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Date: October 16, 2022
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I don’t have advice but I want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this and I’m so sorry for your losses.
It’s only going to get worse!!! I’ve been there sis. Gotta either address it now or wait 5 years when he’s claiming the neighbors “saw me” with someone ?
Men will get away with whatever behavior you allow. Never forget that.
Does he have past behaviors that support your suspicion that this means more than just a follow for follow scenario?
This . Absolutely no phone calls. Email needs to cc your lawyers.
Tell him you lied about your age and that your parents told the cops he has illegal pics of you on his phone. Maybe you'll get him to delete them out of fear.
I’d say if you’re going to say yes to meeting-maybe think over these things: -get kiddo into family therapy and set her up with the tools to deal with this emotionally. She can’t process something like this without guidance and support, something which can be hard when you are also so emotionally involved with the situation. -get to know her first, ask her what she’s hoping to accomplish with meeting. -look into her history. -don’t let her know where you live. You don’t need her showing up and trying things if she ends up being crazy. -do it in a public place, make it something that isn’t just sitting and talkin bc that could get awkward. -make rules and perhaps get a lawyer involved. You don’t need her saying one thing, then deciding another thing. I’ve watched plenty of crazy things happen when bio parents come back into kids life. Hope for the absolute best while preparing for the absolute worst.
Also: he has full rights to be sus and look into this woman first. He can’t change the circumstances of the past but he can control his decisions moving forward. Which is exactly what you do in life. Try to do better as you move forward. You don’t mess around with kids and their safety and security. Six is a very young age. She can’t make decisions for herself. Erikson’s Human Development puts her in the stage four – industry versus inferiority; stage five – adolescence, identity versus role confusion. She’s in a stage of self confidence developing so rejection might be very difficult for her now.
We never really discussed any specific plans for my birthday. I did tell him my friend wants to do dinner that night (assuming he knew it’s my bday). He said ok, so I assumed he knew it was for my bday?
I just woke up yesterday to at least hearing “happy birthday.” I don’t expect gifts or a surprise of any kind, but I did expect that my own husband would know it’s my birthday.
Get an attorney to deal with the legal issues of the property division. Tell him that YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM due to the polyamory. It doesn’t matter what he thinks or feels about whatever happened. He doesn’t get to dictate your feelings and actions. Tell him you don’t think you can be friends right now due to everything that’s happened recently but maybe someday. In the meantime, your attorney will be in contact about settling the property issues.
(FWIW, DO NOT SIGN a quit claim deed, or whatever that may be called in your area. That will release any claim you have on the house but won’t remove you from the mortgage or any financial responsibility. Make him either sell to someone else, or re-do the mortgage without your name involved. Signed – learned that the hard way.)
Good luck!
Part of the problem is that people often repeat the trope that what we see on the screen is just 'fantasy'.
Yet for many people, they reenact what they see on their screen IRL, and expect their partners to behave in a similar manner to the pornographic actors they view regularly – therefore the 'fantasy' becomes their reality.
Break it off now. She has crossed your boundaries… and I guarantee she'll do it again if you let her. Something tells me that her “biological clock is ticking,” so she's in a hurry to hook someone for a baby.
What makes these situations difficult is that she might feel she needs to stay courteous towards that colleague to keep work relations okay.
Often, flirting can also just be meant as friendly behaviour. Some people are just the touchy feely type. Your called the colleague ‘her’ once, if it’s a woman, that’s even more likely. And that makes it more difficult to be very firm. Especially if they deny flirting.
You can maybe help your girlfriend draft a firm but friendly email stating that she feels uncomfortable being touched or getting compliments, or whatever the flirting consists of. Don’t call it flirting, just mention the actions.
In the end, you gotta trust your girlfriend. You have no control over what other people do to her. If you can’t let go and this stuff is giving you anxiety, maybe therapy can help you. Low self esteem may be part of the problem here.
You spend a lot of time together, but not seen his face? How????? Like he wears a mask?
If drugs are a dealbreaker.. shouldn’t you already leave him? If you tell him that when he’s already done drugs you’re telling him that your dealbreakers are negotiable and not hard limits.
He doesn’t respect his relationship with you and he doesn’t respect your and your gf’s relationship. Why would you want to continue being friends with him? Just tell him it’s over and cut him off. No need for convoluted revenge plans.
Your dad is a very disturbing (and disturbed) person. I totally understand your girlfriend's concerns
Tell him he will never get it if he asks. It’s a spontaneous treat and if he even hints at it, it’s off the table.
And then just don’t do it. When you find work again, buy him a fleshlight.
You are such a toxic human being its disgusting. You've been unemployed for only 2 months calm down
Ooo she’s a red flag – she started a fight w a drunk guy and wanted you to finish it.
Yeah no. Not happening. That’s how you end up in jail or the hospital or a morgue
Let’s reverse the Genders
I do not like confrontation I won’t start anything but I’ll end it.
If my husband started to get into an argument in which he was clearly in the wrong with some drunk girl who was also an ass. I would pull him away from her and defuse the situation and scold him later when he’s sober for not making great choices. I wouldn’t defend his actions – walk away, just walk away from IT all. – when your are the aggressor (as your girl was) there is no defending just diffusing the situation.
Now if some drunk girl attacked my husband unprovoked for no reason – oh yes I would be throwing punches right back because he can’t. So you defence.
But I have to say I met my husband in my 20’s and we were together a Decade before we settled down w kids and even though we did some drugs and drank a lot and traveled all over the world doing selfish child free thing. We never got in any bar fights or bar entanglements with other people. That’s a maturity thing your girlfriend is lacking and I bet it bleeds into other area of your relationship. I would reevaluate and think about what other red flags your ignoring .
3 months isn't 3 years or anything. At the end of the day, this is still a new relationship. There's nothing stopping you from saying “I really value your friendship, but honestly I'm not feeling anything more.”
You need to tell her as soon as possible. The longer you do drag it out, the worse it will get for her.
Yeah, seriously. Because your partner cheating without getting pregnant (because you use protection, get lucky or are a man, say) could also be a visceral fear. But we generally accept that unless you have very good reason to be suspicious you shouldn't test your partner or make it clear that you think they *could* be a cheater.
And if he's showing her he doesn't trust that she won't get pregnant by another man, she could very reasonably wonder when else she's going to have to deal with his distrust and testing because he has a “real and visceral fear.”
No.
They are not a guest.
They are someone who is over often, they probably stopped by unannounced, so they do not get treated as a guest.
13ish
10 year relationship (in the title) and baby was born 3 years prior to the relationship OP said
Both of those jobs can be done anywhere and there's lots of work available all over. Maybe the solution is to start somewhere completely new, or at a halfway point.
At this point it does not matter what happened, Only that she said this to make you angry and it hurt you. Block this person and never look back
yah he made it pretty believable :/