he was lied to and didn't know her age that would be the one I can see. The problem is that you can't magically make other people be honest. Like if someone using a dating site saying their 25 its not normal for anyone to stop them and say hey I need your license and birth certificate before we move forward. That doesn't happen. Now I will be the first to say that's not everyone's situation but my point is we need to know her side so we know if this is a shitty situation or if he's manipulative.
Walking away from your partner when they are dancing with you to dance with someone else is disrespectful. That is what she did.
This is actually really gross. Your husband dated and impregnated an 18 year old, while in his 30's… Aren't you upset about that?? That's fucking disgusting.
You don't know the person you married. The mask is starting to slip… Don't be naive.
Take another paternity test. Have you, your husband, your child go to a reputable lab (not some shitty mail in drug store crap) and have the test done.
I think love starving is a big term for two days after a drunken dressing down.
Anyhow the liking of other girls pics could be an issue, it could not be one – is he liking a bunch of 18 year old thirst traps with more of their body exposed than not, or is he liking a co workers/ college friends post. Big difference.
Anyhow, give it some time. You should also realize it's hard to be affectionate to somebody after they did something that could upset them; especially if this happens more often.
That or this is just another bullshit troll.
Good luck with that eyes of God thing… to the rest of the world you're just a soon to be divorced cheater. There's this whole separation of church and state thing where thr government doesnt care what your religion does.
I always treat an OP's version of events with a little scepticism. Everyone is biased. Something about this post sets off alarm bells. Feels like we're reading the testimony of someone who is deep in the affair fog and rationalising the irrational. The post is full of contradictions and double-think:
'Ex is a good dad; ex is a checked out father. Ex is financially abusive; Ex pays the bulk of the bills. I'm recovering from co-dependancy; I monkey branched into a new relationship.”
I wouldn't say that divorce is not the right choice because, honestly, the post divulges very little of substance, so I don't think anyone can fairly judge the state of the relationship. I would say, however, that OP isn't in a headspace to make good decisions or even handle the 'right' decisions properly.
That is absolutely a part of the plan.
You are in your 30’s and putting up with this?
Girl – you deserve so much better than this asshat who thinks he can walk all over you.
Please please please respect yourself more and get away from him. Block him everywhere, dump his shit into a box and drop it as his door step.
Ask yourself this question: do you want to be treated this way… for the rest of your life? You say you love him so I guess that means you’d want to marry him – is this who you want to marry?
Talk to him about it but accept it may not get better. It is a communication issue in that he is unable to verbalise how he feels and whether it is just that he needs some alone time or whether it’s something related to the relationship. You can’t know if he doesn’t say. If he’s unable to use his words then you will be unable to have a relationship with him. Although it may not be intentionally controlling, it still is controlling because when someone is giving you the silent treatment they hold all the power. They’re not allowing opportunity for you to offer your perspective or to have a discussion about it. He needs to be able to recognise and manage this behaviour for your relationship to work. I know how lonely this type of behaviour can make you feel.
I completely disagree with the poster who says you need to admit you’re fighting and that’s what’s causing this. My ex that did this told everyone how we never argued. He was right, we didn’t because if I tried to talk to him about something difficult he’d get angry and ignore me, or if he was unhappy about something he’d go full silent mode until I dragged it out of him and apologised, even if I didn’t feel I was wrong. He expected me to be able to read his mind and know what he needed without telling me, amounting to unrealistic expectations for the relationship.
I’d recommend that you talk to him and have a look at the stuff the Gottmans have written on stonewalling.
You're only 19. You just need to give it time and you also should probably get some therapy for the toxicity you have going on.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety disorders and mayyyybe OCD. There's a history of autism in my family, but I don't seem to fit the criteria. I assume you meant this because I couldn't understand that it was a joke, but it's been a hell of a week, believe me.
Since then he has relaxed some, but our son’s partner is not allowed over to our home for family dinner.
Whatever relaxing he has done, it's as good as nothing as long as the above remains true.
Additionally, he has told me not to call our son as he should come to us when he wishes to apologize for his scene at dinner, but I feel it is my husband who provoked the matter.
Given what we know, yes your husband probably provoked this.
I am unsure how to move forward without directly disobeying my husband’s wishes.
Simply put: you don't have to obey your husband. I assume you don't live in a massively oppressive nation. This is probably just the status quo in your home and you can challenge it.
Please go take that sign language class. Please go be in your daughter's life, please get to know your grandchild.
Please tell your son you love him for the beautiful person that he is and most importantly for EVERYTHING that he is and that you don't feel the same way as his father and that you want a relationship with him.
Don't let your husband rob you of what will be absolutely magical memories.
First of all, who pays the mortgage? If it's you, you need to insist on being added to the deed or it's a straight up D-I-V-O-R-C-E. She is controlling as hell and you're getting next to no benefits from this marriage.
Why do you have such an ego? Get over yourself.
Shit partner
Oof. I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better. ❤️
I would also add that she was at least open from how you tell the story.
You can't control who she talks to or her actions but you can control yours. Talk and set firm boundaries and be ready to end the relationship if she isn't ready to adhere to those or if she crosses the boundaries.
People she's working with aren't kids or blind, they've seen them interacting and spending time, hence the talk about them being a potentially good couple.
Have one discussion (first and final) about whether she's willing to put up boundaries or not. As soon as she says no, end it.
Saviour complex
Update us 5 years from now when she owes the same shit to you except you’re the ex, let’s see if you’re okay with it then
Yeah I've definitely been through that before. He has a lot of female friends which is a deal breaker for me in itself and this isn't the first time we had an issue with one. I don't think I'm crazy and my actions that she's calling crazy is justified and he's just not telling her. My previous posts explains what happened. It's making me feel like she secretly is in love with him and wouldn't be okay with him dating anybody
I’m sorry but why are you dating this person?
I thought this too! if you’re a guy and you’ve had an ex who is really controlling and insecure it makes it feel impossible to have any contact with friends or co workers that are girls without being accused of cheating lol
The only contact you should be having with her is regarding her son. Don’t get back together with her.
I think he’s being honest- I think you need to be honest back and ask what exactly “being nice” and “her flirting with you” means. Because it’s pretty disrespectful to have knowledge of someone being into you, vocalize how it’s insignificant, but continue with the behavior into a new relationship.
He’s trying to be an adult- you also do it and bring up all the points you’re interested in. Yes Reddit has helpful ways of asking questions. So go ask them. Don’t hide- be brutally Honest.
I would happily send him back to his friend and I would move on games at 40yo is not for me.
Yeah that's true, I've never had a type for older people per se, I just think everything else about this person is such a drawn in that I'm worried I'm not being logical about it 🙁
I personally thought the first one
Then why is it brought up when the male is older by more than 3 years no matter the situation?
This is not how to handle ethical nonmonogamy. Maybe that is something you'll want to explore in the future, but I wouldn't do it with her. She is behaving in a selfish, immature manner, and I don't believe that she hasn't cheated.
it seems weird that she didnt add that to the original post jesus christ
I thought the same. Like what therapist would suggest that but apparently is was never a problem with porn it was a fetish before, porn was just the only way to access it. Therapist said it could work if boundaries were put on the porn usage.
This is literally the definition of gaslighting. He continues to do something you've repeatedly told him for years that bothers you, says he didn't really do it, then days he was just playing and that he didn't know you don't like it, and blaming you 100% for being in the wrong with your reaction. This is the ultimate form of manipulation.
Honestly, she's probably got a hormone disorder that makes her crazy on her periods. She needs to see a doctor
I guess stop going during the week, go only on weekends and go to Japanese restaurants… Save yourself some money.
I swear every time I hear a grown ass women calling their sex partner daddy just grosses me out. It just sounds like some incest shit.
Do you want to spend your life in a relationship with someone you don't trust? Even if he somehow proves he did nothing wrong this time, you still won't trust him, am I right? So what's the point of continuing this cycle?
(I am not saying that you should trust him. It sounds like he's lied to you a lot and he's probably lying now.)
Shit, I'm 40 and it's a crapshoot on if I'll fall apart or can push through when things go to hell. Can you imagine the first time Samir is vulnerable and CAN'T push through? OP's gonna lose her gd mind that he's not a 'real' man bc of it.
Do not marry him. You deserve somebody that will love you the way you are.
Girl, that there is what we call a stalker. He is unhinged to say the least. Police, lawyer, family and friends, in that order. Protect yourself and never be alone with this manic again.
My ex did this, almost exactly. Just sat there and heaped a shit ton of blame on me. Basically, everything wrong in his life was laid at my feet. Even things I literally could not have been to blame for. Like things that were going on before we got together.
I stayed with him, and he internalized all of that blame. So he spent the rest of our relationship more or less punishing me for everything that made him unhappy. I was his lightning rod for everything negative in his life.
It never got better. At least until I left him. Now, he takes accountability ?.
I like this. Thank you
And you can barely see her boobs in her graduation pic?
Girls in her culture don't usually show off like that. You can see them easily there.
She’s been doing the right thing by keeping her distance. Let her have that.
I guess I thought I was “teaching” him my needs since he hasnt been around a lot of healthy relationships. Since I was complaining about always choosing activities, I asked if we can just have a scheduled “date night” so his schedule is always cleared and he agreed so we have been doing that. Its usually just late at night though.
Normally, I'd say it's pretty much over when someone says their feelings have changed. But clearly he's going through some stuff, and people can't pull out of this as quickly as they fall into it. This means it's probably not true that everything was “perfect” a couple weeks ago.
You didn't say much about the convo where he mentioned separating, or even if this has happened. If you're apart, what did he say about contact? Does he want space or is it more final?
The one thing I can tell you is that, after all this time, he does owe you a much better explanation than “he thinks his feelings have changed”. Try to stay patient, but if this goes on too long for your sanity, you need to tell he's being unfair if he thinks he's done explaining it to you. You deserve much more in terms of full honesty.
Ding. I’d have argued with you if you told me I was raped right after.
It takes time to process, or it’s throwing words at a numb wall
Yeah that's good. Thanks
Deciding what someone wears isn't a joint decision. What the hell is the matter with you?
If I were you I wouldnt need to ask this question.
There are occasions where people act out first because they've been traumatized by someone doing something like that to them and they go “they can't do it to me if I do it to them first”.
Luckily this mentality can be helped with therapy.
Yeah it would be my own money
I work for my uncle's garage door installation company and earn $200 a week so the flight expenses would be paid for with my own money
They both sound too similar to be anything other than (probably) written by the same person.
She’s cool with being a hoe till it’s not convenient for her?
Yikes, that sounds like a toxic place to work. Your lead should have never sent that text out, they should have spoken to you in private. Also, you only took *one* slice out an entire pizza, it's not like you ate the whole thing. I just can't get over the fact that they named and shamed you over mistakenly eating ONE SLICE of someone's lunch.
Not really lucky. Not to be tmi, just trying to be helpful but it’s because I don’t use toys, & mainly the way masturbate & know my body is why.
Idk if some girls actually don’t masturbate or if they just say that, but that’s probably why they can’t orgasm from PIV.
I’m really not sure, I find it too convenient that the one time I’m not out with them she tried something. He thinks it was alcohol though
We aren’t official yet and we haven’t said we love each other yet
Over the course of 5 years especially when people are in their 20s and still figuring life out people are bound to change their minds over things. She wasn't manipulating you, she has just grown more and experienced life and decided she doesn't want kids. Then she tries to talk to you about it calmly and your reaction is to just leave and yell at her insulting her. You need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with her, figure out if she is really sure she doesn't want kids. If she is determined to be child free and you are determined to have kids then that's a huge incompatibility and as much as it sucks you will need to break up. It's no one's fault but something like wanting kids or not is a big deal breaker, you can love eachother and also realize you are no longer compatible and have to go separate ways in order for you both to find happiness.
I can't see comments for some reason, so I'm sorry for not replying to any of you
Yeah If I was in your shoes I'd say the relationships was over too, his excuses for wanting it are ridiculous,
I've been with the same man for 17 years he is the only man I've been with and not once have I thought hey I wonder what it would be like to take other dick ??♀️
You need to speak to a lawyer ASAP, I think the counciling idea is great to help you gain closure of sorts, but I don't think it will do any good giving him false hope that your sticking around.
You need to be brutally honest with the situation, Tell him the second you mentioned opening the marriage and your reasons for it this relationship died, and I can't see me moving passed this with you, I want to try counciling for us so I can say at least one of us tried but I want you to know that in my head we are over.
You should probably ask him to sleep elsewhere like couch or spare room, no intimacy what so ever.
Until you decide of you still want this relationship, but I think your minds already made up and you just stalling the Inevitable
Tell her u want it. It doesn't matter when she told u anything. So she ll be drinking less and she only has short time to go. It doesn't matter if you love her or not after.
She emotionally cheated on you ?!?!, she’s 40 years old acting like a teenager she told you not to get her a present on her birthday and that’s what you did. She’s playing games she obviously is not mature enough for an adult relationship regardless of her age. You can do better you really can.
Cheating knows no gender. If anything happened or not, this is not what someone in a committed relationship should be doing.
Yes, thats a good point
Let's assume you can't do better.
Can you do this? Should you do this?
I think he had an inkling then at the concert that she was somewhat liking him and what about all those arguments but you’ll going forward if he cuts her off like he said. See if he doesn’t hide it from you
Tell him if you see something else after this that he’s jeopardizing your relationship
Thank you. I’m just unsure of whether I should give him time to prove he can handle it maturely on his own or step in and make it clear I’m not accepting this friendship. Or if for now it’s sufficient to just be vocal and direct with my feelings on the matter, but still allow him time to solve it himself.
I just feel like he isn’t going to tell me if she keeps texting him all of the time without me asking about it, in order to avoid confrontation with me. But then it makes me feel like I’m the one bringing in the conflict since I’m bringing it up?
She cheated on you, plan and simple. But your the one whom will have to deal with it not us…. Not for me…. Can you kiss her again after knowing that.
She cheated on you, plan and simple. But your the one whom will have to deal with it not us…. Not for me…. Can you kiss her again after knowing that.
OP, assuming a lot here but for me, the important question is: 'Will you be with your ex again if you find out she's single?' or 'Will you cheat on me with your ex if you find out she's single?'
Is there any indication he has been in contact with her recently? Or her him? His reaction to your question seems to be a little extreme. I understand that finding out a partner has cheated is a painful process but it still seems a little extreme to react to you as he did.
As far as I'm concerned, I think every couple of days IS speaking about her all the time and he clearly hasn't come to terms with her cheating or their relationship ending. Him continually speaking about her, and his reaction to your innocent question, shows she is never out of his mind and that he still has feelings for her.
Personally, I'd think about postponing my wedding. At the very least, you need to have a long, serious, adult chat to him about how he views his ex and his obsession with her. If not, there will always be a third, and unwelcome, person in your relationship with him.
The fact that you mention you’re a very closed guy seems to imply that you don’t really share your own feelings/struggles/negative thoughts with her.
As someone who deals with severe depression, when you try to talk to “normal” people about it, you often start feeling like you’re a crazy person just burdening them. But, when someone opens up about their own struggles with mental health or daily frustrations or whatever, it makes the situation feel safer to also be honest about what you’re dealing with yourself.
Being there for someone means more than just being there physically. It sounds like what she needs is emotional support – someone safe to talk to and express her feelings. (And disclaimer – talking to a professional is absolutely a great idea.)
The other thing men tend to do in relationships is just look for fixes to problems…and many times, women just need someone to listen and commiserate with their problems. When I talk to someone about my bouts of depression, and they just start listing ways to fix it (“have you tried being thankful/taking walks/idk like try NOT being sad?”) It’s an easy way to know who I won’t be vulnerable with anymore. Mental health isn’t a problem you just fix with the right combination of actions. Sure, there are things you can do to make life better like medication/therapy/exercise/etc…but some days just suck so bad and you need someone who will come pet your hair or let you cry in front of them without having to explain why.
Yeah I'd also like to know this as I don't have one. Do you guys have to jerk off then? Or can you just wait until it goes away? Because if you can't that sucks. I'm wondering because I think most of us are of the opinion that the problem wasn't the boner. It's the jerking off in a massage parlor bathroom. Which now that I think about it, probably happens a lot.
She is hooking up when she goes to her hometown……she is projecting
I’ve typed out I’m sorry in text so many times these last few days. I’m an overthinker though and feel like this is going to make it worse which is stupid because sorry is necessary. We both have a lot to work on and through, I’m just allowing fear to rule my thoughts.
I didn't tolerate it. I spoke to him I just don't understand. I feel embarrassed. I dont know if its my looks or my personality or something else
Okay cool
You’re not really saying what conversations took place between you and your ex. Based on the little info you provided it is strange how much went down for this “friend” whose birthday you don’t know but decided to buy a present for anyway and then had to meet up with immediately after being out of town. Again there’s only so much that can be assumed by what you posted.
Seriously, he doesn’t plan then complains? He needs to do some growing up.
Okay, you are both busy with school, so you need to implement a standard busy people tactic.
Scheduled Date Time:
Sit down with your BF when you are both calm, and pick an afternoon/evening that will be date time: can be once a week, twice a month, etc – just agree on a schedule. Next, agree on a budget for dates. Then you alternate planning, one date you are responsible for , the next he is. The planner is responsible for all reservations, transport arrangements, paying. The non-planner has to do what the planner wants, but if you have no-go activities or want vetoes – now is the time to do so. Maybe you want to do one outside activity a month, one home date then alternate planning on those. All that is negotiable, you want to create a schedule you both are good with, and then his dates are up to him to plan and you go along, and your dates are up to you to plan and he goes along, and no whining about what each other chooses. Discuss your expectations.