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L, Fae & Venus, y.o.
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Date: November 3, 2022
I assumed upon initially reading your first paragraph that the cousin was outed and arrested in one fell swoop. If the cousin hasn’t yet been reported to the police, you really need to make sure the child in this equation is safe by doing exactly that. Every adult who is aware of what’s happening and hasn’t reported it to the police/CPS is complicit in that child’s abuse. The fact that your boyfriend consciously hangs out with pedophiles is insurmountable. You either abandon literally all sense and join him or you ditch the whole rotten bunch. No middle ground here
Or they have other shit in their lives to focus on because, shocker, not everything revolves around men?
Just to keep your bases covered, I would quietly violate his privacy as long as this is an ongoing problem; it’s a sketchy thing, sure, but my wife and I both do this to each other when something doesn’t feel right. It’s one of those weird unspoken agreements for us, and while it’s definitely not cool to do it has settled a lot of misaligned perceptions for us and somehow strengthened the relationship. I am aware we are an exception, and that most people are violated/pissed by this behavior.
As far as tolerating the behavior goes and seeing if it goes away, well, I would only advise that if you can stomach it. If you’re spiraling through negative emotions, losing grip on yourself and your reality, definitely go ahead and do yourself a favor and ask to take a break or break it off entirely; if you’re doing fine and just lonely in the meantime, maybe wait it out a bit longer and hope he comes back to reason, but hold him accountable for being a turd.
If he is doing sneaky stuff, you can also consider the option of using the “relationship” to your advantage- I assume you live together based on age and other details, so why not politely let him pay his half of the bills while you finish up school and dip out when you’re done; it’s acceptable to meet toxic with toxic, but really only if you think the relationship is dead. Obviously might not feel great to do, but at least you’ll stay comfortably warm and fed for a few more months.
At the end of the day, you’re the only person you’re stuck with until the end; do what’s right by you, and if a person is truly wanting to be part of your life, they’ll be on board with that direction (or at least be understanding when you go off on a different one)
This is a question you need to ask her in very simple terms: “Why are you pinching the baby yesterday? You seemed to be enjoying yourself but the little girl was crying and trying to get away from you. I’ve been thinking about it since and it’s really bothering me. Being pinched hurts them. What was going on there?”
Then listen to the answer and make up your mind. If the answer is she didn’t realise at all then some parenting classes and discussions about kind handling and autonomy in children might be enough to set your mind at ease. If she comes out with anything involving being angry at the child for making a fuss or being spoiled, or that they can’t remember being hurt so it doesn’t matter, or any similar awful attitudes then that’s an answer for you.
You both need to meet with a financial advisor/credit counselor. Lay out the facts. Also talk to a real estate lawyer. In many states, if you buy a home while you are married, it's automatically marital property.
You sound like a pretty annoying and shitty person, overall.
You are definitely wasting your time. You are holding on to a relationship that he doesn’t want and stringing you along for. He has ex’s with him to show support and comforting him. It sounds like he ruined his previous relationship with his ex by leaving one woman for another. It’s not his the ex impeding him it’s his guilt. He doesn’t want your support and comfort. It’s time to move on.
This is exactly what would go through must girls minds cause just further insecurities. I always tell people I'm a brutally honest person, if my girlfriend got a nose job and i thought it looked worse after she did and she asked me i will be honest, i will tell her that i still love and her and that i respect her choice it's her body and she can do whatever she wants with it as long as she is happy but if i didn't like it i will her straight up that no i don't think she looks better after the surgery. I'm sorry but we need to stop being so sweet and sugarcoating everything in the path to ensure nobody's feelings are hurt.
I'll probably get downvotes for this saying though.
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Never let a mn tell you he doesn’t want you twice. Time to pack and go. Your relationship is toxic. He’s punching walls, treats u like shit.. what else do you want to see before calling it quits.
I mean, this doesn’t sound like the average guy. He obsessed over someone he dated briefly in his teens for the past 20+ years. Strung OP along in a loveless marriage.
Feels pretty normal to worry about someone’s safety when dealing with an obsessive stalker. I don’t think he’ll try and kill her, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets violent either.
Leave him once the kids go to college or move out on their own. You are a side piece
Why does everyone here say “you don’t need a reason to leave a relationship” until it’s a mental health issue? ?
Lol. What a mature relationship
My boyfriend and I haven’t been together very long.
Our whole relationship my boyfriend has made it very clear that cheating is 100% a dealbreaker.
Let this be YOUR dealbreaker. You've barely started dating him, he tries to act as if he has high morals and standards, he uses the 'cheating is a dealbreaker' as a way to keep you in line and he goes out and does exactly that. He isn't trustworthy, which is why you will never be able to rebuild trust with him. He is manipulative, using you, emotionally stunted and playing games. Do not fall for his “oh, I'm so saaaaad. I can't believe I messed up' routine. It is an act.
How are all the assets in her name?
Dude I'm willing to bet she's actually overall pretty average herself and she just has an inflated ego. You have fallen for her illusion and that's why you feel like she's on top of the scale here, but in truth she's likely just barely above average. She seems like a narcissist with here standard of only the best will do. When they weather gets bad and life isn't sunny anymore she'll ditch you if I had to guess.
Ask yourself if you could spend the rest of you life with her.
You really suggested they talk to him after telling you how uncomfortable they were…wow! You know what to do but are scared to do it. Eventually people will stop coming around then what will you do??? Your husband is creepy and continues to do it and you are clueless as to what to do???? ??
I re-read and your own friend ALSO complained to you about him….
Exactly,
Sorry OP. What kind of grown adult? You know the answer, and that he isn't one unfortunately. Can't even get unemployment. It's a hard lesson, but you are both young and can rebuild from here. Good luck.
Okay so we've established he's abusive. This relationship is making you sad and hurt and have a life full of hate anger misery and drama.
Here are the facts:
He doesn't love you He won't change This will get worse
Nothing will change until you accept those facts. Then leave. If you stay you're only going to spend that much more time hurting yourself.
Whatever he says, don't believe him. You can do so much better. He's just using your weight to tear down your confidence.
I'm not trying to be mean but there's a difference between calling attention to, and calling out. So it might help to think about how you're approaching it. My husband knows my struggles with eating. We spoke – not at meal time – about the situation, and worked out ways he could help without triggering more destructive habits. Like I used to shovel food in to get away from the table as fast as possible, so he would often just put a hand on my arm and quietly say slow. Eventually we came up with hand signals, which work for my kids, too. We're all autistic, and sometimes we just don't realise what we're doing. We have signs for slow down eating, quieter voice, take a breath. So we can support each other without calling other people's attention to it.
Just worried I won’t find someone who’s obsessed with me in every way..
I'm hoping you missed a word in there and meant to say 'someone who's not obsessed with me' because wanting someone who is obsessed with you in every way is really, really unhealthy.
Well, we already talked about this guy before. She said she clearly stated to be married and he responded that he'd respect that. In her mind this is the past and I shouldn't worry, however this is just weeks ago.
I'll talk with her again and put my feelings about this on the table.
Leave and ghost. Just block him EVERYWHERE and never give a single explanation.