You can have a serious sit down talk with him. Explain calmly how uncomfortable this all makes you feel and affects you from your prespective. Perhaps even show him your post. Sometimes people don't realize how their actions are affecting you until it's right in front of them.
Well he doesn't watch porn as far as I know and I'm not allowed to either . I don't have male friends anymore too… But thanks for confirming what I already guessed ! Guess ita boring for him .
Op, you came here for advice, but I noticed you're only responding positively to those who back up what you already think. If you're so sure she knew and didn't care, and that crosses a boundary of yours, break up.
He told you he wants to be alone and doesn't see a future with you. You can't convince him to be with you, nor should you try. You will only end up hurt in the end. End things and move on. It's only been six months and you're 18. You have plenty of time to find a man who wants to be with you. He's out there, you just haven't met him yet.
You both are just busy during the week and having a bad day. I would plan a date night to see if things get better. Don’t worry about the drink scene unless it becomes a habit. She likely just wanted to numb herself
Oof yes this! You don’t have to be dramatic OP, but you can still call him out. You need to show yourself some respect here or he’ll just keep playing games with your feelings.
You know what. It’s because we want to celebrate the birth of our boys/girls in the moment. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Just leave everyone alone who does want to. Especially when they do it in a safe manner. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This post asked for advice on what to do. Not your opinion on gender reveals.
Especially with what the world is going through, really. Why can’t we have happy moments? Our gender reveal with our first baby was amidst covid when there was a bit of a lul. It was the first time we could see family and friends again. It was wonderful. We couldn’t do a babyshower or any other event because of how lockdown turned out in the phases it did. In the end the only “event” we had during our whole pregnancy was the gender reveal.
Kinda odd that she didn’t tell you she was getting a tattoo and of what. I personally share all of my tattoo ideas with my boyfriend, and I’d definitely never blindside him with such an… interesting… tattoo. Two years and she doesn’t share these things with you? That’s a bigger red flag to me than the tattoo itself (though that’s not a good look either).
Description doesn't sound like there's a flag involved, but maybe send a pic?
Joking, of course. This is something you should talk to her about, not the internet. Ask her about it, and what her thinking was in choosing it. If it's really going to bother you, then don't be dishonest about it. But it's definitely something that would be silly to try to figure out without input from her.
Presumably the two of you are the only ones who are going to be seeing it for the foreseeable future. It would be strange if you couldn't talk about it.
You say it yourself “ These have lately escalated into arguments where he yelled that I need to learn to take care of him than waste my time arguing. ”
Seriously just leave her in the dust. She’s probably just waiting for you to respond so she can say some more stupid shit so it will piss her off even more if you don’t respond.
I'm sure your sister loves you and likes you, but 20 is still a funny age and being male and Female your into different things. As you get older and your both more on the same page in terms of life, like family, kids etc you will become closer. Have you and your sister both had therapy for everything you have been through? Sounds like you both have a lot of stuff you have been through and your sister made hold some resentment.
They started an emotional affair, her fiance was the one who let me know since they were more brazen about doing it in front of him. After that she kicked out her fiance and moved in my ex.
I didn't go into it but my ex was a toxic mess. He was obsessed with other women's attention. We had issues our entire relationship with him crossing the line with other women. Never physically but like he took my coworker, a girl he admitted he had a crush on, for dinner and a movie “as a friend.” He literally only knew her because of me. His ex told him she still loved him and he thought that was totally fine and not problematic. Etc etc.
Kid got wat he deserved. He fucked with the wrong guy. Maybe he Will think twice. This is the problem with the kids today. No Fucking Filter. The law is to leanit on crime like this. And starts to snowball in much more ways
You love your SO, so you're concerned with them enjoying themselves is totally a thing. Puts a damper on certain things. Techno concert is a bit much IMO vs Wrestling event. I could be more understanding in a concert to OP.
Oh boy. He said a dumb. It's not a big deal that he was with someone more experienced and adventurous than you. It's a bit of a big deal he told you. That was a dumb and shitty thing to do but doesn't sound like it was meant maliciously. It might just take a while for you to heal from the comment. Give it some time.
Thank you so much. I think about that too… being with a partner that makes me feel good in the skin I’m in currently. He does try to, but his actions contradict his words sadly. I guess if it keeps on going this way, staying broken up would be best. I’m happy you’re with someone who appreciates and loves you! ?
Sounds messy, but will heal in time. Give her the space she obviously needs, I'm sure you'll be able to talk it through at some point, but it probably too soon at the moment.
It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t respect your right to make choices for yourself in the workplace. This is not okay, and I urge you to set a hard boundary with him about the pressure he is attempting to use in order to get his way. Is this a pattern with him? If not, this boundary exercise is a good way to see if he can handle your autonomy. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms, “I have handled this situation, and the harassment has stopped. This is MY career, I am the one who was harassed, and I know how best to deal with the issue. Do not pressure me any more about this. You can talk about your feelings and I’ll gladly listen, but I will not tolerate blame, guilt-tripping, or unempathetic behavior from you.”
If he reacts poorly, continues to pressure you, or tries to deflect/reverse the victim-harasser dynamic, these are major red flags for abuse and you need to form a plan to exit this relationship. Your partner has the right to be upset on your behalf and it is normal to feel threatened by a situation like this, but he has NO right to emotionally manipulate you, blame you for the situation, or hijack YOUR solution to a complex problem he likely doesn’t understand on a personal level. If he can’t tolerate the way you handled things, he is free to leave. You are an adult, and so is he. But don’t let him put this on you, op. Your bf’s behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful.
Wonder if she isn’t American. My friend had a baby in Germany and was having some ppd and her doctors told her to go for a walk. Luckily it wasn’t bad but she has previous depression history and was really worried. But no one would offer up medication.
That absolutely breaks my heart for her. I hope she finds the courage to get out. I don’t want to end up feeling trapped like that. I won’t do that to myself or my kids. This is just more reaffirming. Thank you.
Just be honest. Admit you said yes without thinking it through and in the fullness of time, realize you said yes out of loneliness and a desire to have something to comfort you. You care about him as a person and know very strongly that you aren't ready or prepared to date and should not have accepted but was caught in the moment. You want to date for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
Growing up in that household, SIL had to know that that the parents would take this terribly, feel “blindsighted,” and have a negative reaction. The kind of thing where one wouldnt want that to be your GF's first introduction. This is a tough one, because surely your SIL knew your MIL and FIL would have a negative reaction, so bringing other unwitting people around while she comes out seems like an odd choice. Maybe your husband meant something more like ” Our parents accept gay people, but are prejudiced. Growing up in that house, my sister should have expected them to have a negative initial reaction. She should have told us first so we could have left our kids at home and would have been more prepared to help her break the news to our parents.”
I'm not really reading anything but a friendly conversation here. As you say it's a team chat rather than a personal one (why aren't personal chats allowed?). I'd say continue as you are going for now till you get some clearer signs. Why not talk over e-mail more. If she's dry on e-mail without becoming more personal despite the mail communication being private it will be clearer to you.
I'm tired boss…
Hi thanks the response, yeah when alcohol is involved.
You can have a serious sit down talk with him. Explain calmly how uncomfortable this all makes you feel and affects you from your prespective. Perhaps even show him your post. Sometimes people don't realize how their actions are affecting you until it's right in front of them.
Just send her the explanation you typed here and call it a day.
I used to watch porn, so I do have experience with it. Im just saying, I understand where OPs wife is coming from
Well he doesn't watch porn as far as I know and I'm not allowed to either . I don't have male friends anymore too… But thanks for confirming what I already guessed ! Guess ita boring for him .
You have a boyfriend problem. HE needs to set boundaries and respect your relationship. He enjoys the attention too much.
I'm sorry, but I'm hung up on why they're having mashed potatoes WITH stew. Doesn't stew usually have potatoes in it? Totally irrelevant, I know.
Op, you came here for advice, but I noticed you're only responding positively to those who back up what you already think. If you're so sure she knew and didn't care, and that crosses a boundary of yours, break up.
He told you he wants to be alone and doesn't see a future with you. You can't convince him to be with you, nor should you try. You will only end up hurt in the end. End things and move on. It's only been six months and you're 18. You have plenty of time to find a man who wants to be with you. He's out there, you just haven't met him yet.
You both are just busy during the week and having a bad day. I would plan a date night to see if things get better. Don’t worry about the drink scene unless it becomes a habit. She likely just wanted to numb herself
Oof yes this! You don’t have to be dramatic OP, but you can still call him out. You need to show yourself some respect here or he’ll just keep playing games with your feelings.
You know what. It’s because we want to celebrate the birth of our boys/girls in the moment. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Just leave everyone alone who does want to. Especially when they do it in a safe manner. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This post asked for advice on what to do. Not your opinion on gender reveals.
Especially with what the world is going through, really. Why can’t we have happy moments? Our gender reveal with our first baby was amidst covid when there was a bit of a lul. It was the first time we could see family and friends again. It was wonderful. We couldn’t do a babyshower or any other event because of how lockdown turned out in the phases it did. In the end the only “event” we had during our whole pregnancy was the gender reveal.
I don’t see anything good coming out of communicating with him. Block and move on
Kinda odd that she didn’t tell you she was getting a tattoo and of what. I personally share all of my tattoo ideas with my boyfriend, and I’d definitely never blindside him with such an… interesting… tattoo. Two years and she doesn’t share these things with you? That’s a bigger red flag to me than the tattoo itself (though that’s not a good look either).
Any of you guys know if it’s a red flag?
Description doesn't sound like there's a flag involved, but maybe send a pic?
Joking, of course. This is something you should talk to her about, not the internet. Ask her about it, and what her thinking was in choosing it. If it's really going to bother you, then don't be dishonest about it. But it's definitely something that would be silly to try to figure out without input from her.
Presumably the two of you are the only ones who are going to be seeing it for the foreseeable future. It would be strange if you couldn't talk about it.
Would LOVE to know who told you that, or how you found yourself at that conclusion.
You say it yourself “ These have lately escalated into arguments where he yelled that I need to learn to take care of him than waste my time arguing. ”
Yeah it is we’ve talked about it and she’s even given me compliments on how clean it is when we have intercourse
Seriously just leave her in the dust. She’s probably just waiting for you to respond so she can say some more stupid shit so it will piss her off even more if you don’t respond.
I'm sure your sister loves you and likes you, but 20 is still a funny age and being male and Female your into different things. As you get older and your both more on the same page in terms of life, like family, kids etc you will become closer. Have you and your sister both had therapy for everything you have been through? Sounds like you both have a lot of stuff you have been through and your sister made hold some resentment.
They started an emotional affair, her fiance was the one who let me know since they were more brazen about doing it in front of him. After that she kicked out her fiance and moved in my ex.
I didn't go into it but my ex was a toxic mess. He was obsessed with other women's attention. We had issues our entire relationship with him crossing the line with other women. Never physically but like he took my coworker, a girl he admitted he had a crush on, for dinner and a movie “as a friend.” He literally only knew her because of me. His ex told him she still loved him and he thought that was totally fine and not problematic. Etc etc.
Kid got wat he deserved. He fucked with the wrong guy. Maybe he Will think twice. This is the problem with the kids today. No Fucking Filter. The law is to leanit on crime like this. And starts to snowball in much more ways
You love your SO, so you're concerned with them enjoying themselves is totally a thing. Puts a damper on certain things. Techno concert is a bit much IMO vs Wrestling event. I could be more understanding in a concert to OP.
Oh boy. He said a dumb. It's not a big deal that he was with someone more experienced and adventurous than you. It's a bit of a big deal he told you. That was a dumb and shitty thing to do but doesn't sound like it was meant maliciously. It might just take a while for you to heal from the comment. Give it some time.
Thank you so much. I think about that too… being with a partner that makes me feel good in the skin I’m in currently. He does try to, but his actions contradict his words sadly. I guess if it keeps on going this way, staying broken up would be best. I’m happy you’re with someone who appreciates and loves you! ?
Sounds messy, but will heal in time. Give her the space she obviously needs, I'm sure you'll be able to talk it through at some point, but it probably too soon at the moment.
You married an unstable maniac, you think Reddit can fix that?
Is he irresponsible or detrimental otherwise?
Does he cook and/or clean?
Maybe just run. As fast as you can.
It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t respect your right to make choices for yourself in the workplace. This is not okay, and I urge you to set a hard boundary with him about the pressure he is attempting to use in order to get his way. Is this a pattern with him? If not, this boundary exercise is a good way to see if he can handle your autonomy. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms, “I have handled this situation, and the harassment has stopped. This is MY career, I am the one who was harassed, and I know how best to deal with the issue. Do not pressure me any more about this. You can talk about your feelings and I’ll gladly listen, but I will not tolerate blame, guilt-tripping, or unempathetic behavior from you.”
If he reacts poorly, continues to pressure you, or tries to deflect/reverse the victim-harasser dynamic, these are major red flags for abuse and you need to form a plan to exit this relationship. Your partner has the right to be upset on your behalf and it is normal to feel threatened by a situation like this, but he has NO right to emotionally manipulate you, blame you for the situation, or hijack YOUR solution to a complex problem he likely doesn’t understand on a personal level. If he can’t tolerate the way you handled things, he is free to leave. You are an adult, and so is he. But don’t let him put this on you, op. Your bf’s behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful.
She’s not your GF.
And no you can’t trust her.
I was thinking the exact same thing here
Wonder if she isn’t American. My friend had a baby in Germany and was having some ppd and her doctors told her to go for a walk. Luckily it wasn’t bad but she has previous depression history and was really worried. But no one would offer up medication.
That absolutely breaks my heart for her. I hope she finds the courage to get out. I don’t want to end up feeling trapped like that. I won’t do that to myself or my kids. This is just more reaffirming. Thank you.
Who's name is on the lease? The other one goes.
Is the ‘walking on eggshells’ new or have you always had to do this? Either way, that’s no way to live.
Just be honest. Admit you said yes without thinking it through and in the fullness of time, realize you said yes out of loneliness and a desire to have something to comfort you. You care about him as a person and know very strongly that you aren't ready or prepared to date and should not have accepted but was caught in the moment. You want to date for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.
The fallout depends on things you can't control.
☕?
To be fair, the themed pasta noodles just taste better.
Growing up in that household, SIL had to know that that the parents would take this terribly, feel “blindsighted,” and have a negative reaction. The kind of thing where one wouldnt want that to be your GF's first introduction. This is a tough one, because surely your SIL knew your MIL and FIL would have a negative reaction, so bringing other unwitting people around while she comes out seems like an odd choice. Maybe your husband meant something more like ” Our parents accept gay people, but are prejudiced. Growing up in that house, my sister should have expected them to have a negative initial reaction. She should have told us first so we could have left our kids at home and would have been more prepared to help her break the news to our parents.”
You guys need some counseling. I predict a divorce in your future if this continues.
Communication and empathy go a long way!
He’s easy now…maybe won’t be so easy by the time the wedding comes. Infants are a lot easier than toddlers. ? Enjoy your easy baby while you can.
I’m sorry you’re hurting.❤️
I'm not really reading anything but a friendly conversation here. As you say it's a team chat rather than a personal one (why aren't personal chats allowed?). I'd say continue as you are going for now till you get some clearer signs. Why not talk over e-mail more. If she's dry on e-mail without becoming more personal despite the mail communication being private it will be clearer to you.
There’s no such thing as truly unconditional love. Start with not drinking so hard that you pee the bed.