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Date: October 22, 2022
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She’s probably already cheating on you, and if not she will.
I have a history of being insecure an clingy.
Even I can understand when my bf is busy and can't text me.
Sooo confusing. Obviously you can't break up with him. Marry him?? lots of kids??
I would highly recommend going low contact with your family to be honest. I’m sure she is a nice person and you can appreciate that and her relationship with your kids and the respect she shows you. That doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I would recommend that you take some time apart to focus on yourself and your healing. You can have a cordial relationship without that requiring time spent together. Give yourself time to grieve your relationship with your husband and your kids (because let’s be honest, shared custody is loss, and if they spend more time there in general and prefer that, it’s even harder to swallow). That doesn’t make it wrong, but it also doesn’t make it less hurtful.
There’s nothing wrong with you saying in a respectful manner that you appreciate their relationship with your kids (ex and his wife) but you need some distance to set some appropriate boundaries for yourself as you navigate this new norm.
As for your family. Make it clear that your ex husbands wife is NOT family, and you expect them to respect your wishes. If they choose to disrespect your boundaries, go low/no contact.
It’s time for you to establish boundaries. The older you get the more important you realize they are. You can still have healthy relationships with your kids, without having dinner with ex and his wife. And you don’t need to celebrate stepmoms birthday to have a healthy family dynamic either. But for YOUR mental health, it IS important that these things are moderated.
It’s time to look into therapy if you haven’t to work through your grief at the life you lost, so you can start working towards building something new that can be a happy one you can appreciate.
Down the road, once you are in a different place, maybe you can revisit these relationships with your ex and his wife. IF you think it’s in YOUR best interest.
People say it a lot here, but it’s true. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
You can pick a healthy partner and still end up having a child who is unwell
Completely true. In my wife’s case, neither of her parents have her condition so she is the one whose genes “mutated” to develop it.
If we ever have kids together and they have her condition, at least it will be “the devil we know” and we will know how to support them. Whereas with another partner or adoption, a child could have any number of health conditions.
If I’m honest with myself, I’m ok having a disabled child (I think that is a risk any parent takes and you have to be prepared for it), but I worry that the burden of care will fall disproportionately on me as my wife will be unable to help very much.
It also sounds like he doesn’t genuinely care for the person he’s married to, lol? This is wild…
I’m sorry but you figured out a way to do the work/life balance and still have an apartment, healthcare, and other necessities.
You’d have to pry that shit out of my cold dead hands, I certainly would not entertain a partners wah wah about not working enough. The only reason to work hard is so you can have what you have.
He said you opened yourself up to it?
Okay, tough love me is going to say “don't ask questions you don't want the answers to,” and also that it's great to have a partner who will tell you the truth about things, even when they're not unicorns and rainbows, but……
In no way is it necessary, kind, loving, or smart to join in on criticizing your body.
I personally feel like your self confidence could use a boost, and being self critical isn't the way to do that, but that's not the way to help you. He didn't need to say that, and it's not his job to agree with your insecurities. If he backpedals and tries to tell you that he's helping, that's some gaslight you're trying to read by.
This guy is a douchebag waiting to inflate. I can almost guarantee he's going to get worse. He's only testing your boundaries now, but be sure that he's prepared to make you feel like this is all your fault for being “so insecure” and that his comments are “designed” to make you toughen up.
Gross.
Lose that dead weight. Ditch the dick.
I get it. You want to feel 100% secure and strong, but at the same time what she does is a big part of how you get confidence. That’s normal. Just stick to your guns, keep it simple. What she is doing isn’t ok. She needs to stop, eventually something is gonna break if she doesn’t.
The three steps you need to take. The first step as everyone suggested stop doing his stuff for him. Which also includes mental labor. Stop reminding him when he needs to do anything stop planning things for the both of you just stop not only with this give you a break but it’s allows him to see the impact of how he’s treating you firsthand.
The second step is don’t resume. You’ve already noted that talking to him is not going to solve the issue as long as you pick up where you left off so stop picking up where you left off. Sit together divide the choice and don’t ever do his. You’ve already given him an inch and he has shown that when you do so he will take and take the only thing you can do now is make a firm boundary when it comes to his share of labor.
And the final thing is have a discussion about how his behavior impacts your attraction to him. Find a nice way to say that when you have To act like his mother You end up viewing him like a son. Do you love him, you care for him and you want what’s best for him but you’re a in no shape or form tempted to be intimate with him.
Maybe dog years?
Lots of points it could be about…
However, the one you mentioned was saving money by not drinking. That's the one I'll roll with.
Put simply, purely on that note alone, I don't see an issue with your BF. You've both agreed to stop to save money. Yes, it's only one pint. But, by the sounds of it, it's one pint every day…
That one pint a day soon adds up.
How often would you go out for a night out of drinking? Because if the gap is any more than a week, you're likely spending more on this daily pint than you would a weekend out. In which case, I think it's fair for him to take issue with it given the stated agreement.